A Great Beauty

by A. O'Connor

  “Michael!” Helen exclaimed again. “What on earth are you doing here?”

  He turned around and looked at her. Her hair was flowing down as she was just preparing for bed, but she was still wearing an evening dress. Behind her, in the corner of the room, was a mannequin wearing a wedding dress.

  Michael took in the woman’s beauty for a few moments before he approached her.

  “Helen … forgive me for just landing in on you like this,” he said.

  “But – what are you doing here?”

  “I – I’m sorry I couldn’t go to the dinner tonight with ye all.” He was searching for words.

  “But sure, we didn’t expect you, we knew it might be too risky. Can you not make the wedding tomorrow, Michael? Is this what this is about? Is it too dangerous for you to come?”

  He shook his head. “It’s not that, Helen … it’s more than that … bloody hell, woman, you know what it’s about!” he suddenly snapped, his patience stretched by his own procrastination.

  Confusion suddenly gave way to realisation and shock on Helen’s face.

  Michael approached her quickly and took both her hands.

  “You can’t go through with this, Helen – you know how I feel about you!”

  She stared into his eyes, not quite wanting to believe what was happening. She pulled her hands quickly away and turned her back to him.

  “For God’s sake, Michael. It’s the night before my wedding! Can you not see the wedding dress in the corner of the room?”

  “I can see it and it’s not too late – not too late at all! It will only be too late when you are wearing that damned wedding dress walking back down the church aisle after saying ‘I do’!”

  She turned quickly to face him again. “Michael, I am marrying Paul in the morning! The church is booked, the priest is ready! The groom is waiting at another hotel and all the guests have gone to bed to be up bright and early tomorrow morning to be at the church on time – and to celebrate with a wonderful feast at Vaughan’s Hotel after!”

  He reached out and grabbed her hands with his trembling ones. “But can you not see how much I care for you – how much I want you?”

  As she looked at him, she bit her lower lip. She knew very well that Michael cared for her. She had done nothing to encourage those feelings except continue to be a good friend of his. When he had finally told her how he felt, she had explained she didn’t feel the same way. He had taken the rejection hard but continued to visit with Harry and Gearóid. And when she had become engaged to Paul, she had seen the hurt on his face. But this! To show up at her hotel room the night before her wedding! She had always known Michael was spontaneous, often easily led by his emotions – but this was incredible even for him!

  “Did you not get the letters I sent to you this past month?”

  “Yes, I got them,” she said.

  “I thought – I thought when I didn’t hear anything back from you that the letters hadn’t arrived.”

  “They all arrived. I didn’t respond – I didn’t respond as there was nothing to be said to you! Michael – I am getting married to Paul in the morning! Have you lost your mind?”

  “But he won’t make you happy, Helen! How could you be happy with a man like that? He is staid and boring, a small-town country solicitor. What kind of life is that for a girl like you?”

  “It is exactly the kind of life I want! A stable, good man who I will always know where I will be with. Don’t you understand that’s the life I want, Michael? To be a small-town solicitor’s wife. No more or less!”

  “You’ll die of boredom!” he spat. “Kitty thought she wanted the same thing with that eejit Lionel, and she came to her senses quick enough!”

  “That’s Kitty, not me! I’m nothing like Kitty – and Paul, for that matter, is nothing like Lionel! Kitty is searching for something she will never find – I’ve found exactly what I was searching for!”

  “You’ll die of boredom!”

  She was becoming frustrated with him and his arrogance. “Better than to die by a stray bullet that was meant for you! In all honesty, what kind of a life could I have with you? Not knowing where you are sleeping from night to night as you rush from one safe house to another? Never knowing when I would see you next or if I would even see you again. Waiting for the news every day that you had been killed! What kind of a life would that be for any woman?”

  He stared at her angry face and then moved away from her and went and sat down on the bed, putting his face in his hands. She suspected he was softly crying. Her heart melted and she went to him, knelt in front of him and took both his hands in hers.

  He looked into her eyes.

  “You’re right of course. As you say, what woman would ever want the kind of life I could provide?”

  “You’ve chosen this life, Mick. You didn’t have to. But there’s consequences for the life you have chosen and perhaps one of those consequences is loneliness … but this war won’t last for ever … maybe then …” She reached out and hugged him tightly.

  He stood up. “I’d better be going.”

  She nodded. “Where are you staying tonight?”

  “A safe house in Ranelagh.”

  “You’ll be at the wedding tomorrow?”

  He nodded and then leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

  He went to the door, unlocked it and looked up and down the corridor before walking rapidly away.

  Helen saw him reach the top of the stairs where a chambermaid was waiting who whisked him down a back stairs. He didn’t look back once.

  Michael had crept into the University Chapel the next day through a side door. Loud organ music was playing. He scanned the church which was filled with wedding guests waiting for the bride. Spotting Gearóid in the congregation, he went and sat beside him.

  “You’re late! I wasn’t sure you would make it,” whispered Gearóid.

  “I said I’d be here, didn’t I?” growled Michael.

  “They’ve stepped up the military presence – there’s Tans on every street corner in the city.”

