Always In: The Shore Series Book 2

by M. R. Joseph

  A car parked in a handicapped spot. What a fucking genius.

  I take out my pad and pen and start writing this douche a ticket.

  "Officer, no, please. I’m so sorry. I was just running into this store really quickly to pick something up I had ordered for my girl for the Christmas holiday. I was only a minute."

  I am in no mood to hear his fucking bullshit. I keep writing the ticket, not even looking at him.

  "I don't care if you were in there selling the FDA a new drug to cure erectile dysfunction, you parked in a handicapped parking spot and I am issuing you a ticket. I hand it to him and tip my hat. He takes it and doesn't say another word. It's my lunch hour so I go to my car and pull away from the shopping area. I drive around the corner and see the same guy I just wrote a ticket to, blow a stop sign and start speeding out of the limits of North Ridge. This asshole just pissed off the most miserable person in the world right now. I follow him toward Princeton, but don't turn on my lights until we hit the city limit. I flash them on and this motherfucker keeps going right to...Grayson-Elders?

  He stops in the lot and I keep my lights on. I get out of the car and so does he. I walk over to him.

  "You must be pretty dumb. I just had to chase you down with my lights on for eight blocks. Give me your license and registration now before I arrest you right here." He looks at me, terrified.

  Fucking pussy. Just do it already.

  "Did you hear me or are you deaf? I said license and registration, now!" His eyes go wide and he goes right to his car and rummages through his glove compartment and pulls them out. He hands them over and I go and call it in. It's all clear and he has nothing prior. I feel like busting balls today.

  Poor bastard.

  "You are clear but let me tell you what a dumb motherfucker you are. You park in an illegal spot, blow a stop sign, and did not comply when I chased you. I should be hauling your ass into the station right now. Why would you even pull into this place anyway?" The question was probably unnecessary, but just beyond those walls is Harlow. Being here makes me angry and I’m taking it out on this guy. I’m speaking to him a little louder than I should.

  He smiles and holds up his hands. "Officer, I told you I was sorry. Let's try and not make a big deal out of this. I needed to get back here before I was late for my next class. I work here."

  "You work here?" I point to the school. "At this school? And you think it's okay to drive like a maniac and disobey every traffic law there is? Is that what you're telling me?" I’m in his face and he backs up.

  Fuck this guy.

  The doors to the front of the school open and there she is coming down the steps.

  Her hair blowing in the cool air and doing her best to carefully walk down the cement steps right toward us.

  "Daniel? Cruz…what the hell?"

  She goes right to him. To him?

  "What is going on here? Daniel, are you okay? Does someone want to explain to me what's going on here?" She crosses her arms in front of her and has daggers in her eyes for me. I see Willow come out of the building and run toward us.

  The guy speaks to her. "Do you know this officer, sweetheart?"

  He did not just call my girl sweetheart.

  "Sweetheart? Harlow, who the fuck is this guy?" She looks to Willow who is out of breath from running and she comes to stand in front of me.

  "Cruz, just get back in your car and drive away. This is not the place or the time."

  I look at Willow like she's nuts.

  "No, Willow, you tell me why he called her sweetheart." Harlow looks panicked and the guy goes and puts his hands on Harlow's shoulders, and I hate it. It’s been weeks since I’ve seen her and I hate seeing someone else’s hands on her body.

  "I got into a bit of trouble with the officer, but it's all worked out, darling. I’m fine. I just got a ticket and then I raced back here because I was out getting you a present."

  My ears must be playing tricks on me. He told me when I was issuing him his ticket that he was getting his girlfriend a present.

  Willow can see my face, so can Harlow, but this dude doesn't have a clue. I get it now. It's all clear. This is the other guy. The one who is coming between me and Harlow being together. His face changes suddenly and he turns to me. "You called her Harlow. Do you know my girlfriend?"

  I flex my hands and take a step forward. Willow puts her hands on my chest and pushes me back slightly looking directly in my eyes. I feel my blood pulsate in my ears like a drum beat in my head.

