It took all of my effort not to close my eyes and lean even more into him.
“It’s still there, though,” I said.
He paused his movement, just for a second, but his expression didn’t change.
“After all this time. I don’t have a bad life here, Oliver. I have a job, and people who think they like me.”
He snorted. “Of course they like you, Lacey. You’re easy to love. It took me all of a week.”
“We argued.” I remembered well how hard I was on him. “I wasn’t always nice.”
“I liked you. You’re fiery and smart. You never just accepted what I said and went along with it. I didn’t have to pretend anything with you.”
“I can’t pretend I don’t know what I’m capable of,” I whispered. I took his hand and pushed it until I could hold it between mine. “I know what’s inside me, and I know what I can do. What if I hurt you? It’s a very real possibility.”
He shook his head slowly. “Tell you what? Let me hang around you for a while. I’m not a novice, I’m not some person who doesn’t know what’s going on. I’m versed in this. Raised in it. Let me stay, and if I see for any second a real evil in you, I will go and never look back. Okay?”
I blinked. “You want to stay?”
“Sure. I’ll get my partners to cover for me at work. They won’t mind. I covered for them when they got married and had a baby. Gave them eight extra weeks off. Took care of all of it. I was at a conference in Seattle for them when I got the text you might be in Alaska. They can let me spend some time here.”
I still couldn’t get my head around this. “Oliver, what do you even do for a living?”
“Oh!” He shot his eyebrows up. “I’m a vet.”
Grinning, I almost wished I drank because this moment called for champagne. “You did it. Just what you wanted to do.”
“I did.” He held my gaze. “What do you say? Let me stay a little bit, and then we’ll see what happens.”
Could this really be happening? “Okay. I mean, if you want to. It would be great to see you here.”
As I said the words, I realized I meant them. I would like to see so much more of Oliver.
“I’ll see about getting a long-term rental. I…”
Once upon a time, his family had opened their home to me. “Stay here. There’s, ah, two bedrooms.”
He tilted his head. “If you’re sure.”
“I am.”
“Great.”
I pointed at him. “And you promise to be honest. When you see what I am… you’ll be honest about it.”
He held up his hand like he surrendered. “One hundred percent, yes.”
My stomach picked that moment to growl. I laughed because there really wasn’t anything else to do when that happens. “Guess I’m hungry.”
“Do you want to go out? Or we could make something.”
I almost never went out to eat unless I was with Rick. “Do you like pizza? Your mother is such a good cook, I’m afraid you’ll decide I’m evil just from tasting what I make. It’s a facsimile of decent food.”
Oliver’s smile was fast. “I love pizza.”
Great. I rushed to my phone. Like everything else, there was an app for that. I plugged in an order for pizza while I spoke to him. Why was this so easy? And what was that buzzing in my head? It felt almost like happiness. Oliver stared at his own phone for a second before he tapped on it, too.
“I listened to your father’s podcast. It was such a strange coincidence for me to hear his voice after I’d…” I wasn’t ready to tell him how much I thought about them. My apology was about as much as I was willing to reveal right now.
He set down his phone and walked toward me. “I listened to it too for thirty seconds. I don’t really speak to him anymore.”
“What?” That came out louder than I’d meant it to.
Oliver didn’t seem to notice. He looked through my cabinets until he pulled out a glass. Without missing a beat, he filled it with water from the sink. Before he answered me, he took a long drink from it. “Don’t picture a big falling out and drama. Aaron and I just both made the decision that we were done with a lot of things. My parents love us, and we love them. But there are things, Lacey, that aren’t okay. Decisions were made that got people hurt. He wants to help, wants to see to it that the greater good is pursued. But in that vein, he forgets that there are individuals who matter. My mother is a great person, but she can be vastly inappropriate and basically does what he wants.” Another sip. “So we took a big step back, and now it’s texts or phone calls and the occasional visit on holidays. No stress, no mess.”
I didn’t reply right away, because while I understood what Oliver was saying—and it was natural that he wouldn’t live with his parents the rest of his life—it was also sort of sad. “Was it because of me?” Ew. When the question popped out of my mouth, it sounded completely narcissistic.
“In a way,” he answered.
“Sorry,” I replied. “I don’t mean to make everything about me.”
He laughed and placed his glass on the counter. Leaning back, he crossed his arms. “I know. But it was. They made the decision to homeschool me and Aaron and Kelly, and because of that, we didn’t get a chance to be normal kids and do normal things. I never got to hang out with you the way I wanted.”
“You mean riding your motorcycle until I dry-heaved didn’t count?” I asked ruefully.
“Exactly. That was a date in my world. And it shouldn’t have been. A date should have been like what we’re doing now. Ordering pizza. Chatting about our families. Not outrunning demons.” He shook his head.
“But you’re a vet now, so things are more normal, right?” I moved closer to him, but didn’t touch him. I wasn’t sure I was comfortable reaching out yet. Though, if he touched me, I would have no issue at all with it. “You have a good life?”
“I love being a vet, Lacey, but do you know what I do?” He lowered his head to look at me, and his hair fell into his eyes again. Without thinking, I pushed it out of his face.
