Pack of Two

by Caroline Knapp

  What makes you feel empty and what makes you feel full? Who, or what, makes you feel connected or soothed or joyful? How much companionship do you need, and how much solitude? What feels right, what feels like enough? We all have to feel our way through those questions in life, and although she cannot provide the answers for me, I have the sense that Lucille is gently leading me toward them. I pick up that leash; I go forward.

  SOURCE NOTES

  THE COLOR OF JOY

  Jean Schinto, author of The Literary Dog: “To deny dogs their nature is to do them great harm”: From Winokur, Jon (ed.), Mondo Canine (New York: Dutton, 1991), p. 18.

  More than one third of all Americans live with dogs today—that’s about 55 million dogs: Statistical Abstract of the United States: 1997, US Census Bureau. See also: 1996–1997 APPMA National Pet Owners Survey, The American Pet Products Manufacturers Association, Inc. (Greenwich, CT), 1997.

  The average owner can expect to shell out a minimum of $11,500 in the course of his dog’s life: “Hey, Big Spenders,” The New York Times (Sept 11, 1994).

  Eighty-seven to 99 percent of dog owners report that they see their dogs as family members: Cain, Ann, “A study of pets in the family system,” in Sussman, M. B. (ed.), Pets and the Family (New York, Haworth Press, 1985), pp. 5—10 (87 percent of respondents in her study of 60 families reported seeing dogs as family members). See also: Voith, V. L., “The companion animal in the context of the family system,” ibid., pp. 49–62 (99 percent of respondents in a study of 500 owners considered their pets to be family members); and Catanzaro, T. E., “The human-animal bond in military communities,” in Anderson, R. K., Hart, B. L., & Hart, L. A. (eds.), The Pet Connection (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 1984), pp. 341–347 (98 percent of respondents in a study of 896 military families considered the pet a family member).

  The American Animal Hospital Association annual surveys of pet owner attitudes: National Survey of People and Pet Relationships, American Animal Hospital Association (Denver, CO), 1995, 1996.

  FANTASY DOG

  People exhibit a fair amount of species loyalty when it comes to acquiring pets: Serpell, James, “Childhood pets and their influence on adult attitudes,” Psychological Reports, Vol. 49, pp. 651–4 (1981). See also: Kidd, A. H. & Kidd, R. M., “Factors in adult attitudes toward pets,” Psychological Reports, Vol. 65, pp. 903–10 (1989); and Poresky, R. H., Jendrix, C., Mosier, J. E., & Samuelson, M. L., “Young children’s companion-animal bonding and adults’ pet attitudes: a retrospective study,” Psychological Reports, Vol. 62, pp. 419–25(1988).

  “You ask of my companions. Hills, sir, and the sundown, and a dog large as myself that my father gave me”: From Johnson, Thomas H. (ed.), Emily Dickinson: Selected Letters (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1996 edition), p. 172.

  “Sagacious, vigiliant, impressive, with all his faculties in a radiant intensification”: Mann, Thomas, A Man and His Dog (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1930), p. 188.

  “Topsy is my friend … dogs are children that do not grow up, that do not depart”: Bonaparte, Marie, Topsy: The Story of a Golden-Haired Chow (New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Publishers, 1994), p. 124.

  NINETIES DOG

  Pet-owners who book their pets rooms in hotels that offer bone-shaped beds and special doggie room-service menus: “Active adults bring their pampered pooches along,” USA Today (Aug. 20, 1996).

  Manhattan dog owners who are spending up to $10,000 per year on their dogs: “A dog’s luxe life,” The New York Times (July 20, 1997).

  A health-and-fitness center for dogs in Westwood, California, that features treadmills, Jacuzzis and swimming pools designed for dogs: “A new leash on life,” People (April 28, 1997).

  One quarter of the US population lives alone: Current Population Survey, US Census Bureau, March, 1997.

  One in two marriages end in divorce: Advance Report of Final Divorce Statistics, 1989 and 1990, Vol. 43, No. 9, National Center for Health Statistics.

