by Shona Husk
While he’d never admit to it, he did. But he didn’t kiss and tell about what he and girlfriends got up to. He didn’t even discuss one-night stands. Some things were meant to be private.
Instead of getting involved in an argument he couldn’t win without revealing too much, he walked away. It wasn’t dark yet and there was another hour until the fireworks started. He reached the meeting point first and saw her walking down the road towards him.
It was the first time he’d seen her out of uniform and not in Lycra. She was wearing a light blue knee-length dress that she had to keep a hand on so the skirt didn’t flick up. He was kind of hoping that it would.
‘How’s your hotel?’
‘Very nice. How’s your lawn?’
‘Green and crowded.’ Which was to be expected. ‘Sooo.’ Why was he here? Her hotel room wasn’t that far away. His dick got its hopes up faster than he’d have liked. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts.
‘I don’t know why I texted you.’ Her lips curved into a small smile before she pinched her lower lip between her teeth, as if to stop it from spreading. ‘I just wanted to get out and thought that if you were close by …’
‘And here I am.’ This wasn’t awkward at all. What were they doing?
She nodded and her gaze skimmed over him. ‘And here you are.’ She took a step closer.
He could reach out and touch her, yet he didn’t. He hadn’t been this hesitant in a very long time. But Ava wasn’t some random chick whose name he didn’t know or couldn’t remember. Her name was etched inside his skull. ‘Did you want to go for a walk?’
‘Why not.’ She flicked him another little smile.
Why not indeed, he wasn’t sure what else they were going to do. This was outside their usual activities. They walked down the road a bit toward the foreshore. He was aware of her arm when it brushed his. And while they had sat close after a ride, this felt different.
How different did he want it?
He wasn’t sure. He liked what they had and that they could talk and there were no complications. But his fingers brushed her hand and then her fingers were linking with his and then they were holding hands before they reached the grassed foreshore.
Around them people moved, walking from wherever they’d parked their car or jumped off the bus. She wouldn’t want to be down here when the show started, not when she could be watching from her balcony with her friends, plus they’d wonder where she was. He glanced back up the road toward the hotel.
‘Guess I should go back.’ She didn’t sound entirely convinced.
‘I’ll walk you.’ He didn’t care if he missed the whole thing. They went back the way they’d come.
They were almost there when she stopped. In that heartbeat, he knew this was about to get complicated and he wasn’t going to do a damn thing to stop it. He’d wanted her the first time he’d seen her. The heat of the evening was on his skin and her touch was under his skin.
If she invited him up, he’d follow.
Fuck. He had no condoms.
Maybe she did … but the thought brought him up short. He liked her. He didn’t just want to sleep with her. If he did that, then what happened next? Did they go back to just being friends … is that what had been happening, or had she wanted more from the start?
It was complicated already. He’d been pretending otherwise because Ava was a very pretty distraction.
A quick screw never brought this headache, neither had making love with a girlfriend. He wasn’t sure he remembered how to do that. It had been too long.
She looked up at him and stepped closer. ‘I remembered why I texted you.’
‘Uh-huh.’ He’d kind of got that. He was sure his heart was about to self-destruct in a frenzy of lust and anticipation.
He put his hand on her waist. He knew she was all lithe muscle. Her riding gear had given him plenty to think about in the shower. She probably wouldn’t find that flattering. After giving her a moment to pull away—she didn’t—he drew her a fraction closer.
Neither of them moved. Her lips were tilted up, and her fingers were locked around his. He drew in a breath. If he crossed the line, he wouldn’t be able to uncross it. He didn’t need this. His life was a mess that he couldn’t afford to screw up further. His dick pulsed. It had only been a month, not even a full month. It wasn’t going to drop off if it didn’t get used.
‘Kiss me,’ she whispered.
Any resistance he’d had was shattered by those two words. He leaned down and brushed his lips over hers. All other thoughts melting away.
She wanted him and he needed her. But he didn’t rush the kiss and neither did she. It slowly deepened from first kiss to more. Her free hand slid over his chest to land on his shoulder. He closed the last few centimetres between them.
Still she didn’t pull away.
There were too many people around to do more here. But he moved against her, leaving no doubt about what he was thinking. She gasped then swayed her hips.
He wanted to pick her up and have her against the nearest wall—which had been his first thought the first time he’d seen her. Her hotel was only metres away. He was pathetic, drawing boundaries, only to ignore them when he changed his mind.
Her tongue found his ring. Then her teeth gave it a gentle tug. She gave a little laugh as he growled.
‘You like that one?’
‘Mmm. Do you have any more?’
No, he didn’t, and this is where things usually took a dive. But he wasn’t drunk and neither was she. And they weren’t strangers. But he didn’t want to give up all his secrets too soon. ‘Maybe, maybe not.’
She was still pressed against him. Her body moulding to his. She reached up and took another kiss. ‘Guess I’ll have to wait to find out.’
Her fingers slid free from his and then she was drifting out of reach. She took a couple more steps back, her eyes still on him.
He covered the distance in a few quick strides. Kissed her again. Harder this time; then drew back, knowing there wasn’t going to be anymore tonight. It was better this way. No sex to make a mess of things. It was fairly obvious that it was on both their minds. ‘Enjoy the fireworks.’
