by Shona Husk
‘I know she wants me to go. I want to go. I hate admitting that. But I like not being there. I don’t want to think about it all the time.’
She could take the hint. ‘Then why don’t you tell me what you’ll be doing over east. Do you have a good rotation?’
He frowned.
‘At the mine—isn’t that where you’re going? She said you had an opportunity you couldn’t pass up.’ From the look on his face she had jumped to all the wrong conclusions.
Then he smiled and shook his head. ‘I needed some extra money so I’m moonlighting as a sparky. Well, it’s my trade but it’s not what I actually do.’
Ava raised one eyebrow. She’d bite. ‘What do you do?’
‘I’m the drummer in Selling the Sun.’
Selling the Sun was obviously a band. That hadn’t been what she’d been expecting him to say. She didn’t know what she’d expected. His mother hadn’t said anything or given any clues.
‘Your mother said you played the piano.’
‘I do. I got to grade five before I stopped sitting the exams. Most of the piano on the album is me, but people see me as just the drummer.’
Ava pulled out her phone and did a quick one-handed search as she finished her ice-cream.
‘You don’t believe me.’ He took a few bites of his cone and then it was gone. He licked his fingers clean.
‘It’s not that I don’t … it’s more of a case of I don’t know the band.’ She glanced up at him. ‘Sorry.’
He shrugged. ‘We’re still small.’
On the album cover he had no beard, his hair was shorter and he looked younger. She flicked through a few more pictures, not stopping to read the articles. ‘That’s very cool. What are you doing when you go away?’
‘A couple of gigs and recording the next album.’
Her mouth popped open. ‘Really?’
He nodded.
‘That is so cool.’ She’d just been for a bike ride with a rock star. Her grandmother would have conniptions for the rest of the year. The idea was enough to make her grin.
Then she realised exactly what it all meant. His mother was dying and the timing couldn’t be worse. Her smile fractured. ‘When do you leave?’
‘I’m supposed to leave in four weeks.’ He was staring at the water again as though he didn’t want to face it.
Supposed to.
His mother wanted him to.
‘I want to go. I love what I do … and then I feel selfish for wanting to go on and do that stuff.’
‘It’s not selfish.’ She placed her hand on his arm. His blond hair tickled her palm. ‘You are allowed to live. She wants you to live.’
‘I can’t get my head around it. It doesn’t matter what I do, it feels wrong.’
‘There’s no right way, just the way that works for you and Irene.’
He sighed. ‘I had counselling and all that the first time around. I know all of this. I’ve heard it all before.’
‘It’s okay to need to hear it again.’
***
Mike glanced at Ava. He was sure he’d listen to anything she said because he didn’t feel like he was saying the wrong things around her. She wasn’t expecting anything from him, and that was a relief.
He looked at his legs now sticking out in the sun. If he was going to ride regularly he should shave them—but only them as that would give Dan a laugh and something to bitch at—if he came off it would make the gravel rash a little less severe. Then he looked at her legs, also in the sun. Her skin was already golden. His gaze drifted up to her knees, then her Lycra-wrapped thighs. He wanted to do more than talk.
Fallback position where no thinking was required. He gave himself a mental shake and looked at his feet instead. He was enjoying her company and he didn’t want to fuck it up by attempting to sleep with her. This was different.
Yeah. He was sober and making conversation.
Except that now things had gone quiet.
‘I don’t want to push, I just thought if you needed to talk …’
‘I appreciate it. I enjoyed this morning.’ He meant that and he knew there would be no hangover and regrets. ‘Thank you for suggesting it.’ It had been exactly what he’d needed. To get out and do something different. That Ava was with him had been a bonus.
‘Me too. Most of my friends have given up riding. They drive to work and pay gym memberships.’
‘Do you ride to work?’
‘No. I still live at home and that’s too far away. I’m going to look at some places this afternoon.’
