The next two days, I worked my ER shifts and came back to the condo. I missed Jaxon. I missed the way he would rub my feet in the morning after my twelve-hour shift, before he went to the clubhouse to do whatever it was he did there. I missed curling up next to him and falling asleep on his chest. I missed how he eased my fears with a simple “Babe.” But I wasn’t ready to forgive. I wanted to, but I just wasn’t there yet.
Thursday, Barb and I met for dinner and went shopping for the baby. She told me I need some retail therapy. It was just an excuse for her to shop.
“So have you decided what you’re gonna do?” she asked as we looked around the baby superstore.
“No. I just don’t know how to unsee him with her. Every time I think about forgiving him, I see her kissing him and shoving her boobs in his face. Plus, for weeks, he’s been secretive and going on runs. Hell for all I know this may have been happenin’ all along.” I picked up a tin of Bag Balm and put it in the cart. “And Brody keeps calling me. I think he thinks since I’ve moved out that he has another shot or something. I’ve told him in no uncertain terms, that’s not gonna happen, but he’s relentless.”
“Gee, Brody? Relentless? I’m shocked.” Barb was the queen of sarcasm.
“Ha-ha. You’re not helpin’ here.” I pushed the cart over to the bottles and breastfeeding section. “What should I do?”
“Brody, I’d tell to chill and Remi…Well, I’m not really sure about that one honey. I mean, you love him, right?”
“Yeah, that’s not the problem though.”
“So tell me, what’s hanging you up on forgiving him?” She reached out and stopped the cart.
“I told you. I keep seeing him with that skank.” I turned to face her.
“I think it’s more than that. I think you’re looking for an excuse to bolt. He can’t leave you if you’re already out the door. Hear me Lei, he’s not your dad. You can’t put your dad’s fuck-ups on Jaxon.”
“I know he’s not my dad, Barb. I’m not trying to bail. I just agreed to marry him for cryin’ out loud.”
“So then, what is it? ’Cause I know you girl, and something else is going on.” I grabbed a package of bottles off the shelf and pretended to read the label. “Stop ignoring me, bitch. I will kick your ass, pregnant or not.”
“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know. Anytime something in my life is goin’ good, I let myself be happy and then it all goes to shit. I swear the universe hates me or something.” I took a deep breath and put the bottles back. “And another thing, that Club. For Christ’s sake, I don’t even know what he does. I know he goes there. He goes on ‘runs’ whatever the hell that means, and he does some construction work. Oh, and the charity stuff, which is cool, but he’s so secretive. When I ask, he says”—I deepened my voice and shook my head—“‘it’s club business.’”
“And there it is. That underlying thing I knew was there. You think he doesn’t trust you. Right?” Barb made a crazy face as she lifted a package of breast pads that were shaped like hearts. “What the fuck are these?” She held them up to her voluptuous chest and we both burst out laughing.
“Maybe that’s part of it, but it’s not just that I don’t think he trusts me. I don’t understand why he has to have all these secrets, Barb. I almost feel like he’s leading another life or something.”
She looked at me with a doubtful glance and kept walking. “Now I know the pregnancy hormones have gone to your head. You’re making no sense. You know where he is and, for the most part, what he’s doing. His life is with you, Lei.” We strolled through the highchairs, car seats and strollers. “Have you talked to him about this?”
“Yes. And no. I mean, I’ve tried, but I always get the crap about it being club business and not being able to discuss it with me. He asked me to accept that for now, but I don’t even know what I’m accepting.” I stop to look at a soft pink and gray playpen.
“Well, now is a good time to talk to him. He wants to fix things, so maybe he’ll talk,” she suggested. She turned to look at the price tag. “Holy sheep shit Batman. Two hundred and twenty dollars for a playpen? Shit, for that price it better put them to sleep for you.”
Chapter Sixteen
~Leila~
Jax and I talked on the phone once a day over the last week. I kept it brief because I couldn’t deal with the pinging emotions when I heard his voice. Then, when I shut my eyes, I remembered what I saw and I was back to square one. He told me he was out on a run to somewhere in Tennessee and was due back on Sunday. We made plans to get together at the house to talk.
