Throwing the coffee cup, I have no recourse but to scream in agony as the beast of pain rips and tears me. I scream with every ounce of breath contained within my physical frame. I pause long enough only to gasp for breath and choke back a cry and then scream again and again with an excruciating heartache that has been tormented and contained. My screams continue until my voice is raw and pained—then I can scream no more.
Collapsing to the sand, I pull my arms into my waist to ease my affliction. Futilely hugging myself, rocking back and forth, over and over in my anguish and misery, I finally peel my arms away from my body and lift my hands to the sky in an attempt to release my despondency to the God I have prayed to since I was a child. I want to say words to Him, but no words come out, only one more scream hoping that God will have pity on me.
Finally, blubbering out words that seem to have no coherence, I scream for the Almighty to reach inside and take the pain that claws me from inside.
“STOP THIS! PLEASE, PLEASE!!! STOP THIS PAIN! KILL ME OR CURE ME, BUT PLEASE…MAKE IT STOP!”
I cannot breathe. The sight of Declan’s house fills me with a deep and despairing sadness that makes me want to disappear. I wouldn’t kill myself, but I realize that I don’t want to live. I fall to the sand and curl into a dejected semblance of my former self. Heartsickness envelopes me and smothers the air I’m desperately trying to inhale. The tears pulverize me so sufficiently that my breath only comes in short gasps, and my continued pleas to God for the suffering to end are met with silence.
“Why did you create me to feel everything so deeply?” I ask from my raspy, pained throat. “I feel hurt so crushingly, and I don’t want to feel anymore. I feel happiness as overwhelming joy, and I don’t think I want to feel like that anymore. I feel like I’m a joke. Like You’ve created a joke! I’m a mistake! I feel like I’m not normal, and people forever take advantage of me because of my emotions.”
The sobs wracked my body and I shook as I lay in the sand. I tilted my head up and looked at the house. The porch where we first talked—the place where he told me I was beautiful and that he loved me.
It was at that moment I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that a broken heart could fragment into as many millions of pieces as there are grains of sand on the shore.
Then something unexpected came up from the pit of my stomach. It rolled and recoiled and I began to laugh. It was a sad, freaky laugh that makes a person sound as if they’re going madly insane.
“You gave me a love beyond earthly description and the loss of it has taken me to a living hell!” I laughed and I cried; and I cried and I laughed. I felt I would lose my sanity.
I cried to purge every tear for every hurt and every pain that I felt… and for each tear that I knew Declan wouldn’t cry for himself…
I lay on the beach for a long time. I lay there until I no longer had another tear left to weep.
When not one ounce of energy was left inside of me, I turned my face to the sky and whispered my final words before I fell asleep…
“…please, help me.”
Carter stood at the door of Declan’s house. He’d just arrived there from his visit at the hospital. The previous day, he’d helped Aria gather her things for the move. His heart was troubled for both of them. They loved each other, anyone could see that. Although Declan harbored some anger about the accident, he had confided Aria would be better without him should the amputation be necessary. Carter disagreed, but Declan wouldn’t hear any argument. After discussing his brother’s behavior with his doctor, he learned that his behavior was normal. He was pushing away someone he loved under the guise of anger. In a misdirected way, he was protecting someone he loved, and he’d become a joyless man. He was cold and callous toward Aria when she visited, achieving his goal of alienating her. Her visits became less frequent. He could only hope that Declan would see how foolish his actions were, but for now, he’d help him to concentrate on his treatment and recovery.
What he witnessed just now on the beach broke his heart for Aria. He hadn’t been at the door long, but it was long enough to see her broken and crying on the beach. He knew that she cried for his brother. She was in love with him, and now she was shattered and grieving. She witnessed Declan’s accident and his cop instinct told him that she knew more than she had divulged. She was in shock and Declan shouldn’t be pushing her away, but he was also in shock, both physically and emotionally. If his brother wasn’t in such a precarious position, he’d knock some sense into his head!
His heart softened as he watched Paige make her way down the beach to Aria. His heart went out to her and he made a mental note that he’d keep an eye on Aria and check on her often. He and Cody were going to take up residence at the house for as long as they needed to. Declan was going to require help, and he was damned wrong about how he was pushing Aria away. Carter had to help him realize that the love of a good woman was something that should be treasured. Lacey had been a woman like Aria. Aria’s mom, Jeannie, was a good woman too and would be keeping a close eye on both of them. She and Carter had discussed it. She also believed that they belonged together. Carter had grown to love her like a sister, he hated to see her in pain.