  Twenty-one million women are divorced or single mothers: Current Population Survey, US Census Bureau, March, 1997 (divorce statistics); Household and Family Characteristics, US Census Bureau, March, 1994 (single mothers).

  Easily half of today’s dog owners name their dogs after people: National Survey of People and Pet Relationships, 1996.

  The majority of today’s dogs are allowed to sleep in their owners’ bedrooms: ibid. See also: Voith, V. L., in Sussman, M. B. (ed.), Pets and the Family.

  “The Kilcommons way to a perfect relationship”: Kilcommons, Brian, with Wison, Sarah, Good Owners, Great Dogs (New York: Warner Books, 1992).

  “We approach training as a way of relating to your dog”: The Monks of New Skete, How to Be Your Dog’s Best Friend (Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1978), p. 13.

  “In a dog’s mind, a master or a mistress to love, honor, and obey is an absolute necessity”: Woodhouse, Barbara, No Bad Dogs: The Woodhouse Way (New York: Summit Books, 1978), p. 59.

  By the mid 1950s, televisions were installed in the majority of American homes: Chafe, William H., The Unfinished Journey: America Since World War II (New York: Oxford University Press, 1986), p. 129.

  BAD DOG

  Koehler refers to over-emotional owners as “wincers,” “humanaics,” and “cookie people”: Lenehan, Michael, “Four ways to walk a dog,” The Atlantic Monthly (April 1986).

  Four to six million dogs are given up to shelters each year: Beck, Alan & Katcher, Aaron, Between Pets and People: The Importance of Animal Companionship (West Lafayette, Indiana: Purdue University Press; revised edition, 1996), p. 202.

  As many as 40 percent of dogs surrendered to shelters are given up by disillusioned or frustrated people who didn’t realize how complicated living with a dog can be: Beck & Katcher, op. cit., p. 203. See also: Arkow, P. S. & Dow, S., “The ties that do not bind: A study of the human-animal bonds that fail,” in Anderson, et. al., The Pet Connection, pp. 348–354.

  About 25 percent of pets are destroyed by the time they reach two years of age: “Reigning cats and dogs,” Time (August 16, 1993).

  People who hadn’t taken their dogs to obedience classes were about three and a half times more likely to surrender the animal to a shelter than owners who had: “Owner education could save unwanted pets,” Purdue News Service (August 9, 1996).

  INSCRUTABLE DOG

  “What strained and anxious lives dogs must lead, so emotionally involved in the world of men”: Ackerley, J. R., My Dog Tulip (New York: Poseidon Press, 1965), p. 158.

  “Are you gonna eat that? Are you gonna eat that?”: Shepard, Karen, “Birch,” From Hempel, Amy & Shepard, Jim (eds.), Unleashed: Poems by Writers’ Dogs (New York: Crown Publishers, 1995), p. 30.

  Brian Kilcommons and Sarah Wilson write about a family who projected themselves right out of their own home during feeding time: Kilcommons, op. cit., p. 232.

  The reaction among men to neutering a dog: Beck & Katcher, op. cit., p. 238.

  Forty-eight percent of respondents to a University of Pennsylvania questionnaire reported that they saw their pets as “people” rather than dogs: Cusack, Odean, Pets and Mental Health (New York: The Haworth Press, 1988), p. 14.

  “I will notice that the other two stop and wait for their companion to return…. This act is surely indicative of compassion”: Masson, Jeffrey Moussaieff, Dogs Never Lie About Love (New York: Crown Publishers, 1997), p. 97.

  Magazine article about a seminar on the practice, which attracted a standing-room-only crowd at a pet-care expo in New York: “At the Natural Petcare Expo, talk is cheap,” New York Magazine (March, 17, 1997).

  Animals “eat without pleasure, cry without pain, act without knowing it”—Nicolas de Malebranche: From Coren, Stanley, The Intelligence of Dogs: A Guide to the Thoughts, Emotions, and Inner Lives of Our Canine Companions (New York: Bantam Books, 1994), p. 64.

