Her Secret

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “Sorry you can’t stay,” Cole said politely.

  “That means that after we are done here, you could maybe walk me home . . . if it isn’t too far out of your way.”

  Cole’s ears turned red. “Danke, but I should probably not walk you anywhere.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you are seeing that Englisher. Shane, right?” Not exactly looking at her in the eye, he said, “He isn’t very nice. Um, I don’t think he is the sort who would take my walking you around in the dark kindly. At all.”

  Ben loosened his grip on his books and sat back down. Looking both confused and increasingly agitated, he stared at Jenny. “Who is Shane?”

  Feeling both of the boys’ glares fixated on her, Jenny shifted nervously. “Shane is no one you need to worry about.”

  “No, I think I do,” Ben said. “Especially if you are keeping him a secret.” Lowering his voice, he said, “Why would you sneak around like that, Jenny? Didn’t what happened with Hannah teach you anything?”

  “This is nothing like that. And I don’t want to talk about Hannah and Trent.”

  “There is no Hannah and Trent. That was the problem.” Looking angry, he added, “What’s gotten into you?”

  “Not a thing. I’m simply trying to live my life without having everyone second-guess every single thing I do.”

  “So you are seeing people behind everyone’s back?”

  “Ben, I really, really don’t want to talk about this right now.” Or ever.

  “You haven’t told your family that you’ve been stepping out with Shane?” Cole interjected, looking disturbed. “They don’t know you’re seeing someone so old?”

  “How old is he?” Ben asked.

  “None of your business,” she told Ben. Turning to Cole, she straightened. “I didn’t think I had to tell my parents everything anymore. I’m fourteen, you know.”

  “So. You should have told them,” Ben said.

  She glared at her brother. “I bet you can’t wait to go home and tattle on me.”

  “You’re right. I can’t. After all, someone needs to before you get harmed.”

  “I’m not going to get injured. Can’t we just drop this? And, Cole, please don’t say anything to my parents, either.”

  Cole’s expression turned wary. “Sorry I let the cat out of the bag. Though, if you don’t mind me saying so, you should really be careful around that guy. Even Mr. Burns doesn’t like him.”

  “He told you that?”

  “Jah.”

  “What has he been doing that’s so bad?” Ben asked.

  “Ignore him,” Jenny said to Cole. “Don’t worry about Shane. He’s real nice. He’s been a good friend.”

  “Really?”

  Somehow Cole made that one word convey a whole mixture of emotions.

  “Really,” responded Hannah. “Besides, this is my business. Don’t you have other things to worry about?”

  Hurt filled Cole’s eyes. “I guess I do. Sorry I brought it up,” he added before turning to walk away.

  Remorse filled her as she realized just how rude and mean she was being. Cole was nice and kind. She was beginning to feel like she was two different people: one person who was the same as she had always been . . . and the other who was capable of being spiteful and vindictive.

  What was wrong with her?

  Ben’s voice seared through her thoughts. “Jenny, what in the world have you been doing here in Hart County? Just how many secrets have you been keeping?”

  Ignoring his questions, she glared at him. “Ben, you better not say anything about Shane to Mamm or Daed, or Hannah. Promise me you won’t.”

  “I’m not going to make such a promise. You’re obviously making a lot of bad decisions. Someone needs to talk some sense into you.”

  “Stop sounding so dramatic.”

  “It’s not dramatic if I’m right.”

  Her parents would be so upset if they found out about the things she’d been doing. They’d be upset and hurt, too. Feeling panicked, she said, “If you tell anyone about me and Shane, I’ll be sure to tell Mamm and Daed not to let you go to the Amish school. I’ll tell them that you only want to go there because you hate Hannah.”

  Ben’s eyes widened. “You know that ain’t true.”

  “I do. But they don’t.”

  “You’re actually blackmailing me?”

  “I’m not blackmailing you. It’s a promise.”

  “I’m really starting to worry about you, Jenny,” Ben said as he stood up.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Home, remember?” he muttered sarcastically. “Good luck getting home by yourself,” he added as he started walking away. “And don’t even think I’m going to cover for you. From now on, you are on your own.”

  As Jenny watched her brother walk away, she realized that he hadn’t lied. She was now completely alone, and she had made it that way.

  It didn’t even matter that it was her own fault.

  CHAPTER 11

  Tuesday, July 19

  It was late afternoon, and Jenny was once again nowhere to be found.

  For some time, Hannah had debated whether or not to bother her parents with her worries about Jenny. She didn’t want to worry them unnecessarily. She didn’t want to give them even more stress, especially since her father seemed to be feeling so badly.

  But it had become apparent that she had no choice.

  They needed to be aware of how Jenny was acting. If they didn’t, she could get hurt. After all, hadn’t she arrived home late last night by herself? Someone needed to put a stop to Jenny’s antics, and it was a foregone conclusion that it could not be Hannah.

  “Mamm, Daed,” she began as she walked into the living room, “I need to talk to you about something.”

  Her mother raised her head from the magazine she’d been leisurely thumbing through. “What is it, Hannah?” she asked in a weary voice.