As he watched them walk toward Paige’s car, he saw a dejected and wounded Aria. It gave him a quieting comfort to know that her friend would be with her tonight. Part of what disturbed him was that he still had no idea what caused the argument that led to the accident, and neither did Declan as his full memory hadn’t yet returned. There were too many things that didn’t add up. First things first—that argument was the first mystery Carter would attempt to solve. It was essential that he try to use his skills to unravel the mysteries of Declan’s accident. The argument puzzled everyone. As far as he knew, they rarely argued at all.
Once he saw Paige and Aria drive away, he left the house to return to the hospital. Descending the steps, he was intercepted.
“Excuse me. Aren’t you Declan Sinclair’s brother?”
Cautiously, Carter eyed the woman. “I am.”
“I don’t know if you remember me. I met you at your wife’s funeral. I’m a friend of Declan’s. He and I work together.” She smiled a lovely smile to put Carter at ease. “I heard about the terrible accident and wanted to see if I could help in any way. I was just stopping by to see if anyone was at his house.”
Carter thought the woman looked familiar but he was preoccupied.
“Declan’s still in the hospital and he won’t be released anytime soon. Everything’s under control, but thanks for stopping by.”
“Oh, of course, I don’t want to keep you. I would have spoken with Aria, but I thought I passed her on the road. Will she be back soon?”
The woman’s prying was causing him unease and he didn’t feel comfortable discussing family business.
“Aria will be staying with friends while she and Declan heal.”
Carter moved away from her, indicating that the conversation was over.
“Thanks for stopping by,” he said once again.
With that, Carter got into his car, leaving the woman to herself.
As he was pulling away, he looked in the rearview mirror to see if he could get a look at the woman. She was gone. He hit his hand on the steering wheel and mentally kicked himself for, once again, not getting that woman’s name. The first time, he was distracted by Lacey’s funeral. This time, he wanted to get back to the hospital. He wouldn’t let it happen a third time. His gut feeling wasn’t good about her…
–Western Maryland State Police Barracks–
Captain Jax was looking for Carter Sinclair.
“Has anyone seen Carter lately?!” he shouted through the office.
“No, Cap. His brother was in a bad accident.” Sergeant Henry came around the corner with a cup of coffee. “He took a leave of absence, so he’s not going to be back for a while. Is it something important? I think we can find a number for him if you need it.”
Captain Jax scratched his head debating the issue
.
“I’m not sure, Henry. We’ve still been investigating the hit and run of Sinclair’s wife and we got a hit on some security footage at the rental car place. It’s a little grainy, but I wanted Sinclair to take a look at it.”
He walked over to his desk, looked at the e-mailed photo, and tossed it into his case files.
“I’ll hold on to it because the investigation is ongoing.”
Turning to Sergeant Henry, he shrugged. “If he calls, let me know. I’ll show this around, but I want to show it to him personally when he comes in.”
Sergeant Henry nodded as the captain left the office.
…and as Captain Jax left, Sergeant Henry walked over to his desk to take a look at the slightly grainy, e-mail photo of the attractive Latin woman…
T Live On – Susannah Blinkoff
TT World Falls Away – Seether
TTT Dream a Little Dream of Me – Dala
Paige and Jeannie exchanged glances as they observed Aria from the Boardwalk.
“She’s always found serenity in being near the ocean, even when she was just a child.”
Jeannie reached over to place her hand on Paige’s. She was hoping to reassure her. T
“I know, Jeannie. I watch her here. It’s almost as if she absorbs the force the ocean uses to crash the waves to the shore. She closes her eyes and lifts her chin as if she’s taking in their power.”
“She is, Paige. I don’t know how, but she is.”
They both sat quietly, holding hands, united in their concern for Aria. Over the past few months, her crying had become less frequent and her resolve had grown firm. Both knew that she had come to a decision, but neither was privy to what that decision was. She spoke very little, but she still went for her walks on the beach every day. She had moved to a different resort town up Coastal Highway in Delaware. Paige had helped her move her things into the renovated beach house, and Aimee didn’t live too far away. It wasn’t a great distance from Declan’s house in Maryland, but it was far enough away to allow her to regroup, heal, and make some decisions. She had been distraught over Declan and the accident, but he was pushing her away. Breaking her heart, he made an effort to harden his whenever he saw her, and it was killing the people who loved them both. They needed each other, but they wouldn’t let each other in.
As Jeannie marveled at her daughter sitting on the beach, it occurred to her that her husband was right; she was a strong girl. Aria never realized how strong she was because she opened her heart to everyone, believing it was her weakness. Jeannie disagreed for she saw her daughter’s heart as her biggest strength.
Paige interrupted her thoughts.
“Do you think she’ll survive this? I’m worried about her.”
Placing her arm around Paige, she kissed her on the head.
“She’s going to be just fine. She’s stronger than she knows.”