  OUR DRAMAS, OUR DOGS

  Story of a young woman who went to her vet with lacerations all over her abdomen and thighs: Beck
& Katcher, op. cit., p. 76

  FAMILY DOG

  Degrees and frequency of “stroking” of dogs among family members: Cain, op. cit., p. 8.

  Close to a third of participants in a study of 122 families felt closer to the dog than to anyone else in the family: Barker, Sandra B. & Barker, Randolph T., “The human-canine bond: Closer than family ties?”, Journal of Mental Health Counseling Vol. 10, No. 1 (January, 1988), pp. 46–56.

  Married couple who connected profoundly, but solely over their dog: Entin, A. D., “The pet-focused family: A systems theory perspective,” paper presented at the Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association, Toronto, Ontario, Canada (August, 1983).

  SURROGATE DOG

  People in the company of a dog are more likely to be regarded by others as friendlier, happier, more relaxed, and less threatening than people who are dogless: Lockwood, Randall, “The influence of animals on social perception,” in Beck, Alan & Katcher, Aaron (eds.), New Perspectives on Our Lives With Companion Animals (Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press, 1983), pp. 64–71.

  Dog walkers in public parks and gardens had higher numbers of positive interactions and more extensive conversations with others than people who were either on their own or with small children: Messent, P. R., “Social facilitation of contact with other people by pet dogs,” ibid., pp. 37–46.

  There is a belief “that pets are no more than substitutes for so-called ‘normal’ human relationships”: Serpell, James, In the Company of Animals A Study of Human-Animal Relationships (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1986), p. 24.

  People with affectionate attitudes toward their dogs have proportionately affectionate attitudes toward people: Brown, L. T., Shaw, T. G. & Kirkland, K. D., “Affection for people as a function of affection for dogs,” Psychological Reports, Vol. 31, 1972, pp. 957–8.

  People who interact frequently with their dogs have a higher desire for affiliation with other people than non-dog owners: Serpell, op. cit., p. 38.

  Elderly pet owners as more self-sufficient, dependable, helpful, optimistic, and socially confident than non—pet owners: Kidd, A. H. & Feldman, B. M., “Pet ownership and self-perceptions of older people,” Psychological Reports, Vol. 48, 1981, pp. 867–75.

  Twenty-five million child-rearing American couples: Current Population Survey, US Census Bureau, March, 1997.

  THERAPY DOG

  Boris Levinson, an American child psychiatrist, coined the phrase pet therapy in 1964: Levinson, B. M., “Pets: A special technique in child psychotherapy,” Mental Hygiene, Vol. 48, 1964, pp. 243–8.

  Implementation of the first pet-facilitated therapy program at a psychiatric unit: Corson, S. A., Corson, W. L., Gwynne, P. H. & Arnold, E. L., “Pet dogs as nonverbal communication link in hospital psychiatry,” Comprehensive Psychiatry, Vol. 18, 1977.

  A 1981 study in Melbourne, Australia, evaluated the influence of pets on morale and happiness among nursing home residents: Salmon, I. M. & Salmon, P. W., “A dog in residence: A companion-animal study undertaken at the Caulfield Geriatric Hospital,” Melbourne: Joint Advisory Committee on Pets in Society, 1982.

  206 Depressed patients in nursing homes have become more interactive and optimistic when visited by dogs and cats: Brickell, C. M., “Depression in the nursing home: A pilot study using pet-facilitated therapy. In Anderson, et. al., The Pet Connection, pp. 407–415.

  Prison inmates allowed to take care of animals have become less isolated, less violent, more responsible, and have exhibited increased morale: Lee, D., “Pet therapy: Helping patients through troubled times,” California Veterinarian, Vol. 37, 1981, pp. 24–5.

