King 03 - Restless

by Kandle, Tawdra

  But it wasn’t true, and it wasn’t fair. Rafe hadn’t taken advantage of me. He had even warned me not to do anything that I didn’t mean, and I had gone ahead anyway… memories of pressing my lips to his made my face redden and my heart sink. No, I couldn’t do that to him.

  “No,” I half-whispered into the phone at last. “No, he didn’t—he didn’t use his power on me. Not that power anyway. He—we—it just kind of happened.” I knew that was the lamest excuse in the world, and I waited for Amber’s renewed fury.

  Instead she sighed. “I figured that. I mean, Rafe likes you, a lot, and in a way he is an unknown quantity—we don’t really know how much he uses his mind-altering stuff. But he seems pretty decent. I didn’t think he’d do that to you—not again, not in front of all those people.”

  We were both quiet again for a moment, and then Amber spoke tentatively.

  “Tas, why? What are you doing? Is it just that you miss Michael that much? Aren’t you worried that he’ll hear about this, and you’ll break his heart all over again?”

  Tears welled in my already-red rimmed eyes. “Of course I’m worried about that. But last night—well, Rafe was very kind to me. And you know that I can feel other people’s emotions—and I guess maybe I just wanted to do something to show him how grateful I was.” I sobbed just a little, trying to keep down the worst of the crying. “And if I’m never going to be with Michael again, then why not? I’ll never love anyone the way I love Michael, but I could make someone else happy, maybe…”

  “Tas, that’s awful. You can’t think that way. You don’t know that you’ll never be with Michael again. If you just called him, he’d take you back in a minute. You’ve got to know that.”

  But I was shaking my head, even though I knew that Amber couldn’t see me. “I can’t. I couldn’t before, and now I really can’t. I’ve betrayed him, and even if he could forget that, I never could.”

  At that moment I heard the call-waiting tone sound on my phone. I glanced at the screen and saw Rafe’s name. I swallowed hard, considering that I could ignore him and just keeping talking with Amber. But I had to face him some time.

  “Listen, Amber, please don’t worry. I’ve got another call, and I need to take it. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Promise.”

  Before she could reply, I pushed the button and answered the other call.

  “Good morning, gorgeous.” Rafe’s voice was low and husky, as though he had just woken up. I ignored the pang deep within me.

  “Hey, Rafe,” I answered, trying to strike a careful balance between friendly and cautious.

  “So what are you doing? Did I wake you up?”

  I glanced at the clock. It was just after noon.

  “I don’t think so! Practically half the day is gone. I’ve already done chores and homework.”

  “Chores, huh?” I heard amusement and just barely kept from rolling my eyes. “What kind of chores?”

  “Oh, you know… dusting, vacuuming, just getting my room straightened up. Changing sheets. What, you don’t have responsibilities around the house?” I knew Rafe’s grandparents were fairly wealthy, and it struck me that perhaps he really didn’t have to do any housework. Maybe they had maids.

  “I’m supposed to make my bed, and not let my room get out of control. Does that count?”

  “I guess so.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. Conversations, on the phone or otherwise, had always been so easy with Michael. We never ran out of things to say, and even when there was silence, it was comfortable.

  “So…” Rafe dragged out the single syllable. “Do you want to do something later? Maybe go for that ice cream or something?”

  I fidgeted. “Um… I don’t know. I might need to spend some time with my parents. . .”

  “Hey, it’s cool.” Rafe’s voice abruptly lost its intimate tone. “No problem. I’ll just see you Monday.”

  Inexplicably, I felt guilty again, this time for hurting Rafe, not for betraying Michael. It occurred to me that Rafe really didn’t have any friends other than Amber and me. He hung out with guys at school now and then, between classes or at lunch, but I couldn’t remember him talking or even thinking about anyone in particular. I had never wondered what he did outside of school, but I realized now that he probably spent most of his time alone or with his grandparents.

  “Rafe, actually I’d love to go have ice cream with you tonight. I’m just… sorry, it’s going to take a little while for me to adjust. Do you want to pick me up around seven again?”

