The Perfect Son

by Kyion S. Roebuck

  “Cody, those things are ugly as hell. You are way cuter than that.”

  Immediately, Robert slapped his hands over Cody’s ears, before he scolded her.

  “Kelly, what the hell are you thinking! Don’t tell him that!” He said with sternness and amusement coloring his voice. Realizing her error, Kelly’s eyes widened, and she quickly set out to amend her statement.

  “What I mean is that I’m biased. You’ll always be the cutest baby to me, but if you want to be a baby bird, you can be one,” she said, making Cody’s confused face shift back into a smile.

  “I’m a baby bird!”

  A few weeks after that, Robert finally convinced her to take a year off before starting law school. She had already earned her bachelor’s degree in political science in only four years even with a child, yet he still had another year to earn his bachelor’s in education, and they were strapped for cash. He told her that she deserved a break, they could save on child care expenses, and the time off would let her get to know her son before it was too late. With those sound arguments, she relented, and her little bird ditty came about during one of the nights Cody had climbed into bed with her. She had never felt closer to him any other time than she did then. Of course, it didn’t last, and during their divorce Robert was quick to call her on it.

  “You know what? Fuck you, Kelly! You’re mad at me, so you’re using Cody against me, and it’s wrong! You claim you love him, but how can you when you don’t even know him!”

  ‘I don’t know you, huh?’ Kelly thought as she wiped a stray tear from the sleeping boy’s eye and caressed his cheek. She then thought back to her latest conversation with Dr. Cruson.

  “I have never given this diagnosis before, but I and my colleagues can see none other more fitting. We believe he has dissociative identity disorder. It often arises after a person experiences an extremely traumatic event, so their minds compartmentalize different events, memories and emotions to protect themselves from further pain, and Cody fits that description.

  In order to treat this, the first order of business is to identify the dominant personality, and then unearth what is fueling the creation of the others. I attempted to do this over the past three days, and I now believe that the Cody that attacked you is the main personality,” Dr. Cruson said, and Kelly was already shaking her head in the negative.

  “No, I won’t accept that. I will accept that perhaps his previous issues led to him creating this other person, but no, that is not my son. My son has never behaved that way before, and he never would. That’s not my son.”

  “Kelly, I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but after speaking with him extensively during his hospitalization, I am confident that I am correct in my assessment. Before the accident, Cody was struggling with feelings of anger, despair and ineptitude at living up to your expectations, so it should not be a surprise that after such a horrific accident, he would lock his emotions and memories away, and become who he thought you wanted him to be. If you speak with him, he may reveal to you why he’s–”

  “Dr. Cruson, with all due respect, you may have been seeing my son for the past year, but I raised him. I think I know him better than you do.”

  For the first time since having that conversation, Kelly was feeling doubt. She finally wanted to speak to him, and to see if Dr. Cruson was right, but he was fast asleep.

  ‘Later, we’ll talk,’ she thought as she ran her fingers across a wisp of his hair, before carefully blotting away her tears before they could fall. The next moment, the doorbell rang.

  ***

  “Hello Sister Mary Ava, thank you so much for coming here. I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am,” Kelly said as she moved aside to allow the older woman to enter her home. The minute she crossed the threshold, the sister felt a chill that ran deep to the depths of her soul. It was so unsettling, that it physically gave her pause.

  “Sister Mary Ava?”

  The concerned voice quickly brought the woman out of her contemplations.

  “My apologies, Kelly. I did not mean to worry you. My thoughts just seemed to run away from me for a moment. Where is Cody?” she asked.

  “He’s currently sleeping at the moment; his bedroom is the second door on the left when you go upstairs. I should warn you that he is currently restrained. I know it may seem harsh, but he really is too much for one person to handle, and he is a bit of a wild card, so please don’t remove his restraints unless absolutely necessary,” Kelly said, and could practically feel the other woman’s disapproval.

  “What am I to do if he needs to use the restroom?”

