Yours for Eternity: A Love Story on Death Row

by Damien Echols

  I hope it’s going well. I can’t believe how nervous I am. I’ve been like a jittery rabbit all day, or rather a jittery monkey. I hope you call as soon as it’s finished!! If I don’t hear from you before I go sit, it will be a very good practice.

  I’m a bit melancholy today. I miss you very much. I know I’m being a baby, but tears just keep coming. I want to be with you.

  From your weeping monkey-wife,

  Lorri

  October 17, 2000

  My beloved,

  The movie went very well last night—it was packed and there were so many questions. They had a prosecutor on the panel, and she was just torn to shreds by the crowd—everyone kept asking her what the evidence was against you—and she had none—eventually she said, “It’s not a perfect system,” and this one guy in the audience went wild—he was so angry—then she said, “We don’t just pick people off the street,” and people were yelling at her. It was pretty bad for her—but what does anyone expect? Anytime this comes up—the people against you are always so stupid and the people who are pro always sound intelligent. This prosecutor even said “ain’t” one time. You know how I feel about grammar. It was very telling.*

  I love you, beautiful.

  L.

  November 2000

  My beautiful,

  Damien, that visitation clerk is the sweetest. She said she woke up in the middle of the night last night thinking of me and so she thought, “If she comes to my mind, I’ll say a little prayer for her.”

  I like that very much.

  *

  Damien, do you remember Ann Wright from Maine? I used to email her and she sent you books a couple of times—well, she just wrote and said a reporter from NY is doing a huge feature story about you for Rolling Stone. The writer gave Ann her number for me to call, so I did—and she’s so nice—I told her she needed to talk to Ed Mallett, but she wants to come here next week to talk to folks. I think it sounds very good. It’s not about celebrities or CDs—it’s about proof of innocence. I am very excited, it sounds so positive. She is very smart and I have a good feeling about her. We’ll see what Ed says. She is going to call me back tomorrow night.

  I love you,

  Lorri

  November 17, 2000

  My love,

  They turned the water on for a while last night, so everyone could flush the toilet and get a drink. Today, it’s right back off again. I mostly likely won’t even have a chance to take a shower before I see you in the morning, so I’m going to stink and won’t be able to shave. I hate this place. At least I have a few cups of water saved up.

  *

  Lorri, you have to constantly envision me being out there. You have to do it, because I can’t do it anymore. I can hardly even remember it. And seeing it is a very important part of the process. You have to do it, monkey. It would be best if you could do it for a couple of minutes before you go to sleep every night. You have to do it, Lorri. I can’t do it anymore, and it’s extremely important.

  I am yours,

  Damien

  December 1, 2000

  My beautiful:

  I am so happy it’s our anniversary. Isn’t it wonderful, Damien? I am still amazed it all worked out, and then again I am not—it was what I saw for so long.

  *

  I wish you could come down with your writings and we could read them together. That would be fun—and we could change things if need be, then I could bring them home and start typing them.

  That would be lovely.

  Well, it’ll still happen one way or another.

  Your wife of one year,

  Lorri

  December 18, 2000

  My love,

  I’m very proud of you, little monkey. I wish I could have been there for your ceremony. I wish I could have done it with you. You’re talking nonsense. I know that Zen master was very impressed with you. All the little things, like forgetting to bow, they’re all meaningless. All that matters is your clarity. I’m certain that if you keep practicing with them, one day they will ask you to be a dharma teacher. You’ll actually teach people things. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t get a new koan. Kobutsu said I’ve passed “Mu,” but he still didn’t give me another, he told me to bore into it more. He said that even after he passed “Mu,” his teacher made him sit with it for 8 more years! That’s because it’s not something you just “pass” and move on to the next one. You have to attain the heart of the koan, and it has to become part of you. You know what the heart of “Mu” is? It’s emptiness. Mu is an emptiness koan. If you dig deep enough into Mu, you will attain emptiness. Then if you keep digging, you will attain emptiness as a form. Mu doesn’t just mean “No”—in Japanese Mu means “nothingness” or “emptiness.” And there you have it. Joshu said a dog’s true nature is emptiness. How does a dog manifest its special kind of dog-emptiness? Woof! Woof! Ja.

  I am yours forever,

  Damien

  January 2, 2001

  My beautiful,

  I have been on the phone trying to get in touch with people all morning—Scharlette, Ed Mallett, Ed Vedder, Nicole, Steve Bright, John Philipsborn. I will have to take over the management of this case, but I will prevail.

  Things are getting accomplished! Finally.

  I love you,

  Lorri

  January 25, 2001

  My dearest,

  Mara just got back from W. Memphis where she looked at the evidence room. She said she couldn’t believe it—they had 30 knives, including 2 kitchen table knives they found in your bedroom. It sickens me that that stuff is still available for everyone to go through. It’s not even in plastic bags. Regina Meek watched over her, while she read a Mysteries of the Bible book and did crossword puzzles. I really was sickened. As much as I hate to, I’m going to call Ed Mallett tomorrow to see where he is with the appeals.

