by David Horne
“Alex,” Harry said, tugging Alex closer to the wall and away from passing pedestrians. It was difficult; it was late afternoon and the sidewalk was filling up. Still, it put them into closer proximity, so despite the heaviness of the moment, he appreciated the sidewalk traffic a little. “Don’t overthink it.”
“I can’t help it.” Alex stared down at Harry, eyes dropping to his mouth and then back up. Serious moment, Alex. “I’m a natural worrier.”
Harry’s smile was wry. “Yeah, I’m getting that. You’re doing all right so far. How’s that?”
“It helps actually,” Alex admitted. He closes his eyes, dropping his forehead to rest against Harry’s. “I know this is soon and it’s barely been any time at all. I always hated when people would say stuff like, ‘I feel like I’ve known you forever’ and maybe it’s not that, but it’s something.”
The “Not Making Any Sense” award was Alex’s for the taking. He almost didn’t want to open his eyes and see the judgmental expression on Harry’s face. Though, he reasoned quietly, Harry hasn’t judged you before. The opposite, in fact. When Alex risked a look, Harry was amused, clearly waiting for Alex to open them.
“Uh,” Alex said. “Sorry?”
“You really need to stop apologizing,” Harry said immediately. “It’s a connection. I feel it too.”
“Oh,” Alex said dumbly. “Cool.”
Cool. Great. Now he sounded like a teenager again.
Harry pressed a kiss to Alex’s jaw. “If we’re gonna make this connection grow, we should probably get some food.”
“Yeah,” Alex agreed. “Good plan.”
“I’m known for them.” Harry tugged Alex back into the mass of people, keeping a tight hold of his hand.
Alex stared down at their entwined fingers, squeezing gently when Harry made to pull away. As they headed for the restaurant—any would work at this point—Alex wore a ridiculous grin that would tell everyone that he was happy and kind of in, well, not love, but something right now.
It felt right.
Chapter Seven
Alex woke to his alarm the next morning.
He fumbled for his phone on the nightstand, face buried in the pillows, and groaning as he swiped his thumb across the phone. He really didn’t want to get up. As he stretched, feeling the kinks in his body working their way out, he grinned as he turned his face out of the pillows.
The night before had been amazing. It felt a little too saccharine to say that there had been a bubble with just him and Harry inside, but that was exactly what it was like. They had talked over dinner and drinks, Alex regaling Harry with the highlights of his life, which mostly included hilarious stories about the things he, Jason, Sara and Bella got up to. Harry, in turn, had spoken about his dreams; his love of photography, baking and dancing when he thought nobody was looking.
Harry’s sense of humor complimented Alex’s dry wit perfectly and the more time that passed, the more certain Alex was that he wanted as long with Harry as he could get. Forever, that traitorous part of him was saying, but he refused to let it say anything out loud.
As if summoned by Alex’s reminiscing about the date, his phone chimed with a message from Harry.
Morning!
You don’t have another family thing on Sunday, do you?
Alex affirmed that no, he didn’t have to suffer through another excruciating dinner of judgment and pleas to settle down. When Harry sent back exclamation marks and a winking face, Alex felt his chest tighten with anticipation and excitement.
What are you planning? He typed and sent the message, dropping his phone on his pillow and forcing himself up and out of bed. That little bubble from last night didn’t exist anymore and if he wanted to keep his job and not explain to his mother why he was late, he should probably get a move on.
Alex was in the car, ready for the commute to work before he thought to look at his phone again. Mornings were usually monotonous, and it would take him a good while to break himself of the single-minded focus he adopted. As he brought up Harry’s playlist, he opened the last message.
You’ll see. Date night Sunday?
Date night. The words had an infinite feel to them. Alex felt certain he was just walking around with a permanent dopey grin these days. He would have to make sure he had it wiped by the time he got to the office; his mother would pick up on it in an instant and he’d have to explain what was going on. Harry was his secret; his parents wouldn’t let it lie if they found out, and Alex wasn’t about to risk his developing relationship with Harry for anything.
It would take Sunday forever to arrive, whether or not Alex had to talk to his parents. He could already envision the long hours during the day when he’d just want to see Harry.
“New relationship feelings,” Bella assured him when he called her, bemoaning the state of his attention. “Seriously,” she continued. “You’re like a teenager.”
Alex was aware of that fact.
Even nights at home shifted into something else; he would spend a lot of time texting Harry and asking about recipes and things that Harry would bake for him if he asked. Harry sent lists and pictures of treats and pastries that he had contemplated asking his parents to include in the bakery but wasn’t sure they would agree to.
You’ll take over one day, Alex assured him. I’m sure they’d listen if you told them what you’ve just told me.
It was the small things like that, the advice and the support. Alex was starting to anticipate and enjoy the moments that Harry would send him a picture of himself or something he liked, or a text moaning about the state of his day. Alex would try and do the same, but it would be harder for him to find the time. He was due to fly out the next week, breathing a sigh of relief that he didn’t have to cancel on Harry.
Their impending date was always in the back of Alex’s mind. He didn’t normally go in for surprises, but he could admit that there was a certain something about having to wait to see where Harry would take him.
