by Inara Scott
The thought made her physically recoil. That house—that land—was the only thing she had left of her family. The only thing that proved that someone had cared for her.
That she hadn’t always been alone.
They flew down the road, the car so quiet and smooth she barely recognized when they changed lanes and wove around traffic. Tess pushed aside the dark thoughts. She’d think about the land tomorrow. Right now, she had to do something to keep herself from keening and rocking in her seat.
“The house was seventy years old,” she heard herself say. “My grandparents built it themselves, after my grandfather got back from the war. God only knows what was in the walls.”
“Tell me about your grandparents,” he said. “What were they like?”
“My grandfather died when I was little. I don’t really remember him. But my grandmother…” She trailed off, remembering the fierce woman who had protected her, as much as she could, throughout her childhood. “She was tough. She’d lived through a lot of hardship, so she wasn’t the sort of grandma who snuggles you up at night or ties ribbons in your hair. But she would have done anything for me. When I was a kid, she would save every penny she had to buy me a backpack or a new outfit to start off the school year. She taught me that you didn’t waste things, or throw things away, because you never knew when you wouldn’t have enough. After she died, I found hundreds of bottles of lotion in her closet, with just a little left in the bottom. And lipsticks.” The memory made her smile. “I think she had fifty lipstick tubes that she couldn’t bear to throw away. My mom was the opposite. She would smoke and drink and leave bottles around the house for grandma to clean up.”
“Did you ever talk about staying with her full-time?”
“I wanted to but my mom wouldn’t let me. She always had a new fantasy, you know? This guy would be different. This time they would make it work. We’d stay in some awful hotel, and she’d say they were saving for a house or an apartment. But it was never true. They all left. Sometimes my mom got too needy, and they didn’t like that. Or she’d start using a lot, and they’d fight. When things got too bad, or the money ran out, we’d go back home.”
She thought about all the times she’d wished she could stay, and all the fights her mother and grandmother had had. “Grandma threatened to try to get custody of me once, but my mom said then she’d take me and move away for good, and Grandma didn’t know how the system worked. She definitely didn’t have any money to get a lawyer or fight over it. So she just did the best she could to keep my mom there and watch over me while we were home. I don’t know what I would have done without her.”
“Do you have any idea what might have started the fire?”
“It was probably the wiring. The outlets had been smelling funny for a while, and the lights flickered a lot. I tried to only use one outlet at a time, so I didn’t overload the circuits. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just tried to make it work.”
Mason sucked in a breath. “You could have been killed, you know. If that fire had started when you were in there…”
Tess touched the cool glass of the window and watched the glowing lights of homes pass by. “I did the best I could do.”
“I know you did.”
She cleared her throat. She wanted to tell him to move his hand, that she could handle this, but for some reason instead she gripped him even more tightly, and a tear snaked down her face. She wiped it away hastily and looked back out the window.
“I didn’t have much to lose, I suppose. Just some of Grandma’s furniture. Her old photo albums. That sort of stuff.”
“Only the most important stuff.”
She pushed aside another tear. “Cece took some pictures of her before she died. She’s probably got them saved in a file somewhere. At least I’ve got that.”
“I would have liked to have seen some pictures of you when you were a little kid,” Mason said. “I bet you could have flashed those big eyes of yours and gotten just about anything you wanted.”
“The only thing I ever really wanted was to stay in that house.” She focused on breathing. In. Out. Not crying. Breathing. “I knew it was dangerous, and falling down, but it was home, you know? It was the only place I ever felt safe. The only place I always knew someone cared about me.”
Silence fell over the car. Then he asked quietly, “Why didn’t you call me?”
She hadn’t thought about how that might have sounded to him. Even though they’d been so careful not to mix things up with emotions and promises, she knew he did care about her. But he didn’t understand—how could he?—how dangerous that kind of caring was for her.
“I didn’t know what I was going to find. I just…” She took a deep gulp of air. “I just needed to see it on my own. I would have called, I just needed a little time.”
He nodded, but she could tell he didn’t believe her. Not completely. But what could she say?
You scare me.
The way I feel about you scares me.
The way I need you scares me.
The tears were coming back, and she turned back to the window to try to hide them. He squeezed her hand again, and she knew she hadn’t hidden a thing.
Chapter Eighteen
By the time they reached Mason’s apartment, Tess was relatively certain she wasn’t going to cry again. Not completely certain, but the tears behind her eyes had dried and her throat no longer seemed to be closing spasmodically. Her head pounded, and when she swallowed it felt like she’d rubbed a Brillo pad on the back of her throat, but at least the tears no longer threatened to spill out every time she thought about her house. She clutched Astro in her arms, and the little dog pressed her warm body against Tess, comforting her the whole way home.
Home.
As if Mason’s apartment had somehow now become her home. How ridiculous. She supposed she had spent much more time there lately than at her own house. Not to mention that her house no longer existed.
They took the elevator up to his floor in silence. He stayed in constant contact with her, his hand at her waist or resting on her lower back. It was like he’d become a silent, rock-solid pier she could cling to as the waves of disaster crashed all around her, and even though something deep in her soul wanted her to push him away, she held on tightly instead.