  "Cruz, please, don't do this here. Talk to Har later. Think about it."

  I don't think about it because this guy who stands here is the reason the woman who stands next to him is not mine. Willow can talk all she wants and she can tell me to walk away all she wants but this is Harlow. My Harlow.

  I step around Willow and stand in front of Harlow, but I address him.

  "Your girlfriend? This is your girlfriend?" He nods and Harlow's face is unreadable.

  My eyes never leave her face and I see her shake. Maybe from the cold, maybe because she's scared. I don't know.

  "You going to tell him, Turnip, or should I tell him how I know you?"

  She looks at me but talks to whoever he is.

  "Daniel, this is Raphael Cruz. We used to date."

  That's all she says and the recognition on his face is not there. She didn't tell him. It's written on her face and on his.

  He turns and looks at her.

  "Harlow, you told me your ex's name was Chad. He's the one who crashed the boat."

  I laugh. "Oh, I’m certainly not Chad. I’m the one after Chad, the one who sat by her bedside when she laid in a coma for six weeks, and the one she didn't remember when she woke up." He looks at her, obviously shocked by what I just said.

  I raise my hands in the air, looking up to the sky then hitting my forehead with my hand.

  "Oh, jeez. That's right. You're the new guy, right?" He shrugs at me.

  "Um, yes. I am. I’m Daniel." He sticks out his hand to shake mine, but I don't budge.

  I nod my head at him. "Right, yes, I know. I saw your driver’s license. Well, Daniel, looks like you and Harlow have some talking to do so I'll be on my way. I have some serious paperwork to fill out back at the station." I tip my hat to them and turn around to my car. Actions speak louder than words. I could have made a huge scene. I could've told that guy everything, but I didn't. Fucking pussy. But why should I? I haven't heard from her in weeks. She was just so busy trying to figure out what she wanted, huh.

  When I get in the car, all I can do is look at her. Her sapphire eyes gleaming with tears and I know now that she’s having a hard time deciding. I know she’s a person who cares so much for others and I know she’s confused and if I could, I’d take that confusion away for her. It’s not her fault. I don’t have to convince myself of that. She never asked for any of this, but fuck me it hurt like hell.

  ***

  I haven't really drunk in a while. I mean the hard stuff. Sure Craw and I have had the occasional beer sitting around doing homework or playing video games. But the hard, throat-burning, mind-numbing stuff, I have tried to stay away from since September.

  Except tonight.

  I came here right from my shift. Took a shower at the station and my ass has been parked here since five. This bar smells like old man and cheese. Not a welcomed combination. There's some sort of game on the TV above the bar and a bowl of nuts and pretzels sit in front of me. I don't even dare go there. I feel someone sit next to me.

  "Can I get a beer, please? Draft, in a clean glass if you don't mind."

  Willow.

  I turn my head slightly to look at her, and then back to the game. She receives her beer then she starts to talk.

  "He's twenty-eight. Is a widower, has a four-year-old son. The wife died in a car wreck with the kid in the car about two and half years ago. Moved here from England a little over a year ago to start a new life. Where he lived reminded him of his wife too much. Har met h
im on the first day. We all got to know each other because we all teach on the same floor. He doesn't know about the baby, he doesn't know she can't have children, he doesn't know about you because at first there was nothing to tell. She didn't remember you together, she didn’t recall loving you so she didn't see the point in telling him."

  I turn to her and just stare, dumbfounded.

  She continues her rant.

  "Before you get your panties in a wad, she had every intention on telling him everything, she just hasn't gotten the chance. Thanksgiving came and midterms, and a shitload of other stuff. You need to understand how confused she is, Cruz."

  "I get it, Willow, I do. I just can't do it anymore. I thought I could fight for her, but you can’t make someone love you enough to walk away from someone else. I’ve done everything to try and make her see she belongs with me. Everything. I’m powerless now. Not that I ever was powerful when it came to her. I think I’ve lost this battle. And he's fucking British. How can I compete with an accent?"