  “I know, Gearóid!” snapped Michael before adding, “I am the head of Intelligence!”

  “I said to Maud you’d be taking too much of a risk coming here today and you should stay away.”

  “Everything I do is a risk, Gearóid. Now give me some peace and let me enjoy the organ music,” said Michael, looking at the groom at the top of the church waiting with his best man.

  Suddenly the organ began to play the Wedding March and all the congregation stood to attention. Michael looked back down the church and saw Helen being escorted up the aisle on the arm of her brother, Maud and Kitty attending to her as bridesmaids. Helen smiled at all the familiar happy faces as she walked down the aisle. As she passed Michael, her smile faltered for a moment then returned as she continued to the altar.

  Outside the church the guests were chatting in the sunshine. Michael kept apart from the crowd, feeling awkward and uncomfortable as he watched Helen with her new husband pose for the photographer.

  “Hello, Big Fella!” said a familiar voice behind him and he swung around to see Kitty there.

  “You should know better than to creep up on a man like that!” he snarled, before his mouth broke into a grin and they embraced each other warmly.

  “You must have a guilty conscience, getting a fright so easily!”

  “Isn’t that a fact?” murmured Michael, looking across at Helen.

  “You look very handsome in your suit, Mick. The most handsome man here.”

  “I’d say you’ve said that to every man here,” mocked Michael.

  “Only some of them.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Good to see you, Mick.”

  “And you, Kitty.” He looked her up and down in her bridesmaid’s dress and then winked at her. “The colour white suits you!”

  Kitty raised her eyes to heaven and ignored his comment. “They want everyone for a group photograph.”

  The smile left
Michael’s face as he looked over at Helen who was standing arm in arm with her husband as everyone gathered around them for the photograph.

  “Ah no – I’m fine here, you go ahead,” said Michael, shaking his head.

  “Oh, but you have to come for the photograph, Michael. Sure, it wouldn’t be the same without you!”

  Michael shook his head vehemently.

  Helen looked over at them and called, “Will you come on, the two of you, and hurry up! Stop gossiping and get over here – the photographer hasn’t got all day!”

  Michael felt relieved that Helen had addressed him in a jocular fashion, with no awkwardness after what had happened the previous night.

  “Well?” asked Kitty with a smile.

  Michael nodded. “Come on so.”

  Kitty smiled and led him over to the rest of the guests to take their positions for the photographer. As the photograph was taken, Michael looked glumly down at the ground. Kitty suspected it was because he didn’t want to have his full face taken for the photograph in case it fell into British intelligence hands. Only Michael knew the truth – that it was because he felt his heart was breaking.

  After the wedding breakfast in Vaughan’s Hotel Michael was sitting at a table beside Gearóid and Harry as the plates were being cleared away.

  “I’m meeting Dev tomorrow to discuss this plan to attack the Customs House,” he said.

  “If we could pull it off it would be a huge coup,” Gearóid said. “Destroying the centre of British administration in Ireland.”

  “But at what cost to us?” cautioned Michael. “This is bringing the war away from guerrilla fighting to an outright battle. We don’t have the resources to defeat the British in an outright battle. Not a hope.”

  The best man at the head table rose to his feet and clinked a spoon against a glass to bring silence to the room before he started his speech.

  As Gearóid studied Michael, he didn’t seem his usual in-control self. He looked stressed and worried. He sat in silence as the best man made his light-hearted speech praising the groom, flattering the bride, thanking the families. Michael seemed in a different world, hardly hearing the words being spoken.

  After the best man’s speech, the new groom Paul got to his feet. Suddenly Michael became alert, anxious to hear every word.

  “Ladies and gentlemen – friends – relatives,” Paul paused as he turned and looked at his new wife and her sisters sitting beside her, “and new relatives – you are all very welcome. My wife and I –” there was applause and cheers when he said this, “are delighted to share this, the happiest day of our lives, with you. I cannot tell you how happy I am to be standing here before you as the husband of Helen. What can I say about Helen that you don’t already know? She is beautiful, kind, strong, loyal and now she is my wife!”

  The whole room broke into loud applause. As Paul continued with his speech, Gearóid saw Michael had gone as a pale as a ghost. He was also twisting a napkin in his hands, tugging at the cotton in frustration.

  The speeches over, Helen turned to Kitty who was sitting beside her at the head table.

  “How’s – how’s Michael today?” she asked.

  “He’s fine.” She raised her eyes to heaven. “Busy talking to Gearóid about politics, no doubt! Do they never stop talking about politics?”

  “They are politicians, Kitty.”

  “Sometimes I wish they could just be like other men,” sighed Kitty.

  “I’d say they wish that themselves sometimes,” said Helen as she looked down at Michael’s sad pensive face. “Kitty, will you look after Mick today? I won’t be able to pay much attention to him.” She and Paul would spend the night at the hotel with their guests as their boat wouldn’t depart until the following morning. “He seems out of sorts to me and a little lost. Sure, he was never one for big social events. Will you look after him and make sure he’s alright?”