‘There is nothing quite like the freedom of moving out.’ He rummaged through his backpack looking for his drink bottle, hoping he might have some old sunscreen in there too. He found the drink bottle, failed with the sunscreen, so crossed his legs to pull them out of the sun. It already had bite.
She tilted her head. ‘I didn’t realise you had.’
‘I moved back in. My place is in East Freo, but a friend is staying there. I’m at Mum’s.’ Would he always refer to it as her place, even after? He knew in his heart she was never coming back, but his mind still didn’t want to accept it and make plans. He didn’t want to jump ahead.
‘Ah.’ She nodded. ‘I’m looking forward to it. My sister is jealous even though I’m only looking at renting a room in a share house.’
‘Renting just a room?’
‘It’s cheaper than a whole house. Plus I don’t need a whole house.’ She plucked at a few blades of grass. ‘My grandmother is very Catholic and very nosy. I can’t deal with it any longer.’ She gave him a sideways glance.
Was he supposed to read between some lines there? If so, he didn’t know what the lines were. ‘She lives there too?’
‘My father is the oldest of her boys and after my uncle moved to Sydney, she moved in with us. I think he went to Sydney deliberately.’
‘And your grandfather?’
Her lips twisted into a bitter smile that made her face hard and unforgiving. ‘He was an Aussie doctor. They met and married, she moved to Australia, had two kids and he left her for a blonde nurse. She has a deep distrust of Aussie men. And has dedicated her life to trying to find me and Rose suitable Indian husbands.’ She bit her lip. ‘That was probably more than you needed to know.’
It was good stuff to know. ‘My father took off when I was five. I don’t remember him. Shit happens. Ed, also in the band, his folks have been together forever. Gemma’s parents have just split up. I’d rather make my own choices and live with it than do what someone else wants.’
Which was part of the problem he was having. His mother had taken away all the choices. She wanted him to go. Whatever he did he was going to have doubts and regrets. But he wanted to be able to make that choice.
Ava gave a nod. ‘That’s how I feel. She has no right.’
‘What do your parents say?’
‘My mother is in a difficult position. She should defer to Grandmother but it’s her house. It’s creating friction, which Grandmother loves. It’s her version of TV.’ She winced. ‘I sound like a bitch. I am being a bitch.’
‘I won’t judge you if you don’t judge me.’
‘Group therapy.’
Half a laugh slipped out. ‘Yeah. We can meet once a week to ride and complain.’
‘Therapy means doing more than complaining. We have to do something.’
Mike frowned. ‘Okay. I’ll talk to Mum about feeling shut out.’
‘I think that’s a good idea. And I am going to concentrate on finding somewhere else to live.’
‘That doesn’t solve your arranged marriage problem.’ He couldn’t believe that happened in Australia.
‘It’s not an arranged marriage … more like forced introductions.’
He raised one eyebrow. ‘That would be weird.’
‘You have no idea.’ She shook her head and sighed, but she was smiling.
‘Do you date them?’ As soon as the words left his mouth he knew he shouldn’t have said them. ‘
That was none of my business.’
‘Most of the time, no. A couple have been okay, but after a couple of dates if there’s no chemistry, why bother? Plus I resent the idea that I have to marry someone she approves of.’
‘I wouldn’t make the cut.’ He was not boyfriend material. Hadn’t been for a while. Couldn’t be right now either.
Ava was the kind of girl that he had liked dating—smart, fun and easy to be around. Somewhere on the east coast he’d lowered his standards and ditched dating and relationships for sex. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. He’d liked his previous girlfriends, but breaking up with them had never messed him up like Dan so he’d probably never loved them.
‘Definitely not. But the look on her face would be worth millions.’ Ava laughed, but her gaze was on him as though she was measuring him up. ‘I just want my own space and the chance to fill it as I see fit,’ she said after a moment.