  That tone, together with her tired-looking posture, brought Hannah up short. Then, taking a closer look at her mother, she noticed that her eyes were red and the skin under her eyes looked bruised and puffy.

  She wasn’t sleeping.

  Now she felt even worse about the news she was about to share. But though she hated to be the messenger of bad news, she also didn’t know how to not say anything. She loved her sister, and because of that, she had to do this. Even if it was hard.

  “I wanted to talk to you about Jenny.” Sitting down on the ottoman in front of her father, she continued. “I don’t know if you both have noticed, but she’s been having some problems when it comes to telling the truth. She is also doing some strange things.”

  Just as she was about to list out Jenny’s odd acts, including the whole issue with those daisies, her father tossed down the newspaper he’d been reading. “Aren’t you a bit old to be tattling on your sister, Hannah?” he asked.

  Stung, she stared at him in surprise. “I’m not tattling. I’m trying to tell you that she’s been doing some concerning things. I thought you’d want to know.”

  “She’s a teenager,” Mamm said. “She is going to make some mistakes. She is also going to be most interested in making friends. That means we need to give her some leeway.”

  “I suppose so, but this is different.”

  Her mother continued as if Hannah hadn’t said a word. “She has also been helping around the house. A lot. She is a responsible young lady. There’s no need for you to feel like you have to watch her every minute of the day.”

  “I’m not. But not only is she hanging around some people we don’t know, she cut off the heads of all the daisies in the front yard.”

  Her mother stared at her blankly. “What in the world does that have to do with anything?”

  Feeling like she was drowning in a pit, and not really sure what she was saying that her parents were finding fault with, Hannah got to her feet. “They were daisies, first of all. I’m not even sure how we got daisies in the yard. Are you?”
>
  Her father shook his head.

  “She said she didn’t bring them to the house. But then she cut off the tops.” Hannah stared at her parents, silently begging for them to understand how difficult this was for her.

  Her mother sighed. “Hannah, we’ve been patient with your worries and have tried to help you get over your unnatural fear of everything. Now it’s time that you tried to do that, too.”

  “Unnatural fear?” she echoed. “That’s hardly fair. You know Trent’s actions were scary. Even the police said so.”

  “That was months ago. And in another state,” her father pointed out. “We’ve given you time and allowed you to stay cooped up inside this house for as long as you needed to. But this . . . this paranoia of yours? Well, it’s got to stop.”

  She wasn’t sure what she’d said that sounded paranoid. “Daed, you don’t understand—”

  “Those flowers were mine, Hannah,” her mother said.

  Hannah scanned her mother’s face, attempting to understand everything that she was telling her. But it didn’t make sense.

  “Why would they be yours?” she asked, each word sounding as if it had been choked out of her. She felt like she was in a daze, in a dream. Anywhere but standing in front of her parents.

  Mamm sighed. “My manager gave them to me after my first week at work. I left them outside because I wasn’t sure where I could plant them without you being reminded of Trent,” she explained, sounding very aggrieved. “That is why the flowers were outside, Hannah. It had nothing to do with your stalker.”

  “You were going to plant daisies in the yard?” Her voice sounded as incredulous as she felt. “I can’t believe you were going to do such a thing! I mean, you know how I feel about those flowers. You know how they make me feel.”

  “I realize that, but I couldn’t very well refuse them. That’s no way to behave at a new job.”

  Hannah supposed her mother couldn’t have pushed them away. But wasn’t there another way to handle receiving them? It seemed so very callous of her mother to bring them home. “You couldn’t have simply given them to someone else?”

  “You see? This is a good example of why you need to start thinking about other things besides your sister’s comings and goings,” her father said sternly. “Here, your mother has received a nice gift after a full week at a new, difficult job. A job that she had to take because we had to move.”

  “You said we also had to move because of your disease, Daed.” Why were they being so insensitive?

  “That is true, but we would have likely waited until Jenny finished her eighth-grade year. But you were doing so poorly, we had to take drastic measures.”

  “So Jenny’s problems are my fault, too.”

  “We didn’t say that,” her mother said.

  “It sure sounds that way, though. It sounds very much like that.”

  Standing up, she crossed the room and placed her hands on Hannah’s shoulders. “Hannah, dear, please listen to me. We’ve turned this whole family upside down for you. We’ve all made sacrifices for your needs. But instead of you even thinking about your little sister, or how confused and lonely she must be feeling, you are only fixated on how those flowers remind you of your former boyfriend.”

  Hannah closed her eyes. Her mother’s hands didn’t feel warm or comforting. Instead, she felt trapped. She felt betrayed, too.

  “Did you hear me, Hannah?” her mother asked. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  Oh, yes, she heard. She would have never thought that her parents would be saying such things. It hurt. But she was also tired of arguing. Suddenly, all she wanted to do was escape to her room. Pulling from her mother’s grip, she got to her feet.

  Then she turned and looked her mother in the eye.

  “I’m sorry about the flowers, Mother. You are exactly right. I guess I was only thinking about myself. I hadn’t realized you all felt that way.”

  Her mother rubbed her temples. “Just, please, try to move on, Hannah. We need to be happy here.”

