Lullabye (Rockstar #6)

by Anne Mercier

  I jump when something cold touches my back. “We’re just cleaning up the area for you, sterilizing it so there’s no risk of infection.”

  I nod. “Okay.” I look at Jesse who’s watching what they’re doing. “What are they doing?”

  “Using some sponge thing with some orange-y solution that almost looks like iodine on your skin,” Jesse informs me.

  “Is that going to stain my skin?” I ask. “Not that it’s going to matter, I’m just curious.”

  “Nope,” Dr. Franklin assures me. “It’ll come right off when you’re to the point you’re ready to shower.”

  “We get most of it off in recovery if we can,” the nurse tells me.

  “Cool. You’re going to stick me now, aren’t you?” I ask.

  “How’d you know?” Jesse asks.

  “I can smell it. He did the whole squirt-a-bit-out-of-the-syringe-first thing, right?”

  Jesse nods.

  “There you go.”

  “You’ll feel some pressure in your back now,” the doctor tells me and then he pokes me.

  “Squeeze my hand, Cupcake,” Jesse tells me.

  I breathe through the pain. This shit hurts. “Where are my rings?” I ask.

  “Sera’s holding them for you. Mine too.”

  Inhale through my nose, exhale out my mouth. “Owie, owie, owie,” I say, closing my eyes tightly and squeezing Jesse’s hand when I feel a sting deep in my back.

  “We’re putting in the port for the continuous anesthesia now, Lucy. Almost done,” Dr. Franklin tells me.

  I nod once, then continue to breathe deeply, in and out, trying not to think about the pain.

  I feel a stinging and I hold my breath. The pain starts to dissipate and then I feel nothing. Not my legs. Not my toes. Nothing.

  “Wow,” I say aloud. “This is a crazy weird feeling.”

  “What is?” Jesse asks.

  “I can’t feel anything below my boobs.”

  “It’s only temporary,” the nurse assures me.

  “Meet Nurse Elaine,” Jesse introduces.

  I nod. “I’m not sure I’d like this to be permanent. I have a whole new respect for the paraplegic people,” I mutter.

  “All done,” Dr. Franklin announces as Nurse Elaine puts something over my nose.

  “I thought I was going to be awake?”

  “You are. That’s just oxygen, love,” she says.

  “Oh. I’m kinda freaking out here,” I admit. “Are you freaking out, Jesse?”

  He nods. “Majorly freaking out. But the heartbeats are steady and your blood pressure has gone down some, so it’s better than when we got here.”

  I relax slightly. “Well, that’s good, right?”

  Dr. Mackenzie chuckles. “That’s pretty damn great, Lucy. We’re going to tilt you back onto the cushion so I can get started.”

  “Okay. Do what you will, I can’t feel a thing,” I say and then I snort. I narrow my eyes on Nurse Elaine. “Did you give me something? I feel funky.”

  She nods. “Yes, just a little something to help you relax.”

  Jesse groans. “You don’t know what you’ve done. Giving her that will probably be like her getting drunk.”

  “So?” Dr. Franklin asks.

  Jesse sighs. “You’ll see.”

  “I’m not that bad,” I complain.

  Jesse raises a brow.

  “I’m just fun.”

  “That you are, Cupcake,” he agrees.

  “You’re not going to watch that, are you?” I ask Jesse.

  “Fuck no. I’d rather have someone pull out my toenails with pliers.”

  “Careful, I know someone who might enjoy doing that,” I tease and Jesse gives me a look. “Damian. You stole me from him. He was working it pretty good until we saw you in that conference room.”

  Jesse chuckles. “Bastard never had a chance.”

  “Oh,” I say when I feel the weirdness of my numb body being cut open.

  “Can you feel that?” Dr. Mackenzie asks.

  “No, it’s just weird.”

  He nods.

  “I’ve decided I’m going to call you Dr. Mack,” I announce and Elaine snickers.

  “Go ahead,” Dr. Mack tells me from behind his green mask.

  “I wish we would have been able to tell what sex they were with the last few ultrasounds,” I admit.

  Jesse squeezes my hand gently. “Me too.”

  “Stubborn little ones,” Dr. Mack says. “A bit like mom and dad, I presume.”

