Elegy

by Amanda Hocking

“How did they end up in Maryland?”

  “Didn’t Bernie ever tell you?” Harper asked.

  “He said he was following Thalia,” Brian said. “But I never knew why she came here. ”

  “Thalia wanted to become mortal,” Harper explained. “Muses had all kinds of weird stipulations about love and how long they could be with someone, and she wanted to give all that up to be with Bernie. But she needed to find a god or goddess to help her. ”

  Brian took a sip from his coffee. “And that brought her to Capri?”

  “She’d heard that Achelous was here, but he wasn’t. ”

  “Okay. ” Brian nodded, but still looked confused. “And who is Achelous again?”

  “He’s the freshwater god, and he happens to be the sirens’ father. Well, Penn and Thea’s, anyway. ”

  “So Thalia came here looking for the sirens’ dad, and the sirens are looking for her. That can’t be a coincidence. ”

  “No, I wouldn’t think so,” Harper agreed, thinking about what Professor Pine had said about coincidences. “But the thing is … Thalia never found him. ”

  “Found who?” Gemma yawned as she walked into the kitchen.

  Harper glanced up at her sister, who had apparently just woken up. Her hair was coming loose from a sleep-disheveled bun, and she wore the same T-shirt and sweats she’d fallen asleep in last night.

  “Achelous,” Harper answered, as Gemma sat down in the chair between her and their dad.

  “Did you get any sleep?” Brian asked, eyeing his daughter. Gemma looked a little tired, but her siren beauty masked most of the signs, so it was hard to tell exactly how tired she might be.

  “I got enough,” Gemma said, and she reached over and grabbed part of the pancake left on her dad’s plate. While Gemma didn’t strictly need human food any longer, she still had an appetite for it. Even though it no longer tasted nearly as good as when she was human, she had still managed to acquire a taste for it again. “Are you done with this?”

  “Yeah, but I can make more,” Brian offered, but she was already taking a bite.

  Page 28

  “I’m fine,” she said after she swallowed it down. “Achelous is dead. Lexi told me. ”

  “Yeah, but … Lexi was an idiot,” Harper pointed out.

  “True. ” Gemma licked her lips. “But she seemed convinced of it. And nobody’s seen Achelous in like two hundred years. So I’m inclined to think she was right. ”

  “So how did Thalia become mortal if she never found a god?” Brian asked.

  “She didn’t find Achelous, but she did find a god,” Harper said. “Or a goddess, actually. Diana. ”

  Brian shook his head. “Who’s Diana?”

  “Thalia only devotes a sentence or two to her in the journal. ” Harper had reread the part about Diana at least fifty times, hoping it would provide new insight, and she quoted it verbatim for her dad: “It is with the aid of the goddess Diana that I am able to make the transformation from muse back to mortal. About her, I can say nothing more. She guards her privacy more fiercely even than I do. ”

  “That’s where this gets weird,” Gemma said, and she’d begun to perk up. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned forward on the table. “Diana is a Roman goddess of hunting and the moon and werewolves or something. She’s this strong feminist, and certain Wiccans worship her. ”

  “I thought it didn’t say anything more about her in the journal?” Brian asked.

  “It doesn’t. In my recent research of all things mythological, I’ve been studying up on everything,” Gemma explained. “And I picked up some information about Diana. But that’s my point. She’s not a Greek goddess. She’s Roman. ”

  “So?” Harper shrugged, not seeing the weird part. “They’re similar. And Lydia mentioned Horace before, and he’s Egyptian. Just because the gods have a different etymology, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. And beyond that, I would assume that different cultures had different names for the same god. ”

  “So this Diana goddess, is she still around here?” Brian asked.

  “I don’t know,” Harper said. “I don’t think they ever were around here, per se. ”

  “Then what was Thalia doing here?” Brian asked.

  “She came for Achelous. According to the journal, the last time anybody had seen him was here, and she was trying to find his trail,” Harper elaborated.

  “But she didn’t find it because he’s dead,” Gemma added.

  “Well, probably dead,” Harper said.

  “Why Achelous, though?” Brian asked. “Why not any of the other gods or goddesses? There have to be a lot of them, right?”