  “In that case, I’d only release him when the calm personality is present. You’ll know immediately which one is which, because they have an entirely different way of speaking, and the calm persona is an amnesiac.”

  “I see.”

  “I should also warn you that he is now switching between personas quite rapidly, sometimes within minutes. I’m not sure what they did to him at that hospital, but I can’t predict which one I’m going to get anymore. Sometimes he’ll fall asleep and then awaken the same person as he was before, other times they’ll switch. There have even been a few times where I felt as though both personalities were present, and that is… Just please be careful,” Kelly said before thanking the woman again and saying goodbye.

  Now alone, Sister Mary Ava felt a bit of trepidation, but allowed her faith to quickly stamp it down. She then made her way to what she correctly assumed was Cody’s room. Just as Kelly said, he was somehow peacefully sleeping, even though he was thoroughly tied down.

  ‘What has happened to you, young one?’ she thought as she remembered her first encounter with what she called “a hyperactive ball of sunshine.”

  “Nana!” Cody yelled as he ran over and nearly tackled the sister. It was sheer luck that they weren’t sprawled out on the ground.

  “Cody! That is a nun, not Nana,” Kelly yelled as she ran over to assist the woman. Robert was standing by laughing his ass off, and only laughed harder when Cody ran and hid behind his leg. The boy wasn’t sure what a nun was, but he did know what “not Nana” meant; it meant she was a stranger!

  “Actually, I’m not a nun; I’m a religious sister. Many people equate the two, but there is a difference,” the woman said casually, before formally introducing herself. “My name is Sister Mary Ava, and it is my pleasure to welcome you to St. Peter’s church.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sister. I must say that you really do resemble my mother, and it’s been a while since we’ve seen her, she moved to Florida last year, so that’s probably why he got confused. I apologize for the trouble,” Robert said with a smile.

  “It’s no trouble at all,” the sister said, before she crouched down to see the little person still hiding. “Well, hello there. As I just told your parents, my name is Sister Mary Ava, but you can call me Nana, if you like.”

  “Oh please, Sister Mary Ava, do not encourage him. The next person he decides to run and jump on may not be so nice. Besides, it’s so improper,” Kelly said, still trying to scale down the redness in her face. The sister didn’t even notice. Her eyes were focused solely on the boy.

  “Nonsense. I’ve been called many things in my life, but Nana is a first. If I’m being completely honest, I like the sound of it, so I don’t mind,” she said, before addressing Cody once more. “What’s your name?”

  Only after Kelly ordered him to properly come out and greet the sister did the boy shift to the right to reveal himself.

  “Hello, my name is Cody Winters, and I’m this many,” he said while holding up four fingers.

  “You’re that many, huh? Exactly how many is that? Let us count and see what we get.”

  Together, they counted to four, bringing a smile to the sister’s face. Quickly, Cody returned to his place behind his fathers’ leg before slightly peeking out, revealing his own smile.

  ‘Time reveals many unexpected twists in the road. Stay strong and true, youn
g one,’ Sister Mary Ava thought as she bowed her head and prayed. Though she wished it wasn’t so, she knew that the situation was beyond her capabilities, so sent her pleadings above. She then opened her eyes, and met blue.

  “Cody?” she asked in surprise.

  “Hello, Sister Mary Ava. I apologize for not greeting you sooner, but I didn’t want to interrupt. My mother informed me that you would be coming here. Thank you so much for staying with me today,” Cody said politely, and only sixty years of life experience stopped the sister from gaping at the boy. She finally understood exactly what Kelly meant when she said that she would be able to easily identify the two personas.

  “You are quite welcome; it is my pleasure to sit with you. You may not remember me, but you and I were very close once. I’m not sure how much has changed, but I brought with me what used to be your favorite: blueberry dumplings,” she said just as politely as she held up a small container. Cody looked from her to the container, and then back, before giving a small smile.