Thursday night was a standing date with Sara, who would come over and they would watch terrible movies and fight about which character was hotter. Sara was the first person Alex had come out to, back when he had been figuring himself out, and since then he had found it easiest to joke and talk with her about guys. Nobody in his family was particularly homophobic or tried to pretend that Alex didn’t prefer men. Still, it was often difficult to get Jason to talk about anything relationship orientated, and Bella would focus more on the fact that Alex was a virgin. Not the greatest start.
Not that Sara was ever his last choice; she had talked him through some pretty difficult decisions in regard to his sex life, including whether or not forgoing relationships and just having one-night stands was really a viable life choice. No, had been the answer, something Alex would have known if he hadn’t had just that little bit too much to drink.
Sara arrived, as usual, making herself comfortable on the couch with a glass of wine and her socked feet up against the coffee table. Alex had long since given up trying to get her to stop. To her credit, she didn’t bring up Harry until Alex felt like he was fit to burst and had to do it for her.
“So you’re taking it slow,” she said when Alex had told her about their dinner, and the impending date on Sunday. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I just don’t know what to expect.” Alex swirled his beer around in the glass, checking his watch for the fifteenth time, wondering when the pizza was actually going to arrive.
Sara turned her head to give him an unimpressed look. “You expect to be treated fairly and considerately, Alex. He’s probably not expecting anything else.”
“Bella said —”
Groaning, Sara kicked him with the heel of her foot. “Honestly, stop listening to Bella about relationship advice.” She looked pointedly at him. “We both know she’s not looking for permanent right now. You are. Ergo, you don’t have the same frame of reference for relationships.”
“Ergo?” Alex snorted.
<
br /> “Shut up,” Sara said, grinning against her wine glass. “I know words.”
“Frame of reference,” Alex said, amused. Sara kicked him again, but she didn’t look put out. Taking a sip of beer, Alex watched the movie for a while, rolling his eyes at the sheer cheesiness of the explosions. “I don’t want to mess it up.”
“Everyone worries about that.” Sara waved a hand, but her expression was serious. “I always worry that I’m going to mess things up with Jason.”
Alex frowned. “Seriously? He loves you.”
“I know.” Sara sighed, sitting up. She put her wine glass on the table, taking a position that marked this as a serious conversation and not the light-hearted chat it had been before. “I still worry. Loving someone just makes the stakes higher. You’re a natural worrier so it seems tougher. If you fight for what you love, if you make it work, it’ll be the best thing you’ll ever have.”
Tipping his head back against the back of the couch, Alex contemplated his ceiling. “I want this to work. I know I overthink things.” Alex grinned at Sara’s laugh. She coughed, apologized, and gestured for him to continue. “I don’t want to overthink this so much that I ruin it.”
Sara shrugged, picking her glass back up. “I can’t tell you that everything’s gonna be okay. Nobody knows that. You just have to hope it does.”
Alex made a face and took a swig of his beer. “Experience would help.”
“Everyone has a first love,” Sara told him, eyes shining in the low light. Whatever else she wanted to say was cut off by the door buzzer. Alex sighed, sliding his beer onto the table and grabbing his wallet from the sideboard. Typically, now that the pizza was here, the conversation would shift.
One thought remained; Harry was his first love.
That was probably accurate, even after one date. Alex refused to dwell on what that could mean for them, determined to enjoy himself and make the best of what they had. Things would go sour or they wouldn’t; he was just going to have to take it one day at a time.
That philosophy carried him through Friday and Saturday. By the time Saturday night rolled around, Alex was getting ready for bed, brushing his teeth in the bathroom when his phone started to ring. Rinsing out his mouth, he grabbed the phone from the nightstand and put it on speaker.
“‘Lo.”
“Are you busy?” Harry sounded sleepy like he was in the same process of getting to bed.
“Nope,” Alex said, popping the p. “Just about to get into bed.”
“That’s good,” Harry said, and there was the rustling of what Alex assumed were his sheets. “So I get you all day tomorrow, right?”
There was a thrill up Alex’s spine at that, and he had to ignore his own dumb smile in the mirror. “Dunno. Do you deserve me all day?”
He didn’t know what possessed him to say it. Being flirty had never seemed like his forte, and while it made him cringe, Harry let out a pleased chuckle.
“I’d hope so, considering I’m taking you places and treating you to a whole day of happiness.”
Alex washed his hands and left the bathroom, switching off the light. His bed was beckoning, and he rolled onto it, staring up at the ceiling as he reached for his phone. He took Harry off speaker. There was nobody else in his house, but he wanted Harry’s voice all to himself. It was the only way he would allow himself to be possessive. “Then I guess you can have me all day.”
“So gracious,” Harry said. He trailed off for a moment, just the sounds of them both breathing into the handset.
“So do I get to know anything?”
Harry hummed. “You told me you’d never been.”
Alex frowned. They’d spoken about travel and other things during their date, but Alex couldn’t narrow it down. “That’s a little unfair.”
Alex could almost picture Harry’s shrug. “You shouldn’t tell me so many things.”