  “I don’t think there are really that many anymore, but Achelous always had a good relationship with the muses,” Harper said. “He actually fathered children with two of them. ”

  “Wait. ” Brian held up his hand. “The muses are Penn’s and Thea’s mothers?”

  “Right,” Harper said.

  “So Thalia was their aunt?” Brian asked.

  “Right. But I’m pretty sure they weren’t close,” Harper said. “In fact, from what I’ve gathered, the sirens have had no contact with any other of their family members in centuries. ”

  “Okay. ” Brian thought about it for a second, and it must’ve satisfied him, because he said, “Just wanted to clarify. Now continue. ”

  “So Thalia’s in Capri, and she thinks that Achelous will help her because he’s helped muses in the past. But she can’t find him. So she goes to this soothsayer—”

  “What is a soothsayer?” Gemma asked, cutting Harper off.

  “I don’t know exactly. I think it’s kind of like Lydia,” Harper said. “But that’s how Thalia referred to her. ”

  Then something occurred to Harper, and she flipped through the book, scanning the pages until she found the name she was looking for. “The soothsayer was named Audra Panning. ” She looked up at Gemma. “Do you think she’s any relation to Lydia?”

  “Yeah. Her last name is Panning, right? And she’s from Capri because she went to high school with Marcy. ” Gemma nodded. “We should call Lydia right now. ”

  “I don’t have her number, and Marcy is coming over in”—Harper craned her neck to check the clock on the microwave—“like twenty minutes to get the book. She’s taking the journal out to Lydia’s so she can translate the back part of it, so Marcy can ask her then. ”

  Gemma pushed back her chair. “Well, I should get dressed, so I can go with her. ”

  “You can’t go with her,” Harper said. “You have the play today. Two shows. ”

  Gemma scoffed. “That’s dumb. I should be going out there instead of doing this stupid play. This is way more important. ”

  “You’re doing what you need to do right now, which is placate the sirens. That’s a really huge part of making this all work,” Harper told her calmly. “Because if they’re pissed off or suspicious … it’s not good for anyone. ”

  “You need to do what keeps you safe, Gemma,” Brian said, and his tone was much more firm than Harper’s had been. “And right now, that’s acting like everything’s normal. You need to do that, so you don’t draw attention to your friends, who are putting themselves at risk to solve this. ”

  “But I should be the one putting myself at risk,” Gemma insisted. “This is my problem, not theirs. ”

  Brian balled his hand up in a fist and slammed it down on the table, frightening both the girls. “I hate that I can’t protect you from this. It’s my job. You’re my little girl, and I’m supposed to…” He gritted his teeth and shook his head. “All I want to do is run up that hill and beat the hell out of those girls for getting you into this mess. And I know I’m not supposed to say that, because I’m your dad, and I shouldn’t condone violence, especially not on girls.

  “But they aren’t girls,” Brian growled. “They’re monsters and … it takes all my strength not to go up there and
settle this for you. Because I know I can’t. No matter how badly I want to take your place, to save you from all of this, I can’t. ”

  “Dad, you’re doing everything you can do. You’re supporting me, and you’re helping me. ” Gemma reached over and took his hand.

  Page 29

  “But it doesn’t feel like enough. As long as you’re in danger, anything I do will never be enough,” Brian insisted. “So if the safest place for you is going to that play, pretending everything is fine, while that friend of yours gathers information, then that’s what you need to do. Do you understand me?”

  Gemma lowered her eyes and nodded. “I do. ”

  “We’ll solve this, Gemma,” Harper promised her. “And we have a clear course of action now—find Diana, the goddess who helped Bernie’s Thalia become mortal. And if Lydia is related to Audra, the soothsayer who helped Thalia find Diana, then Lydia might know something. ”

  “Do you think this Diana will know how to break the curse?” Brian asked.

  “I don’t know,” Harper admitted. “But she knew how to free Thalia from her being a muse, so she must know something. ”

  “So those are your leads?” Brian asked. “Trying to find Audra or Diana?”

  “Yep. ” Gemma touched the journal sitting on the table. “And, hopefully, this book will lead us to them. ”

  THIRTEEN

  Glimmer

  “We should stop there!” Nathalie pointed to a McDonald’s and leaned over quickly, so the seat belt locked in place, and she glanced down at it in irritation. She tried to unbuckle it, but she didn’t even have the hand coordination to push the button anymore.

