Pulled

by A. F. Crowell

  “Mornin’ sis. You wanna donut?”

  “Hey baby.” Jax, his lip swollen and slightly purple, rose and pulled me into his arms.

  Still groggy, I mumbled to Drew, “Yeah, thanks.” I wrapped my arms around Jax, pressing my belly to him just as the baby kicked.

  Jax released me and slid his hands to the sides of my stomach. “Well, good mornin’ to you too princess.”

  “Mornin’ Lei, you get some sleep after the hectic night?” Bobby took the plate Drew passed with my donut and sat it next to him, where Jax had been sitting.

  “Some. Little miss thing here”—I touched my belly—“decided to practice her jumping on my bladder, which meant I was up every two hours.”

  I sat down at the bar and took a bite of my glazed donut. Bobby and Drew exchanged a series of looks, then Bobby stood from the stool.

  “Uh, I’m gonna run. Drew, thanks for the couch. Jax”—he noded at him—“thanks for the coffee and donuts. Oh, and for the, uh, show last night.” Bobby snickered as he grabbed his coat and slipped on his shoes. He came back over to me, kissed my temple and whispered in my ear, “Go easy on him Lei. He loves you and Brody doesn’t make shit easy.”

  Bobby dipped his head to Drew. “Later bro.”

  “Hey Bob, wait up.” Drew rounded the peninsula and walked with Bobby over to the door. They spoke quietly to each other, then Bobby left. “I’m gonna grab Ruger and head down to the Battery for a run.”

  Drew disappeared, leaving me sitting at the bar and Jax leaning on the end of the tall counter. I drew in a deep breath as I finished my donut. We needed to talk, but I just didn’t have the energy yet.

  “You want another donut baby?” Jax took my plate into the kitchen.

  “Nah, I really shouldn’t have eaten that one, but you know how I love donuts. I don’t need to gain sixty pounds while I’m pregnant.”

  “Lei, babe, you look fuckin’ amazing. If you wanna eat a dozen donuts, then eat them. You’re pregnant. You should allow yourself to eat whatever you want. And stop worryin’ about your weight. You need to gain more. Dr. Rogers told you at our last appointment she wanted you to put a little more weight on.” He dropped my plate into the sink and rinsed it.

  “Well, I have. I got on the scale the other night and I was one hundred and forty-nine pounds. One hundred and forty-nine, Jaxon. That’s twenty-five pounds more than I used to weigh. I feel like a freakin’ whale. My feet hurt, my back hurts and I don’t think adding more fat to the problem will help.”

  “Babe.” He came around and pulled me off the stool and to the couch. “You’re not fat. You’re as gorgeous now as you were a year ago.” He pulled my feet into his lap and started massaging at my heel.

  “Is that why you’re out getting lap dances? Because I’m so hot.”

  Jax stopped rubbing and winced. He sucked in a huge breath, clearly getting ready to speak, then stopped.

  Drew walked through with Ruger on the leather lead. “See y’all in a little while.”

  I attempted to pull my feet out of Jaxon’s lap. I was successful with one, not so much with the other. He held it in his calloused hands like it was his lifeline.

  “Listen, I can say this until I’m blue in the face and the fuckin’ cows come home. I fucked up. I should’ve made her stop. I should’ve told the boys why I was there. They wouldn’t have sent her over if they knew. I should’ve stayed home with you. I wish I could go back and change it all, but I can’t.” He started rubbing the arch of my foot. “What I can do is apologize. Again. And just wait for you to forgive me.”

  “That’s the problem Jaxon. I don’t know how to. It’s not that I don’t want to, because I do, but every time I close my eyes, I see you with her. I see her grinding on you. You kissing her. Pulling her hair, the same way you do mine.” I snatched my foot away and attempted to stand up. Jax jumped up and helped me. “Maybe that’s what hurts the most, you used to do those things with me.”

  I walked to the bathroom leaving him slack-jawed in the living room. I peed, washed my hands, then blew my nose. Grabbing a few tissues, I returned to Jax.

  “I pulled her hair to get her mouth off me, not to shove her tits in my face. I’ve told you that.” I could see he was getting perturbed. “What do you want me to do, Leila?”

