Out of Time (Face the Music Book 3)

by Shona Husk

  He gave a low laugh. It made her realise how rarely he did laugh. Was this a break in the clouds and nothing more? She wasn’t sure it mattered. She liked him and he liked her and for the moment what they had was enough.

  ‘They can be. Is that what you want when I get home?’

  ‘Mmm. If your results were clear then we could skip the condom.’ Then she’d be able to taste him. Lust twisted in her belly.

  ‘Just a second.’ He did something with his phone as she heard it make noises. Her phone pinged. ‘There you go. I’m clear. And I’ll be on the next plane home to give you a sixty-nine.’

  ‘No you won’t.’ Would he?

  ‘You can be on the next plane to Melbourne?’

  Her phone beeped again. He’d sent her a picture of something … probably his test results, as if he thought his word wouldn’t be enough. ‘You’ll have to wait another couple of weeks.’

  He gave a dramatic sigh. ‘Well, there’s incentive for me to stop fucking up.’

  ‘Recording not going smoothly?’ She’d wondered how he was going to go when his heart was so obviously not in it, but they had avoided the topic until now.

  ‘It wasn’t, I’m getting there now. Doing the piano bits.’

  She bit her lip, not wanting to ask but knowing that she should. Irene had asked. She knew that there was more going on than either of them had let on. ‘You got any songs close to done?’

  ‘Do I need to?’ Just like that, the conversation took on a darker edge.

  Ava drew in a breath; the fun had been sucked out of the phone call. But she knew he’d hate it more if she wasn’t honest about his mother’s condition.

  ‘I think you should get something together and give her a call.’ Ava had been trying to convince herself that there hadn’t been a sharp turn after Mike’s departure, but that was a lie. And while Irene was a very determined lady, so far defying doctors by hanging on for longer than they’d expected, there was only so much the body could take. Mike was silent, so she filled the gap to make it easy for him. ‘Would you like me to stay after work so I’ll be with her when you call?’

  He was quiet for what felt like minutes instead of seconds. ‘Do I need to come home?’

  She couldn’t make that decision for him. ‘Did the doctor tell you her medication has been increased?’

  ‘Yes.’

  What else had the doctor told him? Ava paced her room. She didn’t want to be the one telling him this, but no one else was going to. He had no one else. ‘She can’t get out of bed. She’s waiting but she’s ready.’

  He hung up.

  Ava stared at the phone in her hands. Her heart was breaking for him and she was caught in the middle. Her mother’s warning came back to haunt her. Was he using her as a crutch to get through?

  Two hours later she got a text.

  I’ll call when you finish work tomorrow.

  ***

  Instead of working on the stuff that they had been planning to put on the album, they wasted a day on the song he’d accidentally started on the plane. He and Dan had worked on it between shows over the last few weeks. And while it was stripped back, it had a nice feel and fitted with the album. It might make it on or it might end up as a bonus track. Mike put ‘Gone From View’—it even had a title—and two others onto his phone.

  He shouldn’t be making the call, he should be over there, but he was sure that if he showed up his mother would tell him to leave and to stop wasting his life. And he knew he couldn’t leave Melbourne when they were so close to finishing recording. A few more days was all he needed and then he would be home.

  It wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t going to make it back in time.

  In his heart he knew that. He’d known that the moment he’d boarded the plane and returned to Melbourne. It was why it had taken him so long to get on the plane. He’d done everything but said goodbye just in case. She might be ready, but he wasn’t.

  That was selfish and he knew it. He could get on a plane and be there in a few hours. Miss one day … maybe two. His mother was right though. There was nothing that he could do. Being there didn’t change it for her. She wanted to know that he was happy and doing what he loved.

  How could he be happy?

  As he sat in the hotel room with a half-eaten burger, he wasn’t even sure Ava would answer her phone. She hadn’t replied to his text. He shouldn’t have hung up. She hadn’t been telling him anything he didn’t already know. Just something that he didn’t want to hear.