  Visits by dogs and cats have helped ease feelings of fear, despair, loneliness, and isolation among terminally ill cancer patients: Muschel, I. J., “Pet therapy with terminal cancer patients,” The Latham Letter, Fall, 1985, pp. 8–15.

  The presence of a dog at a psychiatric halfway house has helped residents become more social and more adept at communicating: Allen, L. D. & Burdon, R. D., “The clinical significance of pets in a psychiatric community residence,” American Journal of Social Psychiatry, Vol. 2(4), 1982, pp. 41–31.

  Populations that have benefited from the presence of animals include elderly veterans … : Robb, S. S., Boyd, M. & Pristash, C. L., “A wine bottle, plant, and puppy: Catalysts for social behavior,” Journal of Gerontological Nursing, Vol. 6(12), 1980, pp. 722–28.

  … emotionally-disturbed and learning-disabled children … : Cusack, op. cit., pp. 96–102.

  … and troubled inner city kids: Beck & Katcher, Between Pets and People, p. 48.

  Petting a dog—in some cases, even being in the same room as a dog—has a calming effect on people: Cusack, op. cit., pp. 64–5.

  Both men and women in the waiting room of a veterinary clinic petted their dogs for similar lengths of time and with little difference in frequency: Beck & Katcher, op. cit., pp. 88–89.

  “A Rogerian analyst is not unlike a Labrador retriever”: ibid., p. 92.

  “Dogs,” wrote Jerome K. Jerome, “never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation”: From Winokur (ed.), Mondo Canine, p. 3.

  “The difficult art in therapy is achieving a mutual feeling of intimacy without touching”: Beck & Katcher, op. cit., p. 92.

  Childhood memory of being in the living room, the staid and sober adults engaged in an elevated discussion about morality and religion while the family’s Great Dane lay by fire … : ibid., p. 192.

  Dogs are like four-legged embodiments of the human id: ibid., p. 183.

  “We are drawn to dogs,” wrote George Bird Evans: From Winokur (ed.), Mondo Canine, op. cit., p. 10.

  Constance Perin, a cultural anthropologist, suggests that the depth of our affection for dogs … : From Fogle, Bruce (ed.), Interrelations Between People and Pets (Springfield, Illinois: Charles C. Thomas, 1981), pp. 68–88.

  “Speechless yet communicating perfectly …”: Ibid, p. 87.

  EPILOGUE

  “I feel the same spiritual comfort holding a leash … “: Conant, Susan, A New Leash on Death (New York: The Berkley Publishing Group, 1990), p. 16.

  For my mother

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  With deepest gratitude to Susan Kamil of The Dial Press and to Colleen Mohyde of The Doe Coover Agency for their unwavering confidence and enthusiasm.

  With love to Gail Caldwell, whose friendship, wisdom, and depth truly grace these pages; to Mark Morelli, for so generously attending to both Lucille and me; and to Sandra Shea, Tom Duffy and Rebecca Knapp for providing so much constancy and support.

  With sincere thanks to Hope Michelsen, Wendy Sanford, Polly Attwood, Kathy de Natale, Catherine Fabio, and Katie Clark, all of whom have helped make the world of dogs such a rich place. Thanks also to Leslie Hermsdorf of The Dial Press, and to Doreen Manning, for providing invaluable technical and research assistance; to Michael Ian Kaye, Melissa Hayden, and Brian Mulligan for bringing to this project such a sensitive eye for design; and to James Serpell of the University of Pennsylvania for his thoughtful insights about the history of the man-dog relationship.

  And with appreciation and affection, as always, to David Herzog.

  Also by Caroline Knapp

  ALICE K.’S GUIDE TO LIFE

  DRINKING: A LOVE STORY

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Caroline Knapp’s previous book, Drinking: A Love Story, was published in 1996. She was a contributing editor at New Woman magazine and a regular columnist for the Boston Phoenix, and her work appeared in The New York Times, Mademoiselle, and numerous international magazines. She was also the author of Alice K.’s Guide to Life.