  That was the problem. I didn’t know what I wanted him to do. Even after two weeks of being apart, I still didn’t know.

  “I don’t know Jaxon.” I looked at him, then turned my gaze to my belly and whispered, “I don’t know.”

  Just then the silence was severed by my phone ringing upstairs.

  “Shit.” I tried to scoot myself to the edge of the chaise to go get my phone.

  “I’ll get it.” Jax bounded up the stairs. I heard him faintly.

  “What do you want…Well, she’s busy motherfucker…No, I won’t fuckin’ get her…Yeah, well fuck you too.”

  I stopped at the bottom of the stairs to see him coming back down them. “Who was that?” I asked even though I knew.

  He didn’t say a word as he clomped down the stairs, holding out the phone to me. His demeanor had changed completely. He was bristly and tense. His eyes dark, jaw tight and hands clenched.

  “Jaxon who was on the phone?” I asked softer this time.

  He stopped and his eyes settled on mine. The look alone made me tremble. “Let’s not play this game. You know who it was.”

  “Brody?” I asked to be sure.

  “Always in the fuckin’ middle.” He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed his keys off the counter.

  “You’re leaving? Now?”

  “What do you think?”

  “I think if you wanted to fix this, then leaving isn’t the answer Jax. You’re letting him do this. You.” I was pissed. “You promised me on Valentine’s Day, when you proposed, you wouldn’t let him do this to us. And the first time things get rough you use him as an excuse.”

  “An excuse? A fucking excuse?” he shouted.

  I screamed back, not backing down. “Yes. He didn’t get a fuckin’ lap dance in my face. That was you. You. You did this. Not him. He was just here to pick up the pieces.” I started to calm down. “Just like you did when he fucked up…Oh my God, that’s it.” It suddenly dawned on me. “That’s your problem. You think that since you picked up the pieces and we ended up together, that’s gonna happen now. Right? That I’m gonna choose him over you.”

  He hung his head and stared at his heavy black boots and whispered, “Yeah. It’s the exact same thing Leila.”

  “Wow…what you must think of me, to think that shit.” I dropped to the couch with the weight of his words. “I think you need to leave Jaxon, because if you really think that I could jump from your bed back to his after what he did to me, then you don’t know me at all.”

  A tear fell when I looked down at my ring as I slid it off my finger. I looked at the brilliant diamonds, then stood. I walked over to Jaxon, took his hand, placed it in his palm and closed his fingers around it. “Goodbye Jaxon.”

  I walked past him to the bathroom, shut the door and slid my back down the wall until my butt hit the ground.

  Then I cried.

  Harder than I ever had.

  Harder than when Brody pulled his shit and even harder than when my mom died.

  I felt like I was losing a part of my soul. Like someone reached into my chest and tore half of my heart out. I felt like I was dying as I sobbed hysterically on the floor of that bathroom.

  *****

  ~Jaxon~

  I kept looking down at the engagement ring I gave her. The one she just handed back to me. I listened to her crying in the bathroom as I stood on the other side of the door. The sound tortured me. I wanted to bust down the door and hold her. Promise to never hurt her again. Promise to never let that fucker come between us again. And promise to hold her forever.

  But instead pride overruled good sense. And love.

  I walked over to the dining room and carefully sat the ring in t
he middle of the table. As I opened the door, I looked back toward the bathroom door. “I love you baby.” With that whisper, I shut the door and walked back down the street to our house.

  As I reached our place, I sat down on the front steps and remembered all of the times I watched her walk past to and from work. The conversations we had at the sidewalk. Then I stood and walked inside. Everywhere I looked, there was a memory of her or us. A piece of her. I trudged up the steps to the second floor. Opened the nursery door and walked over to the pink upholstered rocking chair. I sat down and looked around the room where our daughter will be, or would’ve been raised.

  And for the first time in my adult life I cried.

  Chapter Eighteen

  ~Leila~

  It had been a week since I tried to give Jaxon his ring back. When I had finally emerged from the bathroom and I saw my ring on the table, my heart knocked against my ribs—he wouldn’t take it back. Perhaps there was hope for us after all.

