Time After Time

by Hannah McKinnon

Sláinte

  ‘What do you mean you’re going to Chicago for a year or two?’ Ellen said, her voice becoming more high-pitched with every syllable. ‘Why … what … when?’ She held her hands out and closed her eyes, looking like a conductor calming her nerves before the beginning of a concert. She exhaled noisily, opened her eyes and said, ‘Okay, I’m ready.’

  Hayley had rushed over to see Ellen straight after work. Mark hadn’t got home yet and Ellen was busy making a skirt. She’d taken up sewing as her latest hobby and it seemed to Hayley she put together a more outrageous outfit every week. Last time she’d visited, Mark moaned that Ellen used him as a human mannequin and he had the pinpricks in his arse to prove it.

  Hayley sat down at the dining table but couldn’t stop her legs jiggling around like the pistons of an engine. ‘Ronald wants me to help with the new branch office.’ She gulped. ‘I can’t believe it. I thought they’d have asked someone older but he said they want me.’ She tapped her chest. ‘Me!’

  ‘Congratulations, matey, that’s incredible,’ Ellen said and her face lit up like a pinball machine.

  ‘Thanks. Isn’t it though? He said they want to keep things interesting for me at the firm. Pah! As if I’d ever leave.’ She stopped for a second, barely catching her breath. ‘I’ve always, always wanted to work abroad.’

  ‘When do you leave? It’s not soon, is it?’

  Hayley swallowed. ‘After they sort out my visa I can go. Probably in July.’

  ‘July? That’s not even three months. Oww, these bloody pins.’ Ellen threw the skirt on the dining table. ‘Enough. I can’t concentrate.’

  ‘Tell me about it. I didn’t do any work all day,’ Hayley said. ‘And there’s more.’

  ‘More?’ Ellen’s eyebrows almost reached her hairline. ‘Don’t tell me you met someone.’

  Hayley waved her hands around. ‘Don’t be daft. That would be crap timing, wouldn’t it? No, it’s better. Ronald hinted I might be on the way to becoming a partner. He said it’ll take time but that I’m on the right track.’

  ‘Wow, what a day you’ve had. That’s amazing.’ Then Ellen’s face crumpled. ‘But I can’t believe you’re leaving me. Again.’ She shook her head and let out a wail. ‘Only this time I don’t have one of your boyfriends to blame. I’m going to miss you so much.’

  Hayley put her arms around her. ‘I’ll miss you too. But it’s such a fantastic job, I couldn’t turn it down.’

  ‘I know, I know,’ Ellen said as she folded up the skirt and put it back in the cardboard box marked ‘Ellen’s Eccentricities’. ‘I’m happy for you. Really. Honest.’ She grimaced. ‘So what do you think it’s going to be like?’

  ‘Well, I bought a book about Chicago on the way home.’ Hayley grinned when she saw Ellen’s face. ‘Don’t look at me like that! I like being prepared.’

  ‘Uh-huh, Brown Owl would be very impressed and –’

  ‘Anyway,’ Hayley said, ‘did you know the Sears Tower is in Chicago?’

  Ellen sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, a bemused smile playing on her lips, which Hayley chose to ignore.

  ‘Its real name is Willis Tower,’ Hayley said, ‘and it’s in the dodgy area called The Loop. Not the best place to hang around at night, apparently. But there’s a huge aquarium and loads of parks and a massive zoo and of course the lake’s six times wider than English Channel, well, from Dover to Calais anyway. And did you know Hillary Clinton was born in Chicago? I didn’t. I wonder if …’ She stopped and looked at Ellen again, whose amusement had transformed into a grin that took over her entire face. ‘Bollocks.’ Hayley cocked her head to one side. ‘I’m babbling, aren’t I?’

  Ellen laughed. ‘Yep. You sound like a crazy tour guide on speed.’

  Hayley grinned back at her and plopped herself down on the sofa, exhaling loudly as she put her feet on the coffee table, gently sliding the stack of magazines and a pile of freshly washed, unfolded clothes out of the way with her toes.

  Ellen sat down and patted Hayley’s knee. ‘I’m so pleased for you. Honest, I am. But I’ve no idea how I’ll survive without my best mate.’ She paused and looked at Hayley. ‘I haven’t seen you this happy for ages. It’s like you’ve got your mojo back.’

  Hayley snapped her fingers. ‘That’s exactly how I feel.’ She put on her best Arnold Schwarzenegger accent, ‘It’s not “I’ll be back”. It’s “I am back”.’