Her eyes were wide and her lips parted. She nodded, but didn’t say anything. Then she turned and went into the hotel.
Mike struggled to find his breath. He rearranged himself and hoped that the walk back would clear both heads.
***
Ava pressed her lips together and got into the lift. She could still feel his lips on hers. Taste the beer and the salt of the chips. The cold of his lip ring and the way his beard tickled her skin. Her stomach jumped. She pressed her hand to her belly.
He’d wanted her.
She wanted him.
It was so tempting to go back down and invite him up, but she was here with friends and she didn’t have a room to herself … and she wasn’t sure that she wanted her first time to be like this. And she wasn’t sure she was ready.
The lift opened and she walked down the hallway.
Her grandmother’s warnings echoed in her ears, tumbling with her friends’ conversations. She’d never wanted anyone the way she’d wanted Mike this evening.
Maybe it was just because she was getting older and her body was desperate. Or maybe her body knew he was the one. He wasn’t. He couldn’t be. She pulled out her phone and looked at the search she’d done with him sitting next to her. Since then she’d heard the band’s music on the radio, but she had resisted doing more. It didn’t seem right to pry.
Now it seemed like the right thing to do.
She’d had her tongue in his mouth. She really should know a bit more about him. Most of the articles were about the band. There was very little about Mike, except for a few nice photos of him playing the drums.
Outside her room she could hear music and talking. They’d probably already guessed she’d gone out to meet someone. Only a few knew she’d never had sex. It wasn’t something she broadcast becaus
e it made her different. A creature to be questioned or treated with ridicule. The last thing she needed was her friends trying to set her up.
Until meeting Mike it had been something that she’d thought about, but not seriously. After that kiss, she was wondering. After the way he’d pressed against her, she wished she had a room to herself. She was aching for relief.
So was he. Whatever was going on was definitely mutual.
Her lips curved.
She tried to imagine a life without sex or masturbation. It was an ideal that was designed to fail. No one could ever pass—no woman could pass, she corrected herself; men weren’t expected to live to the same standard. She paused, ready to swipe back into the room.
She’d bought in to the belief because it had been drilled into her. But in that moment she saw what an insidious belief it was. From the people judging her on how she behaved to her own judgements on herself and others. It was poisonous and corrupting, tearing down instead of building up. Denying instead of embracing.
Who the hell would live in a self-made prison like that? Willingly?
She had.
Or was it right to be picky and wait for the right person? Was she toeing the line or living her own life?
She had no idea.
She opened up the door, her friends grinned. ‘Is he cute?’
Denying that she’d met someone would only add fuel to their curiosity so it was simpler to agree. ‘Very.’
Although Mike probably wouldn’t want to be called cute.
‘And?’ Mel prompted.
‘And nothing. We met, said hi and he went back to his friends. Just lucky we were on the same side of the river.’ And within walking distance.
‘Boring.’ Mel poured herself another glass of wine.
‘It’s called getting to know someone.’ Mel knew that Ava wasn’t going to rush into anything, and Ava trusted her not to say more.
‘So who is he then?’ Mel looked at her with one eyebrow raised.
‘Mike the electrician.’ That wasn’t a lie. He was and it was what she’d thought he did. He had seemed safe and sensible then. Now he was every father’s nightmare. Especially hers.
Chapter 8
It had been months since Mike had made the effort to go for a surf. Ed had asked him a couple of times and he’d said no. Having a day job was great excuse for everything—except on the weekend. And while he’d have to let everyone know soon, he wanted that quiet conversation with Ed first.
If he couldn’t get Ed to agree then it wouldn’t matter.
Even early there were plenty of people at the beach and in the water. He didn’t see Ed straight away because he’d been looking for a single guy, not a family.
With the shade tent set up and Olivia putting sunscreen on the kid while Ed zipped up his suit, that is exactly what they looked like. Mike’s step faltered. He shouldn’t be dropping in on a day at the beach for them. It had sounded different on the phone. Ed was heading down, Olivia was meeting him. It had sounded more casual.
It didn’t look casual.
He hesitated then got over it, Ed would be expecting him to show up. Besides, he didn’t have to stay for long, just enough time to get his surfboard wet and realise how out of practice he really was.
Much like riding, surfing had fallen by the wayside over the last year. It had been easier to do nothing than something. He had the feeling that he’d put relationships in the too-hard basket too.
What was happening with Ava was definitely in that category. He didn’t know if he was enjoying the distraction she offered or if he really liked her. He was out of practice with relationships too. Three months ago he’d have said the same thing about Ed … and now he had an instant family. What was going to happen to them when the band headed off?
Ed raised his hand in greeting.
No backing out now. Mike walked over the sand. It was still cool, but after a few hours in the sun it would be burning hot. He didn’t plan on staying that long.
‘Hey.’ He nodded at Ed, kicked off his flip-flops. ‘How’s it going, Olivia?’
‘Good.’ She smiled as Ethan hid behind her. ‘He’ll come around.’
This was not his idea of fun.