  Barb told me Viper—apparently, they were more of an item than she let on—said that he, Jax and a few other brothers had to do something for the Semper Fi Foundation. I tried not to let the fact that he hadn’t called or texted bother me. Barb hadn’t heard from Viper either.

  It was Monday morning and I was on my way for a routine checkup with Dr. Rogers. This would be the first appointment that I went alone. Jaxon was…well, not in my life right now and I had to own that part of it was my doing. When I called Brody back, I forget to remind him of the appointment and I was sure he didn’t remember.

  Once in the waiting room, I pulled my iPad out and started to read about my latest book boyfriend. When the door squeaked open, I looked up to see Brody strutting over in a custom tailored suit. He unbuttoned his jacket and dropped down in the chair next to me. “Hey babe, how are you feeling?”

  “Uh, fine. I didn’t think you were coming. I forgot to remind you. How did you know?” I closed the cover on my tablet.

  “I had Sara put it on my schedule last month. Where’s he at?”

  His question shook me. I wasn’t prepared to tell him, but since he’s asked I guessed now was as good a time as any. “He’s not here. And it looks like he won’t be at anymore appointments either.” I felt the burning in my nose and tears welling in my eyes and blinked a few times, hoping Brody wouldn’t notice.

  “Leila Matthews?” the nurse called out.

  Saved by the bell.

  Brody helped me up and trailed behind me as we were led down the hall to the exam room. The nurse took my vitals and told us Dr. Rogers would be in shortly. She exited, leaving the door partially open.

  “Want to tell me what’s going on Leila? Where is Jaxon?” Brody sat in the chair by the counter.

  “Wow, I’m shocked. You do know his name.”

  Brody crossed his arms across his chest and groaned. “Sorry I asked. Obviously you don’t want to talk about it.”

  I took in a long breath, then slowly blew it out. “Last Sunday we got into a fight after he answered my phone when you called. I took off my ring and gave it back to him.” Brody’s eyes widened in disbelief. “When I came out of the bathroom it was sitting on the dining room table.”

  “So is that why you’re still wearing it?” he said through gritted teeth.

  “I love him Brody. I’m sorry if that hurts you. Giving him the ring back was impulsive and I shouldn’t have done it. Knowing me as well as he does, he knew I wasn’t thinking clearly, that I did it in the heat of the moment.” I brushed a few tears from my cheeks. “He hasn’t called me all week, but I know he’s outta town on business for the charity. I’m presuming that’s why.”

  Brody leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees and clasp his hands together. “I’m not going to lie. I don’t like him. I think you deserve better than he can give you. You deserve to be treated like a princess. To travel the world the way you want to. To stay at home and raise our little girl if you want to. Or hire a nanny and work the job you so love, but you deserve the chance to make that decision.”

  “Brody—” I was cut short by the quick knock and the door being pushed open.

  “Leila, how are you dear? Any issues since the last visit?” Dr. Rogers asked as she set her tablet on the counter.

  I plastered a smile across my face. “Good, can’t complain.”

  Brody cleared his throat and glared at me like he was trying to shoot lightning bolts at me out his eyes. He nodded from me to the doctor. I gave him an evil glare and quickly shook my head, silently responding with keep your damn mouth shut.

  “Well, since she’s not going to say it, I will,” Brody and his big mouth blurted out.

  “Brody,” I warned him.

  “No, Lei. She’s your doctor. She needs to know and if you’re not gonna tell her, I will. That’s my daughter in there. And, like it or not, I still love you.” He turned to Dr. Rogers. “She’s been having contractions for the last week. She thinks they are Braxton-Hicks, but according to the books I’ve read they shouldn’t be painful. And they are.” He trained his gaze back to me.

  “Asshole,” I sniped quietly.

  “Okay. Leila, is this true?” she asked

  Keeping my villainous look on Brody, I answered, “Yes, but I’m fine.”

  “How long have they been happening? And how long do they last?” she asked as she tapped away on the tablet.

