Saving It

by Monica Murphy

  “Nice meeting you, Josh,” Nicole tells me before she curls her arms around Abraham’s and leads him away.

  At least someone is getting some action tonight. Not that I’m jealous.

  Okay, fine. Maybe I am. That was so freaking easy for Abraham. Why can’t I find one of my exes at a party and just do it with her?

  Problem is, I don’t think I want to have sex with any of the girls I used to date. Not anymore at least.

  I start searching for Eden and Molly. I want to make sure they’re okay, and I haven’t seen them in at least a half hour, maybe longer. I push my way through the crowd, finally spotting Molly in the kitchen talking to some guy who towers over her. His cheeks are flushed like he’s had a few too many to drink, and he’s got a thick gold chain around his neck. He’s kind of cheesy.

  So I decide to approach them and make sure she’s okay.

  “Hey, Molly.”

  She glances in my direction and smiles. “Josh! Where’ve you been?”

  “I should ask you the same question.” The guy is glaring at me like I’m trying to take his property.

  “I’ve been talking to Kirk.” She waves a hand toward the gold chain guy, who scowls at me in return.

  “Nice.” I nod in his direction before I ask Molly, “You okay?”

  “Oh yeah.” She nods, her smile wide. Kirk is still glaring at me.

  “Cool. Have you seen Eden?”

  “She was out in the backyard a few minutes ago.”

  “I’ll go look for her, make sure she’s all right.” I wave. “See ya.”

  “Bye!” Molly dismisses me in an instant, focusing on whatever Kirk of the gold chain is saying.

  He doesn’t look like her usual type, but whatever.

  I head outside to find the backyard packed with all kinds of people. I send Eden a quick text, asking where she is, but she doesn’t reply.

  And I’m kind of starting to freak.

  I search the backyard, checking the clusters of people that are drinking, smoking, and talking, but no Eden. My phone buzzes and I check it, but it’s just a snap from Whitney. Another sexy selfie that I again sense is sent out to a bunch of us versus just me.

  Ignoring it, I pocket my phone and go around the side of the house to see if Eden is over there. There’s a small group of people circling one of those metal fire pits, and I spot her, standing on the far side of the fire, near the fence. There’s a guy next to her, and it looks like he’s talking to her.

  It also looks like she’s trying to ignore him.

  My protective instincts rising, I watch them, my fingers curling into fists when the guy leans in even closer to her, causing their shoulders to brush. She steps away from him, sending him an irritated look. Clearly she doesn’t want this dude talking to her, and he’s not getting the hint.

  It’s when he tries to touch her arm and she jerks out of his hold that I spring into action. Without thought I head toward the fire pit until I’m right beside them, interrupting their conversation.

  “Keep your hands off her,” I say, glowering at the guy. He’s shorter than me, but he’s bulkier, got more muscle. I bet I could take him.

  “Who the hell are you?” The guy’s eyes are bloodshot, and he’s slurring his words. I’d guess he was drunk, which means I could totally take him no problem.

  “Josh. What are you doing?” Eden asks, her voice rising.

  I turn to look at her and gesture toward the drunk guy. “Is he bothering you, Eden?”

  “Um…”

  “Hey, asshole, get out of here,” the drunk guy tells me, grabbing hold of Eden’s arm yet again. “I saw her first.”

  I grab her hand and pull her toward me so the guy has no choice but to let her go. “Yeah, well she came with me, so fuck off,” I tell him in my fiercest voice as I tug on her hand and we start to walk away.

  The guy calls me a few choice names, but I ignore him. I’m not looking for a fight, though my blood is pumping hot and fast in my veins.

  “What was that all about?” she asks, but I don’t answer her. I’m too worked up, adrenaline coursing through me, anger making it hard to speak. I hated seeing how that guy touched her like he owned her. I hate worse the fact that she’s questioning me like she doesn’t understand why I just defended her.

  When I still haven’t said anything, she starts talking again. “Seriously, Josh. You’re freaking me out. Why are you acting like such a Neanderthal? You totally went caveman on me back there.”

