Lost Angel

by Kitty Neale

  ‘It was my mum who was wise, not me. I still miss her, especially now…with…with my baby close to being born.’

  Ellen had never seen Val like this before, vulnerable, her eyes glistening with tears.

  ‘There I was going on about being nervous, but you must be too.’

  Val sniffed then nodded. ‘I am a bit.’

  ‘Well, let’s hope you’re first then, and if you are, I promise I’ll be here to hold your hand.’

  ‘No, I won’t be first.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter; even if I’ve just had my baby, when you go into labour I’ll get here somehow, even if Percy has to carry me.’

  ‘You…you’d do that?’

  ‘Of course I will.’

  A smile at last broke through. ‘Ellen, I’m so glad you moved into Lavender Cottage.’

  ‘So am I, and soon we’ll know if that pendulum was right.’

  ‘A girl for you and a boy for me. It’ll be nice, they’ll be able to play together, grow up together, and…’

  The colour had drained from Val’s face, and nervously Ellen asked, ‘What is it? You didn’t finish what you were going to say. And what?’

  ‘It…it was nothing…nothing. The baby kicked hard and it took me by surprise, that’s all.’

  ‘Are you all right now?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine.’

  ‘What were you going to say then?’

  ‘I can’t remember now,’ Val said dismissively and then glanced at her watch. ‘My goodness, look at the time. I’d better make a start on Bob’s dinner.’

  Ellen frowned. Val wasn’t meeting her eyes, and she was sure that she was hiding something. ‘Tell me the truth. Did you have one of your feelings?’

  ‘No, no, I told you, it was just the baby kicking. Now I must get on, but I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  ‘Yes, all right,’ Ellen said as she reluctantly left. She was still sure that Val had felt something, that she was hiding something. But what?

  Chapter 45

  Over a week passed and on Sunday Hilda was relishing her day off. She did some housework, lovingly dusted the angel ornament, and, though she knew it was probably foolish, she still felt that it somehow looked over them.

  ‘Thank you,’ she whispered before placing it back on the mantelpiece.

  It was eleven o’clock now and, needing a break, Hilda picked up her knitting before going into the garden to sit next to Ellen. The sky was blue, bees buzzed among the flowers and she sighed happily, soon feeling lethargic; the knitting sitting unattended in her lap.

  ‘You look hot, Mum. You should have let me help.’

  ‘No, love, your ankles are swollen and you need to rest.’

  ‘I’m going in to get a glass of orange juice. Do you want one?’

  ‘You stay there. I’ll get it.’

  ‘It’s all right. My back’s aching and I need to stretch it out.’

  Hilda watched Ellen as she walked inside, one hand resting in the small of her back. The baby would be born soon and Hilda smiled with pleasure at the thought, her grandson or granddaughter a summer baby. Ellen had told her about Val and the pendulum, how it had forecast a girl, but to her it sounded like nonsense. She had thought Val a bit strange from the start, but despite this Hilda had to admit that she liked their neighbour. Val might come out with some strange things now and then, but she was always pleasant, always smiling, and she and Ellen had become fast friends.

  ‘Here you are,’ Ellen said as she held out a glass of juice.

  ‘Thanks, pet. How are you feeling now? Does your back still ache?’

  ‘No, it’s eased off. It’s always the same if I sit too long.’

  ‘I’ve almost finished this now,’ Hilda said, picking up her knitting. ‘It’ll just need sewing together and then you can give it to Val.’

  ‘It’s good of you, Mum. I know she appreciates it that you’ve been knitting for both of us.’

  ‘The poor girl lost her mother when she was only twenty-one, and, anyway, with the amount of old jumpers and cardigans I managed to find at the jumble sale to unravel, I’ve got plenty of wool.’

  ‘Hello, it’s only me. I thought you’d be out here.’

  ‘Talk of the devil,’ Hilda quipped as she turned to see Val, her tummy huge like Ellen’s and her movements cumbersome.

  ‘I had a funny feeling and just popped along to see if I’m right,’ Val said, her eyes on Ellen.

  ‘Right about what?’ Hilda asked.

  ‘I thought Ellen might be in labour.’

  ‘No, I’m fine, so for once your feelings are wrong.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘I think I’d know if the baby was coming.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose so,’ Val said doubtfully. ‘All I’ve got is a backache.’

