Heart of Ice

by P. Jameson

  “Mama, what…”

  “Just listen. Listen to me. Cindra, she was your mother, and she tried to take you both. She tried I swear. But your father learned of her plans and threatened to have her and your sister killed if she tried it again.”

  Cindra… Cindra…

  Mama Kitty had mentioned a Cindra before.

  “She realized that she and the baby were disposable to him. But you… you would be safe. She didn’t know how untrue that was. She could never know. None of them could. Because they left, and never knew what you boys went through. So she took your sister and I never saw her again. Like so many others over the years.”

  Fang’s scowl transformed his whole face as he tried to follow her story. The details rattled through Vegas’s mind as she sorted through it. Something… something was niggling at her.

  “All the females we lost over the years were because of you?” Felix fumed.

  “Yes.” Mama Kitty’s voice shook. “Please, try to understand. I couldn’t watch so many be hurt. Like I was. And… and like you all were. But I wasn’t willing to leave my baby. So I helped the others leave. Made that my mission, my redemption. To make up for mating with someone so evil. Any who mated, who came through and got pulled into this clan. Until I was the only female left for you to hurt.”

  The room was silent as the clan listened, but Vegas could feel the emotion battering them. They were angry, they were confused. They were grateful, they were surprised. Too many conflicting feelings, and she knew it couldn’t be good for any of them.

  “Then the witches cursed you, and I was so relieved that you couldn’t mate anymore. There would be no more females to save. No more babies to make cruel. And even though I cared for each and every one of you, I was glad the clan would die out someday.”

  Tears streamed down her weathered cheeks now and Vegas’s heart broke for her. The things she must have endured, living under the Fathers, trying to protect the boys as best she could.

  Mama turned to Ratchet, her eyes pleading. “Then came Marlee. And I wanted to protect her from this, from you. From all of you. But things changed around here. She changed you. You didn’t use her. You didn’t make her sad, let her be hurt. You cared so much for her, you were going to get yourself killed, and you had no animal to protect you and, and I made a bad decision. I admit it, okay. I know I fucked up. I chose the path I’d spent a lifetime fighting against. I chose wrong. And I’m so damn sorry. But this… this shit isn’t over yet. Maybe it will never be over. Maybe there are just as dire consequences for choosing right as there is wrong. Because…”

  Slowly, her gaze turned to Vegas. And the look on the older woman’s face was so sad, it made her stomach twist into knots.

  “Now she’s found her way back. Like fate lit the way for her. Like some sick, sick cosmic force put her right back into the path she was born for.”

  A lump was building in Vegas’s throat. But she still didn’t have a solid grasp on what Mama Kitty was saying.

  Monster pushed her farther behind him, as if she was in danger.

  What the hell was happening?

  Mama Kitty bowed her head. “I’m so sorry, Vegas.”

  “What’s going on,” Skye asked. “What does this mean?”

  “Mama, explain. Now.” Monster roared. He practically vibrated, his shoulders bunched and ready to spring.

  “Cindra Anderas-Mitchell. That was Fang’s mother. Cindy Ann Morales was Vegas’s. Both were listed as the granddaughter of the late Stefano Morales. Now, I don’t know what happened to her after she left here, but…” She pointed a weak finger at Vegas. “You… you’re marked.”

  “What the hell do you mean she’s marked?” Monster snarled.

  “She carries the mark of the Alley Cat females. Two slashes at the collarbone. Every baby female was marked upon birth. The males were marked later, on the back, with the shadow clan S.”

  “My scar?” Vegas breathed, rubbing the rough marks under her sweater. “It’s just a scar. Right?”

  Wrong, the voice inside answered.

  “Are you saying she’s my fucking sister?” Fang asked.

  “I’m saying it’s the only thing that makes sense. I think your mom used her family’s name on the new birth certificates. Something happened to her, and instead of Vegas ending up with the Morales’s, she ended up with Bastian. Which brought her full circle, back to us.”

  “Well, shit,” he barked, kicking a chair and sending it flying. “A sister. A fucking sister. And what about the others? There are other daughters out there. We know where they are? They safe? Huh?”

  “I don’t know,” Mama said quietly.

  Fang turned to Felix. “We have to find them.”

  The clan leader pressed his lips together, nodding. Behind his eyes, Vegas could see something brewing. Something wicked.

  Vegas shook her head. “No, you’ve got it wrong. I’m not… not like you guys. I’m not… I have no animal inside me. Never even hissed. Like… ever.”

  Monster drew her close, and she felt his own fear like it was hers. Or maybe it was all hers.

  “A shade,” Smokes spoke up from across the room. He took a drag of his cigarette and continued on the exhale. “Used to happen all the time, with interbreeding. No telling how many of those lost daughters are living as shades out there now.”

  “What’s a shade?”

  Monster kept his voice low when he answered. “A shifter who doesn’t know they’re a shifter. Raised as human, so they were never taught to shift. Not taught our ways.”

  She stared at him. “What does that mean?”

  “It means your animal can awaken at any time. Or never at all.”

  Marlee moved closer. “Have you felt anything strange?” she asked, and Vegas felt her face go hot.

