You Send Me

by Jeannie Moon

  Annoyed. She was so annoyed. And Jordan didn’t know if she was more pissed at herself for allowing him to get inside her head, or him for turning this into a battle of wills. Jordan could forgo the run. She was trying to get away from him.

  Because if she didn’t, she was going to lose it. Why was he shutting her out?

  Was it too much to want someone who was open, and honest? No, Nick didn’t lie. But he didn’t let her see what was inside his head. If he couldn’t do that, how could she trust what was in his heart?

  “Could you let me go?” she asked, her voice cracking.

  “Is that what you want?”

  Staring him down, Jordan knew she had no choice but to be careful around him. She loved being with him. He made her happy in so many ways. However, there was no way she wanted to give up that kind of emotional control ever again, especially if it was one-sided. Trusting people was hard for her, and as much as she wanted to, she was starting to believe the risk wasn’t worth it.

  “Yes. Let me go.”

  That wasn’t the answer he wanted, and he waited a few seconds before scowling and then stepping back. “I still don’t think you should go out.”

  “You’re bossy.”

  Nick raised an eyebrow. “A few weeks ago, you were curled in that bed, really sick. I’m not saying you’ll relapse, but you have to respect your recovery time.”

  Jordan looked away. She hated that he was right. There was no way she wanted to drag out her recovery. With everything going on with her father, she couldn’t afford to. So, she nodded before looking back at him. His expression was softer now, sweet. “Take a walk later. Build up slowly.”

  “Okay.” Agreeing was the easy thing to do.

  Nick’s thumb grazed over her cheek. “I’m just watching out for you.”

  “I know you are.” That was the truth, but Jordan wished he’d let her take care of him too, at least a little bit. Last night she thought they’d made progress. Everything between them was close. Intimate.

  They’d fallen asleep spooned together, so when the nightmare hit, Jordan knew immediately. His body lurched twice, jerking her against him suddenly, then he rolled onto his back. A sheen of sweat was visible across his skin, and his breathing was short and rapid, making his chest rise and fall at a frantic pace.

  He was reliving a crisis situation; the shooting, she guessed. That was the only thing that made sense, but Jordan didn’t know what to do. When she dropped her hand on his arm, he jerked it away. She wanted to hold him, soothe his panic, but she had no idea if anything would work. When he called out, the anguish broke her heart. He was a man in pain.

  “Noooooo.” It was agonizing, pleading. “They’re just kids. NO. NO.”

  Kids. Children. He was begging for the children. He’d seen horrible things, sacrificed so much… if only he could trust her with his pain the way she’d trusted him with hers.

  The memory chilled her to the bone. Eventually his breathing settled, but Jordan couldn’t sleep, not until she was sure he was okay. When he turned on his side, she pressed herself into his back and held on, hating that Nick had demons he was fighting all alone.

  There was something brewing, something growing at too fast a pace. Never in her life had she met a man like Nick. Honorable, strong, smart, and good to the core. Just minutes ago, she was telling herself to stay away from him, but she couldn’t. Her heart ached for him.

  She didn’t tell him. Instead, Jordan reached out and took his hand, pulling him into her. Nick needed her. He’d come to her when something had troubled him, sought out her comfort. That had to mean something. And as much as Jordan was scared, something told her not to let go. For now, she owed him the chance. For now.

  *

  “You want to tell me what’s wrong?”

  Jordan had turned her back to him, and he saw her shoulders tense before she faced him. “I don’t like to lose control. I hate it, and my whole life seems to be out of my control right now. Being so sick last month. My dad.” She paused. “You. I’m not used to everything being so intense.”

  He got that, because he was feeling it himself. He was about to say something, but he let her keep going.

  “I guess I realized this is more than a fake engagement, or friends with benefits. I’m not naïve. This could be something and it’s happening so fast…” Jordan plopped on her bed and folded her legs up in front of her. “I’m scared.”

