by David Horne
Alex took the out she was giving and made a pained noise. “I guess I can be free.”
“You will be free,” Sara told him, but she sounded more amused than stern. “We’ll eat, watch a dumb movie, and not say anything about what’s-his-name from the airport.”
“Thank you,” Alex told her, grinning.
Sara waved him off and hung up the phone, after wringing a promise out of him to pick her up. Alex groaned, burying his face in his hands and wondering what the hell was happening to him. A week ago he had been a workaholic, destined (according to Bella) to live forever alone, and working out his sexual frustration (according to Jason) at the archery range. Someone’s life could apparently turn on a dime, he thought, and shook off the nerves and the worry that he wasn’t good enough, or that he would mess this up somehow, and got back to work.
Unfortunately, those fears had only been held at bay by his ignoring them and returned with gusto on Wednesday morning. His mother had called him the night before, adamant that he would be on a flight the next day, but Alex had put his foot down for probably the first time ever.
Jason had gone in his stead, and Alex had breathed a sigh of relief, content that his date would go ahead.
Now it was the day of said date and he seriously reevaluated his choice not to fly out. Jason could close a meeting as well as he could, but the closer the time rolled around to four, the harder it was to breathe.
“This is ridiculous,” he told himself firmly, staring at his face in the mirror. “You managed to get through college, get a grip.”
Ignoring any texts that weren’t from Harry was also saving his sanity. He didn’t think he could take talking to Sara or Bella right now. Jason had sent him one, you’ve got this bro!, which had helped more than Alex was ever going to admit to Jason himself.
It should bother him that Sara couldn’t keep the secret from her own husband, but whatever, he could be the bigger man. Ha. Unless that included being able to think about a drink with someone without having a freak out for ten minutes in the bathroom.
“Move,” he told himself and pushed away from the bathroom sink. He was only half dressed, shirtless with dark jeans that Sara had bought him for his birthday the year before. She had made some joke about his ass, which had made Jason choke on his dinner, but had Alex bumping her fist across the table. Instead of agonizing over yet another choice, Alex just tugged a blue shirt out of the closet and shrugged it on. It wasn’t his nicest, but it would do. It was just a drink, he reasoned with himself. Maybe if they had been going to dinner, he would have gone more formal.
“Listen to yourself.” Alex grabbed his keys and phone from the coffee table and decided to just get out of the house. If he drove to Manhattan now, maybe he could pass the time down at the library or something. Anything to get him out of the house and out of his own mind.
Traffic wasn’t terrible, thanks to the time of day, and he brought up a playlist of music that Harry had sent him the night they had called each other. Alex recognized only a handful of songs, and though he still felt stupid about having brought up mixtapes in the first place, he was pleased that Harry had taken the time to send him something.
Downtown Manhattan was as busy as ever, and Alex avoided the places with the most traffic and parked as close to the Lins’ bakery as he could.
Alex was intrigued despite himself. When Harry had described it, Alex couldn't picture the bakery in his mind. Working in Manhattan meant that he strayed only as far as he needed to when it came to lunch and coffee. The Lins’ bakery was set a little ways away from Alex’s office building, and though he had probably walked past it a hundred times, it had never registered on his radar.
Not a surprise considering his—apparently tragic—lack of pastry consumption.
“Something we’ll have to fix,” Harry had said, determined, and Alex had wanted to tell him that he would. It had felt too much, especially accompanied by the “if you smile” that had gone along with it.
Maybe Alex was secretly marshmallow.
The Pastry Corner was a muted yellow and white façade with a welcome sign hanging on the door. The displays were already mouth-watering, loaded with cakes and pastries and sandwiches. Alex could see why people would come here, and there was already a line at the counter. There was a woman who looked to be in her late fifties behind the displays, hair tucked under a hair net. She had Harry’s facial features—his nose and mouth—and her smile seemed genuine despite the work. Alex had worked at a coffee shop during college and faking a smile had been as natural to his day as making a latte.