  That’s why she only wore pants with elastic waistbands and shoes with Velcro or slip-ons. On the outside, she might have looked like an ordinary woman in her early forties, other than her penchant for fuchsia leggings and teen heartthrob T-shirts, but her brain injury had left her impaired in many ways.

  “Becky said you already had lunch,” Harper reminded her mother as she drove past the McDonald’s.

  They’d only made it five minutes outside of Briar Ridge, where Nathalie lived in a group home, and Harper was already wondering if she’d made a mistake. She glanced up in the rearview mirror to see how Daniel was doing in the backseat, but he seemed to be taking it all in stride.

  Their initial meeting had actually gone really well. It was the first time that Daniel and Nathalie had met. Since Nathalie could be pretty boy crazy sometimes, Harper had been afraid that she’d throw herself at Daniel or something. But Nathalie had been so excited about leaving that she hardly made a fuss about him.

  While Harper had been hoping that Nathalie would talk to him a bit more than she had, she figured it might be better this way, so Daniel didn’t get too overloaded right away. He’d have plenty of chances in the future for her to hit on him.

  “I haven’t had a burger in so long,” Nathalie insisted, and slumped back in her seat.

  “I’m sure you’ve had burgers where you live, Mom,” Harper told her calmly.

  “But I haven’t gone out for so long. ” Nathalie continued to pout.

  “Maybe after the play,” Harper suggested. If things went well, Harper had considered taking her mom out for supper, but it really depended on how she was doing. “We don’t want to be late, though. ”

  “What are we going to see again?” Nathalie asked, and her mood seemed to lighten.

  “The Taming of the Shrew,” Harper said even though she’d already told her four times today. Nathalie had a hard time with her short-term memory. “It’s Gemma’s play. ”

  Nathalie cocked her head. “Isn’t she too young to be in a play?”

  “No. ” Harper paused, then looked over at her mom. “How old do you think Gemma is?”

  “I don’t know. ” Nathalie shrugged. “Seven?”

  Harper swallowed. “That’s how old she was before the accident. ”

  “Oh. ” Nathalie stared out the window at the highway and let it sink in. “That’s right. I’ve been getting things mixed up lately. ”

  “It’s okay, Mom. ” Harper gave her a reassuring smile. “Everybody gets confused sometimes. ”

  Nathalie didn’t remember much before the accident, and she hardly ever mentioned anything about the girls’ being little or anything that happened before. But that seemed to be changing.

  While Nathalie had been rushing around the group home looking for her purse before they left, Harper had a chance to talk to the head of staff, Becky. Becky had said that there’d been a subtle in change in Nathalie over the last two weeks.

  Nathalie seemed to be having bouts where she could remember things. One afternoon, she’d said that she had to get going, so she could get home and make supper for her husband and kids. When Becky had tried to ask her more about her family, Nathalie had appeared confused and changed the subject.

  Another morning, Nathalie got up early and got ready. The staff asked where she was going, and Nathalie said that she had to be at work early to do the quarterly reports. Before the accident, Nathalie had been an accountant, but she hadn’t mentioned anything about that in years.

  Hearing all this from Becky made Harper feel guilty for not visiting her mother last week. Harper and Gemma usually came out every Saturday, but last Saturday, they’d gone up to Sundham to show Lydia the scroll and hadn’t been able to make it.

  When they’d visited before, they’d brought along their dad, and Harper wondered if seeing Brian again had triggered something in Nathalie. But she had seen him other times in the past and he’d never jogged her memory before. Nathalie had even lived at home for a short time after the accident. And then, she hadn’t remembered anything about him.

  Becky assured Harper that she didn’t need to feel bad about missing one visit. Nathalie didn’t seem upset or agitated by the resurgence of memories. In fact, Becky thought she was doing better, and her headaches hadn’t been flaring up either.

  Usually, a couple times a week, Nathalie would suffer painful migraines, and no medication had been able to help her so far. But Nathalie hadn’t complained of any head pain in two weeks.

  Her mother was obviously going through some changes, and once this mess with Gemma was finally taken care of, Harper vowed to devote more time to seeing her.