It didn’t sound like a chastisement, so Alex relaxed into the bed, closing his eyes. His senses narrowed down to the phone call, to the sounds Harry was making. “I can’t help it. You make it easy to be me.”
There was a hitch of breath. “Alex.”
“Sorry,” Alex said, apologizing on impulse.
“Don’t be,” Harry told him. “It’s just overwhelming how honest you are.”
Alex tried to be honest as much as possible. His mother had called him refreshingly so. Bella always told him he had no tact. Alex just didn’t want to lead anybody on. Why tell them something that would ultimately hurt them? He wanted to be honest, but he wasn’t perfect. He was aware that sometimes he hid the things he should be talking about. “You make it easy.”
Their conversation trailed off eventually, and Harry bid Alex a good night and that he would pick him up in the morning around eight. It was early, but not ridiculously so for Alex. Even when he had the opportunity to sleep in, his body would be awake before he was ready for it, the pitfalls of working early during the week. Besides, his excitement for the date outweighed any sadness he felt over a lost morning in bed. He couldn’t wait to see what Harry had planned.
Chapter Eight
Long Island Aquarium had been on Alex’s doorstep for months, but he’d never found the time to visit.
When Harry surprised him that morning with tickets, Alex drew him into a hug, burying his face in Harry’s neck.
“You’re welcome,” Harry laughed gently, hugging back just as softly.
Alex wasn’t the loudest about his love for animals, and especially those that lived in the water, but on their first date, he’d started talking about his fish and couldn’t stop. He already knew Harry had a dog, so at the very least appreciated animals, but it was quite another thing to be confronted with the evidence of Alex’s obsession. Once he started talking, it was difficult to stop.
“Why are we up so early?” Alex asked. “I thought it didn’t open until ten.” At Harry’s raised eyebrow, he shrugged, not the least embarrassed. “Just because I’ve never been, doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it several times.”
Harry pulled away but kept a hold of Alex’s hand. “I thought we could get breakfast together. Then head for the Aquarium and spend the day showering you with animals. Maybe literally.”
It wasn’t even a particularly funny joke, but Alex laughed anyway, too overloaded with happiness to keep it contained. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had asked him what he wanted to do and given it to him. He felt like an idiot, to be happy over something so small, but he didn’t care.
A quick breakfast at Lolly’s Hut later, because Alex loved to the start the day on great pancakes, the two of them headed for the aquarium. While they were standing in line, Alex took a hold of Harry’s hand, feeling his cheeks flush, even as Harry leaned in closer, their arms pressed together. Alex had a brief moment of apprehension over whether or not somebody would say something, but it was quickly buried. Let someone say something. Alex felt like he could take on the world right now.
The day seemed to pass in much the same vein; Alex spent longer than he probably should have studying the tanks and the information plaques in the aquarium. He could feel Harry’s eyes on him, a fond smile on his face, and Alex did his best to ignore it. He didn’t quite know how to react, except to cling just that little bit tighter to Harry’s hand. They only dropped them occasionally, when it was getting too crowded, or they had to walk single-file.
“You enjoying yourself?” Harry asked as they made their way to the sea lion show.
“It’s amazing,” Alex said, sounding as breathless as he felt. “This is the best date.”
Harry’s smile was warm. “I’ve set the bar too high for myself.”
“And for me,” Alex said. “How am I gonna pick something like this for you?”
Shrugging, Harry found them a perfect vantage point and tugged Alex closer. “I’d be happy if we spent the night at your apartment.”
Harry probably didn’t mean for it to sound quite like Alex took it, but the thought was the
re now, and he didn’t know what to do about it. Thankfully, Harry was paying attention to the sea lions and not to Alex, so he didn’t pick up on the turmoil.
Would Harry want to do that soon? Did Alex really want to go there? Alex looked to the side, at the half-smile on Harry’s face as he enjoyed the show, and Alex could picture them together, in a bed. He couldn’t even think about that without wanting to sink into the floor in embarrassment. How had he made it this far and remained a virgin? Would Harry think less of him for it?
“Harry,” Alex said because now that he was thinking about it, it was like an itch that he couldn’t scratch. Perhaps this wasn’t the best place for this discussion, but the words were coming before Alex could stop them. “If someone you dated hadn’t ever—”
He cut himself off before he could continue, eyes darting around them, and stared down at his hand, still curled around Harry’s. It felt like a pointed moment, one that could mean he lost this, but he had to say something.
“Alex,” Harry squeezed his hand. “Look at me.”
Alex raised his eyes and licked his lips, trying to find the right words. “When you said you’d be happy spending the night at my—”
“No,” Harry said immediately, and there was understanding on his face. “That wasn’t what I meant.”
“I know that,” Alex said gently, fidgeting in his seat. “I just can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want you to think less of me because I haven’t ever done it before.”
Being so vague was probably keeping the people around them from knowing what their conversation was really about. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Harry to pull his hands away and leave. Instead, Harry seemed to tighten his grip, not enough to hurt but to let Alex know that he was there.
“I don’t care.” Harry looked determined, his smile understanding and everything Alex needed. “Alex, you’re perfect as you are.”