  Ellen laughed again. ‘Promise you’ll let me come and stay?’

  ‘Absolutely! Whenever you want.’ She wondered if Ellen meant it because they saved every penny for potential treatment and a future baby. ‘We can explore together. It’ll be fun. Ronald said they’ll fly me home twice a year, so at the very least we’ll see each other every six months.’

  ‘Six months?’ Ellen howled, then buried her face in a pillow.

  When Mark arrived, Hayley repeated the news.

  ‘Fantastic,’ he said, giving her a squeeze. ‘Lucky you. Hey, remember Fiona?’

  ‘The drummer in your old band, what were you called again?’ Hayley winked at Ellen. ‘The Mushy Bananas?’

  Mark put his head back and laughed. ‘Sod off,’ he said. ‘The Bruised Bananas were bloody brilliant. That’s why we’re rolling in it and I sell insurance for fun. Not. Anyway. Fiona met a guy and moved to Chicago last year.’

  ‘Really?’ Hayley leaned forward. ‘Does she like it there?’

  ‘Loves it,’ Mark said. ‘She sent me an email about her new band a few weeks ago. I’ll put you in touch. Maybe she can show you around? You never know,’ he waggled a finger at her, ‘you might come back with a Yank in your suitcase.’

  ‘Hardly,’ Hayley said quickly, shaking her head.

  ‘Spoil sport,’ Ellen said.

  ‘What’s the point?’ Hayley said. ‘I’ll only be there for a bit. Nope. It’s the perfect excuse to party and have casual dates.’ She stretched out her arms gave a deliberate sigh. ‘No more pressure from anyone to find my soul mate.’ She deliberately eyed Ellen, who stuck out her tongue.

  ‘Well, Party-Pants,’ Mark said, ‘we’re going to Mulligan’s tomorrow. What do you reckon?’

  ‘Sure,’ Hayley agreed and rubbed her hands together. ‘I haven’t had a good night out in ages. By the way, don’t mention anything about Chicago, it’s not official yet. I’m only telling you two, Mum and Dad, and Jackie.’

  ‘Our lips are sealed,’ Mark said.

  Ellen closed an imaginary zip across her lips and tossed invisible keys to Hayley.

  *

  Everybody loved Mulligan’s, the classic Irish pub on two floors. It had a pool hall on the upper level and a pub, where noise levels made conversation tricky and open to interpretation, on the ground floor. The bar, which had been built to look like a giant barrel, stood in the middle of the room, with chunky wooden tables and chairs clustered around it. The reclaimed timber floor, scuffed by years of good nights out, was peppered with hundreds of Guinness spills and the occasional vomit stain. But Hayley loved Mulligan’s. The barmen were good looking and the crowd were always friendly. Ellen and Mark were already at the pub when she arrived and they handed her a bottle of Harp.

  ‘Sláinte,’ Hayley said as she took a sip and relaxed.

  A handful of Mark’s friends joined them during the next hour, some with their wives or girlfriends and some on their own.

  ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ a tall guy with a cheeky grin and floppy blonde hair asked Hayley.

  She smiled. ‘No, but thanks for asking.’ A drink didn’t automatically lead somewhere, but she didn’t need or want the extra complication.

  A couple of hours into the evening the group headed upstairs to the pool hall. Hayley and Ellen were watching Mark expertly thrash Pretty Pete, who’d earned the nickname because he was the spitting image of Brad Pitt, when a guy came into the room and headed towards Mark.

  ‘Hey Sean.’ Hayley watched as Mark greeted him with a friendly clap on the shoulder. ‘Good to see you. Glad you could mak
e it.’

  ‘It was easy to find,’ Sean said with a smile and a strong Irish lilt that Hayley couldn’t quite place but which made her stomach want to do a round of somersaults. ‘We’re like homing pigeons. Drop us anywhere and we’ll find the pub.’

  ‘I’ll introduce you,’ Mark said.

  Hayley’s mouth went dry. She resented the fact that she wished she’d made more of an effort and had chosen something better than a pair of jeans and a black T-shirt.

  Why do you care what you’re wearing? And what’s it to him?

  Mark did the rounds, introducing Sean to the rest of the group before ending up in front of Ellen and Hayley.

  ‘And now for the pièce de résistance. This is Ellen, my better half,’ he said. ‘Ellen, this is Sean, the guy I met at the squash club the other week.’

  ‘Hi, Sean,’ said Ellen. ‘So you’re new to London?’