  And she wasn’t letting them? “I’m trying. I mean, I will try. But will you talk to Jenny about her behavior?” Thinking quickly, she said, “Maybe she should find a job. Then she won’t get into as much trouble.”

  “Are you listening to yourself, Hannah?” her mother asked, every word brimming with impatience. “You are making things up and seeing things in a skewed way. Jenny is not in trouble.”

  “Mamm, I am sure that she is seeing someone secretly. She’s sneaking out . . .”

  “I don’t think so. She is fine.”

  They weren’t going to listen to her. Now feeling as worn-out as her mother looked after a full day of work, she said, “I’ll go start on supper. I thought I’d make a cheeseburger casserole. Is that all right?”

  “I don’t care, dear,” she said dismissively. “Anything is fine.”

  Without saying another word, Hannah turned to go to the kitchen. As she switched on burners and began browning the ground beef in order to put together the easy dish that they all used to enjoy at the big table in their old dining room, she looked out the window.

  It had started to rain. It was just a light summer drizzle. Enough to soak anyone unlucky enough to get caught in it . . . but not enough to cause any big problems. As she continued to stare, she realized that the rain had created a slight fog to rise across the valley. It made it all look a little hazy. Almost dreamlike.

  So much so, she could have sworn she saw a figure standing next to a pair of dogwoods in the distance.

  A chill raced through her.

  What if that was Trent? What if he found her and he was standing outside of her house again?

  What if he was taking pictures of her again?

  The edge of the laminate countertop cut into her palms as she gripped it hard and peered more closely out the window. Through the sheets of rain, she saw movement again. It had to be a man. A man lurking in the shadows of the woods beyond her.

  A chill washed over her.

  Needing someone else to see what she was seeing, she opened her mouth to call her parents, but stopped.

  Her father said she was paranoid.

  Her mother thought she was selfish and self-centered.

  They both thought she was unable to move on from the past.

  They loved her, but they were tired of her being so difficult.

  She slumped. Maybe she was just making something out of nothing again. Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her.

  Maybe her parents were right. She couldn’t let the past go.

  Deliberately, she turned back to the range. Moved the hamburger around on the frying pan. Tried very hard to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary.

  But after less than a minute, she turned back around and stared out the window again. It was raining harder. Heavy drops splashed against the windowpanes. In the distance, lightning flashed, followed almost immediately by a clap of thunder.

  Pressing one palm against the cold, condensation-lined window, Hannah continued to scan the area. Looking. Searching.

  She didn’t see a single thing.

  When another bolt of lightning flashed, illuminating the woods for a brief instant, the area looked desolate again.

  Almost bare.

  Maybe she really was losing her mind. Maybe Trent’s stalking had disturbed her so much that she now saw signs of him everywhere.

  And if that was the case, she had no idea what she was going to do next.

  CHAPTER 12

  Two days later

  Thursday, July 21

  You got a letter, Hannah!” Ben called out.

  “Danke,” Hannah murmured as she took it from him. Noticing that it had no return address, her hands shook as she tore open the envelope. When she realized it was from Kirsten, she breathed a sigh of relief.

  Her brother raised his eyebrows. “You sure are excited to get a letter.”

  Not wanting him to know that she’d been afraid that the letter had come from Tr
ent, she smiled weakly. “I guess I am. Like you, I miss my friends in Berlin.”

  The moment she said that, she waited for him to chide her. To blame her yet again for dislocating them all from everything they’d known.

  But instead, he simply shrugged. “You know, I used to only think about all of my buddies there. But now I don’t worry about them so much.”

  So glad that he didn’t seem near as upset with her, she said, “That’s gut, jah?”

  “Yeah. I like Sam a lot, and I like his brother Isaac, too. None of them seem to mind that I’ve been spending a lot of time over at their house, either.”

  “I bet they are thinking that you’re a good friend to have.”

  Ben rolled his eyes, but she could tell he was pleased by her compliment. Feeling more at ease than she had in days, she walked back to her room to read Kirsten’s letter. She couldn’t wait to once again be embroiled in Kirsten’s love life and small concerns. Worrying about those things were so much easier than her parents, her sister, or that she was slowly losing her mind.

  Once she’d closed the door, she opened the note and sat on her bed to read it carefully.

  As she expected, the first paragraphs of the letter were all about her ongoing infatuation with Henry. Hannah smiled as Kirsten described in detail their latest argument, then in the next paragraph admitted that they’d kissed behind his barn when they were making up.

  After that, she told Hannah she was sorry about how Jenny and Ben were making her so miserable, but reminded her that Jenny had always been a bit of a sourpuss.

  Next, she updated Hannah on her family and the news on their friends. She filled her in on their girlfriends and who showed up for church.

  Then she tackled Hannah’s news about the daisies.

  I have to admit that I feel the same way as you do about those plants, Hannah. Trent gave you at least six or seven bouquets of flowers, all of those white daisies. Of course you don’t want to see them in your front yard. If I were you, I’d take them to the woods no matter what.

  Trent was creepy!

  Oh, I guess I should let you know that something weird happened to one of the first letters you wrote me. It was so sweet, I had put it in my planner, just so I could look at it when I was really missing you.