  “Like Dad,” I say at the same time as Jesse says, “Like Mom.”

  I snort and everyone else laughs.

  “Sounds like both,” Dr. Franklin deduces.

  I sigh. “That’s the truth.”

  “You more than me,” Jesse tells me.

  “That’s probably true too.”

  “No probably about it.”

  “Not nice,” I chide.

  “Here we go, baby number one,” Dr. Mack announces and then I hear wailing and I start to cry. “It’s a boy! Come cut the cord, Dad.”

  Jesse grins then cuts the cord, tears welling in his eyes. “A boy. I was sure I was going to get all girls as payback for all the things I did before Lucy.”

  I laugh a watery laugh, then watch the flurry of activity as the baby is taken over to an area that has a warming light.

  “Kinda like Kentucky Fried Chicken over there with the warming lamp,” I say aloud, feeling loopy from whatever they gave me.

  Everyone laughs.

  “Told ya,” Jesse mutters.

  “That you did,” Dr. Mack agrees. “Here comes baby number two.”

  “Girl or boy?” I ask Jesse.

  “I don’t care, so long as it’s healthy.”

  “Same. Listen to number one over there. He’s got some good lungs,” I murmur happily. Then there’s more wailing.

  “So does baby number two. It seems your sons are going to be very loud, Lucy,” Dr. Mack teases.

  “Not a shock. Look at their dad,” I say as tears roll down my cheeks. Two boys. Jesse cuts the cord and then he’s back. He rests his forehead against mine. “They’re beautiful, Lucy. Both of them have dark hair. They’re so tiny.”

  Dr. Mack looks over at Elaine and I can see the smile in his eyes.

  “Well, lookie here. Baby boy number three,” he announces, then there’s a seriously loud cry.

  “Wow, that kid has a set of lungs,” Jesse says as he goes over to cut the cord.

  I laugh, tears flowing freely. “I’m so glad. I was so worried about their lungs.”

  “The pediatrician will do a thorough examination, but that’s not what you need to worry about,” Dr. Mack tells me, but I’m not really listening.

  “I guess Aunt Lily was wrong,” I tell Jesse.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Remember when I saw her, she said I’d have a girl,” I remind him.

  “It’s not like anyone in your family to have their mojo be wrong, is it?” he asks and I shake my head.

  “If you two would listen to me, you’d know we have a situation going on down here,” Dr. Mack tells us with laughter in his voice, but I panic anyway.

  “Oh God. What’s wrong?” I ask.

  He looks up and meets Jesse’s eyes and then mine. “Here’s baby number four.”

  “What?!” I screech, trying to sit up but I’m numb. Thankfully, or I might have messed something up down there.

  “Holy fuck,” Jesse mutters. “Four? How is that even possible?”

  “Well, Jesse, you see, when a man and a woman like one another…” Dr. Mack trails off with a chuckle. “You’ve got yourself a beautiful baby girl!”

  “A baby girl,” I say, the wonder of the situation hitting me right in the feels. And then… “Oh shit.”

  “What’s wrong, Cupcake?” Jesse asks, his smile instantly turning to a frown.

  “My poor baby girl is going to have three protective older brothers. It may only be a few minutes, but I just
know these Kingston boys are going to use that,” I declare.

  Jesse laughs and it’s one of those throw-your-head-back-straight-from-the-diaphragm laughs. I love when he laughs like that. It’s infectious and soon I’m laughing with him.

  “You’re likely right, Luce,” he admits.

  “Oh, I know it. I am going to fight you and them for our baby girl’s equal rights,” I tell him with a lift of my brow.

  He chuckles. “I have no doubt.”

  “Baby boy Kingston number one weighed in at three pounds two ounces, baby boy Kingston number two weighed in at three pounds four ounces, baby boy Kingston number three weighed in at three pounds six ounces, and baby girl Kingston weighed in at three pounds one ounce,” Elaine tells us.

  “Holy fuck, Luce. You were carrying around twelve pounds thirteen ounces of Kingston babies in there,” Jesse tells me. The awe in his voice doesn’t escape me.

  “Yeah, that explains a lot,” I say dryly. “It explains why I could barely lift my legs, why I couldn’t see my feet at four months pregnant, and why I had to wear tents for the last two months.”