  “Well, the ones that are really painful, usually only last a minute or so. I guess they started about a week and a half, maybe two weeks ago, but really, it’s nothing. They aren’t regular and I don’t even have that many a day,” I explained as she nodded her head and continued to take notes.

  “I’m going to step out and I’d like you to undress from the waist down. I want to check your cervix.” She pulled a sheet out of the cabinet and handed it to me. “Open the door when you’re ready.”

  I stood and looked at Brody with contempt. “This is all your fault. Turn around,” I ordered.

  “Seriously, Lei? I’ve definitely seen you naked.” He motioned to my belly.

  “Get out. Wait outside the door.” I pointed to the exit. “I’m serious Brody. We aren’t together anymore. And Jaxon would shit a baby goat if he knew you were in here while I changed. Go!”

  Shaking his head and grumbling, he vacated the room. I undressed and folded my clothes and sat them neatly on the counter, wrapped the sheet around me and cracked the door. Brody came in first and sat down.

  “I hope you know I plan to be in the room when you deliver,” Brody informed me.

  “Well, I hope so. It’s not every day you have a child. I’ll be really pissed if you miss it.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ve made sure Sara knows not to schedule anything out of town after the first week of April.” He paused and got this look on his face. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I can see your ass.”

  “Huh.” I looked to my side. “Oh shit. Sorry.” I tried to reach back and wrap the sheet around a little more. Dr. Rogers reentered the room and had me lay down. She washed her hands and put on a sterile glove.

  “Feet up,” she directed and helped put my feet in the stirrups attached to the table. “Little pressure.”

  “Uh, Lei, you want me to leave?” Brody’s eyes widened.

  I chuckled a little. “Nah, I’m good.”

  Dr. Rogers pulled back, patted my knee indicating I could sit up as she pulled her glove off. “So you’re not gonna like it, but I need to send you over to—” I cut her off.

  “Do not finish that sentence if it ends with hospital,” I said with a groan.

  “Sorry Leila. We need to make sure you’re not in preterm labor. Given the fact that you’ve had a placenta previa, bleeding and you’ve been having contractions, it’s a real possibility.”

  “Damn it.” I exhaled loudly. “Can I at least go home first and—” This time Dr. Rogers interrupted me.

  “Nope, afraid not.” She turned to Brody. “Dad, can you make sure she gets there safely?”
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  “Of course,” Brody agreed. “Isn’t it too early for her to have the baby?”

  “She’s far enough along that it shouldn’t be a problem if she did happen to deliver now. I hope that’s not the case, though.” She turned and looked at me. “You’re almost thirty four weeks, but the baby would probably need to stay in the NICU for a week or two depending on her weight.”

  “Okay, but I’d really like to wait as long as possible. Another five or six weeks would be good.”

  “I understand that Leila, but sometimes we don’t have a say in it,” she said with sympathy. “I’ll let you get dressed. I’m gonna call over to the L and D floor and let them know you’re coming in for observation. Best case scenario, you’ll be home later tonight.”

  “Okay.” I rolled my eyes.

  Dr. Rogers and Brody exited the room, leaving me alone to dress. I put my clothes back on, texted Barb and tried to call Jaxon. It went straight to voicemail and I left a message asking him to call me. I didn’t want him to worry, so I didn’t tell him what was going on. Barb texted me saying she’d meet me at my house.

  Opening the door I almost walked into Brody. “Ready?” he asked.

  “Yeah, can we talk out front first?”

  “Sure.” We left the office and stopped by the front doors. “What’s up?”

  “Don’t get pissed but I’m going home first.” He started shaking his head. “Wait, let me explain. I have to drop off my car, get my overnight bag just in case and get some things. Please don’t fight me on this Brody or so help me God, I will ban you from my room.”

  “That’s stooping pretty low, babe.” He understood I wasn’t playing and yielded. “Fine, but you have fifteen minutes from the time we get there, to the time I drag you out.”

  I grunted. “I’ll see you at my place. Barb is meeting us there.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  ~Leila~

  Barb was waiting inside with Drew when I got back to the condo. She already had taken Ruger out and made arrangements with Drew to take care of him.