  “Just some thoughts.” The voice that spoke up when Ratchet shifted, and when she was with Monster.

  “What kind of thoughts?”

  “Ones that don’t seem like mine.”

  “Like what?” Monster asked.

  A furious growl split the air and had all conversation stopping. It came from downstairs and was followed by the sound of things breaking. It cut off with a crash loud enough to make Vegas jump.

  Ratchet sighed. “It’s Skittles. He’s losing it. We need to get Nyla free. Soon.”

  Monster nodded.

  And Vegas needed air. Needed space.

  Under the bed. That’s where she’d go.

  Once again, it seemed like the only safe place.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Dear Eddy,

  Today Father cut me again. He thinks it will make me braver, but I’m only brave when my animal comes out. Without the animal, I’m nothing. I know it’s true. My skin hurts from being sliced, and I don’t even know what to do better so he won’t do it again. I just have to get harder. Stronger. Like Felix. Like Ratchet. I can do it. I know I can. Wish me luck.

  Goodnight,

  Monster

  ***

  Two days had passed since Monster learned who Vegas really was. Two days since Mama Kitty confessed to helping their females escape—not that he could blame her for making that choice. Two days since he’d touched his mate for more than a second or two. Two days of Vegas hiding under his bed whenever she wasn’t on the computer, learning all she could about the Morales family.

  And it might as well have been years for the way it felt.

  He’d been patient. He’d given her space to let her figure shit out. But he didn’t like this space between them. It felt like they’d taken two huge steps backward. He wanted to breach the distance and bring her close again.

  He’d brought her new flowers. Made her new food to try. Offered extra showers.

  He didn’t know what else to try, but he wasn’t giving up on her.

  She was his. He’d never been more sure of anything in his life.

  She was a lost daughter of his clan, who’d been through one shit-piece of a maze on her way back to them.
To him. But here she was.

  A shade.

  There was a werecat in her somewhere.

  It explained why her scent smelled feline. It explained why their bond was so strong so fast.

  But he knew better than anyone, a damaged shifter was a dangerous shifter. And he couldn’t let her become dangerous. Not after finally breaking free of Bastian. It was her biggest fear.

  Sighing, Monster laid on the floor beside the bed where his mate had been for the past two hours, and pressed his palm to the floor, spreading his fingers wide like he did that first night they touched.

  Then he waited.

  He heard her rapid breath, her small movements. Could sense she’d been crying. Good or bad, he still didn’t know.

  Come on, snowflake. Come out.

  Still he waited. He wasn’t moving his damn hand until she touched him fingertip to fingertip.

  And then, like a fucking miracle, her small hand slipped out, her short nails raking through the thick fur of the rug, and her middle finger pressed against his.

  Monster’s breath rushed out in relief. He wanted to take her whole hand and yank her close. Feel her against him again. Breathe her in again. But he didn’t. He stayed perfectly still.

  After a few minutes, Vegas shuffled closer until her face appeared close to his but still under the bed.

  “Hi,” she whispered.

  “You’ve been crying.”

  She nodded, confirming his suspicion.

  “Because you’re scared?”

  Another nod.

  “Of what?” He kept his voice low, not wanting to break this small connection. “You know I’ll fight any demon for you, female. Always keep you safe. That’s my promise. It hasn’t changed.”

  “What if…” Her voice faded to almost nothing. “What if it’s me you have to fight?”

  Monster frowned and her eyes grew wet again.

  “You’re afraid of what you are.”

  “Yes.”

  Well, damn. He’d been right there once, hadn’t he? Afraid he’d hurt someone important. Afraid his black heart couldn’t feel again. But it wasn’t true. And it wasn’t true for Vegas either.

  “You’ll be who you want to be,” he repeated the words he told her in the beginning. “And who you want to be is good. You wanted it bad enough to stand up to Bastian. You have nothing to be afraid of.”

  She sucked in a breath and it came out as a short, sad laugh. “How do you know?”

  Monster took her hand in his, wrapping his fingers around her wrist so he could stroke her the way he liked to do.

  “Me and you, we weren’t born bad, baby. No one here was. We were made bad by our circumstances. But those have changed. And now we’re free to choose what we are.”

  Her fingers squeezed his and she blinked away the wetness in her eyes.

  “I hope you’re right.”

  Seconds later she pulled away and ducked back under the bed. But she didn’t stay there. Instead, she shoved an old, long forgotten book at him. Leather-bound with yellow edged pages.

  “I read this.”

  Monster took it, turning it over and over as the memories that came with it punched at the spots behind his eyes.

  “Are you mad?”

  Damn. He’d forgotten all about Eddy. Forgotten it was shoved under his mattress.

  The idea of Vegas reading the thoughts he’d recorded when he was a beaten-down child… it made his skin crawl, but he knew she wasn’t a stranger to horror.

  She didn’t need him to hide.

  She needed him to be real.

  He set the old journal aside.

  “No.” It should’ve humiliated him. Should have dishonored him. But he couldn’t feel any of those things. Not with her. “I told you I’d answer anything. This just did a lot of that for me, I suppose.”

