Kissing in Action

by Camilla Chafer

  "No," said a voice behind me. "It's mine."

  Chapter Eighteen

  Amid the sea of pink and blue balloons crowding the ceiling, and the ribbons trailing over our heads, everyone was talking. It seemed the whole family turned out for the pregnancy announcement party they were throwing for me. However, despite the congratulations being shouted, and the feel of my niece, Chloe's, hands gently patting my stomach, was an air of confusion.

  "You're pregnant!" I yelled, turning to see Lily behind me.

  "You're not pregnant!" said Solomon.

  "I'm not pregnant!" I yelled back.

  "You're pregnant?" Solomon asked, also addressing Lily.

  She smiled and waved. "Definitely pregnant," she said. "You too?"

  "Definitely not," I told her, wondering how I could convey that message to everyone else. I started by taking Chloe's hands and placing them on Lily's belly. "You'll have better luck finding a baby over there," I told her.

  "Then how did a positive test stick get into my house?" asked Solomon.

  Lily raised a hand. "Me again."

  "Hold on, hold on," Mom yelled over the puzzled voices. "Quiet, everyone!" When my siblings, in-laws, and nieces and nephews, filling the entryway quieted, she asked. "Which one of you is pregnant?"

  "Lily!" yelled Solomon.

  "No need to shout," Mom muttered. "Lexi, are you pregnant?"

  "No! I keep trying to tell you that! I. Am. Not. Pregnant!"

  "Solomon said you were pregnant."

  "Solomon found Lily's test stick in the trash at his place and assumed it was mine."

  "Why were you peeing on a stick at my place?" Solomon asked Lily. "Couldn't you do it at your own place?"

  She shrugged as Jord wrapped an arm around her. "At least, I used your bathroom."

  "John Solomon, did you get Lily pregnant?" yelled my mom, steaming towards him. What she thought she would do, I had no idea, but I got in between them just in case.

  "No, Mom. He didn't!"

  "Then who did?"

  "Me, Mom," said Jord. "You know, Lily's husband."

  Mom turned on her heel, launching herself at Lily and Jord. "I'm so thrilled. I'm going to be a grandma!"

  "You're already a grandma," said Chloe, her hand sliding under Lily's sweater. "Where is it? Where's the baby? Can I play with it?"

  Mom kissed Lily on both cheeks and hugged her again. "You're really not pregnant?" she asked me again, this time, giving me an extra suspicious look.

  "No!"

  "Is Solomon misfiring?" she asked, loud enough for the entire street to hear. "Can he not fire straight?"

  "Yes!" I wailed.

  "Is he firing those things? What do they call them? Blanks? Is Solomon firing blanks?"

  I groaned and stuck my head in my hands as Solomon muttered, "I'm right here!"

  "It's okay, honey," my mother said soothingly. "We don't judge here. Plus, you can always adopt."

  "Oooh," I cried into my hands. "Please stop!"

  "Maybe they can't swim," Mom continued, unabashed. "Maybe they need help."

  "They don't need help. I'm very manly," said Solomon.

  "He is." I nodded enthusiastically. "We're just not trying to have a baby. Look! Lily's pregnant. Yay! I need a drink." A large glass was pressed into my hand and my father gave me the weariest, most sympathetic look. It went perfectly with his "My daughter's going to be a mom!" t-shirt. He turned around and shuffled away. The back of his t-shirt read "Who's the Grandpa?!"

  "My swimmers are like torpedoes," said Jord before my mother cuffed him.

  "Can we please go inside?" I asked, edging forwards. "Lily needs to sit. I need to drink."

  "Why are you all standing there? Come in! We have a gorgeous celebration dinner. I made cake! It's pink and blue. Traci made cobbler. What did you bring? Oh, cookies. Well done for trying, darling," said Mom as she relieved me of the cookie tray.

  Somehow, I got elbowed out of the way in my mother's hurry to drag Lily inside and talk non-stop about pregnancy and swollen ankles, and pink or blue, leaving me pressed against Solomon.

  "So, you're not pregnant?" he said softly when the entryway emptied, my family having followed Lily into the house, treating her like she was made of rare china.

  "I'm really not pregnant. Oh, jeez, is that why you keep telling me to take naps and get vitamins and asking about my health all the time?"