  “I did not,” I mutter. She wants to see caveman? I could go balls out if she really wants me to. “He’s the one who claimed he saw you first.” A total asshole remark, too.

  “He was kind of a jerk.”

  “Right.” I turn to look at her, and we stop walking. “I was trying to save you.”

  “I know.” She sighs and shakes her head. “You don’t always have to run to my rescue. I could’ve taken care of myself.”

  “He was touching you, and you didn’t like it,” I point out.

  Her brows go up. “How do you know?”

  “I could tell just by the look on your face. I know you pretty well, Eden,” I remind her.

  She looks away, toward the fire pit, a wistful expression on her face. “I’m failing miserably at this college party thing.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Instead of flirting with a cute college guy like I should be, I’m standing here talking to you.”

  I shove my hands in my pockets. That almost felt like an insult, though I don’t think she meant it that way. “Right back at you. I should be talking to some hot sorority sister, and instead I’m rescuing you.”

  Eden turns so our gazes meet. “Where’s Molly?”

  “Talking to some jackass.” I’m thankful for the change of subject. I don’t want to fight with her. “Big burly dude with a thick gold chain around his neck.”

  She barely contains her smile. “And Abraham?”

  “Upstairs with the first girl he ever had sex with.” Eden’s eyes practically bug out of her head, so I explain myself further. “Her name is Nicole, she’s a freshman here, and he seemed pretty excited to reunite with her.”

  “Oh. Well. I guess that’s a good thing.” She breathes out a sigh of relief. “Maybe that means he’ll leave me alone for a while.”

  “If you’re lucky,” I tease her. The relief that floods me at her words is surprising. I didn’t want her liking Abraham. I’ve never cared about her boyfriends in the past, so why am I suddenly worried she might end up with my other best friend?

  “Whatever,” she says with a sigh. We start walking again toward the opposite end of the backyard, until we come across a giant lounge chair that could fit two people easily. “Want to sit with me?” she asks.

  “What about Abraham and Molly?”

  “They’ll be occupied for a while, don’t you think?” She sinks onto the lounger, tugging her dress down so it covers most of her thighs. “I’ll text Molly and let her know where we are. And check in on her.”

  “She was in the kitchen a few minutes ago.”

  “She’s probably still there.” I settle on the lounger beside her, trying to ignore that she’s so close and I can smell her familiar floral scent. Our shoulders brush, and when I move my leg, I kick her ankle. “Sorry.”

  “Remember when you were shorter?” she asks with a mischievous smile.

  “I was never shorter than you, though.”

  Eden pushes my shoulder. “The beginning of eighth grade you were kind of short.”

  “I wasn’t by the end of eighth grade.”

  “True.” She tilts her head back to stare up at the sky. “Lots of stars out.”

  I tip my head back to study the sky, too. “Yeah. It’s a beautiful night.”

  “A little cold.”

  “You cold?” I hold my arm out so she can snuggle in. We’ve done this before in the most platonic way possible, so the gesture means nothing.

  Nothing.

  Our g
azes meet, and I can see the hesitation in her eyes. Why is she hesitating? What did I do to suddenly alter our relationship? Nothing, that’s what.

  So why is she being so weird?

  Eden gives in and slides toward me, resting her head on my chest. I let my arm drop around her shoulders and squeeze her close, trying to get her warmer, that’s all. Definitely not trying to cop a feel.

  Or so I tell myself.

  All the girls I’ve ever dated have been tall. I’m attracted to tall, sporty blond girls; I always have been. That’s why Taylyr Howard would be my perfect pick. Yeah, she’s a little intense, but so am I sometimes. She goes after what she wants, and I tend to do that all the time.

  Eden’s short, five-foot-two, tops. She barely reaches the middle of my chest when she stands next to me. She was in dance for years and was a cheerleader our freshman and sophomore years, but she doesn’t really have what I consider a lean, athletic body. Not like the girls I’ve been attracted to in the past.