  ‘I thought you said it had eased,’ Hilda said sharply.

  ‘It had, but it’s back again now.’

  ‘Hilda, where’s Percy?’ Val asked. ‘He’s gone to the pub with Doug for a lunchtime drink.’

  ‘Right, I’ll send my Bob to get them, and on his way he can call in on Mrs Ainsworth. She’ll be needed soon.’

  ‘I don’t need Mrs Ainsworth. I told you, it’s only a backache,’ Ellen protested, but then bent forward, clutching her tummy. ‘Oh…oh…I’ve got a pain in my stomach now.’

  ‘I knew it. You are in labour.’

  Hilda rose swiftly to her feet. ‘Come on, Ellen, let’s get you inside.’

  ‘Mum, I’m scared.’

  ‘Don’t be, Ellen, you’ll be fine,’ Val said. ‘I’m off to tell Bob now, and Mrs Ainsworth will soon be here.’

  As Val waddled off, Hilda held Ellen’s arm and inside she urged her upstairs. Half way up, there was another wail, Ellen standing frozen as her waters broke.

  ‘Oh, Mum!’

  ‘It’s all right, it’s perfectly normal,’ Hilda said. Her daughter looked wide-eyed, so frightened, and for a moment Hilda almost panicked too. What if something went wrong? This was her daughter, her only child. She was sixteen, hardly more than a child herself and about to give birth.

  Despite her fears, Hilda knew she had to hold herself together and now sought for something to give her strength. Please, please let her be all right. Please, angel, watch over Ellen, keep her safe, Hilda inwardly begged, and this time, for once, she didn’t berate herself for being foolish.

  Ellen gave birth to a baby daughter at nine thirty that evening. She was exhausted, but held the baby tenderly, love shining in her eyes. ‘Mum, she’s so tiny.’

  ‘Born on the twenty-seventh of August, tiny but perfect. You’ll have to think of a name now.’

  ‘I already have. I’m going to call her Sarah.’

  ‘My mother’s name? Oh, Ellen, that’s lovely.’

  There was a mist of tears in her mum’s eyes, but then Ellen looked away as Mrs Ainsworth came in, all bustling efficiency again.

  ‘Right, my dear, let’s get you cleaned up and then we can bring Sarah’s daddy up to see her.’

  Ellen tried to smile, but it was difficult. It should be Billy looking at his baby daughter, sharing the love she felt, the bond. Instead it would be Percy, and how could he feel the same? How could he feel this overwhelming love for a child that wasn’t his own? It wasn’t right, wasn’t fair that her daughter would never know her real father and a father’s love. Regret now swamped her. She shouldn’t have done it – shouldn’t have agreed that Percy pass Sarah off as his own.

  ‘Here, I’ll take her.’

  Ellen gently passed Sarah to her mother, saw how lovingly she held her, and felt a little better. Sarah might never know her father, but she had grandparents who would love her as much as she herself did. She lay back on the pillows, too tired to think about it any more. Her daughter had come safely into the world, just as Val had said and, for now, that was all that mattered.

  Unaware of Ellen’s thoughts, Percy was still pacing. He had heard Ellen’s screams – screams that seemed to go on and on until at last
there was the small cry of a baby. Since then, nothing!

  ‘Doug, what the hell’s going on up there? Why is it taking so long?’

  No sooner had Percy asked the question than Hilda appeared, with a wide smile on her face.

  ‘Well, Doug, we’ve got a granddaughter.’

  ‘A girl, that’s nice. What about Ellen? Is she all right?’

  ‘She’s fine.’

  Mrs Ainsworth came downstairs now, a smile on her face.

  ‘Congratulations, Percy, you’ve got a beautiful baby girl. You can go on up to see her now.’

  ‘What about me?’ Doug protested.

  ‘Let Ellen and Percy have a little time on their own first,’ Hilda said.

  Percy found his heart thumping in his chest. A girl, Ellen had had a daughter – but what if she looked like Billy? He found Ellen looking at the baby, but she looked up as he nervously approached the bed. Her smile was radiant and, despite the exhaustion etched on her face, he had never seen her looking more beautiful. For a moment words caught in his throat, but then he managed to stammer, ‘How…how are you?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ she said, ‘but look, Percy, isn’t she lovely?’