  "Yes."

  "And the baby magazines?"

  "Yes."

  "And the talks about the future?"

  Solomon nodded.

  "Oh, wow."

  "I thought you were pregnant."

  "Didn't you think I would have told you?"

  "I thought, maybe, you were waiting for three months or something?"

  "Really? C'mon! Did you see my family? They can sense a pregnancy test within city limits. Wait; how did they know all this?"

  "I ran into your mom when I was in the pharmacy, looking for prenatal vitamins, and she guessed. I made her promise not to tell even though she was really excited."

  I looked over toward the living area, hearing the loud chatter carrying through to the entryway. "Do you think she paid any attention?"

  Solomon smiled. "I guess there must be someone she didn't tell."

  "Apparently, she didn't tell Lily."

  "I don't think Lily minds. She's getting a surprise party."

  "Did you know about the party?"

  "No, I swear I didn't know a thing. I just knew I had to get you here on time or your mother was going to move in with us after the birth."

  I swallowed the rest of the drink my father pressed into my hand and coughed. Brandy. "I think I need another one of these."

  "Me too."

  "Since I'm not pregnant, I could probably drink seven."

  "Don't do that," said my sister-in-law, Traci, as she stuck her head around the door. "That's how I got babies two and three. Dinner is ready and no one thinks you're firing blanks, Solomon." She retreated and I snuck a glance at Solomon, sucking in my cheeks so I wouldn't laugh. Sure, it was horrible, but at least, I wasn’t being blamed for the miscommunication. I figured since it was only a matter of time, I would enjoy the brief reprise while I could.

  Solomon and I squeezed into the last two remaining chairs, and my mother waited until everyone was settled before she stood. "We were going to celebrate my youngest baby's pregnancy today," she announced, "but unfortunately, Lexi isn't pregnant."

  "Isn't Aunt Lexi too old to get pregnant?" asked my nephew, Sam.

  "I am not!"

  "Grandma said all your eggs will dry up and die in a couple years."

  "Really?" I narrowed my eyes at my mother. She started playing with the servingware.

  "Loads of times. Do you want me to crack one?" Sam continued. "Are they in your purse? I didn't see a grocery bag."

  "No, but thanks, Sam."

  "What are firing blanks?" asked Sam. "My dad doesn't fire blanks. He said he's always locked and loaded."

  "Oh, jeez," said Garrett as Daniel slapped him on the back. "Thanks, son."

  "Maybe Solomon can borrow some of my dad's bullets?"

  "No, thanks," said Solomon and Garrett at the same time.

  "Probably a good idea. It doesn't seem a nice way to have a baby. Usually, when you shoot someone, they die, but I guess it works different with ladies. Mom, can I have juice, please?"

  "Yes, here, drink it all," said Traci, pouring him a large glass. "Just keep drinking. Don't stop."

  "You always tell Daddy not to stop too."

  "Huh?" frowned Traci.

  "I guess he was pouring you a lot of juice last night when you kept saying, 'Don't stop, don't stop!'" Sam went on, oblivious to the giggles spreading around the room.

  "Drink more!" yelled Traci.

  Mom clinked her spoon against her glass. "As I was saying," she started loudly, "Lexi isn't pregnant."

  "We know!" shouted everyone.

  "And we mustn't make her feel bad abou
t that. Pregnancy isn't for everyone and that's okay. Some people aren't meant to be parents; and if Lexi wants to be child-free, that's okay," she continued.

  "Who said anything about being child-free?" I asked, only to be ignored.

  "Plenty of people are child-free," Mon continued. "Maybe Lexi will get a nice pet, like a cat. Or take a lot of vacations."

  "Things will stay where you put them," added Traci.

  "And you won't have to change diapers," added Alice.

  "Maybe I want to lose stuff and change diapers!"

  "It's a shame though. Mixed race babies are fashionable. Kim Kardashian has one."

  "Seriously?" said Solomon, very unseriously.

  Mom nodded. "With Kanye."

  "I might want a baby," I said quietly.

  "But it's okay if you don't! Being in your thirties, you're a modern woman. You don't have to. You have a choice. You have a career!" said Mom, applauding her own statement. "And you can still have s-e-x. No one's judging."