It was Friday night and after sleeping all day I woke up in the late evening and was ravenous. For the first time in the two weeks that I had been back in the condo, Drew was there the same time I was. He had asked if it would be okay to have some of the guys over to play poker and throw back a few beers. Of course, I didn’t care; it was his place too. I planned on staying upstairs, out of the way. I grabbed some pizza and a bottle of water, then went back upstairs to my cave. I put The Notebook in the DVD player and surrounded myself with pillows. An hour into the movie, I was blubbering like a fool. Still sniffling, I paused the movie, grabbed my empty plate and headed downstairs, hearing the guys bullshitting as I got further down.
I hit the bottom step and saw our houseguests. Sitting around the sectional was Drew, Bobby, Jasper, Johnny, Damon and…Brody. Well hello universe. I see today was a good day to fuck with me a little more…thanks for that. “Hey guys, just need a drink and I’ll get outta here.”
I prayed no one, especially Brody, noticed I had been crying. They were playing Texas Hold’em, from the look of it, and there were already several empties on the table. I made my way into the kitchen when Jasper started talking.
“Hey honey. How are ya feelin’?” When I turned he was standing at the bar.
“Hey Jas. I’m good. How about you? Everything good at home? Donna doin’ okay?” I set my plate in the sink.
“Everything’s good darlin’. How much longer you got left?” He lifted his chin.
“Seven weeks. I can’t believe it, I’m so ready. All these damn contractions are getting annoying.” I rubbed my side. “Plus, she thinks my ribs are monkey bars.”
“What contractions?” Brody sidled up next to Jasper. Obviously, I wasn’t quiet enough or Brody was eavesdropping.
“Brody, simmer down. It’s nothing.” I grabbed my water and exited the kitchen. “Jasper, I’ll see ya Sunday at dinner.” Kissing his cheek, I started for the stairs.
Brody caught my arm and stopped me in my tracks. “What contractions Lei? You said you’d tell me what’s going on.”
“Dear God in heaven. What is the matter with you Neanderthals?” I blew out a dramatic breath. “They’re just Braxton-Hicks. It’s completely normal. I’m an RN for fuck’s sake, I think I’d know if it was a problem and at that point I’d tell you. I’m fine. Go finish your game.” I turned away and went back upstairs and opened the door to a frisky Ruger.
“You need to go outside?” I asked in a silly high-pitched voice. He heard “out” and took off. Once I waddled down the stairs, he was already pacing at the back door. I grabbed my sweater on the way down and wrapped it around my shoulders and opened the door to the small backyard, which was fenced in with high black wrought iron gate that was tied in to a six-foot high brick wall. The patch of grass was about the size of a two-car garage. Enough for a quick Ruger nighttime visit.
I sat down and hit the switch to ignite the flame for the small propane fire table. As I looked up at the stars, enjoying the heat, I heard the door open. Ruger was lying in the grass chewing on a large bone, only stopping long enough to acknowledge our intruder.
“Ya know, it’s a little cold to sit out here.”
Brody. “It’s not too bad. Between the fire, sweater and all my fat, I’m pretty toasty.”
“Damn it Lei. I’ve told you, you’re not fat. You’re eight months pregnant. And what, you’ve gained twenty pounds?”
> “Actually, twenty-five, if you must know.”
“Right, so you probably still weigh less than most women. You’re beautiful and even more so pregnant.” He sat down next to me.
“Brody, I need you to understand that just because I’m not living with Jaxon, that doesn’t mean we aren’t still together.” We were still together, right? I had started to wonder myself.
“Babe, you have to know I’ll never stop trying. You’re carrying my daughter and I love you. That has not changed.” He reached for my hand. “I understand you need some time to figure things out, but I don’t. I know what I want, and I want you. I will wait as long as I need to Lei. I know things got really fucked up between us, but I want to fix it.”
I got angry as I thought about that night, six months ago. The night my world started spinning out of control. The night he threw me out of his life and I fell into Jaxon’s. My chest still ached and my throat tingled at the memories. I had cried over it for weeks.