  He sat next to her and resisted the urge to pull her into his arms.

  “Of me?”

  “Yes. Of everything I don’t know about you.”

  He didn’t expect that to come out of her mouth. Nick had to face the fact that going all in with Jordan would be a lot more complex than he ever thought. “I just…”

  “I know, you don’t talk about it. But I just went through something with you, Nick, and I’m worried for you. I hurt for you. But you won’t let me help.”

  The nightmare.

  She reached out and touched his cheek. Her eyes were overly bright, brimming with unshed tears. “Why did you come to me last night?”

  “I just needed to be with you. I didn’t think we’d end up in bed. I wasn’t expecting it.”

  “Oh, I know that, but a booty call would make things less complicated, wouldn’t it? Think about what you said. You wanted to be with me. Why did you want to be here? With me?”

  Everything Jordan said was true. Last night was no booty call. He was looking for more. Sex could be written off as sex. What happened between the two of them was intensely personal. It meant something. “Because being with you settles me. It quiets my mind.”

  Admitting that was a kick in the ass.

  Nick wasn’t one to jump into something without thinking about it first. Whether it was a job, a situation at work, or a relationship. But with Jordan, he didn’t just jump into the pool. His relationship with her felt like going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Based on what she just said, he figured they were both in the same barrel. “How do you want to handle this?” he asked. “I hear everything you’re saying, and I get it, but I don’t want to stop seeing you.”

  “That’s what’s scaring me. No matter how much trepidation I feel, the thought of not seeing you is worse. What kind of magic is in your kisses, Nick Rinaldi? I feel like… I feel like there’s something else at work between us.”

  Smiling, Nick clasped her hand and threaded his fingers with hers. “Maybe it’s the compass magic,” he said. “It could run in the family.”

  “I never bought into the compass woo-woo like everyone else,” she said. “But I do believe in chemistry and attraction. We have both.”

  “You may not believe in the woo-woo, but I do believe in fate. Things happen for a reason, Jordan. What’s going on with us may have started out as a lie, but it isn’t now. Maybe we have to let this play out.”

  “Maybe.” Jordan’s thumb was making slow circles over the back of his hand. “But along with everything else, we need honesty. I won’t budge on that.”

  Nick stilled at her words. “I’ve never lied to you, Jordan.”

  “No,” she said softly. “But you haven’t told me the whole truth, either.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  When Nick walked in the kitchen door at a little past 5:30 in the morning, the only one there was his grandfather. Pops was the earliest riser in the house, and he was always at least two cups of coffee into his day before anybody got up. He didn’t say anything when Nick walked in. Instead, he rose from his spot at the kitchen table and poured Nick a cup of good strong coffee.

  When he set the mug down on the table in the seat adjacent to his, Nick knew he had some explaining to do. Thirty-six years old, and he still had to answer to his grandfather. He really needed to move out.

  “Long night?” Pops asked.

  “You already know the answer, and I’m too old to have to tell you every move I make.” Nick loved his family more than he could ever explain to anybody. But at times he wished he was still tho
usands of miles away. This thing with Jordan? It had the potential to change his entire life, and he didn’t want his family doing anything to screw it up, no matter how well-meaning they were.

  Pushing a basket of bread and a plate of cheese toward Nick, Pops nodded. “Your nona baked your favorite bread, and we just had the cheese delivered from the city. Eat. Then we’ll talk.”

  His grandfather waited while Nick took a plate, broke off a piece of the best crusty Italian bread in the Western Hemisphere, and took a chunk of creamy cheese. Saying no to food in his grandparents’ house was just not done. Food meant love; if you rejected the food, you rejected their love.

  With a piece of cheese sitting on top of the bread, Nick took a bite, and his grandfather started talking. It never failed.

  “Let me tell you what I think, Nico. You and Jordan, you make each other nervous. Neither of you want the romance, but romance is what you got.”