  "S-e-x," said Sam. "What?"

  "Drink!" said Traci.

  My dad made a strangled noise and stuck his fist in his mouth, appearing to bite it, as he closed his eyes.

  "We might have a baby one day," I said, looking at Solomon.

  "We might," he agreed, smiling slightly.

  "Yay!" Lily yelled. "I'm pregnant! Hurrah! Hurrah for me and Jord!"

  Mom turned from me. "I was just getting to that! We thought we were here to celebrate Alexandra and John's baby, but since they can't be bothered to produce one because they have very busy lives, and aren't thinking about the rest of us who would like to know what they're doing with their lives..."

  "They're not even married," whimpered Dad. "They have to get married first."

  Mom ignored him. "So, we're even more grateful for Lily and Jord’s special news! Congratulations!"

  "Yay!" said Lily and clapped loudly.

  "To Lily and Jord!" I yelled before my mother could continue with anymore of her mortifying speech, and raised my glass. "Congratulations!"

  With all the dishes on the table, dinner was a feast. I had a spoonful of everything, and with conversations overlapping, my heart rate finally calmed down enough that I was able to talk to Lily.

  "That’s why you've been so weird," I said.

  "What do you mean? I've been totally cool."

  "You're always busy when I call you, or you hang up really fast..."

  "I didn't think you'd want to hear me throwing up."

  "If I'd known, I would have come over and held your hair back."

  "Oh, like the old days," she said, hugging me quickly.

  "Now I know why you were drinking so much tea, too. Why didn't you tell me? My boyfriend found out before I did."

  "Only he thought it was you, soooo really, he didn't find out," argued Lily, "but I'm glad he's still your boyfriend. Did he give you your job back?"

  "He tried to give me a desk job since he thought I was pregnant and I passed on it."

  "You could have surfed the desk for another few months until he noticed you weren't with child."

  "Hmm, maybe. No, wait, no! I've changed! No more slacking like when I temped. Now I work hard."

  "Speaking of working hard, how is..."

  I held a finger to my lips. "Shh!"

  "Oh, right." She pulled a face. "I forgot. Can I claim pregnancy brain this early?"

  "Yes."

  "But you're still doing the thing for... thing?"

  I nodded. "And I found something?"

  "The murder weapon?" Lily gasped, mouthing the words as the members of law enforcement surrounding us obliviously carried on with their conversations..

  "No, we found that in Katya's back."

  "Oh. What was it doing there?"

  I raised my eyebrows. "Really?"

  "Pregnancy brain!"

  I wanted to tell Lily about Lauren and her secret visit to the mystery hotel room, but Solomon looked over at that moment. He reached for the dish next to me, passing it to Garrett before they continued their conversation. I couldn't risk him overhearing my discovery, not when I was working for Lauren. She wasn't exactly his competitor, but I wasn't stupid enough to think he would be pleased that I was still actively working on the investigation he kicked me off. I bristled about that all the way to my parents, but those thoughts were pushed to the back of my mind when the pregnancy party surprised me, not to mention Solomon's apparently willingness to have a baby with me. In the past hour, I forgot how angry I was with him, and fantasized about a beautiful future.

  "I'll tell you later," I told her.

  "Is it juicy?"

  "Major juice potential."

  "I can't wait."

  Several cell phones began to ring. I slid my fork back onto my plate and grabbed my cell phone.

  "I don't know why you all have these things at the table," sighed Mom.

  "I save people," said Garrett as he answered his.

  "You're a homicide detective. Your people are dead," I said as I checked the screen. Lauren. "I have to take this," I announced, standing at the same time as Solomon.

  "I have to get this too," he said, holding the phone to his ear and walking towards the front door.

  I squeezed around the table and headed into the kitchen.

  "Hey," I said, "I'm glad you called. I need to..."

  "Lexi! Ohmygosh! I'm getting arrested!" screamed Lauren. In the background, I heard someone asking her to put down the phone and place her hands behind her back.

  "What do you mean you're getting arrested?" I asked quietly so as not to be overheard.

  "Just that! They're reading me my rights. Oh, shut up already! I'm talking to my detective," she said, her voice briefly distant. "They say I killed Katya. That bitch just keeps laughing at me, even when she's dead."