  In fact, Eden’s the total opposite of who I’m usually attracted to.

  So why am I having all of these weird feelings about her now?

  …

  Eden

  Josh and I are literally cuddling together on this giant lounger. Sure, we’ve done stuff like this before over the years. Most of the time it only lasts for a few minutes before we break apart. It’s this sort of behavior that makes people question if we’re a couple, and we always protest that we’re not. We don’t feel that way about each other, is what we say. We’re just really good friends. That’s it.

  But everything feels so different. Maybe it’s the idea of him so hot to find a girl to have sex with. Why not me? Why hasn’t he tried to collect on that pact we made when we were fourteen and dumb ? Weren’t we supposed to make it happen by senior year if we were still virgins? So what’s the problem? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I don’t measure up. Maybe I’ve never measured up in Josh’s eyes.

  I’m just friend material. That’s how he sees me. And that’s how I’ve seen him until…what? I’m not even sure what changed. It’s probably all the talk of him looking to have sex with someone else. I never imagined having sex with Josh before. Not really.

  Well, maybe. Just out of curiosity. Because he’s cute. He’s more than cute. And he’s sweet and funny and he frustrates me and makes me laugh and challenges me and makes me think and yeah.

  Oh God, maybe I like him like him.

  What am I supposed to do about that?

  All I know is at this very moment, I don’t want to let go of him. I want to lay like this forever, Josh’s strong, muscular arms wrapped around me, my head on his chest so I can hear his heartbeat, our bodies pressed close…

  “So you’re going out with Taylyr tomorrow,” I say to break the tension and remind myself that my thoughts are made of crazy.

  Let’s be real. Josh and I getting together would ruin everything. A few days ago I would’ve made a gagging noise at the thought of even kissing Josh.

  Yet look at me now.

  “Yeah. For lunch.” He shifts and presses his body even closer to mine. “Hope it goes well.”

  “I’m sure it will.” Why wouldn’t it? Those two are practically made for each other. Taylyr is his type. He’d be blind not to see it.

  “You have plans after lunch with her, too?”

  “I wanted to see how it went first.”

  “Smart.” I’m silent for a moment and wish I could play with the button placket on his shirt. But that would be taking it way too far. “Have you talked to Whitney or Marin?”

  “Marin hasn’t even opened the snap I sent her this morning, so I’m thinking that might be a no-go. Whitney and I have been talking, but I think she’s talking to a lot of guys.”

  “Whit’s always been a big flirt.”

  “Yeah, I can tell.”

  We go silent for a while again, and I can hear people talking and laughing in the near distance. My phone buzzes in my hand, and I check to find it’s Molly sending me a text letting me know she’s okay.

  “So, Eden,” he says when I’m done checking my phone.

  “So, Josh.”

  “I’ve been thinking. I’m going to ask you an important question, and I want you to be honest.”

  My heart starts to race. “Okay.”

  “Have you had sex yet?” He only allows me about ten seconds to answer before he starts talking again. “I know you said maybe and I didn’t really believe you, but then I started thinking about it, and maybe you and Cole did actually do the deed. Or maybe you hooked up with someone else, I don’t know. I always tell you everything about my love life and most of the time, you don’t tell me shit.”

  “I tell you stuff all the time,” I say, feeling defensive. And I’m also trying to change the subject.

  “Not really. I mean, I knew you and Cole were dating for a long time, but you never gave me any dirty details.”

  “I’m not as open as you are about the dirty details,” I tell him, sounding like a puritan.

  “So. Have you done it?”

  I sigh and stare up at the sky, my stomach twisting into knots. “No.”

  His entire body goes tense. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Not even with Cole.”

  “Nope.”

  “And not even with some fake rando dude.”

  “Oh. Well, yes, I have had fake sex with a fake rando dude, but that’s…fake.” I start to laugh, and Josh joins in.

  “You and Cole messed around though, right?” he asks once the laughter dies down.

