Big Stick

by R. C. Stephens

  “I lost your parents, who had been better to me than my own. I lost you that night,” he says, and his voice shakes. My stomach turns. “Losing you was the worst thing to ever happen to me. If I hadn’t been playing for the Leafs at the time, I’m not sure what I would have done. I definitely had dark thoughts.” His words stab my chest.

  I get a twisting, burning pain in my stomach as realization hits. Oli was drafted by the Rangers in New York, and I left with him to start school. We went in separate directions when we needed each other most.

  “Myles, I…don’t know what to say. I can’t understand why it’s taken me so long to understand at all. When I left with Oli, we were in such a dark place. I…I’m sorry I couldn’t see past my own pain,” I mutter, feeling like I had been so selfish back then.

  “Flynn, I don’t need you getting upset over this. Your brother came out to Toronto to see me when he could. We both understood that it was your way of dealing with the loss. I’m not angry with you.” He places a hand on my thigh. “I was mostly always worried about you. Oli was, too. But I’ve never forgotten that night in Niagara Falls.” He pauses to look me in the eyes.

  “Neither have I,” I whisper softly, and his gaze drops to my lips.

  The sight of my brother entering the arena in the distance causes me to pull my attention from Myles. “Oli is heading over,” I whisper.

  Myles turns around.

  “You two working everything out?” He stops and waits expectantly for an answer.

  “Yeah,” I say with a small smile.

  Oli turns to Myles. “You gonna make sure she gets back home? I’m going out.”

  “Yeah, of course, man.”

  “All right then.” Oli leaves.

  Myles spins back to me, and his eyes drop to my lips again. “Is he gone?” he asks. I look past him to the door of the arena.

  “He’s gone.”

  “Tink, about the other night…” He pauses, and my heart sinks. As attracted as we are to each other, it doesn’t lay the foundation for a future, and I came here today knowing that. My instincts tell me to jump into the conversation and stop him from putting himself down, but the rational part of me says hear him out.

  “What is it?” I ask, wiping my clammy hands against my thighs. He pauses, giving me a look that screams I’m not going to like what he’s about to say.

  “Spit it out, Myles,” I practically demand.

  “I’ve been giving you mixed signals. But here’s the thing… Being with you is effortless. I know I need to learn who you are today, but something finally clicked in my head. No matter what, I want you. I promise you I’ll try my hardest not to fuck up,” he says with a sheepish grin. His blue eyes blaze with excitement.

  I haven’t seen him like this since the night of the draft party.

  “I’m glad you came here today, but the truth is I planned on coming to you right after practice.” He grins devilishly, clearly pleased with the fact I came to him first, that we came to each other in the exact same moment. “I want you, Flynn. So damn much.”

  “Myles. It’s still me… Tink. I still want Peter Pan to sweep me off my feet.” I cock a brow.

  A slow smile tickles his lips, revealing the dimple. My body thrums to life as the heat in his eyes sucks the breath right out of me. He leans forward, pressing his lips to mine. Electricity vibrates through me as my body pulses with need. I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss. He groans into my mouth, his lips hungry and devouring, possessing me. For the first time, this kiss doesn’t feel stolen in the corner of a room where no one can see. This kiss confirms our feelings, and it feels so right.

  “Holy shit,” he says into my mouth. We pull away.

  “Yeah,” I answer breathlessly.

  “Yeah,” he repeats, looking in awe.

  “I don’t think I can ever get enough of you. I don’t know how I got through these last seven years without you in my life.” He looks down at himself. “I should change. Get cleaned up. I need to be with you somewhere private,” he says, pressing his forehead to mine while he regains composure. My body throbs so hard I almost offer to shower with him.

  “Okay.” I nod.

  We pull apart, and I reach down to get my duffle. I completely forgot I’m still in skates. Myles extends a hand to help me pick up the duffle, a wide smile on his face. “You’re still damn good on the ice,” he says.

  I smile. “I am.”

