It was a bad idea, but I glanced at the clock. It was freaking noon. Come on body. Don’t you want to sleep?
I stared up at my ceiling, counting the cracks. Yeah. It wasn’t happening.
Sitting up, I propped myself against my pillows and stared out the window. We were still in daylight hours, for now. When I first got here, that had taken me a huge amount of time to get used to. The sixty some-odd days with barely any daylight never felt quite right to me.
Maybe when the sun went down around three-ish, I’d be able to sleep.
The doctors had told me not to read and not to stare at screens. What was I supposed to do with myself? I rolled over and pressed a button on my phone to play a paranormal podcast I sometimes listened to.
I tried not to focus on why I was so preoccupied with the paranormal. After all of these years, I needed to just get over myself. But this podcaster was the closest thing to the real deal I’d ever heard in all of my years since the night in the desert.
At least, she seemed to talk about things in a way that sounded similar to how the Chees had spoken.
Crystals.
Ancient beings.
The idea that there wasn’t really a good or bad when it came to these things. All beings wanted to live. All beings wanted to mate. We assigned value to what those things were.
I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I bought into that. Erdirg had been evil. I was glad he was asleep. That creature had recognized the evil in me and wanted it. Hell, he’d groomed it, helping to make me what I was.
Like—if I was really honest with myself—if that assistant principal had smashed his car so bad he’d died, I wouldn’t be all that upset.
I hadn’t told Rick I thought that. I couldn’t. He’d never really known, never really seen just how off I could be.
Tears dripped down my cheeks, and I angrily swiped them away. At least if I was a psychopath—and the jury was still out on that one—then I could pretend well enough to get by.
So, in light of that pleasant thought—these tears were probably a good thing. The second I really went blank and emotionless? Well, maybe I’d go even farther north. Find a place in the wilderness where I’d never be able to hurt anyone.
And then I’d get on with getting on. I could do that. Go through the motions of living. Happiness was for other people. Not me.
The podcast filtered through my self-pitying brain. “I have on the program with me today, Ray Chee.” The host spoke in what I thought of as a permanent bedroom voice. “He has been working to help keep back the other from our lives his entire career. Welcome today, Ray.”
Thank God I was lying down. I almost fell off the bed. Holy shit. Ray Chee.
“Thanks for having me today, Cindy. Feels a little odd to be talking about this. But I’ve come to believe there is value in people knowing what is out there, and there is safety in knowing where they can seek help if they need it.”
Those stupid tears flooded my eyes again. The last time I’d seen Ray, he’d been unconscious. The man must hate me for getting his whole family hurt. I couldn’t even blame him.
“That’s what I think, too.” Cindy paused. “Now, you’ve had a rather unusual life in that you and your wife actually raised your whole family—three children—in the lifestyle. They helped you. They’re all grown up now. Are they in the business?”
He laughed. “They were raised in it. And… I promised them I wouldn’t talk about them here today. Let’s say that my daughter has left it entirely. She lives a very private life and prefers to have nothing to do with anything other.”
She uh-huh-ed. “You have two sons, right?”
“I do.”
“How did you explain things to them? Was it something you talked about at the dinner table? What did you do so it didn’t frighten them?”
Ray cleared his throat. I sat up, not tired anymore. He sounded the same as I remembered him, a bit like an excited professor lecturing college students. Or what I imagined an excited professor lecturing college students would sound like.
“There’s no way for it not to be frightening at times, but I described it to them the same way I would a thunderstorm or a tornado. It’s an event in nature, and even though it can be deadly, it doesn’t mean that it’s evil. It just is.”
Sounded like Ray. How ironic that it wasn’t the demons that were evil, but me.
“Is that how they explain it to their families?” the woman asked.
My heart stopped.
Of course, they would have families by now. Oliver would be around thirty, and Aaron my age. They probably had wives, or at the very least, girlfriends. Maybe even children.
“I don’t know how they would explain it.” Frustrated with the lack of clarity in the answer, I groaned aloud. Did they have a family or not? Details, Ray! Details! “Like I said, I promised I wouldn’t talk about them today.”
“Fine, fine.” The woman laughed. “Let’s talk about your book, Eyes in the Desert. It’s getting a lot of buzz from mainstream press because it involves some unsolved murders. The creature you describe in it, if you ask me, sounds very evil.”
“Erdirg was an ancient being, but he wasn’t unique. There were many creatures like him found in various cultures.”
“I have to admit, there were a few times I was on the edge of my seat. And laughed out loud. What must it have been like, trying to contain a demon with the help of six teenagers?”
“And my wife.” I had a feeling my eyes were bugging from my head. Ray seemed to realize how that sounded. “I mean—my wife and I worked together. But like you read, it was really those teenagers who solved the mystery.”
“I found myself wishing that you gave more details about the drama surrounding that little group! But the details of your investigation were so interesting, it was only a passing thought.”
“That story isn’t mine to tell,” Ray replied. “I tried to remember that.”
“And what happened to the girl?” the woman asked. “You only say at the end of the book that one of the teens found something in the darkness to put Erdirg back to sleep. You also say she saved all of your lives, but you don’t mention how, and you don’t tell us her ending. As far as stories go, it was a real cliffhanger.”