  “Yeah.” I swallow hard. How much do I want to admit to him? Not much, even though he’s never had any problem telling me what he’s done, right down to the very last detail.

  “Like…what have you done?”

  I rise up on my elbow, digging it right into his chest and making him wince. “Joshua. Why do you want to know all the details about my mostly nonexistent sex life?”

  “I don’t know. I’m curious. I’m like an open book with you, and you’re pretty tight-lipped.”

  “Some things are personal,” I say primly.

  His gaze meets mine, his blue eyes so serious. “You don’t think I can keep a secret? Is that it?”

  I know he can. I’ve told him lots of secretive stuff over the years, and he’s never blabbed once. More like, it’s totally awkward to talk about sex stuff with Josh. He’s a boy, I’m a girl, and it always felt weird. Though he never seemed to have that problem.

  Without a word I resume my position with my head on his chest. He tightens his arm around my shoulders, holding me closer. “Are you warm enough?” he asks in a low, sexy murmur.

  Ugh, I need to put all thoughts of low, sexy murmurs out of my head.

  “Definitely,” I tell him. Josh has always run hotter than me, but right now I feel like I’m burning up.

  “Considering you’re not gonna spill about your sexual experiences, I’m going to change the subject,” Josh says. Oh, thank God. “Have you ever watched porn?”

  My cheeks go hot, and I’m not even looking at him. What a way to change the subject. “Well, yeah.” Who hasn’t? It’s so readily available on the web.

  “Anything good you can recommend?”

  I slap his chest. “Stop.”

  He’s laughing, the jerk. “What did you think of it? The porn you watched?”

  This conversation is insane. “It wasn’t that good.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know. It felt really fake. The girl had huge breast implants, and her hair was bleached white, and there was all of this makeup on her face. The guy was older, and he wasn’t even that good looking. There was nothing real about it. Lots of phony moans and groans, and everything was super exaggerated and over the top.”

  “So you prefer romantic porn,” Josh teases.

  “Seriously, you’re the worst.” I hit his chest again, and he flinches a little. “There’s no way real sex can be like that.”<
br />
  “What do you think it’s like then? I mean, I have my suspicions, but what are yours?”

  I’m not even sure why we’re talking about this. But since we don’t have to face each other, it is easier to say what I want and not feel too embarrassed. “Basing it on the other stuff I’ve done, I’d say it’s pretty exciting.”

  “That’s it?” He sounds incredulous. “That’s all you have to say? Pretty exciting?”

  “You want me to say it’ll be magical and that one special moment will transcend all space and time?” Now it’s my turn to laugh. “I’m just trying to be real here.”

  He’s quiet for a moment, like he’s absorbing my words. “So be real,” he finally says. “Tell me how you really feel about sex. What it’s going to be like. How you think it’ll make you feel.”

  We’ve had deep conversations like this before. I can always count on Josh to push me. And I can trust that he’ll keep my thoughts between us. Though it is sort of embarrassing, what we’re talking about. But hey, if I can’t be honest and real with my best friend, then there must be a problem. “It’s probably going to be sweaty and awkward and kind of weird. For me, it might hurt, though I don’t like to dwell on that part. But I know it will also be special.”

  “You really think so?” He sounds doubtful.

  “Well, for me, I hope it will be, as corny as that sounds. I want the first time I have sex to be with the right person, you know? A guy who I really care about, and he cares about me.”

  “So not some quick and easy lay, like what I’m trying to make happen?” He doesn’t sound angry or insulted. Just curious.

  “If that works for you, then that’s awesome,” I say firmly, not wanting him to feel bad for his choices. I’m not trying to make him feel guilty, that’s for sure. And I really don’t want to bring up that lame pact we made either.

  Though I am surprised he’s not looking for a relationship. Josh is all about relationships—or at least, he used to be. “But I want to have sex with someone I trust. And even if the actual experience is disappointing, we won’t be disappointed because it happened between us, you know? The metaphorical us,” I quickly correct, because I don’t want Josh to think I’m talking about him.

  Because I’m afraid I’m starting to think…