  “It would have been my childhood too. If Mama hadn’t done what she did. And the thing is…” She edged out from under the bed, just enough that she could lie in the crook of his arm. “… I don’t know which would’ve been worse. Where I ended up or where you did. How sad is that?”

  Monster shrugged, pulling her all the way out so she could lay on him instead of the floor. “I don’t know about sad, really. We ended up right here. It’s not feeling so bad to me.”

  Staring down at him, she whispered, “I want to kiss you. Like before. But it feels different now.”

  Monster scowled. “Different how?” Shit, if it was bad he was going to have to convince her nothing had changed between them.

  She laid her head on his chest. “Like I won’t be able to control myself.”

  Fuck. That was definitely not a bad thing.

  “The beast inside me wants out. It talks to me. And it’s stronger when you’re around.”

  He ran his hand up her back. “Don’t be scared of it. Your animal will protect you better than any human can.” Better than he could as long as he couldn’t shift to fire.

  “What does it feel like to shift?”

  He could hardly remember, but he gave it a shot.

  “Powerful. Like you’re a king. Invincible, except you’re not.”

  “Do you miss it?”

  Hard question to answer.

  “I don’t miss the animal I used to be. But I wish I had the Firecat.”

  “Why?”

  “Because with the Firecat, there is safety. The Firecat isn’t powered by hate like my Alley Cat was.”

  “What then?”

  Tucking a finger under her chin, he tilted her head up so he could see her eyes. “Love, snowflake. It’s why only Ratchet has it. He’s the only one of us who has proved himself capable of love. But he won’t be the last. I swear it.”

  He saw the hope in her eyes and it squeezed his heart. They were gonna get past this. They were going to conquer their fears. And then nothing would stand in their way.

  A loud sound clattered from beyond their bedroom door. It sounded like it came from downstairs but the warehouse was a noisy place so he shrugged it off. Until shouts and snarls started making their way through the walls. And then the sound of boots pounding the floor as people ran by.

  “What the hell?” Monster rolled over, helping Vegas up before he checked the hallway.

  Outside, he could hear screaming and hissing coming from downstairs, along with Felix barking orders.

  Monster grabbed Vegas’s hand and pulled her along. “Stay close,” he ordered.

  At the top of the stairs, heat blasted him and taking three steps down, he could see the orange glow of flame.

  Shit. Was Ratchet shifted?

  But it wasn’t what he expected at all.

  When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he could see Ratchet was still human… and a new Firecat blazed in the center of the warehouse. Except this one wasn’t calm. It was crazed and spitting fire at anyone who tried to approach it.

  “Shit,” Ratchet hissed as the werecat blew flames from his mouth in a vicious roar.

  “Yeah,” Fang hollered from the other side of the flaming beast. “See how it feels? Think about that next time you want to singe a brother’s hair.”

  But he was cut off as another stream of fire was directed his way.

  Felix, Smokes, and the others were scattered around the room, trying to corral the beast with buckets of water and extinguishers. Everyone except… oh, shit…

  Skittles. The Firecat was Skittles.

  Going by how hot the place was getting, Monster knew if they couldn’t calm him down, they were going to lose the warehouse. Already a stack of pallets was on fire. Fuck, fuck.

  Keep mate safe.

  “Find the Dolls!” he yelled, jumping over the stair rail to land on the concrete floor below. “Get them out!” Twisting back to find Vegas wide-eyed on the steps, he hoped she listened. “Go, mate!”

  Monster turned back to the Firecat as smoke started to rise from the blaze it ignited, and let his own beast rise within him as much as it could.

  Time to get burn
ed.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  The heat radiating up the stairs blasted Vegas and alerted the new thing inside her. For the first time ever, it was yelling at her.

  Save them. Save home. Save family.

  But she didn’t know how. It wasn’t like being a shifter came with a set of instructions. She’d done her best to learn about the Morales’ and decided as a family, they were even worse than the Alley Cats had been.

  But it didn’t matter because they hadn’t come for her. Hadn’t saved her like the cats did. And they were probably even the ones to hand her over to Bastian in the first place.

  If he acquired the Dolls as payment for debts, then she could only assume she’d been used to pay for one of the Morales’.

  But here, this warehouse, was where she found herself again. Was still finding herself. And probably would be for years to come.

  This warehouse was home. This clan and the Dolls were her family.

  She couldn’t let anything destroy it.

  She watched in despair as Monster went straight for the Firecat… who she knew must be Skittles.

  Skittles who would fight for Nyla.

  Skittles who she’d promised to be a friend to.

  And he was going to hurt her mate.

  No. Keep mate. Mate loves you. You love him.

  She did, didn’t she? Yeah, there was no one better than Monster in the whole world. Not for her. She knew it was true.

  “I can’t shift,” Ratchet yelled over the vicious roars. “Too much heat in here. Two of us will burn the place down.”

  Monster nodded, but Vegas saw the determination on his broken face. He’d die trying to make her safe.

  “No,” she cried. No. She couldn’t lose him. He made her stronger. And… and they hadn’t conquered their fears yet. And he would never know that she loved him. Because she only just realized it herself.

  No. Monster couldn’t die.

  And Skittles would regret it later. It would tear her clan apart.