Was that all he’d said about me? I wanted to read this book, but I was also afraid of what I’d find there. I reached for the tea I’d placed on my bedside table and took a sip. It was an herbal mix of chamomile, lavender, and mint, and the lavender never failed to remind me of Oliver and Aaron.
“Listen, I do want to get to the rest of the book, which is mostly about all the different kinds of creatures in the desert areas of the United States. The Eyes, as you call them. But the question I most got asked by our listeners in preparation for today was about that girl. You called her the biggest regret of your life.”
He cleared his throat again. Any hope I had that they remembered me fondly plummeted. I was the biggest regret of his life?
“We’ve crossed into a territory here that is very sensitive for my family. That girl, she was only seventeen years old. What happened with her… I’ll never really know exactly what took place. What I do know is that there is never an event like that without some kind of consequence. Universally, whenever I’ve faced a demon like Erdirg, there has been some kind of ripple effect afterward. There was that time, too. Even if I don’t know precisely what it was, I know that it happened.”
Stick a fork in me. I was done. I turned off the podcast, unable to listen to any more of it. My resolve tightened. I’d done the right thing a decade earlier. I might not remember exact details of how I’d gotten to Alaska. I knew how I’d paid for it, thanks to my last strange dream. But I had left them alone so they couldn’t have any more regrets caused by me.
With the dull ache of my head making it impossible to sleep, I lay there the rest of the day and night, wishing that ghosts of my past didn’t still have the ability to haunt me.
2
After four days
of doing mostly nothing to avoid upsetting my head, I was ready to break down my walls for some activity. The grocery store seemed like the best of all possible solutions, and The Red Apple Market wasn’t terribly far away. Rick had given me his old beater of a car until mine was fixed, probably thinking I’d only use it for emergencies. I wasn’t supposed to be driving, but I’d never been very good at following directions. Pushing limits and boundaries had always sort of been my thing.
A niggling sensation on the back of my neck struck me when I was about halfway through my purchases. Lifting my gaze, I didn’t see anything amiss. Over the years, I’d come to trust my gut. What was more, Rick trusted me, too. It was why he gave me the maybe-paranormal cases to look into when we weren’t busy doing other things.
I wasn’t the Chees—I didn’t want to be—and I had never fought anything scary since the night with Erdirg. But I could tell him if something was going on that was worth him finding a paranormal investigator.
Rick had his own contacts, and if he noticed that I always hid from them when they came in the office, he never remarked on it. Not that I expected any of them to know the Chees or report back to them about some random girl named Lacey in Alaska, but I’d taken to being cautious over the years.
I chewed on my lip. At this point, the Chees probably didn’t care.
I was, after all, their biggest regret. Taking my case. Meeting me. Yep. All very regretful.
Who knew what had caused my alertness now? Maybe there was a ghost around. I tended to ignore them if I did see them. None of them had been there to get my attention over the years. Let them be harbingers for other people.
Finally, I finished and made my way back home carefully.
I’d no sooner gotten my stuff inside the house when the doorbell rang. Rick had a key, which meant it was probably a neighbor wanting to complain about another neighbor.
I looked at my watch. It would be dark very soon.
Swinging open the door, I caught my breath.
The years have been kind to Oliver Chee. My first thought after that was, He cut his hair. It was short now, and he wore glasses.
He was also built like some kind of muscled god.
His face, as he took me in, remained passive, but not his eyes. No, they burned fire right through my dark soul.
“Lacey.” His voice was low, barely a whisper. “It really is you.”
I found myself stepping to the side. It was cold, and he was shivering. I remembered how it had been when I first arrived here and had no idea just how cold cold could be.
“Come inside.”
He followed me, his gaze never leaving mine as I took one step and then another back into my house.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, though I had a million more questions. How had he found me? Was this just a coincidence? Could he ever forgive me?
He stared at me, shook his head, and chuckled in that way that let me know he found nothing funny about my question. “Aaron said you’d be surprised, if it was you at all.”
Aaron.
My heart pinched a little, and my lungs followed suit. “Is Aaron here, too?”
Oliver pushed the silky strands of his hair back, but they fell right into his eyes again. “Not yet.”
A rush of cold air blasted me in the face, and I realized I still had the door open. Moving to close it, I brushed against his arm as I went by. This close, I could smell him. Lavender and leather. God. He smelled amazing.
“You must be freezing,” I said, proud of how normal I sounded when inside, I was freaking out. “Do you want some tea?”
“Tea would be great,” he answered.
Going into the kitchen gave me something to do while I tried to process his presence. This had to be a coincidence.
I plugged the kettle into the wall and fiddled in a lower cabinet, withdrawing boxes of tea until I had to turn around, because it’d be too obvious I was avoiding him.
“So,” I started. Why did he seem content to stand there and stare at me? “Demon?”
He drew his eyebrows together. “Demon?” Stepping closer, he stared down at me. “I don’t know if there are demons here. I came here for you.”
He came here for me.