  "Don't say anything else," I warned her. "I know you didn't kill Katya. I know where you really were."

  "You do?" she asked slowly.

  "Yes, I do. Where are you? Can you stall?"

  "At the warehouse. That FBI guy just turned up. The one from the hotel."

  "Agent Maddox?"

  "Yeah, I think that's him."

  "Tell him I'm coming."

  "Do you think he'll care?"

  I scowled at the phone. "Yes! Tell him I'm on my way and stay put. I'll be there as fast as I can. Do anything you can to stall."

  "I will," she agreed. "Hurry! Please, Lexi. Hurry!"

  "I need to go," I said, stepping back into the room just as Solomon did, saying the same thing.

  "Where are you going?" he asked, suspicion edging his voice.

  "Where are you going?" I repeated.

  "The warehouse. It’s about the case."

  "That's what I meant," I covered quickly. "You're my ride home. I'm coming with you."

  "You'll have to stay in the car."

  "No problem," I agreed, crossing my fingers behind my back. "Promise."

  "I gotta go," said Garrett, stepping into the room with a sigh. "New development in the case."

  "B4U?" asked Solomon.

  "Yeah, my guys are making an arrest."

  "Did you order that?" I asked, turning to my brother.

  "Yeah, but they weren't supposed to make the arrest right now. I have to get over there."

  "Me too," said Solomon.

  "Me too, but only because I need a ride home," I added, flashing my eyes at Lily.

  "I can't give her a ride home," said Lily. "I'm pregnant."

  "Let's go. Thanks for dinner, Matilda, Steve. Sorry I didn't impregnate your daughter," said Solomon. My dad sighed and nodded. My mother simply offered to bag up some food. We declined since it probably came with life advice, but I did grab a cookie on the way out.

  "What a night," Solomon said as he opened the car door for me.

  "One to remember," I agreed.

  We were quiet as we sped towards the warehouse. For me, I was working out how I could get into the warehouse, and talk to Lauren before she wen
t down to the station. I couldn't figure out what was going on in Solomon's head. I just had to be glad he was distracted enough not to argue about me catching a ride. As he drove, I took advantage of the time to grab my cell phone and fire a text to Maddox. DON'T ARREST LAUREN, I typed. ON MY WAY.

  Why not? I got back within seconds.

  She didn't do it, I fired back.

  Gee, okay.

  She didn't! I can prove it! I typed.

  She's in handcuffs. MPD are waiting to transfer her to a squad car, he replied.

  Unarrest her! Stall, I typed as fast as I could. I'll the there in a couple minutes.

  "Who are you texting?" asked Solomon.

  "Lily."

  "We only just left."

  "We're talking girl stuff."

  "Forget I asked," he said, driving the car into the lot and parking next to a squad car with its sirens flashing. He switched off the engine and fixed me with a long look. "Are you going to stay put?" he asked.

  "I said I would."

  "You know, I had to take you off the case. I didn't have a choice."

  "Okay."

  "Are you still mad at me?"

  "Yes."

  "Will you come back to work?"

  "Nope."

  "Will you think about it?"

  "Yes." Right after I solved the case, I decided.

  "I want to continue talking about this, but I have to get inside. It doesn't look good. I may as well tell you. Lauren just got arrested."

  Glancing at the flashing lights, I had to agree. It didn't look good at all. "Gosh, really? Aren't you supposed to be finding the real killer?"

  "According to MPD, that's Lauren, and I don't have any evidence to prove otherwise. Your surveillance turned up nothing."

  I wanted to say that I did have evidence, that I knew something that could prove it wasn't her, that I even had evidence that could help us find the real killer, but Solomon wasn't my employer, so I wasn't obliged to. Maybe it was petty, but Lauren hired me to look out for her interests and I planned on doing just that.

  "I'll be right back," he said, leaning over to kiss me softly. "Please come back to work after this is all over."

  I gave him twenty seconds to clear the lot before I got out of the car and followed him inside, bypassing the distracted security guard with ease. I found Lauren amidst a crowd of arguing people. She sat on a plastic chair, alternating between heaving tears and screaming her lungs out. She ceased both the moment she saw me.