  Gingerly he sat on the side of the bed and, as Ellen pulled the swaddling to one side, Percy gazed at the baby. She was tiny, her face screwed up and cute little lips puckered as though about to cry. He couldn’t see anyone in her, not Ellen, not Billy; in fact, he thought with a smile, if anything she looked like a sweet, red-faced little monkey.

  ‘I’ve called her Sarah, after my grandmother. I hope you don’t mind?’

  ‘Of course I don’t,’ he said, reaching out to stroke the baby’s tiny, outstretched palm, amazed when her fingers curled around his. Percy felt a sudden surge of protection that was so strong it almost took his breath away. It was a magical moment, and though she was his niece, Percy at last knew that he would be able to see Sarah as more than that, much more.

  ‘Hello, sweetheart,’ he said, smiling softly. ‘I’m your daddy and I’m gonna love you to bits.’

  There was a choking sob and, surprised, he saw that Ellen was in tears. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

  With a watery smile, Ellen said, ‘Nothing. .. nothing at all. Everything is just perfect.’

  As Sarah let go of his finger, Percy leaned forward to kiss Ellen’s cheek and then for a while the two of them just gazed at the baby, until at last Percy said, ‘I’d better tell your dad he can come up.’

  ‘Yes, and no doubt my mum will be with him. We’ll have to watch it, Percy, or the pair of them will take this baby over.’

  ‘Maybe it’s time to find a place of our own.’

  Ellen was quiet for a moment, but then said, ‘Yes, I’d like that, but don’t say anything to Mum and Dad yet.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I won’t, and anyway, it might take us a while to find something we can afford, a place that’s close to the nursery,’ Percy said, then reached out to gently touch the baby’s cheek. ‘I won’t be long, but it’s time for you to meet your granddad.’

  Ellen was smiling as she watched Percy leaving the room. She’d been silly, worrying about nothing. As soon as Percy saw the baby, it was obvious he was smitten and she was sure now that his love would grow. When she’d seen the look on his face, the amazement when Sarah clutched his finger, something had stirred in her heart. Percy had committed himself to taking care of her and Sarah, and deserved more than a wife who couldn’t love him.

  Could she? Could she open her heart to Percy? He was such a good man, but she had only seen him as a pale shadow compared to his brother. She’d been blinded by Billy’s looks, had ignored his nature, but now knew how stupid she had been.

  Yes, Ellen decided, she would try – try to love Percy – and as she liked him so much, surely that was a start.

  Chapter 46

  Ellen recovered well and was up and about when, less than a week later, on Sunday, there was a knock on the door. Percy went to answer, but, hearing a voice, Ellen tensed. No, no, she didn’t want to see him. She wanted to flee the room, but it was too late and Billy was already walking in. Sheila was behind him, a baby in her arms, followed by Mabel and Jack. Ellen knew this would happen one day, a time when they would all meet up together, but not like this, not without advance warning.

  ‘Billy insisted on joining us,’ Mabel said, her eyes wide with anxiety.

  ‘What’s going on?’ asked Billy, frowning. ‘Why shouldn’t I come to see my brother and new niece? It’s about time Percy met his nephew too.’

  Percy was the one who answered, yet Ellen could hear the strain in his voice.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong, Billy. It’s just that it’s been so long since we’ve seen you that it came as a surprise.’

  Ellen could see the tightness in her mother’s face as she said, ‘Yes, it is a surprise, but sit down all of you.’

  The tension in the room was palpable, but thankfully Mabel broke through it as she said, ‘Come on then, Ellen, let me see my new granddaughter.’

  ‘Here she is,’ Ellen said, placing Sarah in Mabel’s arms.

  ‘Oh, look, Jack, isn’t she gorgeous?’

  ‘Yeah, a doll,’ Jack agreed.

  Ellen was trembling as Billy now looked at Sarah, her stomach churning when he said, ‘I see she’s got dark hair, just like my nipper.’

  ‘You’re forgetting that Ellen has dark hair too, and Sarah’s is more like hers, thick with a wave in it.’

  ‘Yeah, and it’s lucky she didn’t inherit her dad’s thin, mousy hair.’

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with Percy’s hair,’ Mabel said indignantly.

  Ellen felt the same indignation, but also a huge surge of relief. It was obvious by his comment that Billy hadn’t worked it out, hadn’t considered the dates, and so far didn’t suspect anything.