  “Yeah. That would be perfect.” Rafe had recovered some of his own. “I’ll see you then.” He paused again, and I had the feeling he was going to say something more. But in the end, he only murmured, “Bye, Tas.”

  My parents didn’t say much when I announced my plans for the evening, but I heard their thoughts loud and clear, even as I concentrated on not listening.

  Rafe took me to a small old-fashioned ice cream parlor on the main street in town. There were a few couples there closer to my parents’ age and one family with two small children who were ordering cones at the counter. Rafe led me to a round table for two in the corner.

  “They’ll come over and take our order in a minute,” he said as he held out a chair for me. “What do you feel like?”

  I hadn’t really eaten all day, and suddenly I was ravenous. “I’m thinking a two scoop hot fudge sundae with lots of whipped cream and toasted almonds.”

  Rafe laughed and sat down across from me. “Sounds good. Let’s make it two.” Tentatively he reached across the table, and after hesitating briefly, he took my hand.

  “Tasmyn,” he began, “look. If you’re sorry about what happened last night—you know, if you’re having second thoughts, it’s cool. I don’t want you to think you owe me anything. I’m your friend, no matter what.”

  If Rafe had said something else, anything pushy, I probably would have been able to justify ending it right there. But his absolute openness and the trust I could feel in him made it impossible. Instead I squeezed his hand.

  “I know that,” I answered. “Thank you. But—but no. I’m not having second thoughts. If I did, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

  That was true. All day as I had pondered my situation, I kept coming back to one simple truth. Michael was out of my life. Yes, he was still calling me every night, but each time that I didn’t answer the phone, I stepped a little further away. I hadn’t set out to become involved with Rafe, and I was still uneasy about the part of me that had thrown caution to the wind. I felt more than a little out of control. But I had come to the conclusion that I could trust Rafe. I could move slowly, take things one step at a time, and although Rafe would never truly have my heart—it would always belong to Michael-at least I wouldn’t be lonely.

  Rafe smiled, but his eyes bored into mine, as if searching for some larger truth. The moment was broken when a harried looking woman approached our table, order pad and pen in hand.

  The rest of the evening passed quickly. I found it easier to talk with Rafe when the subject was extraordinary powers, my work with Marica or even the unusual history of King. Rafe had more knowledge on that subject that I had realized.

  “You should come over and talk with my grandmother,” he said. “She knows everything about everyone.”

  “Did she know Nell?” I asked. I still harbored guilt and regret over Nell’s fate.

  “Sure. She knows her and her mom—the whole family all the way back.”

  “Hmm. Maybe I should talk to her,” I mused.

  Rafe carefully wiped his lips with the paper napkin. I felt a little wave of trepidation come from him, and I glanced up with raised eyebrows.

  “Would you… would you want to come over to my house tomorrow night and have dinner with my grandparents?” All of his words came out in a rush, and at the same time, I felt his worry that I would feel pressured by the invitation.

  And in truth, I was more than a little taken aback by the invitation. In my mind, what was between Ra
fe and me should stay that way—private, only between the two of us. I didn’t have any plans to invite him for dinner with my parents, or even make a big deal at school about us being a couple. Keeping the whole thing quiet was just fine by me.

  But obviously Rafe had other ideas. He was looking at me with a mixture of expectation and anxiety. I forced a smile.

  “I would really love to do that. But maybe next weekend? If I’m out three nights in a row, my parents are seriously going to freak.”

  To my relief, Rafe grinned in understanding. “Yeah, I get that. No problem. I’ll tell my grandmother… maybe Friday night?”

  I nodded, thinking that there was plenty of time before Friday night to come up with some plausible excuse. Although I was fascinated by the idea of hearing more King stories, I really didn’t want to give Rafe the wrong idea. Hanging out, going on the occasional date—I could deal with that. Meeting family and being considered a bona fide girlfriend was a route I wasn’t ready to take yet. Not with Rafe, not so soon after Michael.

