by Shona Husk
The idea snagged and he remembered the melody Ed had been working. He wasn’t much of a lyric writer. But he was sure that someone else could take the idea and give it the life it deserved.
‘I’ll see you round.’ Ava started walking away.
He followed. She turned around and he realised what he was doing and stopped. He wasn’t a weird hospice stalker. Nah, it just looked that way. Could I be more of a tool? ‘Do you have a break coming up?’
‘Just finished.’ She pressed her lips together and looked at him. Her gaze sliding from his face all the way down, before she met his gaze again.
She was checking him out. He managed more than a strained smile. At least he wasn’t the only one being inappropriate. His grin widened. It was always more fun to be wrong with someone.
Her lips turned up at the corners. ‘You like to ride? You free on Saturday?’
Err. He liked to ride but he wasn’t that good at it at the moment. If she was all muscle under that uniform, he was screwed. If he said no, there would be no chance of that either.
‘I’m free.’ What the hell was he doing? He didn’t need this. Saturday morning was sleep in and do the laundry and run errands. But he seemed to be unable to say no.
‘Good.’ She took a step back. ‘Call me.’ Then she turned and walked away.
Mike stood there for a moment longer. She’d asked him out … on a date? ‘Hey.’
She stopped.
He closed the distance in a few long strides. ‘How hard are we riding?’ If he’d been in a bar they would not have been talking about bikes. They were still talking about actual riding. He was sure. Even more sure when her golden cheeks turned pink. ‘Are we talking Lycra?’
He was going to die if they were riding that hard. Nothing he did between now and Saturday would help. It was not going to be pretty.
‘I will if you will.’
That was blackmail. Of course he wanted to see her covered in only a thin layer of fabric. It totally worked. ‘What time do you finish so I can call?’
‘Nine-thirty.’
‘Sweet.’ This time he walked before he agreed to anything else. He needed a Lycra-wearing blackmailer in his life like he needed another hole in his head. When he glanced over his shoulder she was gone.
He was in trouble. He knew it and all he had was her name and number.
He didn’t have time for this. And yet he knew he’d pick up the phone and call because it was an escape route from reality. Right now he hated his reality.
Chapter 6
It was wrong to feel glad about not going to see his mother. However, it was one less thing to do after work and as a result he’d gone for an hour’s ride. Saturday was still going to hurt, but at the moment he didn’t care. It was nice to be away from the hospice and pretending that none of that existed. Of course, as soon as he walked in the front door he was reminded that his mother wasn’t home.
With the change in routine he got to Ed’s early … but everyone else was already there. None of them had said it, but he wasn’t pulling his weight.
He didn’t want to be here either.
Nothing was going right, and when he screwed up a simple rhythm he should’ve been able to bang out in his sleep he tossed the drumsticks away in disgust. Dan, Ed and Gemma looked at him. No one made a joke or called him a name like they usually would. It was like they were walking on eggshells.
Mike shook his head. ‘This isn’t fucking working.’
‘I got that.’ Ed put his guitar down.
‘I don’t mean the song … yeah I do … but all of this.’ He waved his hand at them.
More silence and blinking from his band mates.
Oh for fuck’s sake.
‘I’m not made of glass.’ The only difference between this time and last time was that now the outcome was guaranteed. There was no uncertainty.
‘I know, but you aren’t yourself either.’ Gemma said. He should’ve known that she’d be the only one with big enough balls to say anything.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ But he already had a good idea. However, he couldn’t be who he used to be.
She shrugged. ‘You get extra silent and grumpy and I don’t know what to say.’
‘Well, don’t say anything,’ he snapped back. That wasn’t helpful either.
‘That makes you cranky. Like now.’ Dan smirked.
If Mike had still been holding his sticks he might have thrown them at Dan, instead he forced out a breath between his teeth. He looked at his friends, all waiting for him to say something. Do something. ‘I’m fucking this up for you.’
He stood up and walked to the fridge. Beer was tempting, but he picked up a soft drink. Beer wouldn’t help in the long run, but he would be happy to settle for short-term relief. He swapped and twisted the top off the beer—Ed was now stocking light beer. That was Dan’s fault.
He made a point of chugging down half before even thinking about what he was going to say. He had to say it. Someone had to. ‘Maybe I should step back.’
It was the last thing he wanted, but he couldn’t keep up with speed of his rat wheel anymore.
Ed shook his head. ‘No.’
‘No what? You aren’t running my life.’
‘No, you aren’t going to pack up your toys and go home because you think it would be easier.’ Ed crossed his arms. ‘I get that you are being squeezed. We all get it. You’re in a shitty spot.’
‘You have no idea—’
‘I didn’t say I did. But we’ve run this race before.’
Ed had the perfect family. Mum and dad still together. The matching his and hers children and a girlfriend that came with the cute accessory of a three-year-old. He had no idea what it was like to be the only child. To have no one else and then to be standing on the edge watching as his mother fell, knowing that there was no reprieve, and no safety net this time.