He’d always been able to do that. Right up until his mother got sick the first time. After that everything changed and while sometimes he wondered what his life would’ve been like if he’d got on that plane, for the most part he was glad he hadn’t. Even when things weren’t going well, Selling the Sun was a good job. Fun. Though the pay wasn’t great at the moment. He was glad he’d ignored his mother’s wishes that time and stayed; while at the time he’d hated the change in plans, it had all worked out. For the better, he liked to think. One door closes and all of that.
That was his problem. He was standing around unable to make a decision, meaning that all doors were both open and closed until he picked one and went through it.
He looked at her. Her lips were pressed together and there was a glint in her eyes that invited challenge. He wasn’t up for it but he wasn’t going to ignore it either. ‘Do you have plans for Australia Day?’
‘My friends got organised and booked a hotel room. Why, what are you doing, something fun and rock star-ish?’
‘Nah. Foreshore …’ Picnic blanket, cricket, drinking, sunburn. He’d been going every year with his mates since he was fifteen—they didn’t drink back then though … mostly. ‘The hotel room sounds better.’
‘I’ll wave from the balcony.’
That was a polite way to tell him to rack off. Probably for the best. But he still smiled. He could be friends with a woman and not get into her pants—even if she did have very nice legs that he could all too easily imagine wrapped around his hips. As blood rushed he tried to squash the thought. Bike pants were not forgiving.
He moved his leg to block her view.
‘Are we going to do this again?’ He wanted to, and not just because he was attracted to her. This was a break from reality. An alternate universe that he’d like to spend more time in, if only so he didn’t have to do face anything else.
‘If you’re game?’
He nodded. He was. He knew he was running and that he’d never be quick enough to truly get away, but he’d take these moments in the sun when he could get them.
Chapter 7
On Australia Day, by the time Mike got to the foreshore there were people and cars everywhere. The parking inspectors would be having a field day. And while catching the bus in had taken extra time, it was worth it as he didn’t have to worry about anything except finding where his friends had set up along the river. A dozen people out of tens of thousands. His gaze slid to the hotels in South Perth. Was Ava there or on the other side of the river in Perth?
It didn’t matter.
But it did. He’d seen her at work, but she’d been busy and he’d had places to be. Aside from a smile and a quick hello, nothing had really been said.
He checked his phone as it buzzed, giving him a sketchy location to head for. He located the flats and then what he hoped was the correct tree and started in that direction. A few beers and snacks bounced in his backpack. Once he’d have had a bottle of spirits and a soft drink and no food. Now he was riding again he was drinking less. It was probably a good thing.
Although he was starting to think that he should’ve brought more than two beers. However, there was some rule about only drinking in designated zones or between certain hours. He probably should’ve checked it out.
He heard music going as the hottest one hundred songs of last year, as voted by listeners and not by sales, were counted down. Had they made the list? Ed would know. He kept track of that kind of thing.
It was hours until the fireworks show, but that meant time to lie on the grass and chill. Lately it felt as though that didn’t happen much. He was always running from place to place but never stopping.
As he drew closer, the crowd started to separate into obvious clumps of people and he began picking his way through. Maybe he should’ve got here earlier, but he’d wanted to see his mum in the morning, timing his visit between the pain meds so she was alert.
Ever since they’d talked about his impending trip, it hadn’t been raised again. His mother was like that. If the decision had been made there was no point in revisiting it. He wasn’t like that, and in his mind he was still undecided, even though he knew what needed to be done.
He spotted the green shade tent. In a few more hours it wouldn’t be needed, but someone had to get here early to stake out a good spot. There was nowhere to set up now, although people would squish in as they arrived to see the fireworks, before scuttling back to wherever they had come from.
‘Hey. I made it.’ He put his bag down and sat. Dan was lying on a picnic blanket with his arm over his eyes. Mike gave him a kick. ‘Are you pissed already?’
Dan replied with his middle finger.
‘That’s a yes then.’ He must have loaded up a bottle of soft drink with vodka or something.