  She chuckles and sips on her beer, turning to look up at the TV.

  "You have a point there. Accents are fucking hot, but let's not go there right now. Let's concentrate on what a pussy you are being. I mean that with all sincerity, Cruz, I really do."

  "Fuck you, Willow."

  "Um, no thanks. I’m not into muscles and tattoos. Anyway. Back to you being a fucking pussy. So you fall in love with this girl, you think she's too good for you, and then you broke it off, poorly I might add. Then she almost dies. Great. Just your luck, right? But then you do everything for her when she was in that coma. She wakes up, boom! It wasn't the happily ever after you hoped for, but you fought for her, then backed off, then she remembers you and what you had. Now that there's some competition you're just going to wimp out? Or I like pussy out so much better."

  She looks so proud of herself. I don't think I’ve heard a girl use the word pussy so much, either.

  "Dear God, woman, for being brought up the way you have, you sure have the mouth of a truck driver."

  Willow puts her hand over her heart and bats her eyelashes at me.

  "Aw, thank you."

  "It's not a question of me being a pussy, Willow. This is something I can fight, but I don't know how to win because the outcome is not about me. I’m not the one who decides it. Harlow is." I turn back on my stool and nod for the bartender to give me another double whiskey.

  I sip on the drink, swirling it around in my glass before placing it back down on the bar.

  "Your love for her scares her, you know."

  I chuckle at that remark.

  "Yeah, well, me loving her scares the shit out of me. I didn't want it, didn't ask for it, and this is the reason why. Love gets you nowhere. For some people at least."

  She smacks my arm and pretty hard, too.

  "You're an idiot. Love gets you so much. It's not worthless, it gives you nobility, it gives you hope. You sat there by her bedside for all those weeks and you proved that. Love changed you and you know it, so don't go saying it gets you nowhere. When I first met you, you were just this big jerk who only thought about yourself. The sacrifices you made for her shows how love gets you somewhere. She got you to that somewhere.”

  I am fully aware of this, but it really doesn’t make a difference when the woman I love has feelings for someone else.

  “But I do have a confession to make.”

  I nod for her to continue.

  “I pushed her to try and pursue the relationship with Daniel. The only reason I did was because I’ve seen so much sadness where Harlow is concerned. She didn’t remember you, but at the same time I wanted you to try and get her back. I just wanted to see her happy and feel love in her life again.” She looks at me sadly.

  Willow’s not a bad person and she was just doing her best to make Harlow happy.

  "For someone who's never been in love, you sure know a lot about it."

  She leans into me so her face is in front of me.

  "You think I’ve never been in love? You don't know anything about what I’ve been. I'll let you in on a little secret, Cruz. I’ve been in love with someone for a while now." I look at her surprised.

  "Don't look at me like that. I’m changed by it on the inside. I talk a good game, Cruz, but on the inside I’m just like everyone else. I get hurt, I cry, I long for this person and he has no idea, but that's okay for now. I'll deal with it when I think the time is right."

  She nudges me with her elbow. "Don't think you're alone in loving someone and not having the control about how the other person feels. I get it, I really do. But what you guys had, I envy. You could have it again. Just give her time to figure it all out. Patience is a virtue. If you love her the way you say you do, then those words with resonate with you and in the end the sacrifices and what's in your heart will win."

  The word “patience” runs through my brain constantly. I’m not a patient person either, but Willow's right, I love her enough for her to figure it all out for herself.

  I push away the rest of the whiskey in my glass. I swallow down every emotion, every bad thought I could have, and remember how she did love me. How I craved it when we were together and how I still do. I turn on my stool toward Willow again.

  “What if my love wasn't enough? What if she chooses him? Do I just forget and move on?"

  She grabs my hand and pats it in a kind and in an extremely un-like Willow way.

  "You’ve proved your love to her time and time again. It's not a question of whether or not your love is enough for her. If she chooses him, yes, you need to walk away and let her move on with her life and you with yours. But you'll never forget. You'll always have with you the truth that someone in your life gave you the gift of love. That's something no one can ever take away from you.”