“Brody, I can’t do this with you.” I looked down at my hand. On my ring finger was Jaxon’s beautiful engagement ring. Seeing it on my hand and my hand in Brody’s troubled me. I quickly jerked it back and stood. As I started to walk past him, he grabbed my hand.
“It should’ve been mine.”
Confused by the statement I asked, “What? What should’ve been yours?”
“The ring on your finger. It should be my ring. I should’ve been the one asking you to marry me. Not him.”
“Well, maybe you’ll still get your fuckin’ chance.” Jaxon’s voice was gruff and tight.
“Jax.” I was floored to see him there. I pulled away from Brody grasp and started toward the door where he was standing. “You’re home? I thought you weren’t gonna be here until Sunday.”
“Sorry to disappoint ya, babe. Should’ve figured you’d be here with him.” He was pissed. Okay, pissed was an understatement.
“What? What the hell is that supposed to mean Jaxon?” Brody stood and I knew what was coming. I turned to him. “Don’t you say a fuckin’ word Brody or I swear to God, I will slap you.”
He clenched his fists and walked in the opposite direction to the gate, opened it and disappeared. Probably decided the front door would be an easier entry.
I looked back at Jaxon. “What is your problem? I haven’t seen him since the night you let that skank dry hump you.”
“Every time I turn around, he’s with you. This is fuckin’ bullshit Leila.”
“Yeah, well, whose fault is that Jaxon?” As soon as it was out I wished I could take it back.
Jaxon’s eyes narrowed. “Ya know what Lei…” His jaw tightened and he threw his hands up. “I’m out.”
The door slammed shut so loudly it made me jump. I sat down, stunned. I wanted to run after him and beg him not to leave. I wanted to tell him I forgave him. I wanted him to hold me and tell me he loved me, but that all started with me going after him, and while I loved him, that wasn’t going to happen.
He was the one who screwed this whole thing up, between the club hoochie and his overreacting about Brody, which was the one thing I told him would end up being a problem. I was right. He let Brody drive a wedge between us. No matter how many times I told Jax I loved him, and not Brody; that I wanted Jax, and not Brody. I warned Jax when he asked me to marry him that Brody would always be in our lives because of the baby. Jax promised me he could deal with it.
I stared at the fire until shouting and loud voices pulled me from my trance. I went back inside to find the living room empty and the front door standing open. The closer I got, the louder the shouts. In the front of the house on the sidewalk, Drew and Bobby were holding Jaxon back as Damon and Jasper were attempting the same with Brody.
Brody’s nose was bleeding and his eye was swelling. Jaxon’s lip was split and he was spitting blood. Unaware of my arrival, they were still cussin’ at each other, grappling with their respective captors and looking wildly bloodthirsty.
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up!” I screamed at the brood of alpha males. “Are you kidding me?” They all stilled and looked in my direction. “I cannot believe you two. Y’all are acting like self-centered assholes. In case either of you have forgotten, since I haven’t seen either of you in two weeks, I. Am. Pregnant. I don’t need this shit.” I shook my head, threw my hands up, turned around, then stomped inside. I slammed the door and contemplated locking it, but I didn’t. Jasper, Bobby, Drew and Johnny would all probably come back inside after Damon took Brody home and Jaxon left.
Grabbing a box of tissues from the downstairs bathroom, I took my fat, pregnant ass upstairs, whistling for Ruger. My cell phone was on vibrate, and each and every time it rang it lit the room up. Eventually there was a knock on the door.
“Sis, I hope you have clothes on because I’m comin’ in.” Drew opened the door and flipped the light switch on. “You okay kiddo?”
I looked down at the barrier of tissues surrounding me. “I will be. I’m sorry they ruined your night. I just can’t believe they were out front fighting like that.” My breath caught as I was sniffling. “What happened?”
“My best guess? Jax walked through the house out the front door, where Brody was, since he came through the side gate. They exchanged words, then blows.” He didn’t seem too bothered. “It was bound to happen. Those two have as much testosterone as a pride of male lions.”