‘No, we haven’t. Last time we had nothing. You lot were at uni.’ He glanced at Gemma. ‘Or high school.’ She flicked him the bird. She hadn’t been part of the band. That had happened the year after. But she’d been around because of her friendship with Kirsten. ‘We weren’t trying to get a second album written and recorded.’ Mike shook his head, his voice softened. ‘In four weeks we’re supposed to be in Brisbane.’
Then it was down the east coast for the summer festival, with a long stop in Melbourne to record.
‘I know,’ Ed said.
‘If you’re going to get a session drummer in you need to start looking.’ There. It was out. The clock was ticking and it was another decision he didn’t want to have to make. Ed could make it and do what was best for the band.
Ed shook his head. ‘I don’t want to start looking.’
Mike took a swig of beer. Ed didn’t get it. ‘I don’t want to be over there …’ His voice broke. He couldn’t even finish the sentence.
‘What if you’re working? Or sleeping?’
Mike scrubbed his hand over his face. ‘I want to go. I want to get away and pretend that none of this is happening. It shouldn’t be happening.’
Gemma walked up, her guitar bumped against him. ‘We can’t do this without you.’
‘Sure you can. Any idiot can keep time.’
She gave him a quick hug then punched his arm. ‘Yeah, but you’re our idiot.’
‘What she said.’ Dan raised his beer in salute.
‘We aren’t going to leave you by the wayside just to cross the finish line.’
‘I’m glad you can see the finish line, because I can’t.’ There was that thought again. Trapped in a place between where nothing existed, yet everything was pulling at him. ‘Where’s that bit you were playing with earlier in the week?’
‘It’ll be here somewhere.’ Ed picked up his tablet. ‘Err, which bit exactly?’
They had so many fragments still lingering, but they had enough songs for an album if push came to shove … however, they all felt that some weren’t worthy of even being called a song.
<
br /> Ed played a couple of the recordings. The sound quality was crud but it was enough to keep track of what they were doing. Fourth one was it. It was pretty simple and as he’d remembered.
‘Can we do this instead?’ The other song had been too … happy … bouncy, that was a better word. The last time he’d felt that good had been when he’d walked off stage a few weeks ago before he’d ended up in some chick’s tent.
‘Yeah … but we got nothing else. We haven’t secretly been working on stuff while you aren’t here,’ Dan lied. It was almost convincing.
They had been putting together things without him, but it was the first thing they played when he arrived so that he had input. They were working around him because they didn’t know what else to do. His heart grew a little too big for his chest.
‘I had an idea.’ So he explained it as best he could, leaving out Ava, knowing that while he was talking about an idea they would join the dots and see how stretched thin he was. But it was the only way he could do it. He wasn’t a smart ass like Dan and he didn’t have the heart that Ed had. He wasn’t half as tough as Gem.
He was becoming more brittle and he had no idea how to stop it. He wanted to stop everything. Put the world on hold so he could take a moment to breathe.
Most of what he wanted these days was impossible.
The doctor had said take one day at a time. She hadn’t been talking to his mother.
***
Of course she was going to wake up with a pimple on her forehead and her period arriving two days early. If she hadn’t suggested going for a ride with Mike nothing would have happened. There was nothing she could do about the zit, except stop pressing it to see if it was still there. The question was, did she dare to try the cup or play it safe?
Playing it safe won. And even though she’d have rather stayed home and watched TV, she downed some paracetamol and pulled on her black bike pants. Why had she agreed to Lycra … because it had seemed like a really easy way to check him out. Karma was backhanding her for being forward.
Now she felt pudgy, bloated and overexposed. She pulled on a hot pink top, decided it drew attention to her zit and switched to yellow. A little all-in-one sunscreen and foundation later, she was as good as she was going to get.
This wasn’t a date.
She’d asked because he looked like some giant lost puppy wandering the hallway looking for a friend.
‘Where are you going so early?’ Her father didn’t bother looking up from the newspaper. If he had, he wouldn’t have needed to ask.
‘Riding before it gets hot.’ The temperatures were climbing again and it was supposed to crack forty by Monday. Yay. She liked summer … just slightly less summery. ‘I have my phone on me.’
He glanced up and frowned. ‘Why do you dress like that?’
She loved this lecture and had her replies down pat. ‘It’s cycling clothing. Wouldn’t want something to get caught in the chain and cause an accident.’
He looked as though he wanted to say more. She’d give him to the count of ten. He made it to four. ‘I’m going to invite some friends around on Australia Day.’
‘Have fun.’
‘I want you to be here.’
Oh, those kinds of friends. The kind with sons. Eligible sons. She remembered her promise to herself to sleep with the next guy she fell over … she could arrange a fall with Mike. That was far more enticing than it should’ve been.
‘I have plans.’
‘You can change them.’
Ava drew in a deep breath. ‘I don’t want to let my friends down just so Grandmother can try and set me up with someone that she approves of.’
‘That I approve of.’ He pursed his lips. ‘Why are you moving out?’
Because I’m sick of the constant interference in my life. ‘Because it’s time.’
‘A good girl stays at home until she is married.’
‘Mum didn’t. She travelled around Australia.’ Her grandmother blamed Rose and Ava’s faults on her mother’s wilful ways.
His eyes narrowed. ‘You’re my daughter. I have to protect you.’