  “We should stop there. ” Nathalie pointed to an ice-cream place advertised on a billboard. “They have the best ice cream there. When Brian and I were first dating, we used to go get ice cream all the time. ”

  Harper’s grip tightened on the steering wheel, and she kept her eyes fixed on the highway in front of her, afraid that if she said something, looked the wrong way, that it would break it. She held her breath, waiting for Nathalie to say more and finish the memory.

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  Because in that moment, in those few seconds when her mom was talking about dating Brian, it was like she was a normal mom. Harper was just like any other girl, and Nathalie was just like any other mom, talking about her younger days.

  But when Nathalie didn’t say anything else, Harper knew she had to keep the conversation going if she wanted to hang on to the moment a little longer.

  “You and … and Brian?” Harper licked her lips and gave her mom a sidelong glance. “You remember dating?”

  “What?” Nathalie faced her, blinking. “Brian? Who’s Brian?” She turned around and looked at Daniel in the backseat. “Oh, is that you?”

  “No, I’m Daniel. ” He smiled at Nathalie, but his eyes flitted over to Harper, checking to see if he’d said the right thing.

  “And you’re Harper’s boyfriend?” Nathalie asked.

  Daniel nodded. “Yeah, that’s right. ”

  Nathalie sat back in her seat and shook her head. “I never dated him, Harper. What are you talking about?”

  “You said Brian,” Harper pressed on, hoping to help her mom recapture the memory. “You said that when you were dating Brian, you
went out for ice cream. ”

  “I don’t know any Brians. ” Nathalie’s tone had taken on a hard edge, and Harper knew that her mom was getting irritated. Nathalie had been known to fly into a rage when she was contradicted. “Are you teasing me? I don’t like it when people make fun of me. ”

  “No, Mom, I’m not teasing you,” Harper said gently. “I’m sorry. I just misheard you. ”

  “Are we there yet? This car ride is taking forever,” Nathalie whined.

  Harper sighed. “We’ll be there soon. ”

  For the first time in a very long time, Harper had seen a glimmer of her mom. She knew she was still in there, buried somewhere in damaged brain tissue and misfiring synapses. The woman who had sung to her when she was sick, who had made her school lunches just the way she liked them, and always got her just what she wanted for her birthday, that woman had to still be in there.

  And it wasn’t until that moment, when Harper had caught that glimmer, that she realized she’d been hanging on to the hope that her mom would come back. She thought she’d resigned herself to Nathalie as she was now, but she hadn’t.

  While Harper would always love Nathalie, no matter what she remembered or how she acted, there was no changing the fact that she still desperately missed her mom and wanted to talk to her again.

  FOURTEEN

  Taming

  Gemma wiped the powder from her face and stared at her reflection underneath the bright bulbs that lined the mirror. The dressing room smelled overpoweringly of roses since Thea had gotten half a dozen bouquets after the last three performances.

  They’d just finished up the evening show, so everyone was free for the night. The hallway outside was alive with noise and the excited chatter of all the cast and crew preparing to go out and celebrate. There seemed to be some kind of euphoria that they were all experiencing, a high from a production well done.

  But Gemma didn’t feel any of that. In the early show, she had a little bit, when she saw her mother sitting in the front of the theater with Harper, applauding every time Gemma came out onstage. She’d felt an exuberance and pride then, but it hadn’t lasted long.

  Now, with everyone bustling around, changing into street clothes, cleaning up, and making plans, Gemma felt like she was moving in slow motion. The world seemed to rush around her, and all she could do was stare ahead vacantly.

  She barely even recognized herself anymore, and it wasn’t just the glow of her skin or glisten of her hair from the sirens’ curse. There was a hardness in her expression, and a blankness in her eyes. It was that look—the emptiness that had edged its way into her golden eyes—that she saw reflected back in Thea’s emerald eyes.

  And Gemma realized that’s what resignation must look like. And compromise. And loneliness. It was all the small things she had given up, all the little parts of herself that she’d let Penn take away from her, so she could survive, so her family and friends could survive.

  If she didn’t break free from this curse soon, then she never really would. If she gave enough of herself away, eventually she’d never be able to get herself back.