  I take off my skates, and he gives me a hand. “I know I’ve got a shit reputation when it comes to relationships, but I want to make this work. I want to figure things out with you.”

  His determination sends hope blossoming inside me.

  “Hey.” He places his finger under my chin and tilts my face toward him. “Whatever it is, talk to me. No more holding back.” I know he’s right, but sharing feelings hasn’t been a polished part of my skill set.

  “I know,” I whisper.

  A slow smile tugs the corners of his lips. “As much as I want you, we have to take things slow. I want to do right by you.”

  I giggle. “The way we kiss doesn’t feel slow.” It feels like a tsunami every time our lips touch. “You’re right, though.”

  His grin is infectious. He takes my hand in his. “Flynn Russell, will you go on a date with me?”

  “I’d love to.” My heart melts, and I sigh.

  “Let me get dressed, and then maybe we can grab a bite to eat.” He nods.

  “Sure.” I smile. Truth is I’m all sweaty from the exertion of skating, but I figure my shower will have to wait, even though I wonder what Myles the man looks like naked. Not that I ever saw him naked when we were younger, just that his body is so filled out I can only imagine the size of his… I stop my thoughts. If we are going to be taking things slow, I can’t be thinking like this.

  He heads back to the locker room while I pack up my hockey gear, and all I can think is: How am I going to take things slow with him when I want to jump his bones every time we touch?

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Flynn

  It’s a Tuesday evening when my phone rings. After a long day of work, I’m ready to kick back and talk to Myles on the phone, since he’s been away these last few days.

  “Hey, Tink.” His deep baritone voice comes through the phone causing butterflies to dance in my stomach. He left the day after the skate-off which led to our reunion. We only kissed that night and hung out a little because he left on a bus early the next morning. The phone calls have been good, though, as we learn about each other as adults. At least on the phone we can control our hormones somewhat.

  “Hey.” My voice is a little breathy as I lie on my bed back at Oli’s apartment. “How was the game yesterday? Sorry I missed it. Work is nuts.” I twirl a piece of my hair with my finger.

  “It was okay. We lost four to five. It happens. Team is a little tired. We have another game tonight, so hopefully we’ll kick butt.”

  “I’m sure you will,” I answer.

  “What are you doing now?” he asks. His voice has turned a little raspy.

  “Just lying in bed.”

  “Oh yeah?” he says. I’ve clearly piqued his interest. “What are you wearing?” he asks, and I decide to embellish a little, since we haven’t been able to make out at all.

  “I’m still dressed from work, but I undid the buttons to my blouse so it’s hanging open.”

  He hisses into the phone. “What color is your bra?” His tone has turned husky, his need apparent.

  I giggle. “I thought we were taking things slow,” I say, just wanting to play with him a little because his husky voice ignites a fire in me, and if I’m to be able to maintain any self-control around him, I have to play things down.

  “It’s only a bra. We are adults, you know,” he chides me. He isn’t going to make this easy for me.

  I relent. “It’s white lace,” I say as I truly begin to unbutton my ivory-colored blouse.

  “It’s see-through, isn’t it? Are your
nipples peaking through the lace?” His excitement is endearing. The longing in his voice pulls at something deep inside me.

  “Yes.” My answer is a little breathier than I’d like.

  “Touch them,” he says, and I freeze. This is Myles, and we haven’t done anything more than kiss. I’m a little shy to be jumping to phone sex, if this is what it is.

  “Myles…I–I’m shy.” I want to tell him that I’m not one of his sex kittens. I’ve slept with fewer men than I have fingers on one hand.

  He groans. “You’re right. We should talk.” We need to be patient and take things slow, I remind myself.

  “Good. So, what are we talking about tonight?” I ask. We’ve been trying to catch up on life from the time he lived in Toronto and I lived in New York.

  “I want to know something,” he says. I don’t know why, but his tone makes me a little nervous.

  “You have my attention.”

  He clears his throat. “Were you a virgin that night? The night of the draft party. The night I confessed my feelings to you.”