  Kitty was a bit surprised by the request but shrugged. “Of course.”

  As the afternoon wore on into the evening, a band began to play and couples began dancing. Being a bridesmaid, Kitty had been in high demand as a partner and she found it hard to get an opportunity to spend time with Michael. Mindful of Helen’s request to look after him, she had been keeping an eye on him. He seemed to be drinking a lot. Gearóid was preoccupied with Maud and so Michael didn’t seem to have much company. She felt sorry for him as he sat in the corner of the banquet room on his own.

  When the band finished playing, she quickly made her way from the dance floor before she could be apprehended by another partner and made her way over to Michael.

  “At last!” she said as she flounced down on the chair beside him. “I have been dancing for three hours solid! I’m exhausted!”

  “That’s good – I thought you were going to ask me to dance for a minute, and I have two left feet,” said Michael, taking a drink out of his glass of stout.

  “Well, it wouldn’t make you any different from the rest of the men I’ve been dancing with all afternoon. There aren’t any champion dancers here today, I can tell you!”

  Michael’s eyes were fixed on Helen and Paul as they swirled around the dance floor.

  “Well, I’m just back from that holiday I mentioned,” said Kitty. “Five weeks. I’ve been to Donegal and the Continent. Sure there was no point in me hanging around Granard while the reconstruction work was going on and nothing for me to do.”

  “I guess not.”

  “But the hotel is re-opening next week and the store the week after – so I’ll soon be back busy at work.”

  “That’s good,” he said, his eyes still focused on Helen.

  “I got a letter from Harry only this week. He’s in great form,” she said.

  “Is he still in love with you?” asked Michael, looking at her for the first time.

  “He says he is. But a man can say many a thing.”

  “So can a woman – just ask Lionel!” he shot back.

  She became angry. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you today, Mick.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with me – sure what would be wrong with me?”

  “I came over to have a chat, and you’re completely distracted! They’re queuing up to dance with me, so I don’t know what I’m doing wasting my time sitting here talking to a – a dummy!” She stood up abruptly and went storming over to the dance floor where she grabbed the first free man she came across and began dancing with him.

  Surprised by her vitriol, Michael couldn’t help smiling as he watched her.

  Night had fallen and yet there was no sign of the wedding party ending.

  Michael had wandered out onto the patio and was looking out over the city. In the distance gunshots could be heard. He walked on into the gardens.

  “I hope you are in better form than you were earlier,” said a voice and he swung around to see Kitty sitting there.

  “What are you doing out here?” he asked.

  “Same question back to you!”

  “I felt a bit lonely in the crowd,” he said. “Better to be lonely on your own than lonely in a crowd, I always think.”

  “If you made an effort with people today you might have not felt as lonely!”

  “I shouldn’t have come today,” he said, shaking his head.

  “And let Helen down?”

  “Sure what does Helen care about me? She’s starting a new life today and barely said two words to me. I’m in the past as far as she is concerned.”

  She studied him then stood up and walked to him. “Well, I’m very glad you came today.”

  “Are you?” He was surprised.

  “Of course. Come on and have a dance with me. You’re the only man I haven’t danced with today.” She put her arms around him.

  Soft music was flowing from the banquet hall as they swayed around the garden dancing.

  As she stared into his eyes, she leant forward, and they began to kiss.

  After a while he pulled back. “We shouldn’t – Ha
rry.”

  “Harry’s not here – you are, Mick,” she said, pulling him closer and kissing him again.

  CHAPTER 21

  Kitty stood at her bedroom window in the hotel the morning after the wedding, looking out at the gardens at the back of the hotel. She smiled to herself at the memory of Michael the previous night. She could hardly believe it had happened. That wonderful moment in the garden when they had kissed. Afterwards they had spent hours in the garden, not wanting to leave each other’s company. The music had ended and the party was over inside the hotel by the time they came back inside and Michael walked her to her room before giving her a final kiss and leaving her.

  There was a knock on the door and she went to answer.

  It was Helen, dressed in a very elegant suit with a fur collar and a fur pillbox hat.

  “Good morning, Kitty. I just came to say goodbye before Paul and I head away on our honeymoon.”

  Helen walked in and Kitty closed the door behind her.

  “Thank you so much for all your help yesterday and in the lead-up to the wedding. You and Maud were the perfect bridesmaids.” Helen smiled warmly.

  “Sure, it was my pleasure – what are sisters for?” Kitty smiled back.

  “The wedding was wonderful. I enjoyed every minute of it. I think everyone else did too?”

  “Yes, everyone had a ball,” confirmed Kitty.

  “I’ve been looking for Maud but can’t find her anywhere. She has probably gone somewhere with Gearóid. I didn’t get a chance to spend as much time talking to guests as I would have liked. The whole day went so quickly,” Helen sighed with happiness at the memory. “I hardly said two words to Michael. Was he alright? He looked as if he was drinking a lot.”

  “Oh, yes – he was perfectly fine!” smiled Kitty.

  Something in the way she said it set off an alarm in Helen. “Are you sure?”

  Kitty smiled and nodded before looking out the window.