  “Thank you. I will be sure to eat them,” he said with his response lacking the enthusiasm one normally has when receiving a desirable gift. Sister Mary Ava didn’t miss it.

  “You’re very welcome, Cody,” she said, before placing the container on the night stand. “How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

  “I feel fine, though I am a bit more tired than usual. If it isn’t too much trouble, would you mind if I listened to some music?”

  “It’s no trouble at all. Do you have an mp3 player or some other device I need to retrieve?”

  “Thank you, Sister Mary Ava. Actually, Mother purchased me a record player, because the mp3 player I have is filled with music I don’t listen to anymore. It’s sitting next to the window by my desk. I believe there is a Bach vinyl already loaded.”

  Having to see it to believe it, Sister Mary Ava walked across the room, and sure enough, there sat a sight straight from her younger days: a record player. With a slight shift of the needle, Johann Bach’s Violin Concertos filled the room, and Cody instantly closed his eyes in pure tranquility. Sister Mary Ava, however, felt anything but tranquil. There lied a boy who once knew more about her than some of her fellow sisters, and she was finding it hard to detach herself from the situation, especially when one of her most treasured memories of him played through her mind.

  “The more that I am around you, the more greatly you remind me of my late son,” Sister Mary Ava said casually, causing Cody to spit out his pop and choke.

  “Son!”

  “Yes, son.”

  “Whoa, wait a minute. You had a son? But I thought…”

  Catching himself, Cody let the statement die, but he wasn’t fast enough to stop his face’s reaction to his thought.

  “You thought what?” Sister Mary Ava said blankly.

  “Um…”

  “Well, speak up, boy. What did you think?” she said with sternness.

  “I… uh… I kind of thought…”

  By that point, Cody was the color of a cooked lobster, and Sister Mary Ava couldn’t maintain the façade any longer, so she placed her hands over her face and laughed uproariously. Cody didn’t see the humor.

  “Actually, that is another misconception people have about us. It is quite true for many, but there are those of us whose paths took a few more turns before we found our way, and I am one of them.”

  “Really? So you…” Cody began, but quickly silenced himself when the sister quirked an eyebrow, making her laugh a bit more.

  “Oh yes, really. I wasn’t always Sister Mary Ava, you know. In my younger days, I was a wild one. I was a proud atheist that lived a life of excess in the worst ways, and dared any and every one to tell me that I was wrong. Looking back on it, I think I was just trying to undermine my parents who were devoutly Catholic.”

  “Hold on a sec, if you were an atheist, how did you become a sister?”

  “That… was not a simple nor not easy transition. To explain it, you’d have to know a bit more about my upbringing,” Sister Mary Ava said, before sighing and gathering her thoughts. “As I just mentioned, my parents were devoutly Catholic, and my father in particular, was very strict about how he believed we should worship. Any little transgression would draw his ire, and he had no reservations about forcefully correcting us. Unfortunately, that was the only form of Catholicism I knew, so I rebelled.

  By the time I turned sixteen, I had had enough, so I decided to strike out on my own. As I packed my bags, my mother came to me, and said, ‘Eva, your father and I are not perfect, but we tried. I would love for you to stay, but I won’t force you. My only request is that you allow your teachings to guide you. Please do not abandon the word over a flawed messenger.’ I heard her words, but they were quickly shelved, and out into the world I went.

  The outside world was filled with every sinful thing imaginable, and I was determined to engage in them all. That went on for several months, before I met a kindred sinner who I got on well with. Within a year, we were illegally married, and I became pregnant with my son. That caused a shift in my husband’s priorities, and he became a very responsible young man that provided well for his family. I, on the other hand, was still trying to make up for lost opportunities. My goodness, I paid greatly for that.

  It was the summer of 1979, and there were parties celebrating the end of the decade occurring everywhere. There was one in particular that everyone was talking about, but my husband had forbid me to go. He said that it was time for me to grow up and tend to our son. I was furious at him, but outwardly, I agreed and waited for him to leave for work. I knew that he wouldn’t make it home until well after midnight, so I had planned to put our son to bed, leave for a few hours, and then return undetected.