  My stomach dips. I shouldn’t be surprised by his question because we both promised not to hold anything back if there was something we wanted to know.

  “I was,” I admit quietly.

  “That’s what I thought.” He sighs. “I would have waited until you were ready. Until everything was perfect.” I feel melancholy for losing that moment with him. Not that my first time was bad, just with Myles it would have been beyond special.

  “Thank you. I love that you would have waited for me given all your experience,” I add because his reputation for getting around seems to be sticking out in my mind like a sore thumb.

  “My life wasn’t filled with puck bunnies back then,” he says, surprising me. “I know you think that I was sleeping around a lot, but I didn’t.” By his tone of voice, I sense he’s holding something back.

  “What do you mean?” I ask skeptically. He and Oli always seemed to have girls around. The whole team did.

  “The night of the draft party, I was a virgin, too,” he blurts out, and I fly up to a seated position on the bed. Did I hear him right? Am I losing my mind?

  “What?” I can’t hide the shock in my tone even if I wanted, too.

  “I’m serious. The night of my pool party when you tried to kiss me, we were sixteen. I had made out with a bunch of girls before then but never sex. When you pressed your lips to mine you tilted my world upside down. We were young but after that night I didn’t hook up with any girls for like two years.”

  “I…uh…I,” I stammer not knowing what to say.

  “I know. It’s messed up. Believe me I know. I wanted to come to you a thousand times over. I was a coward.” He sighs.

  “You were honorable. Wow, Myles, that would have been amazing.” My chest squeezes as the past comes back to hurt me once again.

  “I know,” he says so softly I barely hear it. “Don’t go getting down on me. I still plan on making our first time together very special.”

  “That’s sweet.” I lie back on the bed and relax into the pillows. Thoughts of being intimate with Myles swirl in my mind.

  “We are going to get it right this time, baby,” he says, and his deep, sexy voice sends a warmth through my body.

  “I want to believe that,” I answer as old fears take root. I always seem to get paranoid when things are going really well for me.

  “Okay, don’t go digging deep now, Tink. Tell me something else about yourself. Something that doesn’t have to do with sex.” He chuckles. “Can’t believe I just said that.”

  I laugh. “Okay.” I’m back to twirling a piece of my hair. “Like what?”

  “I don’t know. Do you like to listen to music? What is your favorite band?”

  “Hmm, that’s easy. I really like the Steve Andrews Band.”

  “Do you go to concerts?” he continues.

  “I haven’t had time for anything but work lately, before that I was busy with school and my internship in New York.”

  “You’ve always been focused, but we need to change that. I’m pretty sure the Steve Andrews Band is on tour. I like them, too. I’m going to look for some concert tickets.”

  “That sounds fun. I know I need to get out more. I look forward to going out more with you.”

  “Good. Me, too. I’ll be home tomorrow, and I have the night off,” he says. “Will you be around?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I can’t wait to kiss the hell out of you,” he says, and my belly flips.

  “That sounds perfect.”

  “One more thing,” he says.

  “Yeah.”

  “If we go places and we’re seen together, the media will be on to us. I don’t know how you feel about that. I was kind of thinking that maybe we could just hang out at my place for a while. I want to have you all to myself before our relationship goes viral,” he explains.

  “That sounds like a plan. We have a lot of lost time to make up for,” I answer.

  “’Night, Tink.”

  “’Night.”

  Knowing he waited for me makes my insides flip. I know we said we would take things slow, but I have no clue how I’m going to follow through with that now.

  …

  After work, I stop at Whole Foods. I want to make us a home-cooked meal and I know Myles doesn’t keep his fridge stocked the way Oli does.

  I’m cooking when Oli comes home.

  “Hi.” He smiles. “How was your week?”

  I laugh. “Good. Busy. I’m heading over to Myles’s for dinner.”

  “Myles debriefed me.” He winks. “Glad to see you smiling again.”