“I don’t know anything about you, Oliver,” I replied, my voice just above a whisper.
“I study animals in areas where there is supernatural activity. I study the lizards and birds in the desert where you put Erdirg to sleep. And when there’s some weird cow slaughter, I go there and figure out what’s causing it.”
I understood what he was saying now. “So even though you get to do what you want, it’s not really what you want. Because you’d probably have an office somewhere and spay cats.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “I still have an office, and I still spay cats, but I also do the other stuff. And I want my kids to have a chance to do what they want without the other stuff. I want them to have freedom.”
His words made my chest hurt. I opened my mouth to reply, but there was a knock on the door. “Pizza.”
He reached in his back pocket, removing his wallet. “Let me get it.”
“No, Oliver.”
Ignoring me, he opened the door. In moments, the pizza was paid for, the driver tipped, and the delicious cheesy, saucy goodness in my kitchen. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” He flung his wallet on the counter along with his keys, and I stared at the items. I liked the way his things looked there, spread on my countertop like they belonged here. It was easy to picture his clothes in my closet and car in the driveway. The image appealed to me so much it hurt.
“Plates are in the cupboard.” I pointed to the right spot. I couldn’t be thinking about him this way. Not yet. Not until he saw what was inside me.
While he dished out the pizza, I lit a fire in the fireplace. I’d bought the place mostly for the ability to light the fire, and I did almost every night I was home in the winter. When I sat down at my small dining room table, he scooted in next to me.
He took a bite, chewed, and then swallowed. I watched him more intently than any person should watch another human eat.
“So h
ow about you, Lacey? Only Thorn probably knows by now, but what do you do for a living?”
It was weird thinking of Thorn as being some kind of computer genius who could make the internet give over whatever information he wanted. But as I opened my mouth to answer, I realized our jobs weren’t so very different. “I’m a private investigator.”
He leaned forward. “Really?”
I laughed. He wasn’t the first person to respond to that statement with disbelief. “Really. When I first got here, I was all but broke and I’d stumbled upon Rick, my boss. He’d recently lost his family, and he saw me as a lost soul. So, he saved me. It’s funny, because if you knew Rick, you’d know he’s not a save-the-needy kind of a guy. But he did. I lived with him for a bit, and he trained me.”
Although the truth was my license was basically meaningless, considering I had gotten it with a fake name. Every time I used it on official documents, I was committing a crime I could get into a lot of trouble for. That was neither here nor there at the moment. But like a lot of things in my life, the deception weighed on me.
“And you do what? Like what do you investigate?”
I pointed at my head. “Well, I got this concussion looking into a cheating spouse. The boyfriend came after me. There was ice. Boom. I do that kind of thing. For divorce cases. Inheritance. Occasionally, someone vanishes up here to Anchorage, and someone back in the lower forty-eight wants to find them for child support. Pretty run of the mill most of the time. And then, like you, occasionally, I work another kind of job.”
There was a certain kind of feeling that came with knowing I had someone’s total attention. That was Oliver right now. His gaze held mine like he’d never stop looking at me, and the feeling stole my breath for a second. He reached out and stroked the side of my head where I’d indicated I’d been banged up.
“Are you in pain?”
I wasn’t going to lie. “Dull constant throb. It’ll pass.”
“You always did do brave better than anyone I knew.” He dropped his hand from my head to take another bite of pizza. “How long did it take you to get used to all this constant darkness?”
I smiled. I knew what he meant, the lack of sunlight for the sixty-some-odd days. Still, that wasn’t the question I answered. “Still getting used to it. I think it’s one of those things you are always getting used to.”
“It must have been strange going from the open spaces of the desert to this.”
I wondered if he was asking me if I missed home.
But New Mexico had never been home, and I never missed it.
I’d missed them.
“It was. Strange, I mean. The first time I saw a moose walking down the street, I thought about how different my life had become. Here, I worry about moose and bears. I worry about if I forget to plug my car in at night.”
He held up his hand. “Sorry. Plug your car in?”
“It’s a necessity to keep the engine block warm, otherwise, the car won’t start up. It doesn’t matter if it sits in a garage all night, because it gets that cold. One day, maybe I’ll have one that’s insulated and keeps the heat, but I also want a kitchen that’s not the color of pea soup. Baby steps.” I realized I’d been staring at my plate, and now I lifted my gaze to his.
His expression was equal parts amused and wondering. “I’d like to see a moose in the road.”
He probably would. It was a fairly common occurrence here.
“Are you getting tired?” he asked. “I don’t want to keep you too long.”
“Are you tired?” I said. “I don’t know how long you’ve been traveling.”
“I am, but I’m also energized. Being with you is so…”
Overwhelmed by his honesty, I stood up to bring my plate to the sink. I needed a second of not looking at him.
“It’s like coming home.”
I shut my eyes. Did he really feel that way? Was that why I found it so easy to talk to him?
“You’ve changed,” I said.