Feeling awkward now that he was here, Alex couldn’t decide whether to just bite the bullet and go inside or run away before Harry could see him.
The decision was taken out of his hands when someone touched his elbow and he jumped, whirling around to see Harry next to him on the sidewalk, eyebrows raised and an amused smile on his face. “You’re a little early.”
“Yeah, uh, sorry, I just…” Alex trailed off, aware that he sounded like an idiot. “Traffic wasn’t bad, so I thought I’d see what all the fuss was about.”
Dressed in slacks and a shirt, Harry looked professional, but still attractive and now there was no beanie on his head, Alex could see his hair was artfully styled. Touching Alex’s elbow, Harry pulled him away from the front of the bakery. Alex saw why a moment later; Harry’s mother had looked up briefly, eyes narrowed as though looking for someone, and then she turned away.
“Are you hiding from your mom?” Alex asked, lips quirking into a smile.
“No.” Harry’s reply was too quick, and he breathed out a sigh of relief, dropping his head back against the wall. He opened his eyes slowly, a lazy smile on his face. “I just needed five minutes.”
Alex had to fight the urge to wipe his clammy hands on his jeans. Harry was unfairly attractive. It was messing with Alex’s self-control. “If you’re busy, we can always wait.”
It wasn’t an offer that Alex wanted to make. Everything he had been worried about before seemed to have fallen away; Harry was smiling, soft and happy, and Alex’s heart skipped several beats as he thought about spending time with him, learning more about him. Harry looked tired, though, and exhausted in more than just body.
“No,” Harry said immediately, reaching out and curling his fingers around Alex’s elbow. “I’ve been looking forward to this and wouldn’t change our plans just because I’m a little bit tired.” Alex could see his reflection in the store window; his smile was dopey and ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes slid back to Harry, who was looking a little apprehensive, but was still grinning and hadn’t moved his hand away from Alex’s arm. “I didn’t really want to cancel,” he said eventually, wanting to do something with his hands but not sure what. “I just didn’t want you to regret it.”
“Alex,” Harry said, taking a step forward and entering Alex’s space. It should have been overwhelming; Alex didn’t often tolerate people standing so close, but the moment felt charged, as if something important was going to happen. Slowly, Harry moved his other hand, resting it on Alex’s hip. “Is this too forward?”
“No,” Alex said, hardly daring to breathe. He blinked, afraid that if he closed his eyes for too long the moment would end. He smiled slowly, finally deciding to place his hand on Harry’s waist. “It’s okay.”
Alex had read a thing or two about whirlwind romances, had even watched his sister go through several, and this moment seemed like it should have been that; they were close very quickly and things would fizzle out and die. Alex was startled to realize that he didn’t want this to become that. He had a connection with Harry, a connection he didn’t really understand or fully comprehend the weight of, but he wanted to hold onto it for as long as he could.
Harry was a head shorter than he was. Even up close, there was a considerable distance between their faces. Indecision flickered across Harry’s face, and Alex could see the apprehension. They were both scared of what this moment could mean, bu
t neither of them moved away.
“Is it all right if I—” Alex started, and leaned in a little closer, moving his hand up to Harry’s neck.
“I want to,” Harry started, and Alex paused, suddenly feeling like an idiot. “No,” Harry continued, catching hold of Alex and holding him still. “This isn’t a rejection. I really want to do what you’re thinking of doing, but I need to…”
Waving a hand in the direction of the bakery, Harry didn’t look away, nor did he let go of Alex.
“Damn,” Alex said, the fear falling away into something sweet and wonderful. “I was really hoping for a sidewalk kiss then.”
Harry laughed, leaning forward, his forehead resting on Alex’s chest. He tapped his fingers against Alex’s arm and let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be silly,” Alex said, running a hand down the back of Harry’s head and back, finding the courage to press a kiss to the top of Harry’s head. “Go back to work. We have time.”
“I’ll try and get off early.” Harry finally pulled himself away, and there was an awkward moment where neither of them was sure what to do.