  “Baby, you were fucking magnificent and beautiful and brave and strong. So fucking strong,” he says before his lips cover mine.

  “Four babies, Jesse,” I whisper against his lips.

  “Yeah, well, no one can say we do anything half way,” he tells me with a smile.

  “We’re taking the babies up to the NICU. They’ll be examined and all that jazz and we’ll let you know when you can go pay them a visit,” one of the nurses says as she pushes my baby girl out the door in an incubator.

  “I hope they’re all okay,” Jesse confesses.

  “Me too.” There are so many things that could be wrong—that could go wrong. “I’m not feeling so well,” I tell Jesse just before I throw up down the front of his scrubs.

  “Her blood pressure is spiking,” Nurse Elaine states.

  “We’ve got a bleeder here,” Dr. Mack announces and I start to panic.

  “Oh God. Jesse,” I whisper.

  “Luce, it’s okay. You’re okay,” he tells me.

  “If something happens, just tell our babies I love them and I’ll always watch over them,” I whisper.

  “Suction,” Dr. Mack calls out and it’s chaos. Everyone’s moving, everyone but me. I feel so weak and I’m getting short of breath.

  “Her O2 sats are down,” Dr. Franklin says, then he’s putting a black mask-like thing over my nose after he removes the clear one. “This will help you get more oxygen, Lucy.”

  I nod, fear filling every cell in my body. I can’t die. I just had my babies. I need them and they need me.

  “Open up the IV and hang some more blood,” Dr. Mack directs.

  Jesse’s holding my hand in his, his forehead resting against mine, and he keeps repeating over and over, “I love you.”

  “I love you too, hot stuff,” I tell him. “I’ve always loved you and I always will.”

  “You’re going to be fine, Cupcake. Just fine,” he tells me, full of determination.

  “I’m tired, Jesse.”

  “That’s okay,” Dr. Franklin tells me. “Nurse Elaine gave you a little something so you can relax so we can keep your blood pressure down.”

  “I’m scared,” I admit, tears rolling down the sides of my face.

  “Don’t be scared,” Jesse tells me. “I got you and we got this.”

  I just stare at him.

  “Did you hear me, Lucy?” he asks sternly. “We got this.”

  I nod. “We got this.”

  “All right. That’s better,” Dr. Mack says aloud. “Stubborn doesn’t begin to describe you, Lucy.”

  I snort. “Don’t you forget it either.”

  “How could I possibly forget the woman whose daughter hid behind her three older brothers from the date of conception and went undetected?” he asks.

  “I like to be memorable.”

  “Well, you certainly are that but I think I should warn Jesse. If your daughter is starting out this stealthy, imagine what she’s going to be like as a teenager,” Dr. Mack ponders.

  I snicker as Jesse pales. “Fuck me.”

  “I don’t think so. That’s how we got into this mess,” I joke.

  “Looks like those meds are working again,” Dr. Franklin announces.

  I sing a lyric by James Brown, “I feel good.”

  I’M PANICKING ON the inside when Lucy’s eyes close—I’m starting to shake.

  “Tell me she’s okay, doc,” I say to Xander’s dad.

  “We’re working on it,” is all he tells me. Then he starts yelling suction and they’re shoving a tube down her throat.

  “What the fuck is going on?” I bellow.

  “Maybe we should take him out—” Nurse Elaine begins.

  “You’re not taking me anywhere. I’m not leaving my wife. Now someone tell me what the fuck is going on, god damn it!”

  “Calm down, Jesse,” Dr. Mackenzie tells me. “There are some areas that are bleeding that we’re trying to get controlled right now. You might have to make some hard decisions here in a few minutes, Jesse.” He’s suctioning and his hands are diving inside Lucy’s body—Christ.

  “Doc.”

  He lifts his eyes to mine.

  “Do what you gotta do to save her,” I tell him without hesitation.

  “This could mean a hysterectomy, Jesse.”

  The room gets quiet, well, as quiet as it can get when everyone’s working to save Lucy. I see the nurses glance at me with sympathy. I don’t want it. They can take their sympathy and shove it up their ass. All I want is my wife—alive.

  I nod, knowing. I swallow hard, hating to have to make this decision. “If it’s her life or her uterus, her life will always win. Do what you need to do and keep my wife’s heart beating.” If hers stops, so does mine.