  We finished our ice cream and walked back to the car. Rafe held my hand firmly, with a kind of defiant pride. While I might have wanted to hide whatever this was between us, I could feel that he was ready to shout it from the rooftops, and he didn’t care who saw us. I was going to have to tread this road carefully.

  Rafe walked me to the front door again, and this time his urgency was almost palpable. He drew me close to him in the shadows and held my face gently between his hands.

  “Tas…” he whispered, and then his lips touched mine, barely a brush of a kiss. I tentatively reached around him, and immediately, as though he had been waiting for some sort of sign, his mouth took complete possession of me. I heard a groan low in his throat over the pounding of my heart. He moved his hands from my face to my back, pressing me even closer to him.

  I pulled away at last, gasping. “Rafe, I’ve got to go inside,” I murmured. “My parents probably heard the car. They know I’m home.”

  In response he held me tighter. My head was forced against his chest, and I could hear that his heart was racing, too.

  After a moment, he loosened his hold and looked down at me. I could hear what he was thinking, and I felt his yearning.

  “Okay.” He traced one finger lightly over my lips. “I guess… I’ll see you Monday?” It was a question, and it was only because I heard his thoughts that I knew what he was really asking.

  “Of course.” Awkwardly, I rose onto my toes to touch my lips lightly to his. He brushed one hand lightly over my back and released me with that twisted half-smile of his.

  I stood on the porch and watched him climb into the car, wondering once again just where my life had spiraled out of control.

  Hi, Tas. I hope… you had a good weekend. I’m ready to start another week up here. It’s been kind of chilly. I can’t believe I’m talking to you about the weather. I… miss you. That’s all. I love you, Tasmyn. Call me.

  I dreaded going back to school on Monday. Not only was it now pretty common knowledge that Michael and I had broken up, but I was fairly certain that Rafe and I—and whatever this was between us—would also be the talk of the school. I had already gotten a reproachful email from Anne on Sunday.

  In fact, Sunday had been a pretty rotten day. My parents had decided to confront me about Rafe, and I had to work hard to convince them that we were just friends. That, along with Anne’s email, had left me drained, and I turned off my phone and went to bed early.

  I got to school at the last possible moment, with just enough time for a quick stop at my locker before I had to run to history. My heart sank in dismay when I saw Rafe leaning against my locker.

  His eyes lit up when he saw me, and he smiled. “Hey,” he said quietly. “I was beginning to think you were ditching today.”

  “No.” I couldn’t quite meet his eyes; my stomach was churning. “Just running late. I’ve got to get to class.” I opened my locker, pulled books out, shoved books in and slammed the door.

  Rafe was looking down at me; his face was inscrutable, but the feelings of confusion and apprehension were impossible to ignore. I heard bits and pieces from his mind, all trying to figure out what was going on with me.

  I struggled to soften both my tone and my expression. “I’m sorry. I’ll see you at lunch, okay?” I reached up to give him a friendly pat on the shoulder, but it backfired when he caught my hand and pulled me closer to him.

  Leaning over, his lips a hair’s breadth from mine, he whispered, “Okay. Have a good morning.” When he would have moved closer to kiss me, I pulled back.

  “Not here,” I muttered, and then added, more loudly, “You, too. A good morning, I mean.” I fled down the walkway and around the corner before Rafe could say—or think—anything else.

  As I had feared, there was a loud mind buzz all morning in all of my classes. People—well, mainly girls-were speculating about what was going on between Rafe and me. I picked up some derisive thoughts aimed toward me and worked hard to ignore them.

  I was tired and exasperated by the time I got to lunch. Grabbing a bottle of water and an apple, I slumped down at our lunch table, pointedly ignoring the junior girls at the other end. Amber joined me a few minutes later.

  She set down her tray and smiled at me cautiously. “Hi. Rough morning?”

  I nodded and looked beyond her. “And it’s about to get more complicated.”

  Rafe came around the table and put down his tray before he sat next to me. He shone a bright smile at all of us.

  “Hello, ladies! Everyone have a good morning?” At the far end of the table, I could feel the junior girls’ hearts melting, and I only narrowly avoided rolling my eyes.