  His mum was ready to go. She was waiting for him to keep his promise and let her hear some of the next album.

  Everyone else had gone out. They knew, even though he’d barely said anything.

  He tossed the burger in the bin, his appetite completely gone.

  He checked the time. Ava had finished work. He needed to call, but he didn’t move.

  His phone buzzed with a message.

  Ready.

  Ava was waiting for him. She’d be sitting with his mother. He should be sitting there, not her. That his mother didn’t want him there was painful, even though he knew that she was doing it for him. She probably did want him there, and if he’d been nothing more than a sparky he would’ve been there. And she’d have been asking why he gave up. And he’d have no answer. So here he was on the wrong side of the country.

  He had to make the call. His stomach turned and he wished he hadn’t eaten. He had to get it together. He drew in a couple of breaths.

  Man the fuck up already.

  He called Ava before he could back out and have to psych himself up again. He had no idea what to say to her after last night. They’d gone from catching up to sex to crashing and burning in record time. Why couldn’t they have just ended on sex? That was easy.

  He knew that he was relying on Ava to keep him informed and she was doing that. She was his link home. And she wasn’t going to break that, even if it meant saying the things that made him act like a jerk and hang up on her. She deserved better.

  ‘Hi.’ Her voice was soft.

  ‘Hi.’ He managed to force the word out without choking on it.

  ‘I’ll put you on speaker … do you want me to stay?’

  Mike wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or his mum. He heard his mother murmur something. Her voice had never sounded that fragile before.

  ‘Putting you on speaker now,’ Ava said.

  He heard the change in sound quality immediately. His heart squeezed out a couple of beats before he could speak. ‘You staying?’

  ‘Is that okay?’ He’d never heard Ava sound so uncertain. He owed her an apology but he couldn’t process that now, so he put it aside for later.

  ‘Yeah.’ He swallowed and tried to gear up to at least sound like everything was going well for him. That’s what his mother wanted to hear; he could do that for her. He had to. ‘Hey, Mum.’

  ‘Michael. You’ve been working hard.’ Her voice was strained and thready.

  ‘You taking your meds?’

  ‘I wanted to be awake enough to talk to you.’

  He grimaced. That meant she was also in pain. The last couple of times he’d called she hadn’t been very lucid because of the medication.

  ‘I thought you might want to hear …’ his voice caught. He was going to break down with Ava listening. With his mother listening. Way to make it worse for her. Pull it together. She was the one dying and he was acting like it was all about him. ‘Some of what we’ve been working on.’

  ‘I’m glad it’s coming together. Not been easy.’

  He couldn’t lie about that. ‘No. But it’s getting there. I should be home in five days.’

  Maybe four if they stopped tweaking stuff, but he knew that this album had to hit a new level. They had to do better this time or they’d wasted the last year … wasted the last few months and they’d become another group of could-have-beens. That wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t on the wrong side of the country for no reason. Something good had to come out o
f this.

  His mother exhaled. ‘Finish, Michael. Do it right.’

  ‘These songs aren’t quite finished. They haven’t been mixed and the sound quality isn’t great as I recorded them on my phone.’ He was making excuses when he should be talking them up and making everything sound awesome. ‘We don’t know what the first single will be yet either.’ He paused but his mother didn’t say anything. Talking must be hard. ‘Okay, here are three from the forthcoming untitled album … All those years of piano are paying off.’

  She made a noise that might have been a laugh, but he couldn’t be sure.

  He pulled up the file and hit play. Then all he had to do was sit there and stew. This is what she’d been waiting for.

  When she’d told him the cancer was back in December, he hadn’t expected it to be so fast. She’d already quit her job by then and was well organised. She’d known for months, after a routine scan had picked it up. She hadn’t told him because he’d been touring and then enjoying a taste of recognition with award nominations. She’d waited so that he wouldn’t rush back. But now she couldn’t wait for him to get home.