He was doing what he thought right and obeying his mother. ‘And you have. But I need to stretch my wings and fly.’
‘You have a boyfriend.’
‘No.’ She wished she could say yes just to see his face. ‘Would it matter if I did?’
‘It would matter who he was.’
Ava shook her head. ‘It would only matter to me.’ She checked her watch. ‘I have to go. Meeting a friend.’ Was he a friend? He wasn’t even that yet, but it would be nice to have someone to ride with. He hadn’t balked because she was a girl—some guys did.
Her father sighed. If he started on about family honour she was going to walk behind his chair and see if Grandmother was there with her hand up his butt.
‘Have a nice ride. I will tell my mother that you are going to celebrate Australia Day with your Australian friends.’
‘I am Australian. I was born here, just like you.’ She didn’t get involved in the Indian community and she couldn’t care less about going to church and getting her name checked off.
He frowned, but she didn’t give him a chance to argue. As she left she reminded herself that he was doing this because he loved her. He wasn’t meaning to smother her. However, getting out of the house and away was like shedding a heavy coat.
Once on the road she was able to push aside everything else. They had agreed to meet halfway between his mother’s house and hers at City Beach. It wasn’t ideal as it was a ten-kilometre ride to get there, but it was a start. Because she didn’t want to get too sweaty, she didn’t push it too hard.
When she got to the hotel where they were meeting, he was already there. She should’ve ridden faster, instead of making him wait. Seeing him, her cheeks heated and it had nothing to do with getting exercise.
‘Sorry I’m late.’
‘I was super early.’ He glanced away. ‘Didn’t want you to see me half dead from the effort of getting here.’
She laughed. He didn’t. He didn’t look that out of shape, and she was glad he’d kept his end of the deal. He was wearing a lime green shirt and darker green leggings that were moulded to all the right places.
Eyes up, Ava.
‘Did you want to head down to Scarborough?’ They could’ve ridden north, closer to her home, but if he was only just getting back into it was kinder to offer him the easy option.
He glanced at her for a moment before nodding. ‘I can’t believe I let my riding fitness slide.’
‘It won’t take much to get it back.’
‘Just time.’ Then he got back on his bike and led off.
She followed. Still not entirely sure what she was doing or what he was doing. Even on the phone he’d been hesitant. Was she being pushy? He’d asked for her number … yeah, but the whole situation was weird. She’d never been in this situation before and she couldn’t help wishing that she’d met him under different circumstances.
When they finally made it to Scarborough Beach it was busy. People had already claimed their spot on the sand and were settling in for a day on the beach. Sitting on hot sand in the sun was not her idea of fun, and she ended up even browner, not burned.
They found a place to chain the bikes and Mike took a moment to rearrange himself and then attempt a stretch. He was definitely not used to riding, but she was definitely enjoying watching him.
‘You going to make it home after this?’
He nodded, but he was grimacing. ‘I need ice-cream and a sit-down in the shade.’
That was more like it. She was glad he didn’t want to sit in the sun. They walked to the shop and bought cones and then found a patch of grass that had a small piece of shade.
They weren’t the only neon Lycra wearers out. She leaned against the tree and stretched out her legs. He did the same, wincing. Their shoulders were touching.
Or rather, her shoulder was touching his arm. When she glanced over he was c
oncentrating on his chocolate ice-cream. His hair was pulled back into a neat bun that coupled with the beard didn’t look girly at all. Had he trimmed his beard?
Probably not for her … maybe for her. Her heart did a stupid happy patter.
His gaze slid to her and he gave her a small smile. She was sure he knew she wasn’t eyeing up his ice-cream, but he acted as though that was all it was. ‘Good?’
‘Yes.’ She gave her ice-cream a lick to prove the point and to stop it from dripping all over her hand. It was nice to be out and doing nothing. She could quite happily sit here with him and say nothing. But that wasn’t the reason she’d asked him to come for a ride. When she saw him at the hospice he always seemed fragile. Out here he didn’t and she was reluctant to raise it. So she didn’t, at least not directly. ‘Your mum says you’re going away soon.’
Ava watched him pause. A noticeable halt as if she’d just pinched him. She shouldn’t have said anything; or at least they should’ve talked about the weather or the cricket first.
‘Yes … I’m not sure about it.’
She could understand that. ‘Oh, she spoke as if it were all worked out.’
‘She would.’ He exhaled and turned away to look over the beach. ‘She’s organised everything, all I have to do is stand around and wait for the inevitable. She didn’t tell me until a month ago. And since then it’s like she’s been working through a checklist and I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s like she wants me to just get on with it as if nothing is happening. And I don’t think I can. I can’t. I don’t know how.’ He looked at her with that lost look clouding his brown eyes.
‘There’s no right way to deal with it.’
‘I feel shut out. And then I feel like a tool for making it about me.’
‘Have you told her?’ Her ice-cream dripped onto her hand and she licked it off. The heat was working faster than she was.
Mike shook his head. ‘I can’t. If this is what she wants then I’ll do it.’
‘I don’t think she intended on shutting you out. When she talks to me it’s clear how much she loves you.’