  “It feels good,” I admit. “I’ll leave some in a tray on the counter for you.”

  “Thanks.” His lips tug at the corners.

  “Let me grab the salad for you,” Oli offers as he holds the apartment door for me. We go the few steps down the hall, and at his place, Myles opens his door to me and Oli, carrying the food. He looks at the trays, then at me, and his blue eyes heat.

  “Okay, then…” Oli begins to mumble, clearly taken back by the way Myles has fixated on me. “You take this.” Oli passes Myles the bowl with the salad. “You have a good night, kids.”

  “This doesn’t have to be weird, Oliver,” Myles calls out.

  “Yes, but it is,” Oli calls back from his apartment door.

  My cheeks flush. Myles looks down at me. “He’s a big boy. He’ll be fine.”

  I follow him into his apartment. He places the salad on the table, and I put the hot tray beside it. Myles moves fast to wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. “I’ve missed you so damn much.” He sighs as his lips move closer to mine. My body heats from his touch.

  “Feeling is mutual,” I answer as he places small pecks on my lips. I get warm and tingly from his kisses.

  “Oh yeah,” he says through the small kisses, his voice husky. “You taste good enough to eat.” His words turn me on, and I clench my thighs together, feeling a familiar heat. I sigh. His hand still holds my head close to his. “Let me just take a quick shower.”

  “Yeah, go ahead,” I answer, breathless, my body temperature elevated.

  “Make yourself at home.” He smiles warmly. For the past seven years, when I’ve pictured his face, I felt an overwhelming sadness. Now that I’m here with him, it’s no longer the case. I wonder how long I’ll be able to hold myself back from jumping his sexy bones.

  He heads to his room to take a shower while I go through his kitchen to look for utensils to set up the table and plates, too. He has rustic taste. It looks like he ordered most of his furniture from Pottery Barn. I love the warm, homely feel.

  When Myles comes back, his hair is wet, and he’s wearing a black T-shirt that hugs his chest and arms, and a pair of black lounge pants.

  My body buzzes. I don’t remember ever feeling this way.

  “I’m starved. Thanks so much for doing this.” He leans forward and gives me a kiss.
/>   We sit down and pile on the chicken and vegetables. We begin to eat, quietly focusing on the food. Truth is I’m starving, too. It’s hard to fit a proper meal into my day at work. We are that busy.

  “This is really good. I didn’t know you could cook,” he says, placing his fork down and taking a sip from the glass of water in front of him.

  “Yeah, well, once we moved to New York, I bought a collection of cookbooks and kind of winged the first few meals until I learned what I was doing in the kitchen. We didn’t have a full-time maid at first, and Oli is, well, Oli.” I snicker. “He loves food, and we both wanted to eat healthy, so I took on the job of cooking our meals because he was too busy starting out.”

  “Yeah, I was also forced to learn, but then life got busy with hockey, so I basically had takeout menus from some of the best restaurants in Toronto.”

  “We were all forced to grow up overnight,” I say, matter of fact, even though the words carry a heavy sadness.

  Myles nods.

  “I wanted to mention something—I know you sometimes check my social media,” he says, and a blush crawls up my cheeks when I remember calling him out on it. “There are a lot of women on there, posting all kinds of things. You know we have a lot of fans whose goal is to hookup to have something to brag about.” His cheeks flush slightly as if he’s embarrassed.

  “I know.” My blood turns a little cold as I wonder where this conversation is headed.

  “I want you to ignore everything that’s said there. I haven’t been a saint, but that’s all in my past.” He grins, looking at me with a sincerity that guts me.

  I take a steady breath. As much as I hate to admit it, with him being away these last few days, these exact thoughts crossed my mind more than once.

  “Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.” I grin. “After my last relationship… Well, I keep wondering why I wasn’t enough for him.” I fork a piece of chicken into my mouth.

  “You should never think that.” He shakes his head. “The guy was a fool. I’ve only kissed you and I can’t get enough. He didn’t deserve you, and I’m thankful for that.”