  None of this was new to Nick. He was fully aware that he and Jordan walked on eggshells around each other. And it was stupid, really. They got along great, they had great chemistry, and he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Every waking moment she was in the back of his mind. Her laughter, her smile, her flashing eyes—all of it. What Nick didn’t know was how they were going to get out of their own way.

  “Pops, I don’t want to talk about this. I care about Jordan. A lot, if you want to know, but whatever’s happening, has to stay between us. Promise me you’ll stay out of it.”

  Angelo Rinaldi was a formidable man. He was decisive, intelligent, and blunt. He wasn’t afraid of much. In fact, Nick could only think of one thing that truly scared his grandfather.

  His grandmother.

  Pops shrugged. “Stay out of it. What does that mean, exactly? You’re family, and families help each other, which means we know each other’s business. It’s not like where you slept last night is a big secret. Your car is right next to the girl’s house.”

  Scrubbing his face with his hands, Nick looked up at the ceiling, wondering why he couldn’t have a normal relationship. Then he thought about it. And he thought about that house he was going go to look at. And he realized it probably wasn’t far enough away.

  “What happens between me and Jordan is our business, not yours.”

  That seemed to do it. His grandfather stood and stretched, and then he shrugged. “Have it your way. You know where I am if you need to talk.” Suddenly looking over his shoulder, after he turned to leave, Pops grinned. “Do you think you’re gonna get very far with mind your own business to your nona?”

  Nick locked his fingers behind his head and stretched. No, he wouldn’t get very far with that at all. If he was lucky, his grandmother would give him a whack upside the head, and let it go. But he ran the risk of something far more serious than his grandmother, or his mother, or any other family member for that matter, being angry. He had to worry about hurting them. His family had been there for him when he was at his lowest point. He was the one who’d pushed them away.

  “Pops…”

  “Oh, don’t worry. Nona won’t say anything to Jordan, she’s going to save it all for you. Your mother too.”

  Not that he was looking forward to it, but Nick was relieved the attention would be squarely on him.

  “Nico, I have a question… this wedding thing. How long are you two going to keep it up?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Pops chuckled.

  “What’s so funny?” Nick took another bite.

  “This game is going to blow up in your face, Nick.”

  “What game?” Why was he even bothering?

  “Oh, come on. The engagement. You think I was born yesterday?”

  “What about it?” His grandfather had figured things out. He knew.

  Pops gave him the side eye, followed by a nod, and a wry grin. “That’s the way you want to play this, fine. You listen. You’re not just pretending to be a couple. You are a couple. You confide in each other. You’re supportive of each other. And then there’s the sex…”

  “Pops…”

  His grandfather held up his hand. “You wanted an answer, you’re getting it. The storm threw you two together. You didn’t have the months of going on dates like most people would have. You just fell into things. Then, you jumped right to ‘commitment.’ You and Jordan are a couple whether you like it or not. Which means if you aren’t careful, someone is going to get hurt if it doesn’t work out.”

  If it didn’t work out. They’d just talked about this, about them, about where they were going. But his grandfather was right. It was already too late. His visceral reaction to being with her—proprietary, possessive—should have told him that.

  “I don’t know if I’m up for this, Pops.”

  His grandfather shrugged as he sipped his coffee. “Jordan is an intelligent, independent woman who is beautiful on the inside and the outside. I think you could do worse.”

  “I don’t want to hurt her. And I could.” Letting her see the darkness he lived with every day could do that. But not letting her in would hurt her too.

  “It seems to me, you have a problem.”

  *

  The second Jordan arrived at school, she got word she was needed in the principal’s office. Never one to be alarmed, the tone of the main office secretary got her back up. Something was off.

  She dropped her bag and coat in her room, and went right to the office.

  “Hey, Betty. Emily needed to see me?”

  “Go right in. They’re waiting for you.”

  “They?” Jordan didn’t realize it was a group meeting.

  Betty nodded and tilted her head toward the door.