  He wiped the tears from his eyes. He should have got on a plane yesterday. He should’ve ignored what she wanted. She was just saying that stuff … because she loved him and didn’t want him to sacrifice another opportunity.

  As the third song ended, he gritted his teeth and tried to breathe evenly so she wouldn’t know how much this was destroying him.

  He loved her and he wasn’t going to fuck this up for her. She wanted to die knowing that he was sorted and on the right path. He had no idea what he was doing.

  Someone clapped, probably Ava.

  ‘Thank you. They were lovely,’ his mother said softly.

  ‘Yeah … I’m sure this one will do well.’ He had no idea. No one had that crystal ball.

  ‘You’re a good kid. The best. I love you.’

  Mike closed his eyes. He couldn’t breathe for the weight on his chest. That was goodbye. ‘I love you too. We were always a team.’

  Now it would just be him.

  ‘You’ll be fine.’

  He was never going to fine again. He was four hours away … plus driving and airport security. He might as well be on the moon. He had to say something.

  ‘I’ll …’ He wanted to tell her to wait, that he’d be there by morning.

  ‘Finish the album for me.’

  He’d be staying in Melbourne. He couldn’t go against her last wish. ‘I will. I love you.’

  There was a rustle and then Ava was on the phone. ‘Irene really needs to take her meds.’

  ‘I can stay on the line.’ He wasn’t ready to hang up. He didn’t want this call to end. He was sure that there wouldn’t be another one.

  ‘Go and have a drink for me.’ His mother’s voice was tight.

  ‘Mum …’

  ‘I love you, Michael.’

  The call went from speakerphone to normal. There was a pause and footsteps. He could imagine Ava leaving the room. He couldn’t speak to ask.

  ‘Mike?’ Ava sounded worried. For him or his mother?

  ‘Yeah.’ Was that his voice?

  ‘The doctors really weren’t that keen on her missing a dose. The pain is pretty bad.’

  ‘I could tell.’ He wished there was something he could take.

  ‘She really did like that. She smiled. She was telling me before you called how proud she is that you’re over there, chasing your dream.’

  ‘I’d rather be there.’ Not that it would be any easier.

  ‘She’s being cared for. She’s okay, Mike. There’s nothing you can you do.’

  ‘I know.’ But it didn’t feel right.

  ‘If I sit with her, can you go find your friends?’

  ‘I don’t want to go out.’ He couldn’t face anyone. One wrong word and he was going to unravel fast.

  ‘I don’t want you to be alone. She wouldn’t want you to be alone.’

  He was silent. That wasn’t fair, using his mother to get him out of the hotel room. His mother had told him to go and have a drink for her. Think of her life, not death. He couldn’t see past the heavy black cloud that was spreading and settling and smothering.

  ‘Mike?’

  Ava was still on the phone. Sitting with his mother wasn’t her responsibility, but someone should be there. Ava was obviously sure it would be tonight. Even if he got on the next flight he’d be too late. ‘I’m here. Will you call?’

  ‘Yes. Take care. Find your friends.’

  ‘I will.’ He hung up and sat on the end of the bed with his head in his hands. It was a while before he managed to pull himself together to get out the door and find Ed and Dan and Gemma.

  They sat in the bar and drank gin and tonics in her memory—her favourite drink—reliving the times that she’d driven them places, and when they’d drunk her gin and filled it up with water at sixteen. How the first time she’d shown no fear even though she must have been afraid of dying. He couldn’t keep it together. But he didn’t need to. Not even Dan made a smart ass comment.

  When his phone had rung three gins later, Gemma had been the one to answer it.

  It had rung again as the hospice made it official.

  Chapter 16

  By the time Mike arrived back in Perth everything was organised. His mother had made all the preparations months ago and the funeral home had done the rest. All he’d had to do was agree to everything.

  None of it felt real.