‘Yeah. Dan peaked too early.’ Gemma had her head in Kirsten’s lap.
‘And that’s why Lisa dumped him.’ Ed was throwing a small football to his girlfriend’s kid as Olivia packed up.
Dan used both hands to reply, but he kept them low so the kid wouldn’t see.
‘He’s banned from swearing. Watch for hand signals,’ Gem said with a grin.
‘PG time is almost up, then you can be drunken louts.’ Olivia gave Ed a kiss.
‘I won’t be a lout,’ Ed said, with a suitable amount of mock outrage.
Mike smiled. Six months ago it had been him and Ed finding a bar and a couple of chicks. ‘Where are the other guys?’
Ed pointed across to the fenced off celebration zone. ‘They wanted to see one of the performances in there.’ He glanced at Olivia. ‘We spent some time in the kiddie area.’
‘Olivia has domesticated my brother.’ Kirsten laughed.
Ed gave her a dark look. ‘K and Gem have bravely manned our spot.’
‘We entertained ourselves.’ Kirsten stroked Gemma’s hair.
‘Too much information, K.’ Ed stood. ‘I’m going to walk Olivia to her car.’
Mike gave him a wave and watched them leave. Ed seemed a whole lot less stressed than he had a few months ago. But then, a few months ago they’d had nothing written on the album and Ed hadn’t been getting laid on a regular basis.
Neither was he at the moment. It had been almost a month. It wasn’t really that long, but it felt like a long time. Every time he saw Ava he got hard and they hadn’t done anything more than talk. He didn’t want to break what they had by doing something dumb.
He wasn’t a horny sixteen-year-old.
He was nine years older and should know how to behave. It was easier to behave when at home and not on tour. The day job also kept him out of trouble. He glanced at Dan … yeah. That could be him if he wasn’t careful. Real careful.
He cracked open a beer and a bag of crisps, content to do nothing but people watch. People were drinking around them. As long as no one was starting a fight or dragging an esky full of beer, then everything was cool.
‘How’s your mum?’ Gemma stuck her hand in the crisp bag.
That was almost the first thing everyone asked him these days. He wante
d to say, dying, how do you think? But he didn’t. He took a sip of beer. ‘Medicated. Yours?’
‘Okay. Dad went down there last weekend and made a scene. Cops got involved.’ She shrugged. ‘It had seemed too easy. Guess he finally ran out of clean clothes and hoped she’d come back if he made enough of a fuss.’
‘She didn’t?’ After all the hassles Gemma had put up with living there and then finally moving out, and then helping her mother move out. If her mother went back …
When he looked at Gemma’s family, he didn’t mind being the only child and having no father. His dad had probably done them a favour by taking off.
‘No, I don’t think she will. Not now she’s tasted freedom.’
A group of guys and a few girls made their way over. Mike raised his hand in greeting. He and Ed had hung around with the same group at school, but while Ed had remained close as they all went to uni, Mike had drifted away. He’d made friends with the other apprentice sparkies. Then, when Selling the Sun had taken off, they’d drifted away from him.
They all sat and for a while it was a round of general catch-ups. He avoided mentioning his mother because he didn’t want their pity and he didn’t know them well enough anymore for it to be genuine sympathy.
He drained his beer and would’ve gone straight for another, but his phone buzzed with a message. Was Ed lost or not coming back? Lucky bastard. He smiled as he pulled his phone free.
Ava. His smile widened.
I’m taking a walk. Where r u?
Near the celebration zone but not inside.
Her next message had a map. Now he knew which hotel she was at and where she was walking to.
I’ll b there in 10.
C u then.
Mike peeled himself up. ‘I’m going to stretch my legs.’
‘You sure that’s all you’re stretching?’ Dan had a smirk on his face.
It was very tempting to kick him again. ‘Yeah, dickhead. I’m going to say hi to another friend who’s down here.’
‘Chill. You don’t have the balls for al fresco sex.’