Directing her attention to the beach, she continued, “Look at her. Her spine is straight; she’s facing the sun and the waves. Doesn’t she look brave?”
She nodded in agreement.
“Somehow, Paige, I can tell by looking at her that she has found some peace and she’s planning what she’s going to do next. If I know my daughter, I wouldn’t want to stand in her way.”
Looking at her friend, she saw her with a fresh perspective and she couldn’t agree more.
“Hold on to the bars, Mr. Sinclair. Allow your arms to carry some weight until you adjust to walking again.” TT
Declan knew that he’d walk again, and he was determined to push himself to exhaustion. Pushing through the pain, he had resolved to work as hard as he could to get out of rehabilitation as quickly as he could. He had no other goal in mind.
“How’s it going today?” Carter asked as he entered the physical therapy room.
Declan gave him a scowl and turned away.
“Your brother’s doing very well, Mr. Sinclair.” Bringing around a wheelchair, the therapist placed it near Declan. “That’s enough for today.”
“I can go one more time.” Declan started to turn around to do the walk again. He looked angry and his attitude was harsh.
“I said enough for today, Mr. Sinclair. In order for you to function properly, you have to rest properly.” The therapist brought the wheelchair around to the other side of the walkway to approach him. “Please get into the wheelchair.”
He gave the therapist a look of protest, but relented and got into the chair.
“I’ll take him back to his room,” Carter said as he came around to the back of his brother.
Pushing him, Carter waited for Declan to speak. Once again, as had become the norm, he refused to talk with his brother. There was just an air of hostility that seemed to radiate from him. He wasn’t the same man since the accident. He’d done his best to alienate Aria, and the further he pushed her away, the bitterer he became. His countenance had changed, he drove his body in physical therapy, determined to get back to his business, and he refused to talk about Aria.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked as he pushed his brother into his room.
“No.”
“You have to talk to someone, Dec. You’re going to explode.”
“I’m fine. I’m going to push myself in therapy so that I’ll get out of here and back to my business.”
“What about Aria?”
“What about her?”
“You can’t fool me, Dec. I know you too well.”
“You don’t know shit, Carter. She doesn’t come around anymore or haven’t you noticed.”
He sat in a chair across from Declan, looking him straight in the eye.
“And whose fault is that? You practically threw her out of here every time she came in your room.”
His eyes filled with fire and anger. Taking a deep breath to fill and expand his chest, he postured himself in a fighting position the only way he felt he could from a wheelchair.
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Carter, and you’d be better off keeping your damn mouth shut. Aria is my concern, not yours. You haven’t got a clue what it was like to see her face when she came here. I know what I’m doing. Stay the hell out of it!”
He turned his back and lifted himself to get into the bed.
Helping his brother to the bed, Carter received a look of harnessed rage. He saw so much anger mixed with the pain and anguish.
“You’re still in love with her. You know it, and so do I.”
Declan froze. For a moment he did nothing, then gave his brother a glare indicating the conversation was over. His stare dared him to speak one more word and violence would erupt.
Carter shook his head in sadness and disbelief. Although he was trying to put on a good act, he couldn’t fool his brother. He was hurting, and he was trying to push everyone away. He just hoped his brother wouldn’t turn into someone unrecognizable.
“The view is fine. The furnishings are adequate. This will do.” TTT
Marisol went over to the desk to sign the lease for the penthouse condominium. It had a beautiful view of both the ocean and the bay. With a private elevator and a private garage, she felt comfortable that she could come and go without being bothered by the local people.
Handing the contract to the leasing agent, she received the keys in return.
“Enjoy your stay, Ms. Vencedor. Please call me if you’re interested in extending the lease.”
Making a slow walk through the room, she enjoyed the view and glowed with pride. She had chosen a clever alias “vencedor”. Yes, she most certainly was a “winner”. Concentrating on the purpose for her stay, she knew she had accomplished much, but still had much to achieve. Once she had perused her temporary surroundings, she again focused on her goal and objective. The view most certainly was appealing…
Directing her attention back to the leasing agent, a deceptive smile crossed her lips.
“Oh, I will enjoy my stay, Señor…
…I most certainly will…
D
.D. Lorenzo is a fresh modern-day storyteller. Her stories reach deep into the heart of readers and engage them through the emotions of her characters.
D.D. resides in Maryland, The Land of Pleasant Living. She met the love of her life in high school and decided to look no further. Together, they have raised their children into fabulous adults. When she isn't writing stories of the impassioned lives of her characters, she is rooting for the Baltimore Ravens or the Baltimore Orioles. Her favorite pastimes include spending time with the great people in her life and riding in her husband's classic Mustang to the Eastern Shore.
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Positive/Negativity Page 24