  Rafe draped an arm around my shoulders. “And how about my favorite girl?”

  I shrugged his arm away. “I told you, not here.” Rafe stiffened slightly and moved away maybe a fraction of an inch. He ate in silence for a few minutes while I slowly peeled the label off my water bottle.

  “Is that all you’re going to eat?” Rafe asked me finally.

  “Yep.” I took a nibble of the apple and a long swig of water.

  “You need more than that. Here, have some of my fries.” He pushed the cardboard tray closer to me. I pushed them back.

  “No, thanks. I’m not hungry.”

  “But you need—g”

  “I think I know what I want to eat. I don’t need anyone to tell me. I can take care of myself.” I spoke through gritted teeth.

  “Don’t worry about Tasmyn eating, Rafe.” Amber, always the peacemaker, was trying to help. “She always just kind of picks at lunch. You know Michael used to say—” She stopped abruptly, realizing what she had just said. The silence around the table was painful.

  I couldn’t take anymore, and I stood. “I’ll see you later.” I fled into the welcoming silence outside the cafeteria and walked quickly toward my locker.

  “Tasmyn!” I felt Rafe behind me even before I heard his voice. “Wait a minute.”

  I stopped but didn’t turn. Rafe caught up and stood in front of me. “What was all that about?”

  I didn’t look up at him. “I can’t deal with this, Rafe. Everyone is thinking these terrible things about me—if you could hear them! And even my friends don’t understand what’s going on. Honestly, I don’t understand that, either.”

  Rafe was quiet for a moment, and I knew he was blocking me from hearing his thoughts. It was vaguely annoying to me that he did that: I could only really hear him clearly when he wanted me to, I realized.

  “After this weekend, I thought things were different,” he said slowly. “I thought… we were kind of… together.”

  I closed my eyes and wished that I had the gift of teleportation. Anywhere but here… anywhere but here…

  When I opened my eyes again, Rafe was looking down at me questioningly.

  “Rafe… to tell you the truth, I don’t know what happened this weekend. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy the time with you. I really did.
I like you. I want to hang out with you. But I can’t do this—” I pointed at him and then at myself—“here at school. People are thinking—well, they’re making some very big assumptions about how I can go from dating—one person to another so quickly. They’re thinking some pretty hurtful things about me.”

  Rafe’s eyes burned. “I’ll take care of anyone who says anything about you. Believe me, I can manage that.”

  “Don’t you see, Rafe, they’re not going to say anything in front of you. They’re thinking these things. You can’t go around beating up people for what they’re thinking. And—and maybe they’re right.” My voice dropped, and I swallowed a sob. “Maybe I am—kind of easy, to go from being so involved with Mi—with one person to another that fast.”

  “Don’t say that.” Rafe swore quietly. “You know that’s not true.”

  “I don’t know it. I do know… Rafe.” Finally I raised my eyes and met his. “I’m not being fair to you. What I said to you before—last fall—it’s still true. I may not be with Michael now”—oh, that hurt—“but he’s still it for me. He’s the only person I’m ever going to love. Even if I’m alone for the rest of my life.

  “I like you. I even—I admit, I enjoyed what we shared this weekend. But afterward, it makes me feel horrible. Guilty. And it’s not fair to you.”

  Rafe gazed down at me steadily. “You say that right now. You’re still getting over Michael. I get that. But you don’t know that you could never love someone else.”

  I shook my head. “Yes, Rafe, I do know-”

  “Give me a minute,” he interrupted. “I won’t push you. I won’t pressure you. But let me stay close, and maybe one day you’ll realize that you’re ready to move on. Does that sound reasonable? And meanwhile, you’ll have someone you can talk to—and don’t forget, I’m keeping you honest on the whole witch deal.”

  I looked around the hallway quickly. “Shhh—don’t say that so loud!”

  Rafe shrugged. “Not afraid of her. Anyway, do we have a deal?”

  I thought for a moment and then nodded slowly. “Okay. But just remember that I warned you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Rafe.”