Desperately, I searched my mind for why that would be. “I don’t—I don’t have anything of yours. I didn’t take anything when I left.” I’d been tempted, but that four hundred dollars Christopher had given me had saved me from scrounging for pocket change in Jacinda’s wallet. That whole night was such a blur. All I could think was to run before everyone woke up and told me how much they hated me.
How bad I was.
The kettle began to boil behind me, and I jumped before spinning to unplug it. Oliver took my hand, leading me from the kitchen toward the living room. I let him. Later on, I could blame my acquiescence on my head injury, but if I was honest, it was the glide of his rough palm against mine and the way his cheeks turned rosy when my hand clenched around his.
“You have no idea, Lacey,” he whispered. He sat on the sofa, still holding my hand, and I was forced to sit as well. Or stand there like a dweeb with my hand in his. “We’ve been searching for you since the moment we woke up. It’s driven us crazy.” He took my other hand. “You can’t believe how happy I am to see you.”
I had to find my voice. It had never been so difficult to speak or to even form words. “Oliver, you need to let me apologize to you. I realize it is a long time coming. Ten years past when I should have done it. My only excuse is that I hardly remember any of it.”
“That, I can believe,” he spoke fast. “That much contact with Erdirg? Alone? It must have driven you to the point of—I mean, even after all this time. I…” He let go of my hand to lean forward on his knees. “Lacey, will your husband be here soon?”
I blinked. “What?”
“Your husband. Will he be here soon?”
I shook my head. “I don’t have a husband.” Whatever this visit was about, it wouldn’t be for me to tell him about my failed relationships and lousy sex life.
“Oh.” He smiled, and then it dropped away. “We thought maybe you had one because of the name. Lacey Chambers. You might have been married.”
I chewed on my lip. “No. I took that name to hide. When I first got here, I wanted to never be found so I couldn’t hurt anyone again. Which brings me back to owing you that apology. I’m the worst kind of coward. Oliver, please allow me to say how sorry I am that you were all hurt. It’s my fault. I’m very glad you’re all okay.”
While I spoke, he shrugged out of his coat before he took my hand again. “Lacey. You do not owe me any apologies. We owe you one. Big ones.” A buzzing noise sounded, and he rolled his eyes, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Forgive me. I have to check in. They’re all waiting to hear if it’s you or not. We’ve been wrong before.”
“You and Aaron?” He kept saying we.
“Yes. Thorn and Colton, too. Hold on. Sending a text. Telling them all to screw off for a minute.” He set the phone down. “Wow, Lacey. You are… you are really pretty. I thought I imagined how beautiful you would be, but you are. That’s totally cheesy. Sorry.”
The temperature in the room seemed to increase ten degrees. Or maybe it was just all in my cheeks. “Thank you.”
“You hid when you got here. That’s why we couldn’t find you. Makes sense. But a few days ago, you were very hurt? Gave your real name?”
It all made sense. I pointed to my head. “Concussion. Yes. I did. I gave them my real name. First time I’d used it in ten years.”
“Thorn is our resident all-things-computer. A tech genius. Builds programs—never mind. He had a permanent search going. Once you popped up, red light cameras, stuff like that, he tracked you here.” Oliver grimaced. “Forgive the stalking. We had to find you. All of us. Had to see you were okay.” His eyes widened. “Which you aren’t. Concussion. What happened? Do you need anything?”
I held out my hand. “You’re all still together?”
I forced myself to swallow. “You guys should stay away from me. I bring the darkness everywhere. That night in the desert, it turned out beating Erdirg was easy. I just had to be myself.”
He was quiet then. I would have been, too. If they really thought I was some innocent in all this, knowing that I had the ability to snuff out demons with my own evil would have them rethinking things.
He let go of my hand, and I waited for him to stand, make his excuses, and leave. But instead, he pushed my hair behind my ear. He left his hand there, cupping my cheek, the blade of his hand on my shoulder. As he studied me, I studied him back.
There were small changes wrought by ten years’ time. He had smile lines next to his mouth and eyes. His dark hair was just a shade lighter, like he had spent a lot of time in the sun.
When I was in high school, Oliver had looked like a man to me, broad-shouldered and tall, but now I saw that he’d really still been a boy.
He’d always seemed so sure of himself. He was the one with answers. The one who told me what to do.
But he wasn’t doing any of that now. His uncertainty and nervousness showed a man’s confidence. He was someone who could admit what they didn’t know.
“Lacey,” he finally said. “We knew how you defeated him. But you can’t mistake darkness for evil.”
He was so mistaken. My darkness was evil.
“What do you call the anger inside me?” I asked. “I tapped into it, and it whipped Erdirg into the night.”
“Anger is nothing but frustration, hurt, and fear. Why shouldn’t you have felt those things? Erdirg created a situation where you were alone with no adult to count on. Sure, you had my family, but for what? Two weeks? Three? No one was there while you grew up. He saw to that. And that fear… you thought we were dead. Your grandmother died. Your miserable excuse for a family turned you away. Your house had exploded. You saw monsters, demons, ghosts. You’re holding yourself to a standard no one else would. Or does.” He rubbed his thumb over my cheekbones, the movement soothing.
Voices in the Darkness Page 2