A couple came out of the bakery, laughing and passing behind them, discussing the cakes. Looking back over his shoulder, Alex grinned and squeezed Harry’s waist. “It’s a sign that you should be going back in.”
“While you’re here, you should try something.”
Alex followed Harry back in front of the bakery. “I wouldn’t want to spoil my appetite. If I stay till you’re done, I’ll put on several kilos.”
“Pity,” Harry said, and there was something about his tone that made Alex’s heart skip a bit.
“I could come back nearer to closing,” Alex offered, desperately wanting the extra time with Harry.
“It’s a date,” Harry said, his tone and smile warm.
Chapter Six
Alex wasted a couple of hours in Central Park.
The sun wasn’t out, but there was no chill and he had a book in the car that he was halfway through. He didn’t manage to get through a lot of it; he ended up reading a passage several times, thinking back to that moment on the sidewalk.
Harry’s eyes had been the most gorgeous shade of brown Alex could ever remember seeing. It wasn’t Alex’s first kiss, but it had felt so much better than anything that had come before, and they hadn’t even done anything. Stretching out on the grass, closing his eyes and trying to distract himself from the noises filtering in from the rest of the park, Alex imagined how the kiss would actually go.
Everything his mind could come up with didn’t seem to do that moment justice, nor did he think it would ever be as great as the real thing.
His phone vibrated in his pocket and Alex fumbled for it.
I can finish an hour earlier. Mom saw us earlier and knew I had a date.
Alex was torn; on the one hand, seeing Harry earlier than he thought he would was great, but on the other, Harry’s mom knew. Was there anything to really know? It was still a date no matter what happened from there. Alex wanted there to be something.
After three attempts at forming a message, Alex thumbed through a message. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Was she okay?
Grabbing his book and making his way back toward the bakery, Alex kept a tight grip on his phone, hoping it would vibrate soon. He hoped that the nervousness and worry would smooth itself out soon; he didn’t want to go through every moment acting like a nervous wreck.
His phone chimed.
I didn’t ask. It’s none of their business.
Alex’s lips twitched, and he picked up the pace. He hoped that Harry’s parents did like him, but it gave him some peace of mind to know that Harry was invested in this working. Alex intended to put the book in his car before going into the bakery and pulled his keys out of his pocket, but as he approached the bakery, Harry’s mom was waiting, standing on the sidewalk.
Alex was a big boy. He could handle a date’s mom. “Hello.”
“Nǐhǎo.” Harry’s mom gave Alex an assessing look. She tilted her head a little. “Hello.”
Alex didn’t know what the respectful thing to do was. Though they were both American, Harry’s mom had a heavy accent; Harry’s family also had a heritage that Alex didn’t understand, and he could accidentally disrespect Harry’s family.
“Mom,” Harry said, breaking up whatever tension Alex had helped build. “Stop it.”
“Sorry,” Harry’s mom said, smiling wide. “Pleased to meet you.”
“The pleasure’s mine,” Alex said, clutching the book and keys in his hands like they were a lifeline. “I apologize for taking your son away for the evening.”
Harry’s mom waved a hand. “No problem. He is an adult.”
“I also have my own apartment,” Harry told Alex. There was a weight to his expression and Alex frowned, wondering what was going on inside his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ma.”
Whatever Harry’s mom said in return, Alex didn’t understand. He waited until she had bid him goodbye and disappeared back into the bakery.
“All right?” He asked.
Harry shook his head and smiled, but it was distracted. “Fine.”
“You had a face,” Alex pointed out, waving a hand at the spot where Harry’s mom had stood not a moment before. “When you talked about your apartment.”
Harry met his eyes slowly and sighed. “I work here,” he started moving away from the door of the bakery. “I didn’t want you to think that I live with them, or that I’ll put them above you.”