“What am I gonna do Drew?” I looked up through my tear soaked eyes. “Jax just said I’m out, then left. I don’t even know what that means.”
“What can I do? You want me to go drag Jaxon’s dumbass back over here?”
“No.” I sighed deeply. “You can’t fix this one big brother, I wish you could though. I don’t even know if I can.”
“I’ll try to talk to Brody and see if I can get him to back off a little bit, okay?” Drew offered.
“Thanks Drew.”
Jasper appeared in the doorway. “Lei, you need anything?”
“No Jas, I’m okay, thanks. Well, I’m not okay, but you know what I mean.”
“You sure? I could always lock ’em up,” he teased and I grinned back.
“Nah, not right now, but can I reserve that right for a later time, just in case?” I smiled slightly as I teased.
“Sure can honey. Consider it reserved.”
“Thanks. I’m gonna go to sleep y’all. I need to rest after the street brawl between my fiancé and baby daddy.” I gathered the tissue and dumped them in the trash can next to the bed.
“Okay, but don’t forget dinner Sunday,” Jasper reminded. “Donna’s makin’ homemade chicken n’ dumplins.”
“Ooh, that’s my favorite.” I made the effort to sound excited.
“That’s why she’s makin’ it. Get some rest, honey. See ya Sunday.” Jasper walked over and kissed the top of my head before leaving.
“I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” Drew tipped his head in the direction of the door.
“Thanks Drew. Love you.”
“Love you too kiddo.” He turned and left, shutting off the light in his wake and sending the room and myself back into darkness. Literally and figuratively.
My cell buzzed and lit up the room again. Reluctantly, I picked it up from the bedside table. I had six missed calls, four from Jaxon and two from Brody. There were three unread text messages, all from Jaxon. Two voicemails…And a partridge in a pear tree.
Text 1: pls call me bck
Text 2: babe im sorry. pls call me. we need to talk
Text 3: Lei, I love you. I’m sorry I blew up tonite, I’m guessin u need time to think & that’s why ur not callin me back.
The voicemail from Brody came first. Calmly, he apologized for his part in the fight and for stressing me out, pregnant or not. He also wanted to ask if we could sit down, over dinner, and talk about everything. So in the wake of the colossal clusterfucker that became this night, he asked me out. Again.
Who does that? Oh, wait. Brody. He does that.
Jaxon’s voi
cemail was more frantic. He must have left it as he walked home, trying to explain that Brody was goading him on and kept saying that he was gonna win me back. Admitting he fucked up and he didn’t deserve me, Jaxon said he didn’t want to lose me, he wanted nothing more in life than to fix us. He said he loved me like six different times in the rambling mess of a voicemail, but then he started back in on Brody, saying he was always there when we had a fight and the only reason we fight. He must’ve forgotten the fights about club business and the skank ho. He said he was sorry he left the way he did, and begged me to call him tonight instead of sitting and letting this stew.
I replayed his voicemail over and over. After the second time not even listening to the words, just his voice, I drifted off.
Chapter Seventeen
~Leila~
I woke the next morning to the awful—pregnancy—stench of coffee and the delicious smell of donuts. Blinking my eyes slowly, I saw my door open wide and heard hushed voices resonating from below. I was so warm and comfy in bed under the plush down comforter, but the potential reward of donuts won out.
I used the bathroom, brushed my teeth and washed my face. I rubbed my belly butter onto my enlarged abdomen and swollen boobs before putting on a pair of charcoal maternity leggings and threw on a sports bra. No way was I lugging these puppies around without help. Before pregnancy I was a 34D, and now…well, I didn’t know exactly. Was cantaloupe a bra size?
I pulled on one of the two tees that I stole from Jaxon’s drawer when I grabbed my scrubs. It was an old, soft, black Harley T-shirt that hit me about midthigh, even with the baby bump. Tucking my chin down, I brought the fabric to my nose and inhaled deeply. I loved the way he smelled. Polo Blue, with a hint of leather and musk.
I shuffled down the stairs and saw Bobby and Jaxon sitting around the bar, while Drew was standing on the other side. Drew was the first to notice my arrival, then the guys spun in their barstools.
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