  ‘Ain’t it about time you looked at my boy, Percy? You’ll see that Freddie takes after me, a real chip off the old block.’

  Ellen knew she had to keep up the pretence and now joined Percy as he went to take a look at Billy’s son. Sheila looked up them, saying quietly, ‘Hello, Ellen.’

  ‘He…hello, Sheila, it’s nice to see you again,’ she managed, looking down at the baby.

  ‘Yeah, you’re right, Billy,’ said Percy. ‘He does look like you.’

  Billy strolled over, wrinkling his nose. ‘Sheila, Freddie stinks. Get off your fat arse and change his nappy.’

  ‘Billy, watch your language,’ Jack snapped.

  Ellen turned to see that he looked livid, Mabel distressed, and her parents’ faces were strained too.

  ‘I…I’ll make us all a drink,’ she said.

  ‘No, I’ll do it,’ her dad insisted.

  With reluctance, Ellen sat down again, but then said, ‘Mabel, are you all right with Sarah? Do you want me to take her?’

  ‘No, darling, this is the first time I’ve had a chance to hold her and I want to make the most of it.’

  ‘Mum’s got two grandchildren now, but I beat you to it, Percy. Just like I beat you to everything,’ Billy said, a sly look on his face as he glanced at Ellen.

  ‘That’s enough, Billy. What does it matter which baby came first? I love Freddie and this one too. They’re both gorgeous.’

  Ellen knew that Mabel hadn’t seen Billy’s sly look – that she hadn’t cottoned on to his innuendo – but Percy had, and his fists clenched in anger. Had Billy worked it out? Oh, please, no, and unable to stand it any more, Ellen rose to her feet, just wanting to get out of the room.

  ‘I…I’ll give Dad a hand with the tea,’ she spluttered.

  ‘Don’t let him get to you,’ her mother whispered, joining Ellen as she walked to the kitchen. ‘Mabel has always favoured Percy and Billy knows that. I don’t think he suspects anything, it’s just that he’s jealous.’

  ‘Hilda, after what he did to Ellen, I still feel like wringing his bloody neck.’

  ‘I feel the same, Doug, but somehow we’ve got to get through this.’


  Ellen found that the next hour wasn’t easy, but at least it served to show Billy’s true colours. The way he spoke to Sheila was awful, and she jumped to do his bidding, but mostly he just talked about himself.

  ‘I’m doing well in the stables, but I want a promotion and know how to go about it. Mr Dunning is getting a bit past it now so I reckon I can point out a few of his lapses on the sly, spread a few whispers, and with any luck it’ll ensure he gets put out to pasture.’

  ‘Billy, he’s been very good to you,’ Mabel said. ‘How can you do that to him?’

  With a shrug, Billy said, ‘Needs must. With Mr Dunning out of the way I’ll go up a rung, and who knows, one day it might be me who’s head groom.’

  ‘Billy’s always at the stables,’ Sheila said.

  ‘What’s to come home for? Look at the state of you, and that brat’s always squalling.’

  ‘That’s enough, Billy!’ said Jack, his face dark with anger. ‘You’ll never change. You’re selfish through and through, and I’m not sitting here listening to you talk to your wife like that.’

  ‘Yes, Jack, come on, I’ve heard enough of this too,’ Doug said. ‘Let’s you and I go for a stroll outside.’

  ‘Billy, now look what you’ve done,’ wailed Mabel. ‘Hilda, I…I’m sorry. When they come back from their walk, we’ll go.’

  ‘What did I say?’ asked Billy. ‘What’s all the fuss about?’

  Nobody answered him, but Percy sat on the arm of Mabel’s chair and placed an arm around her shoulders. ‘It’s all right, Mum, don’t get upset. You don’t have to apologise for Billy and you can come down again next weekend.’

  Ellen looked at Billy but, unlike Percy, he showed no concern for his mother. She just wanted him to go, to see the back of him, but only moments later there was a frantic knock on the door and Bob almost fell into the room.

  ‘Val’s gone into labour,’ he gasped. ‘Ellen, I’m off to get Mrs Ainsworth but she insisted I come here first.’

  Ellen jumped to her feet. ‘Sorry, but I’ve got to go. Val needs me.’

  ‘I didn’t know you had company. It’s all right, Ellen, I’ll tell Val you can’t make it.’