  I love you so much.

  I feel frantic—like you should be out NOW.

  I love you,

  Lorri

  February 6, 2001

  My lovely one,

  Do you think I really do still “seem evil”? I’ve tried so hard to get rid of that, and to get it off me the past couple of years. What else can I do? People always watch me, like they’re looking for a crack to see into so they can scream, “I saw it! It’s still there! I knew it!” Sometimes, it’s almost as if damned near everyone is doing that. Just waiting for me to slip. It’s an entirely uphill fight.

  I am yours forever,

  D.

  February 21, 2001

  Beloved,

  Eddie called last night; he was so excited about the people he has contacted for money. He loves your writings, Damien. I am feeling much calmer today. I think I was a bit frantic yesterday, but I feel much better today.

  I am going to put together a “press kit” for you. I am going to try to raise money for your new lawyer. I’ll ask anyone I can think of. I feel better just knowing this.

  I need to ask you some things. About what to put in it. We’ll have to include the Shambhala Sun article and some pictures and your writings. I love you so much, Damien. It’s one of those days when I am crazy with love for you.

  And I will see you soon.

  I am happy. I love being married to you. I have learned so much from you.

  Don’t you worry your beautiful bald head. I am feeling so very calm about everything. When things become clear, then I know what to do.

  Forever yours,

  Lorri

  postscript 2014

  Finances. I have never balanced my checkbook, and if asked how I was with accounting, I would probably say it was somewhere at the bottom of my list of talents, along with “plumbing skills.” I had no idea. But along with everything else, I learned. I had the help of a friend, Linda Bessette, who gave great advice on setting up accounts and how to raise funds legitima
tely.

  When I went to the bank to set up The Damien Echols Defense Fund, I was told it couldn’t be done. After going around and around with various bank employees to no avail, I eventually made an appointment with the bank president. He was intrigued enough by the merits of the case, and my dropping Johnny Depp’s name as a generous contributor to the cause (sorry, JD), that he allowed the account to be opened.

  I was very, very strict about funds. They were not to be used for anything but casework. I remember gossip on the Internet accusing me of all kinds of fiscal mischief—that was before I stopped reading message boards. I kept accounts and copies of all checks and even wrote thank-you letters to everyone who donated. Eventually I became too exhausted to write to everyone, but it felt good while it lasted.

  We ran a letter on WM3.org that resulted in funding coming in from all over the world, but there was never a surplus, and I was forever asking. It wasn’t pleasant. But that didn’t stop me; I was on a mission, and pride wasn’t an option.

  An especially stressful money moment came when Dennis Riordan came on board as Damien’s lead attorney. We needed $200k in three weeks. I’ll never forget it, I took to sleeping with tennis balls under my neck, because someone told me it would demolish the knots forming there. We raised it; after Ed Vedder called his entire phone book, Johnny and Henry [Rollins] ponied up—and when we were $50K out, I took out personal loans for the rest.

  —Lorri

  February 2001

  Dearest beautiful one,

  You’d better straighten up, Mister Moody. I got 2 letters, well, the last two letters have been sad and scantly a page long. I am going to rough you up on Friday. Enough of this—you must come back—there is too much joy to be had, Damien—joy in love. And you are so loved.

  I’ll fix you on Friday. I’ll give you head shivers and a shoulder massage, I’ll clean your ears and anything on your face, I’ll inspect your head and all parts of your body.

  You will be loved past the point of your endurance.

  I know I have some work to do with you. I can tell. You little thing.

  I love you, beautiful,

  L.

  April 4, 2001

  My lovely one,

  Three thousand dollars is pretty good, considering that the fund has been open for about a week. Then if we get that $25,000, that would be $28,000. Very good. Lorri, no one else could do this except you. No one. They’re not capable. Even if I don’t always say it, I’m very, very thankful for what you are doing. You will be the one to save me. I don’t want you to think that what you’re doing isn’t being recognized because it is.

  I am yours forever,

  D.

  April 10, 2001

  My lovely ladybug,

  This morning when I woke up I was soooo happy, because the birds had started building a nest in my window. They must have been busy throughout the night, making trips to bring the grass. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I would get to sit and look at the baby birds when they hatch, see them grow, and watch the big birds sit on the eggs. I thought that even if for some reason they decided not to finish it, it was still nice to be able to look at the grass they left behind. Then, as I was doing my morning sitting, they came back and took all the grass away! They didn’t leave even a tiny scrap behind. They took everything their little beaks could get a hold of. I couldn’t believe it. Much disappointment. Why did they have to do that?