Alex didn’t know what to say. He was stunned, but his heart felt fit to burst. Harry was watching him carefully, keeping a distance between them. “I don’t think that,” he said, watching the smile blossom on Harry’s face. It was an amazing feeling to be responsible for it. “If you’re taking over one day, you do have to respect their rules.”
Thankfully, Harry’s happiness gave way to a laugh and he stepped closer to Alex, keeping step as they headed for Alex’s car. “You’re really something.”
“Yeah,” Alex said. “I’ve been told.”
Harry gave him an assessing look. “In a good way, I hope?”
Alex couldn’t look in Harry’s eye. He still hadn’t said anything as they approached his car. The silence stretched into discomfort and apprehension, but as soon as Alex had dropped his book on the back seat and locked the car, Harry’s hand was on his elbow, whirling him around.
“Hey,” he said, fingers tight around Alex’s shirt. “You’re amazing.”
“You’ve only known me for,” Alex paused, enough to pretend to count, “a handful of hours collectively.”
Harry gave him a mock offended look. “We spent a very special plane ride together, Alex, don’t belittle that.”
Alex huffed out a laugh, dropping his head down to rest against Harry’s. “My apologies.”
“I guess,” Harry said, words soft, “You’ll have to make it up to me.”
Pulling back a little, Alex lifted his hand, resting it on Harry’s face. His skin was soft and good, Alex could touch it forever. He brushed a thumb against Harry’s lips, which parted gently. The moment seemed to stretch, lasting an age. Closing his eyes, Alex leaned in, kissing Harry.
It was an ordinary, closed mouth kiss.
Alex’s heart was still hammering in his chest. His fingers twitched against Harry’s face, and Harry’s own fingers were flexing against Alex’s clothes.
Harry tugged a little when Alex made to pull away and kept him there, pausing enough to breathe before leaning in for another kiss.
“Wow,” Alex said, brain dying a little at the way Harry was looking at him.
“Yeah.” Harry wasn’t smiling, exactly, but there was something bright and wonderful about his expression, about the way he was leaning into Alex.
Reality set in not a moment later; someone bumped into them and Alex stumbled, catching hold of Harry’s elbow to make sure he didn’t fall.
“We should move,” Harry said, looki
ng around Alex. “I’ve been working all day. I’m hungry.”
Alex grinned. “We can’t have that.”
Harry stepped away from him, and Alex took a moment to mourn the loss, but then he was pocketing his keys and led the way toward the café.
“What do you want?”
“Food,” Harry said. “Anything edible as long as it’s soon.”
“It can be soon,” Alex promised. “There will also be drinks. For you.”
Harry gave him a look that was almost fond. “I respect a man who doesn’t drink and drive.”
They lapsed into silence as they walked down the sidewalk, Alex’s eyes on the restaurants they passed, hoping that something would take his fancy.
Bella liked to overshare, and she had once told Alex that a guy she had dated used to make her feel stupid. She would have butterflies in her stomach and a rush of ridiculous adoration whenever he complimented her.
Alex felt that now. Respect was a big thing for Alex, the downside of being raised by his mother, but the fact that he had it from Harry made a big difference. Perhaps Bella’s relationship hadn’t lasted but Alex was determined not to have the same thing happen to him.
While Bella didn’t seem ready to settle down, content with living her life as a free spirit, Alex was ready to live the rest of his life with one person. Someone he could have fun with, come home to and make dinner for. Though Alex was starting to put Harry in all the places there had been a space, he needed to be careful. He didn’t want his hopes and expectations for the future to overwhelm him and ultimately drive Harry away.
“Hey,” Harry reached over, squeezing his hand. “Where’d you go?”
“Thinking about something my sister said once,” Alex admitted, aware that being honest had worked for him up until now. “I always thought respect was the best thing a person could have.”
Harry raised his eyebrows but didn’t seem judgmental. “Have you changed your mind?”
“I don’t know,” Alex said honestly. “I think it’s part of it. There’s other stuff, I know that. I just… I feel like I’m analyzing everything I do to make sure it doesn’t mess this up.”