Though the fire captain hadn’t said it, Tess was sensible enough to know that everything she owned was gone, except for the small number of belongings she’d had in her car. But at least it had been left ambiguous, and they’d scheduled a time the next day for her to go back to the house to recover anything that could be recovered. The utilities to the house, of course, had all been shut off. No one had to tell her that she would have to clear out the wreckage completely before she could start to rebuild.
Rebuild. That was funny. No one lent hundreds of thousands of dollars to a twenty-six-year-old college student with a handful of part-time jobs. At least her credit was pretty good, now that she’d paid off all the medical bills she’d had to ring up to take care of her grandmother. But she’d looked into it enough to know that she’d need a big down payment before anyone would give her a mortgage, or a construction loan, and that was something she simply didn’t have. The money she had in the bank would barely support her through the fall.
Wick greeted them at the door. Astro waved her tail in greeting, and Tess set her on the floor. Once Tess had started bringing Astro over and letting the dogs play, she’d been delighted to find Wick was incredibly gentle with the little Maltese. It was adorable, actually, the way they’d taken to each other.
“I’m going to take Wick out for a quick walk,” Mason said. “Do you want to take a shower? Maybe wash off the smoke?”
She nodded, not trusting her voice, then realized she’d grabbed her computer bag but not the change of clothes she had left in her car. The thought of sleeping in her smoky clothing made her stomach twist. “Can I…” She cleared her throat. “Can I borrow a T-shirt or something to wear? I left my things in my
car.”
“Of course. Help yourself to whatever you need.” He put on Wick’s leash and headed out. Once she was sure he was gone, Tess headed for the bedroom. As much time as they’d spent together, she hadn’t ever gone through his drawers and wasn’t sure exactly where to find something to wear. She pulled open the top dresser drawer but found only socks, a neat pile of expensive-looking boxer briefs, and a few cotton boxers. She grabbed a pair of boxers and continued her search. The next drawer down was filled with T-shirts. Tess picked up the one on top—it was gray, with “MIT” spelled out in large burgundy letters over a crest. The fabric was soft, with a little fraying at the hem, and the colors were faded. She’d seen him wear it to the gym.
She took the T-shirt, closed the drawer, and headed to the bathroom. She lingered in the shower, letting the pounding of the water wash away some of the memory of what she’d seen that night. She still couldn’t quite process it. Her mind kept circling back around, picturing the way she’d left the house that afternoon, with the dishes still in the dish dryer and a pile of neatly folded clothes waiting to be put back into her drawers. She had planned to spend the night at Mason’s apartment, so she’d stopped by after work to pick up Astro and get her school things before returning to his apartment. She’d been out walking Astro and Wick when she’d gotten Gracie’s call.
What if she hadn’t gotten Astro? The thought of her sweet dog trapped inside the house when the fire broke out was enough to make her sway dizzily against the wall of the shower.
Could it really all be gone? All her albums? The box of pictures she’d drawn in kindergarten and hadn’t found until after her grandmother died? The lipstick tubes she hadn’t been able to bring herself to throw away?
A vague sound reached her over the pounding of the water.
“Tess?”
She turned off the water, feeling guilty for having stayed so long. “Yes?”
“Just wanted to make sure you were okay. You don’t have to get out.” He sounded gruff, and maybe a little embarrassed at disturbing her.
“I’m fine.” Or not. But there’s really nothing you can do about that. “I was finishing up.”
She toweled off her hair and body. Feeling strangely self-conscious with a man who had seen every inch of her, many times over, she put on the boxer shorts, the T-shirt, and one of the robes he kept in the bathroom. It hit just above her knees, and she tied it tightly around her waist.
By the time she came back out of the bathroom, Mason was in the kitchen. The microwave was running, and there were two mugs on the counter. He was looking at his phone, but he set it down as soon as she walked in.
He stared at her, and the compassion and caring in his eyes almost undid her thin veil of composure. Finally, after an interminable silence, he cleared his throat. “Any chance you want a cup of tea?” he asked. “If there was ever a time for tea, this seems like it.”
She had to look away. “Thanks. Something without caffeine would be great.”
He retrieved a Pyrex measuring cup from the microwave and poured hot water from it into the mugs, then added two tea bags from a small metal canister that he’d pulled out of one of the cabinets. “It’s peppermint, I think. My sister Gillian left it here a couple of months ago. She’s not much of a coffee drinker.” He handed her a mug. “Is there anything else I can get you? Anyone you want me to call?”
It was a caring, thoughtful gesture, one that seemed to typify the Mason she’d come to know. Of course he was sexy and charming, and so many things that were right on the surface. But once you got to know him, you found so much more. The real Mason was nothing like the shallow playboy who was so often portrayed in the press—the man she’d assumed he was, after the first time they’d met.
It was a simple thought. So obvious. Yet the sudden realization sent her reeling.