“I’m more honest,” he replied. “I’m not trying to hide what I’m feeling. One of my biggest regrets was telling you that after we put Erdirg back to sleep, me and Aaron would be on our way. Even as the words came out of my mouth, I knew they were a lie. I was afraid—I was afraid that was part of why you left.”
I hadn’t thought about that in forever. I’d been so consumed with my own evil and protecting them, I never considered he’d feel guilty, too.
“No,” I told him. I strode back to the table and sat next to him before taking his hand. “Not at all. It was all me. What you said didn’t make me run.”
His shoulders slumped, and he leaned down until we were forehead to forehead. I closed my eyes and tilted my chin the tiniest bit until I could close the distance between our lips.
In the ten years since I’d left the guys, I’d kissed some frogs. I’d had a boyfriend, for a week or two, until he was too much in my space and I decided that a battery-operated boyfriend was better than one with an inflated ego. Between then and now, I’d had a few flings.
In my hometown, I’d kissed two boys when I met Oliver, and the town had labeled me a slut. I hated how all of those thoughts came rushing back now. I wasn’t the same girl.
Oliver drew back. “Where did your head go?” he asked quietly, opening his eyes.
It was time to put the past to bed and live in the future. Rather than answer, I kissed him again. This time, all I thought about was his warm lips. The way our kisses stayed easy, just pecks and exploration
We stayed like that for a while. He didn’t rush me, and I didn’t push for more. Eventually, as easily as we’d started, we stopped.
He cupped the side of my face. “I think I should go get my stuff out of the car before it freezes.”
“Yes.” The thought hadn’t even dawned on me. “Go. I’ll put the light on in the driveway.”
I followed him to the door. I was warm inside, and it wasn’t from the fire. As he walked outside, I flipped the switch, illuminating my driveway. The slightest flurries of snow had started to come down. It almost always snowed during this time, just a little bit. By morning, there would be a lot on the ground, and my neighbor’s son—who was twenty and what his mom called a failure-to-launch child—would dig out my driveway. I’d have to do the walk, but I never minded. I’d wanted to live where it was cold, and I’d done that and then some.
Oliver rushed out to the car and unlocked it with his remote. A few seconds later, he had a suitcase in his hands, and he rushed back toward me, shivering by the time he got inside. I smiled. He wasn’t at all conditioned for this weather yet, and it was about fifteen degrees tonight, which wasn’t that cold. But I could remember when that was true of me, too.
I stepped away from the door, letting him in, and then closed it behind him before I locked it.
This was really happening. Disbelief flooded me. Oliver Chee was here. He intended to stay for a bit, and he was going to live in my house with me.
I loved everything about this.
“This way to the guest room.” I pointed down the hall before I rushed ahead of him. He followed close behind me until I got there. There was a small staircase that led to the tiny upstairs of my house. My bedroom was up there and took up the entire small second floor.
When I’d decorated, I hadn’t actually imagined ever having any guests. But I had a room ready. It had felt nice to have a home where things were put together, like I might someday have the kind of life that included guests. There were two twin beds in my guest room that could be pushed together to make a king. They matched, each with warm comforters on them.
I indicated the room. “You can push them together, and there’s actually a way to attach them to make it more secure. You might be more comfortable like that. Bathroom is there. Closet has hangers.”
He smiled at me. “This is great, Lacey. Thank you.”
There had been times that Oliver and I had snuggled in his bed, and back then I’d shared space with all of the g
uys, as though it was the most normal thing to do. Now? If I invited him into my bedroom, it would mean there were things that I wanted. But I wasn’t ready for them tonight.
“Um… I’m a pretty light sleeper, so if you need anything, don’t be afraid to knock on my door. Oh yeah, and be careful in the bathroom. The ceiling is low.”
I walked backward toward the door, reluctant to leave him. I’m not ready for more. With that, I forced myself to leave and shut the door.
3
My body had decided I’d filled my quota for sleep and didn’t care that half of it had happened because I got hit in the face with an airbag.
Hyper-aware of Oliver just downstairs, I turned onto my side and stared at the door. I closed my eyes tight, willing myself to sleep. The white-noise machine, the fan above my head, the ibuprofen I’d popped before I came up—none of it was getting the job done. With a huge sigh, I flipped onto my back and stared up at the plaster ceiling. It was hard to believe he was really here. Would it be weird to go downstairs to check that he was still there?
Yes. It would. Definitely too weird.
I stood up and walked to the window. My house was a bungalow, built back in the nineteen thirties. Two small windows looked toward the street. I had set up an overstuffed chair there along with a blanket. Since sleep and I weren’t on speaking terms, I’d spent a lot of nights in this chair.
I settled in, watching the flakes fall from the sky. The quiet was different here. It was softer. In the desert, the wind was always howling across the sand, beating against my window. Here, the snow made everything a little less harsh, even the wind.
I leaned my head against the back of the chair, pulled the blanket to my chin, and allowed myself to think about the past. Usually, I liked to stomp that shit down as soon as it reared its head, but Oliver’s arrival had changed everything. He had seen the night I defeated Erdirg as something to be proud of.
Voices in the Darkness Page 3