  Sean nodded. ‘Came over from Northern Ireland last month.’

  ‘This is Hayley, Ellen’s best friend,’ Mark continued, and Hayley hoped they wouldn’t notice her burning cheeks. ‘Rumour has it these two were separated at birth so don’t tell Ellen anything you don’t want Hayley to know. Or vice-versa. Trust me.’

  ‘I’ll bear that in mind.’ Sean laughed.

  ‘Pleased to meet you,’ Hayley said and held out her hand.

  Gah! What am I doing? It’s not a bloody interview.

  His eyes twinkled as he shook her hand. Hayley held her breath. Was it her imagination or did he hold on to her fingers for a second longer than he needed to?

  ‘So what brought you to London?’ Ellen asked.

  Hayley chastised herself for hoping he wasn’t going to say ‘wife’ or ‘girlfriend’. She furtively glanced at his left hand.

  No ring. Great … Oh sod off. Stop it!

  ‘A great job came up,’ he said, taking a sip of his beer. ‘I’m a paramedic and they were looking for people over here.’

  ‘Better crashes, eh?’ Hayley said. ‘More blood and guts. Ha, ha.’

  Ellen gave Hayley an odd look. ‘Okay …’ she turned to Sean. ‘So where did you live in Northern Ireland?’

  He smiled and small, irresistible dimples formed in both cheeks. ‘Grew up in Carrick near Belfast. Lived there all my life, so I was ready to see something different. It’s a great change.’

  ‘Do you think you’ll stay?’ Ellen asked and Hayley crossed her fingers.

  ‘I think so,’ Sean said as his eyes met Hayley’s. ‘So far so good, anyway.’

  Hayley glanced at him. He had large, hazel-green eyes and a three-day beard. His hair was short and light brown and he had a small birthmark shaped like a banana on the side of his neck. Hayley guessed they were about the same age and he stood a bit taller than her. She liked his casual jeans, white shirt and dark suede jacket. She liked everything about him.

  ‘Do you guys fancy another drink? The next round’s on me,’ he said. ‘Mark reckons it’s the Newbie Rule.’

  ‘It is. Scout’s honour,’ Mark said, holding up his fingers in a salute.

  ‘Shite, I know he’s pulling a fast one but if I refuse I’ll be Norman-No-Mates again,’ he stage whispered and Hayley gave in and laughed. ‘Do you mind giving me a hand getting the drinks in, Hayley?’

  She followed him downstairs. As the barman pulled the pints, Sean turned to her and said, ‘So what do you do for fun then?’

  ‘Believe it or not, I lead a boring life,’ she said, pulling a face.

  Sean raised his eyebrows. ‘I find that hard to believe.’

  ‘Honest,’ Hayley said. ‘I’m a solicitor.’

  He pretended to stifle a yawn so she put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes. ‘Don’t yawn, cheeky.’

  ‘That’s not an appropriate way to talk to the man buying you a beer.’ He waggled a finger. ‘Or the paramedic who’ll look after you when you’ve had too many.’

  They carried on talking after they were back upstairs.

  ‘Do you play?’ Sean asked Hayley as he indicated towards the pool table.

  ‘Only very badly.’

  ‘Come on,’ he said and grabbed her hand, which made her skin tingle with delight. ‘I’ll show you some trick shots.’

  Hayley had always thought there was something sexy about a man teaching a woman how to play pool, bending over the table, heads next to each other, bodies touching in a seemingly innocent way, and it was no exception with Sean. Whenever their arms brushed or their hands touched it was all Hayley could do to stop herself from throwing him onto the pool table, then jumping on top of him like a rabid animal.

  When Sean went to the bathroom Ellen sauntered over with a sly grin on her face.

  ‘He’s nice isn’t he?’ she said, tilting her head to one side.

  ‘Who?’ Hayley put on her best angel-like expression.

  Ellen shook her head. ‘You know exactly who I’m talking about.’

  Hayley’s attempt at being aloof started to wither. ‘Oh, you mean Sean? Do you think?’ She shrugged. ‘I hadn’t really noticed.’

  Ellen raised an eyebrow slowly. ‘Oh well, in that case you won’t mind him coming to our party next Saturday, will you?’

  CHAPTER 36

  Happy Families

  Looking through the other photo albums helped Hayley piece things together. It seemed they’d had Jake four and a half years after their wedding. He looked like Sean: brown hair, hazel eyes and a smile that would melt a snowman’s heart. His sister Jennifer had arrived almost three years later and Hayley couldn’t believe how much she looked like Millie; they had the same chubby cheeks and heads as shiny as new bowling balls.