That wasn’t Mason. Sure he was charming and ridiculously handsome, but that wasn’t the real him. He wasn’t just a pretty face, and defining him that way was denying the person she now knew him to be. A caring person. A person who took responsibility for the feelings of those around him.
He’d taken Wick out for walks when he knew she was in the middle of a problem set, even though he was paying her way too much money to do exactly that. He had brought her coffee and stocked his fridge with her favorite yogurt. He’d apologized when he made her uncomfortable around his friends, and he’d held her when she cried. He didn’t have to do those things any more than he had to give her a place to stay, or make her a cup of tea. He did them because that’s the kind of person he was.
And she had fallen in love with him.
Her entire body shuddered at the thought, and hot water sloshed over the edge of her robe, spilling tea onto her hand. “Ow, dammit!” she swore as the boiling water hit her skin, and of course, Mason appeared out of nowhere to grab the cup from her.
“Why don’t you sit down and I’ll bring this to you.” He gave her a tiny smile. “I don’t want a lawsuit when you get burned by my boiling hot tea.”
She stared at him in horror, unable to believe what her brain was telling her. Sweet mercy, she had fallen in love with him. Mason Coleman. The man who’d told her he had nothing to offer and lacked a commitment gene. The man with the four-date rule.
“Tess?” he said, searching her face. “Are you okay?”
A bubble of hysterical laughter crept up her throat. Okay? Tonight, her life had literally burned down around her, and he asked if she was okay?
She tried to picture what Mason would do if she confessed her feelings. I’ve fallen in love with you, she would say. I’ve fallen in love with the way you smile at me, and the way you bring me coffee, and you make me laugh.
I love the way you kiss me and make me forget the whole world.
She could picture his eyes widen, then the growing horror as he realized she was serious. The panic next, and the soft words as he tried to let her down gently.
“Listen, you’ve had a hell of a night. You should just go straight to bed. I won’t bother you, I swear.”
Go straight to bed. That was funny, because the one thing she wanted really wasn’t to go to bed. At least, not by herself. Not tonight. And really, not ever again, if she could have him by her side instead.
She was struck by a fresh wave of silent, hysterical laughter. In one night, she’d lost the only home she’d ever known and realized that she’d lost her heart to the one man she could never have. If that wasn’t a kick in the ass, she didn’t know what was.
Mason touched her shoulder. “I’ll just bring you your tea and then leave you alone.”
Alone. She’d spent so much of her life alone. She’d learned the dangers of relying on anyone, and she’d learned how to take care of herself. Maybe that was simply what she was destined for. But not tonight.
“No. I don’t want to be alone.”
She couldn’t stay with him much longer. It would be too painful, now that she knew she loved him. But tonight she would take as much as he would give.
He leaned forward and kissed her gently. “I’ll be wherever you want me.”
“I need to feel something other than sadness right now,” she whispered. “I need you with me. Is that wrong?”
“It’s not wrong.”
She stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her body against him. “Help me forget. Just for a little while.”
With a soft exhale, he claimed her lips. Now that she knew she loved him, there was something different in that kiss. A depth she hadn’t wanted to recognize. A need that went far beyond physical pleasure.
He broke away for just a moment to set down the tea in the kitchen. In the bedroom he slid off her clothing and rolled her gently on her stomach. Then, he sat next to her on the bed, massaging her gently with long, sensual strokes until she was loose and boneless. Needing more contact, she finally rolled over and he laved her breasts with kisses, brought her nipples to aching peaks, and tortured her so sweetly she thought she might cry.
&nb
sp; As he entered her, he held her head in his hands and met her eyes with his. With each stroke his gaze grew more intense, until she felt him swallowing up her world with his passion. When they peaked, they came together, and the world felt different.
After, he pulled the covers over them and held her against him. And then she cried and he held her tighter, murmuring soft words of comfort as he stroked her hair.
She fell asleep knowing she would never feel as cared for as she did at that moment.
Chapter Nineteen
Mason woke to find a pair of creatures eyeing him from beside the bed. One tall and brown, the other small and white. They were posed in identical positions, both standing at attention, both with gently wagging tails. It was the most ludicrous thing he had ever seen, and strangely comforting, because it meant she was still there and he didn’t even have to feel the sheets to see if they were still warm.
“Good to see you, Astro.”
A normal person, after losing their beloved home to fire and having no insurance with which to rebuild, no family to stay with, and not a lot of money, would probably be happy to stay with a friend. Particularly a friend with benefits.
But Tess had proven herself to be anything but normal. She was freakishly independent and clearly determined to refuse any and all aid, including—or perhaps especially—aid offered by those closest to her. And really, it made perfect sense. She’d watched her mother get abandoned over and over just when she started to rely on someone. She’d had to deal with her own rejection when she’d turned up pregnant and the good-for-nothing asshole left her to face it on her own.
Even her mother, apparently, had walked away from her. How could any rational person grow up like that and then trust someone?
How could he get her to trust him?
Last night had been awful and yet somehow one of the most incredible nights of his life. When he’d held her as she cried something had changed. At least for him. But for her? Well, Mason was pretty sure she was still poised to bolt. The question was when.