  I am yours forever,

  Damien

  April 26, 2001

  My dearest Damien,

  Your case was reversed and remanded by the Supreme Court today. Ed Mallett says it is the best we could’ve hoped for. He told me to tell you that. I will explain more tonight, it was just sent back to Judge Burnett for more work on his part.

  I want to talk to Rob Owen, so I can understand more what is up.

  Joe Berlinger sent $2,500—sound familiar? It’s the $2,500.00 owed to you anyway!!! Can you believe it?! People are too funny.*

  Lorri

  May 7, 2001

  Dearest beautiful,

  I just love you so much, Damien, and I get scared that I’m not going to keep up with everything or do the right thing or not say the right thing or be the right person.

  Your wife,

  Lorri

  May 14, 2001

  My dearest Damien,

  I just sent $5,200 more dollars to the trust account!! That really is $17,000—now—if some of that BIG money would come in!!

  It’s so nice of people to send money. Some are sending weekly or monthly $5, $10, or $50. I’m writing to all of them. It really is the best.

  I want to go home and do yoga. But there is more time to be spent here. Time to stop wishing and be here.

  Forever yours,

  L.

  May 30, 2001

  Dearest one,

  We get an oral argument for the writ of error—Mallett is going to have Rob Owen do it, which I think is smart—Ed wouldn’t know what he was doing.

  This just in . . . the Innocence Project (Barry Scheck) is now working with the civil case in NY to try to get DNA stuff. How interesting.

  I love you, beautiful,

  Lorri

  June 8, 2001

  Lovely Monkey,

  I can’t believe it’s already Thursday. I see you tomorrow, and another week is gone. It’s amazing how time passes so quickly. It doesn’t seem there’s any way that I could have been here for all these years. Perhaps, soon I will be with you.

  *

  Perhaps they’ll rule on Rule 37 soon. I’m not expecting anything from it, but it’ll be nice to be out of state court. Out of the hands of morons.

  I am yours forever,

  Damien

  June 14, 2001

  Dearest beautiful one,

  Some guy named T. J. Wilford has started posting on the website—Jene called and told me. He was friends with Ryan Clark before the murders, and has been telling all the horrible things he saw JMB do to Christopher. According to him, that kid was horribly abused, and so hyper he was hard to be around. I am trying to put him in touch with the investigator from Parker’s firm.

  Maybe something will happen.

  I love you, beautiful,

  Lorri

  September 25, 2001

  Dearest,

  I read John Philipsborn’s document last night. I really have a much better feel for what happened in that courtroom. It made me very, very sad that you had no one to help you.

  I couldn’t sleep very well. I wish everyone could read that thing—it was very good. I still have some more to read.

  I talked to the new investigator today. I’m going to meet with him next week—I’m going to tell him everything in Mara’s book.

  I love you, beautiful,

  L.

  October 9, 2001

  My Love,

  I know it’s hard on you, these times. Still, you have to listen to me, Lorri. I know what I’m doing. I had thought this chance gone forever. I had given up on it, thought it gone never to be seen again. Imagine my surprise to see that the doors were slammed wide open this year, a full invitation. And I know that this is the last time it will ever be so. If I lose it now, I lose it period. Yeah, it’s hard for you now, but just imagine if I can come to you a hundred thousand times better than ever before. Imagine feeling things for me a hundred times stronger than you do now, and being with me forever. Do you not consider that worth a little pain?

  I’m more ready right now than I’ve ever been. Zen, the Tao, Vajrayana, the Golden Dawn, the old ways, and Gnosticism, Sufism, and Catholicism. So many bases from which to draw power. I’ll walk right in like I own the place.

  You just be good, Lorri. I love you more than words can say and nothing can ever change that. You just need to calm down and stop worrying so much. I know more of you than you know.

&n
bsp; I love you,

  Damien

  October 31, 2001

  My love,

  Curious to know what this mysterious calling benefactor said last night. I don’t trust him. “Oh, I just happen to have an extra million that I found in the pocket of one of my old tuxedos—you can have it.”

  *

  I love you, Lorri. No matter what you think, I do just want things to go back to normal. For you to be OK.

  I love you,

  D.

  November 13, 2001

  Dearest Damien,

  First of all—I am not depressed—and secondly, I have no desire to go out and “do more” in this place. The thought of going to a café or sitting somewhere “drinking coffee” or something like that sickens me. Yes, I know I used to do that in NY—but I was searching for something and I am not searching anymore. Damien, I was sad because of the things I have been talking to you about over the last few weeks—I’m not “depressed.” I know Susan means well, but she can’t understand. She doesn’t know what it means to “have” what you have always wanted—to know that it is everything to you and you can just be enveloped by it. Even if things are sad. It’s still just you that I want. I found it to be funny—both you and her telling me I need to “get out more.” I don’t.

  If something occurs to me that I want to do, then I shall do it. I have what I want. That is my life with you.

  You need to just stop with your meddling. I mean it.