  Hayley imagined her life with them, celebrating birthdays and Christmases, clapping at their first steps, taking them to school and putting the teeth they’d lost under the pillow, whispering, ‘Close your eyes so the Tooth Fairy will come.’

  There were more recent photos of them on holiday in France and snaps of them on a trip to Disneyland Paris. Another album had photos of Carrick and pictures of the four of them at the Giant’s Causeway, hair blowing in the wind and arms outstretched, reaching for the sky. She pulled the photo album to her chest and cradled it, hoping that the memories would seep out of the pages and into her soul. Their life seemed so perfect, so balanced and happy.

  The noise of the front door opening made her jump, and she walked out of the office and into the hall. She gasped despite herself because there he stood, only a few feet away, the man she’d loved and lost and wondered about ever since: Sean.

  He was alone. He looked flushed and held a sports bag in his hand. His hair had more than a hint of salt and pepper, particularly on the sides, but his eyes were as kind as Hayley remembered. She didn’t dare move, so she planted her feet squarely on the carpet and pushed her heels down to stop herself from running over and kissing him. A pang of regret hit her right in the stomach, and almost instantly the regret was replaced by a lorry-load of guilt.

  ‘Mark says hi,’ Sean said as he walked over. He slipped his arms around her waist and kissed her gently on the cheek.

  Her skin instantly turned to goose bumps and she put her hand against the wall to steady herself. The sex had always been fantastic – they hadn’t been together long enough for it ever to become routine, not that she imagined it ever would have – and she closed her eyes, remembering his touch, his fingers, his tongue. She wanted him. No point denying it.

  ‘Still can’t beat the bugger at squash,’ he said, ripping Hayley out of her fantasies. ‘After all these years he still flattens me every time. Tea?’ He moved past her and into the kitchen.

  She watched him, mesmerised. On many occasions she’d wondered what she’d say to him if, or when, their paths crossed again. She’d played out scenes in her head where they spotted each other across a crowded room or where she’d witnessed an accident and he’d show up in an ambulance. In some of the scenarios they talked and she found closure. In others they ended up having sex in an alleyway or in the ambu
lance. It was her fantasy, after all, so she could do what she liked.

  But now words eluded her, so she followed him into the kitchen. Fortunately she didn’t have to speak first.

  ‘Your mum hasn’t called yet, has she? I hope the kids don’t run them ragged.’ He switched the kettle on and dropped tea bags into mugs. ‘Jake seemed happy when we dropped them off last night but Jennifer was a bit clingy, wasn’t she?’

  ‘Uh, oh, yes,’ Hayley stammered.

  ‘I’m grateful they took them for the weekend.’ He smiled at her. ‘You look nice. How did it go with work? Everything okay?’

  Hayley blushed. ‘Thanks,’ she mumbled, then, more audibly, she said, ‘everything’s fine. I don’t want to talk about work.’

  I want to stand here and stare at you. Kiss you, touch you, make love to you.

  He paused and looked at her, his head tilted to one side, his brow furrowed. ‘Okay … Toast then?’ He dangled two slices of bread in the air. She nodded and he slid the bread in the toaster and pushed the button down with a click. ‘Right, I think I’ll have a quick shower.’

  He stopped as he walked by her, stroked her hair and smiled. Hayley’s entire body tingled. ‘You sure you’re okay?’ he said.

  ‘Better than I’ve been in ages.’

  He gave her a slightly puzzled look and headed upstairs.

  When she heard the water running a few minutes later, Hayley felt herself instantly being whisked back to a night in her apartment. They’d been seeing each other for a couple of weeks when Sean slipped into the shower behind her, turned her to face him, then pulled her against his chest for a deep, naked kiss. He washed every part of her; first her back, then her front and finally her legs, lathering her slowly and gently, as if it was the only thing that mattered and they had all the time in the world. She trembled as he rinsed the soap off her body before gently placing the shower head between her legs and turning up the water pressure.

  ‘Look at me,’ he whispered in her ear as the water teased and massaged her. He bit her neck gently. ‘Look at me when you come.’

  It didn’t take her long to climax, eyes wide and staring into Sean’s. Afterwards it was her turn to please him, and she did so, willingly and hungrily, on her knees. The memory had fed many of Hayley’s subsequent lonely, late-night fantasies, and, more recently, on the odd occasion when she was in bed with Rick.