  He’d managed to speak to Ava once and even then he’d had no idea what to say. He’d sent her a text about the funeral but wasn’t sure if she was working or not. He should know but he couldn’t be sure that she’d told him. Maybe she hadn’t because he hadn’t answered most of her calls.

  He was early to the cemetery so he walked around for a while. Reading the headstones and wondering what his mother had requested for hers. Then he remembered that it was a plaque because she was getting cremated. Was already cremated. The service was a simple plaque laying.

  When he returned to the commemorative wall he stopped. There were about twenty people there. More than he’d expected. No doubt the funeral home had sent out the invitations on her behalf. She was still organising people. The thought almost raised a smile.

  Ava was there. She looked at him but didn’t say anything. He nodded at his mother’s friends and they offered their condolences. Gemma gave him a hug. Ed shook his hand. Dan gave him the mock salute that he used so often.

  Had he fucked up the last few days in the studio? He wasn’t sure. If he had he would be called back to fix it. He pushed the thought aside, unable to deal with that possibility right now.

  There were already flowers here. The record company had sent flowers and a bottle of gin to the house. He hadn’t expected that—Ed must have said something. Their manager had also sent a gift basket. He hadn’t opened it yet.

  He hadn’t done much of anything and yet he hadn’t had time for anything.

  He was going to have to say something. She hadn’t written him a speech.

  When he looked at the faces, he knew she’d be missed by more than just him. His father wasn’t here—not that he’d recognise the man if he fell over him—but he knew everyone here. It didn’t matter that his father wasn’t here. He hadn’t been there for anything for the last twenty years.

  ‘Thank you for coming. She would be glad that her last piece of planning came together so well. I didn’t realise for a long time that my family was different. I think she made sure that I never felt like I was missing out. That changed when she first got sick. She hated that I’d given up a chance to go to uni to help her. After everything she’d done for me over the years, it was something I had to do. This time was different. Most of you knew before I did. I resented that.’ He paused. ‘It was hard to know that she’d kept it a secret. It was harder to keep going. Some of you know how hard. But I did what she wanted and that meant I wasn’t there at the end. I will live with that forev
er.’ Breathe in. Breathe out. Just keep breathing. ‘I know she didn’t want us to stand around being sad. She was all about making the most of what was on offer. So if nothing else, when you leave, next time you shy away out of fear, don’t. Take a chance. Mum would’ve.’

  He caught Ava’s gaze. He’d been avoiding her because he was afraid that he’d hate her for being there. But when he looked at her, he didn’t. He was glad that someone had been with his mother.

  A few other people spoke. All of them remembering her spirit and fight.

  The sun rose higher and the temperature climbed.

  Finally the plaque was fixed to the wall.

  It simply said her name and date of birth and death.

  He should’ve thought of something more to put on it.

  People dispersed after another round of condolences. When he looked around, Ava had gone. He’d wanted to talk to her, even though he didn’t know what there was left to say. He should thank her for being there … he should do something. It was another thing he knew he should do, but hadn’t been able to do. He’d been drifting for the past week, pushed along when people needed him to do something, and the rest of the time going nowhere. He needed to get back into control.

  Dan offered him a drink from a flask. ‘Thought you might need it.’

  The flask was almost empty.

  ‘You were drinking through the funeral?’ Mike handed it back, not interested.

  Dan shrugged then finished it in one swallow.

  Mike knocked it out of Dan’s hand. ‘What the fuck, man?’

  ‘Chill. It was just a couple of swigs.’ Dan bent over to pick it up.

  Mike gave him a shove and sent him sprawling to the ground. Dan lay on his back, stunned for a moment.

  ‘Don’t tell me to chill.’ He turned away, anger still bubbling. He wasn’t angry with Dan … not really, he was angry with himself. For not being there, for doing what she wanted. He should’ve ignored her. He should’ve done everything different.

  It was too late.

  Something hit the back of his knees and Mike went down. He rolled as he hit the grass. His hands making fists, ready to come up swinging. He was on one knee, hands up, before he was aware of what was happening.