  “All right,” he answers, a line of sweat darkening his surgical cap. “Hang another bag of blood and, damn it, suction. We need to find that bleeder in the next minute or we take it out.”

  “BP’s dropping,” the anesthesiologist calls out.

  “Is the IV open?” he asks.

  “Completely.”

  “Let’s keep it going. Blood and fluids. Don’t stop until the last stitch is threaded,” he says, glancing at me, and I know what has to be done.

  I close my eyes and rest my forehead against Lucy’s, holding her cold hand between mine. The only movement from my Cupcake is the rise and fall of her chest and, fuck, that’s all I need right now. We’ll work on the rest later.

  “Luce,” I whisper. “I told them to do whatever it takes. I can’t lose you. I won’t survive that, so you keep fighting in there, you hear me? You fight in there and I’ll fight out here and we’ll make it. We got this, Cupcake. Fight.”

  “She’s tachy,” the anesthesiologist announces and I look up at Xander’s father, a man I’ve known all my life, a man I’ve trusted completely just as long, knowing he’s going to have to make the call any second.

  “Wait,” he says. “Just wait.”

  “BP keeps dropping, Matt. You need to make a decision.”

  “Wait.”

  “We can’t wait much longer. She’s going to flatline,” the anesthesiologist tells him and I start to go numb.

  “She’s not going to flatline. God damn it, where are you, you little prick?” he bites out, looking, searching.

  Lucy’s blood pressure is slowly dropping and I know we’re running out of time.

  “Suction!” Dr. Mack calls out. “There. Right there!”

  Then he’s passed some instruments and, shit, I don’t look at or watch what they’re doing. I can’t watch anymore. Seeing all that blood when I peeked around the draped blanket thing was enough. The sight of blood and me don’t work so well.

  “There we go, Luce,” I whisper. “Xan’s dad is fixing you up. You’re gonna be just fine. Don’t stop fighting in there.” I lean down and kiss her forehead, then rest mine against hers, fe
eling tears fill my eyes. This woman is my everything. Without her, I’d be lost.

  “If you want, you can head out and let everyone know she’s—” one of the other nurses starts.

  I look up and shake my head. “I’m not going anywhere until she’s ready to go to recovery.”

  “It’ll be quite a while for us to stitch her up, Jesse,” Dr. Mackenzie tells me.

  I nod. “That’s fine. I’ll just keep warming Lucy’s hands until you’re finished.” His gaze meets mine and I can see the smile behind his mask.

  “Well and truly hooked,” he teases.

  “Without a doubt,” I admit.

  “I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “Me either, but I didn’t stand a chance against Lucy.” Relief begins to cautiously move through me and I sit back in the chair. I notice the anesthesiologist looking at me and I lift a brow. “What?”

  “Nothing really. I just don’t see people who love with this intensity very often,” he informs me.

  “That’s a shame.”

  He nods. “It really is. A love like you have? That’s the forever kind of love and it’ll stand the test of time.”

  I nod in return. Yeah. Lucy and I will stand the test of time. We’ve conquered so much already there’s nothing that can hold us down.

  We got this.

  I’m exhausted as I make my way down the hospital corridor toward the waiting room, eyes trained on the ground as my mind goes blank. When I look up I see a familiar sight that doesn’t surprise me anymore. I see everyone is here, including Nana Russo.

  “Dude,” Xan begins, “what took so long?”

  I blow out a breath and shake my head. I look to Regina and Nana Russo. “You might want to take a seat.”

  “Oh no,” Regina says, wringing her hands, perching on the edge of her chair.

  “Relax, Regina,” Carlotta tells her. “Lucy’s just fine.” And then I know I didn’t even need to have Carlotta sit down. From the gleam in her eye, she was working her mojo and knows everything.

  “I’ll leave the good news for last,” I begin and Sera gasps, holding Cage tightly. “After the babies were born, Lucy started bleeding. They couldn’t find the bleed for what felt like forever. I thought for sure they were going to have to do a hysterectomy.” I look at Xan. “But your dad is a persistent man and he kept on, pushing it to the limit until he found the bleed and fixed it. He saved Lucy’s uterus, man,” I tell him and Xan swallows.