Ed gave Olivia kiss then picked up his board, ending the awkward greeting and lack of conversation. Mike knew he probably should’ve made more of an effort.
The water was cold but he had to think about what he was doing so he pushed everything else aside—which is exactly what he usually did. Maybe his real problem was that he couldn’t juggle more than one thing at a time.
When things got hard his first instinct was to drop something to simplify his life, not actually work through it. He caught up with Ed who was already sitting and resting. At least by doing the riding—even if it was only a few short ones during the week—he wasn’t as unfit as he had been.
He’d forgotten how nice it could be out on the water … much like how nice it could be with a woman and not just be there for the sex. There had been no hint of that with Ava, and he didn’t care. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. After the kiss he’d thought there would be an offer of coming back to the hotel room. That had been what his dick had wanted. But no.
‘How is your mum going?’
‘Well enough.’ Resting and drugged up to stop the pain of the expanding tumour. She was eating less because of the meds and looked older, frailer, as though life was being bled out of her. ‘Could be a couple of weeks, could be a couple of months.’
That’s what Ed wanted to know. It was what he’d wanted to know as he tried to decide what to do.
His mother had told him not to plan his life around something that couldn’t be controlled. That she wanted him to be out there living, not locked up in the hospice dying with her. She’d told him to go. That she wanted to hear the second album and wasn’t going to die before she had.
He’d almost believed that. But he could see the tremors getting worse and her mobility was affected. As much as he didn’t like her living—or was that dying—in the hospice, he knew that there was no way that he could’ve looked after her.
Ava was doing that. She was better at looking after his mother than he was. He was glad that he knew one of the people involved in her care and trusted her. Ava had promised to keep him in the loop. She didn’t think he was a selfish tool for wanting to go, or at least not to his face.
‘So what does that mean?’ Ed waved at the beach. Olivia’s kid was jumping up and down and waving.
Would he stop waving if Mike waved? He didn’t risk it.
Mike blew out a breath. The water slapped against his leg. Behind him was the Indian Ocean and endless nothing. He was a speck, while all of his problems seemed so big and insurmountable. They would amount to nothing and leave no mark. The waves would keep rolling, rock would be ground to sand and someone else would sit here and ponder what the hell they were going to do.
Surfing was different to riding. When riding, he was the centre of the world and he had to be alert to drivers who didn’t pay attention. His mother had always thought that surfing was the safer of his sports, despite the sharks.
He glanced at Ed. ‘I’m coming.’
‘I would hug you if I knew we wouldn’t both fall off.’
‘Olivia is watching so let’s keep it for on tour.’ Mike flicked water at Ed.
Ed shook his head. ‘I’m serious. I’m glad you’re coming. We couldn’t have done it without you.’ They both knew the band could’ve. ‘It wouldn’t have been the same.’
‘And I’d have hated every moment of missing out.’
‘Is your mum okay with that?’
‘She’s cool, practically pushed me out the door.’ He paused. She hadn’t meant to make him feel shut out. She’d tried to be organised so he wouldn’t have to deal with it. It had been good to clear the air. ‘I need to check the schedule as I want to fly home for a few days between gigs.’
He needed Ed to be on board with this idea. It was the closest he’d
been able to get to a compromise so he could be in both places at once. While it would be tricky, it was what he needed to do if he was going east.
Ed nodded. ‘Thought you might. Dan said he was paying rent for your flat, are you okay with the house?’
No, he wasn’t, and he didn’t really want to leave it empty while he was away, but Ava’s quest to rent a room had given him an idea. ‘Is Kirsten still looking to move out?’
‘I think so, if only to rub it in my face.’
‘You’d have the whole ground floor to yourself if she and Gem rented a room at my place.’
‘Remember they’d both be there when you’re home.’
He’d thought about that. But it didn’t bother him. ‘I’m not her brother. And Gem and I get on fine.’ He’d rather share with her than Dan. She wasn’t a slob. ‘They can have the master suite.’
Ed frowned and looked at him. ‘You might change your mind.’
He couldn’t imagine being in the frame of mind where he was fine with sleeping in his mother’s bedroom, so he wasn’t going to think about it. ‘They may not want to share with me.’
‘Did you want me to ask K?’
Mike shook his head. ‘Yeah, maybe. I don’t want them to feel obligated just ‘cause my finances suck.’
‘Mate, you have a flat and a house. I’d kill for half of that.’
While he hadn’t killed for it, it was his because of death. He hadn’t actually worked for it, which meant that if he fucked up and lost it he’d thrown away a valuable gift. His mother had made sure he understood the value of work and money and looking after what he had. But this wasn’t a cheap bike or a third-hand surfboard. They were talking houses.
If Gemma and Kirsten didn’t want to share the house with him he might have to advertise. He didn’t want a random stranger in his mother’s house … but what about Ava?
No. He scratched that thought. Too soon, too weird and just no.
‘So no plans to move out with Olivia?’
‘Yeah, nah. It’s still a pipe dream not close to being reality, so we’ve decided to look at it again towards the end of the year.’ Ed was watching the beach. ‘Maybe the best things aren’t planned.’ He turned and looked at Mike. ‘What’s up with you and that girl at the foreshore?’