  She gets up off her stool and grabs her designer purse, goes in it and grabs some hand sanitizer out and squirts it in her hands.

  "How'd you find me anyway?" I ask.

  "After school I went by Craw's and didn't see your car, so I drove around until I found it."

  I smile at her and she rolls her eyes.

  "Thanks, Willow." I go and grab her and hug her. She let's me but not for long.

  "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not get all mushy and shit." She points her finger at me, poking me in my chest.

  "And if you tell anyone I said the things I said, especially the part about me being in love, I will take your balls, slice them up, and stick them in a blender and make you watch."

  She winks at me and walks out the door of the old, rancid bar.

  So I sit here, looking up at that TV screen again and think about not giving up. Can I?

  Patience is a virtue and if it takes every bit of patience I have left in my body until she figures out what she wants, then so be it. It doesn't make me happy or easy but I'll just take it day by day.

  ***

  She called a few times after that day in front of school. I haven't answered any or returned the calls. I’m going to see her today though at the baby's christening. I didn't sleep last night because I’m so nervous about seeing her. I haven't talked to Craw about it, either. When he tries to bring it up, I ask him to leave me alone.

  Will he be there with her today? Will I have to face them together? The thoughts make me sick. She knows how I feel about her. I’m sure she wouldn’t be intentionally cruel. That is not my girl. I tie my necktie and my hands shake. I look in the mirror at the person I am now. A man that's scared to see the person he's in love with.

  Fuck, I never wanted this.

  Craw already left for the church. I told him I wanted to go by myself. I’m not going to the luncheon afterward. It's too awkward. Not that what I’m about to do won't be either.

  I make my way to St. Mark's Church in downtown Princeton. I sit in my car for a few minutes and grip the steering wheel tightly, a lame attempt to muster up the courage to walk into that church and face her. All I want to do is scream, but I'll go and do what I am privileg
ed to do.

  I walk through the large, old wooden doors to the church and up the long aisle my eyes automatically going to hers. I’m fucked. I can't even walk into a room without my eyes going directly to her. It's like she pulls me in. It's ridiculous to have someone have so much power over you without really doing anything. When I reach the family I go directly to Joe and Annabeth Hannum.

  Joe shakes my hand firmly and smiles. "So glad to see you, son. Thank you so much for doing this for Greta and Jeff."

  No one has ever called me son before.

  Annabeth hugs me. "Oh, dear, sweet boy. You look so handsome today. It's so good to see you."

  "You look beautiful, Annabeth, and thank you."

  I shake Jeff's hand and Craw's and kiss Greta on the cheek. I see no one else is here. No British dude. Thank Christ.

  I try not to look at Harlow, but that's so impossible. She looks so beautiful, so healthy, but her sapphire eyes, so sad. I swallow hard and I do what I wanted to avoid doing. I walk over to her and kiss her cheek.

  "Hi, Har." Then I back up and everyone stares at us. She pulls my arm to the side of the altar.

  She speaks quietly, "You haven't answered any of my calls or returned any of my messages. We need to talk."

  I lean into her ear and say, "This really isn't the place or time to discuss this, Har. Besides, I’m giving you space to figure this all out. I can't see you or talk to you right now. The only reason I’m here is for the baby." She looks angry and I haven't done anything wrong so why should she be? Damn it.

  The priest interrupts us by telling us the ceremony is about to start. We stare at each other for a moment and I break it by walking away. Harlow trails behind me. Everyone sees my face and I must looked pained because Annabeth looks at Joe and grabs his hand, then rests her head on his shoulder. They all look a little sad.

  I see baby Avery in her long, beautiful white dress, looking so angelic. I go to her before we begin and see her chubby cheeks. I take my finger and run it down her face and smile at the sleeping babe in her mother's arms. Greta winks at me and I step back and see Harlow staring at me. Her expression is unreadable at first sight. But then I see sadness in her big blue eyes. They look glassy and blank.