  Sure enough, six o’clock came around, my husband left, and I put on my raciest clothes, did my makeup, and curled my hair. My son smiled at me and told me that I looked beautiful. I absently thanked him, hurried him to bed, and then off I went.

  The party was everything I imagined and more. Music was blaring, alcohol was plentiful, and partially clothed people were everywhere. We felt untouchable, and we were prepared to stay engaged until sunrise.

  Around one in the morning, however, we heard sirens. When we looked outside, we saw police cars, ambulances and fire engines all speeding down the road. Most people were happy that they were bypassing the party, but when I saw what direction they were headed in, I raced home. When I got there, I saw that my house was scorched all the way down to the foundation. It was quickly determined that an electrical fire had been the culprit. You see, the curling iron I had been using had several severed wires, and I knew that, which is why I always unplugged it after each use. That night, I was in such a hurry that I had forgotten. By the time my husband made it home, the fire was in full swing, so he ran in to save his family. Neither he nor my son made it out; he was twenty-eight and my son was merely seven.

  Everyone sent their condolences and tried to console me in their own way, but I was lost. I was a twenty-five year old widow with a deceased son and no formal training to take care of herself. More importantly, I was drowning in hopelessness, and after finding no relief for several months, I contemplated committing the greatest sin. That was when I remembered my mother’s words. Feeling that it couldn’t get any worse, I fell to my knees, and I prayed. I wasn’t foolish enough to ask for forgiveness, because I didn’t feel as though I deserved it. I merely prayed to feel something other than pain. The next day, I woke up and there was a spark. I was still hurting beyond belief, but for the first time I felt as though I could survive it, and in that I saw God.

  Slowly from that point on, I reconnected with my Catholic roots, and by the time I turned thirty, I heard my calling. After watching many people become disenchanted with Catholicism, I realized that this would continue to be a problem because we have imperfect people trying to convey a perfect message. In order to get the word across, we would have to all present our best sides, and hopefully, those sides in tot
al would mirror the message. Now, I am Sister Mary Ava, and I can only hope that I am properly doing my part,” she concluded with a gentle smile that didn’t fully convey everything that she was feeling. Though she meant every word that she had said, she didn’t include that a tiny portion of her often wondered if her deceased family was proud of her.

  “You’re doing your part, Nana. You’re the best sister and the best Nana I know,” Cody finally said, and it shocked and warmed Sister Mary Ava down to her core.

  “Thank you, Cody. I try.”

  ‘You have always regarded me as a nana, but right now you need me to be Sister Mary Ava,’ she thought as she bowed her head, and began praying anew for the resting boy.

  ***

  “Nana? Wow, it must have really gotten bad if they called you in,” Cody said as he opened his eyes, and saw the praying woman sitting beside him. From experience, he knew that she was in deep conversation, and he wouldn’t be addressed until she was finished, so he watched her for an additional ten minutes. Eventually, they met each other’s gazes.

  “Well, hello again. I must say that it is a relief to have you recognize me,” Sister Mary Ava said with a smile, making Cody smile as well. That fully transformed into a full blown grin when he spotted what was sitting beside her.

  “Nana, what’s in that container? It smells like dumplings. Is it dumplings?”

  “Why yes, blueberry.”

  Immediately, Cody started pulling on his restraints, growing frustrated by the second.

  “Hey, hey, hey! Hold on a second,” Sister Mary Ava said as she contemplated releasing the boy. She then remembered Kelly’s request, and reluctantly decided to adhere to it.

  “Here,” she said, and then carefully placed a dumpling in Cody’s open mouth. He chewed rapidly, and then relaxed with a smile once more.

  “That almost makes all of this worth it.”

  “And you’re still a bottomless pit, I see.”