  When Jordan entered, Emily was sitting at the conference table with the school psychologist and Shannon, one of the social workers. Jordan immediately knew something had happened to one of her kids. “This is bad news, isn’t it?”

  “It’s not good news.” Shannon shook her head and picked up a piece of paper. “Eric Bell and his sister Lacy turned up at Cove Pediatrics yesterday looking for Nick Rinaldi. It seems Eric remembered where he worked and felt he could help them.”

  “They turned up? What happened?” Jordan was hearing Shannon, but the pieces weren’t yet fitting together. “I’m confused. Eric wasn’t in school yesterday.”

  Shannon nodded and continued. “Neither was Lacy. The children walked from home to the clinic when their father went out. It was almost a mile down a busy four-lane road.”

  “Why would they do that?”

  “They wanted to tell Dr. Rinaldi that their father was beating their mother. Once Dad left their apartment yesterday morning, the kids took off. They were both examined and there were no problems, but when they caught up with Mom at her job, it was obvious she’d taken a pretty bad beating. She’s being released from the hospital today. The kids have been placed with an aunt.”

  “Oh, my God. And their father?”

  “Being arraigned this morning.”

  Jordan slumped back in her chair. That was why Nick was so shaken when he showed up at her door last night. After what he’d gone through in Afghanistan, she could only imagine how much this hurt him. And he’d looked to her for comfort.

  That Eric sought him out said something powerful about the man. His compassion, his goodness, gave those children the confidence to trust him. Gazing at Lucy’s ring on her left hand, Jordan’s heart split open. Maybe it was time she did the same. Maybe this fake relationship could be real if she and Nick could find a way to push aside the past and look forward.

  It had taken a while for Jordan to accept that her father was going to die. She knew when the time came, she’d be devastated, but she was no longer in denial about the progress of his disease.

  In her heart, Jordan knew Nick would be there for her. He would catch her before she dropped into the dark well of grief. And for the first time since she’d broken her engagement, she wanted someone to be there for her. She wanted a man in her life and in
her bed. She wanted the man to be Nick.

  “Will I see Eric today?” she asked. “I’d like to know how to handle this.”

  Shannon, her friend, agreed. “I’ll go over some strategies while I walk back with you. I don’t know if the children will be in today. I guess we will see.”

  *

  Eric hadn’t come to school that day, which made Jordan worry, but his aunt called to explain they only had one car, and that the children would be in the rest of the week. Relieved, Jordan’s attention immediately turned to the handsome doctor who was more of a hero than she’d ever imagined.

  He’d been on her mind all day. So, it didn’t surprise her when she found herself parked on the same block as the clinic after school had let out for the day. It probably wasn’t her smartest move, but she didn’t care. Jordan had to see him, to tell him she knew the story. That she knew what he’d done.

  And that she wanted to kiss him senseless if he would let her.

  Making the short walk to the clinic, Jordan couldn’t believe how much the weather had turned this past week. It was early April, and a slew of daffodils were blooming in the gardens that lined the street. It was actually starting to feel like spring.

  The clinic had been in town for years and occupied a pretty old house with a bright red front door. Upon walking inside, the walls were painted different colors, more than likely to impress the room full of young patients.

  Lots and lots of young patients, some of whom were former students.

  It wasn’t going to deter Jordan, however. Nope. She wanted to kiss Nick and that’s what she was going to do. Walking to the receptionist’s desk, the dark-haired woman locked onto Jordan’s face over the top of her rimless glasses.

  “Can I help you?” she asked in a refined contralto voice.

  “I’d like to see Dr. Rinaldi.”

  The woman, whose nameplate indicated she was called Elizabeth, raised an eyebrow. “I’m going to assume you’re not a patient.”

  “That’s an accurate assumption. No, I’m a teacher at the elementary school. My name is Jordan Velsor. I heard one of my students was here yesterday and I wanted to thank the doctor for taking good care of Eric and his sister.”