Pretty Dead Girls

by Monica Murphy

  “About being an…”

  “Addict. Yeah.” His gaze finally meets mine, and his eyes are so dark, they’re almost black. “So was Gretchen. And so is Courtney. That’s what they were fighting over. We’d all see each other at our meetings, and they got jealous if I spent more time with one than the other. I would talk to them, and listen to them when they complained about their problems. No one else got them but me.”

  “What, so they didn’t want to share you when you guys had your special powwows during your weekly meetings?” My voice is sharper than I intended, but this is some crazy crap.

  “Don’t make fun of us,” he snaps back. “This shit is hard. You don’t know what it’s like.”

  “Right, so being an addict is Courtney’s excuse for also being such a bitch?”

  Cass shakes his head. “I never said that.”

  “It doesn’t matter. We’re getting off track.” I look down and carefully refold the note I’m holding with shaky fingers. “I know that Courtney is currently messing around with Brogan Pearson.”

  “Wait a minute. Are you serious?”

  I shove the note in my back pocket. I assume it’s from him. “Yeah. They’re sexting each other. She admitted that much to me. I’m guessing they’re doing more than that, but I don’t have proof.”

  “What about Dani? Does she know?”

  “Courtney doesn’t give a shit about anyone as long as she gets what she wants.” I raise a brow. “You haven’t realized that yet?”

  Cass is watching me carefully. Too carefully. “You’re mad at me.”

  “No shit.”

  Sighing, he looks away, his gaze seeming to search the room. “Let’s just finish looking through this stuff, and then we’ll leave.”

  “No, I’m ready to go. I’m over this.” I shove all the crap back into her bedside table drawer as haphazardly as I found it and slam the drawer shut. “You with me?”

  “Come on, Pen. Don’t act like this,” he says, his voice pleading as he makes his way back to her desk. “Just…give me a few more minutes.”

  I stare at his wide back as he bends over the desk and resumes his search through one of the drawers. But I can tell he’s not getting anywhere. All he’s pulling out is a bunch of old schoolwork and notebooks. “You totally conned me into coming to this party with you.”

  His back goes still. “I didn’t con you.”

  “You so did.”

  He glances at me from over his shoulder. “You wanted to come tonight.”

  “I really didn’t. I was disinvited. Remember?” Oh, I’m just saying this like I want to start a fight. What’s wrong with me?

  “You said you wanted to help.” He stacks all the stuff he pulled out of one drawer and shoves it back in before he moves on to the next one. “And now what? You’re pissed because I have a secret past with Gretchen and Courtney? Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”

  “You’re an asshole,” I throw out at him, and I get the satisfaction of watching him flinch.

  “You’re just upset because Courtney’s talking shit,” he mutters. “Why don’t you go sit on the bed and chill out.”

  I do as he says, annoyed at him. Pissed at myself. He’s right. I did want to come this party with him. And I sort of wanted to do it as a big F U to Courtney, too. And I am mad that she’s talking shit about me, and that he has this intimate past with girls I wish he’d never met.

  But are we even on a real date here? Does he really want to be with me? Or did he bring me because I could take him to Court’s room so we can search it and hopefully wouldn’t get caught?

  I feel kind of skeevy just thinking about it. I’m lowering myself to Courtney’s level. She would totally do something like this without a second thought. Hell, she’d probably think it was her right, to dig up information on other people.

  Taking a deep breath, I remind myself to chill and check out my Snapchat, my mind on the note in my back pocket, on the things Courtney said about me, on Dani and how she’s totally being played. Everyone sucks. The school year has hardly begun, and it’s already a complete disaster. I wish I could graduate early. I’d shut down the Larks, quit cheer, and escape to the college of my choice, which will hopefully accept me with wide-open arms. I’d never have to come back to stupid Cape Bonita, ever. We could convince my parents to sell the house, retire, and move somewhere awesome.

  And I am firmly planted in dreamland right now, let me tell you.

  The more I watch Cass digging through the desk drawers, the madder I get. He totally brought me here to get into her room. That’s it. Besides, he’s not even finding anything. I’m the one with the only interesting discovery. I want out of here. Screw Cass.

  Voices come from down the hall. A girl shrieking and yelling, “No! Stop! Put me down!”

  I look up just as Cass whirls around, his hands full of papers and bullshit from the desk. “That was Courtney,” I whisper.

  “Are you sure?” His eyes are wide and panicked.

  Nodding, I rush toward him and help him shove everything back into the desk, slamming the drawer shut with a gentle thud. I can hear the voices drawing closer, Courtney laughing and sounding like a drunk idiot, accompanied by a low, male voice repeatedly telling her she likes it.

  “Closet,” Cass whispers, and I follow after him, quietly shutting the door. My breaths are coming fast, as are Cass’s, but we have to keep our mouths shut. If Courtney finds us lurking in her closet, we are so dead.

  “Be quiet,” I tell Cass, though I can’t really see him, it’s so dark inside. But the front of the closet door is slotted, allowing in shards of light, and I can sort of make out his face. “Try not to breathe so loud. If she hears us, we’re done for.”

  He nods and swallows hard, as if he’s trying to control himself. I lean back, my head against the wall, my butt wedged in between a pile of shoes. Cass sits opposite me, his long legs bent at the knees and his feet planted on the floor.

  The bedroom door swings open and I lean forward, squinting through the door slats so I can see who’s with Courtney.

  “I could swear I didn’t leave the light on when I left,” Courtney says almost to herself, striking fear into my already overworked heart.

  But she forgets all about the lamp in an instant.

  “Put me down, Bro!” She’s pummeling Brogan’s back with her fists, laughing and shaking her ponytail. “And stop putting your hands all over my ass!”

  I look at Cass, who’s suddenly sitting right next to me and is also peering through the slats. We both roll our eyes.

  This is probably going to escalate fast.

  Chapter

  Twenty-Four

  “Where’s Dani?” Courtney asks after Brogan drops her onto her giant bed. I swear it’s custom-made, the mattress has to be bigger than a king and outfitted with the fluffiest, pinkest comforter I’ve ever seen.

  “She’s passed out. I left her on the lounger outside. Put a blanket over her and everything. A bunch of junior girls were sitting on the loungers by her. Some of those Lark girls you don’t like.” Brogan’s still standing by the end of the mattress with his hands on his hips and his back to us. I wish I could see his face. “You should be happy with me. I got Dani totally wasted just like you told me to.”

  “Good.” I can hear the smugness in Courtney’s voice, and it makes my stomach turn. She’s so mean. She knows how much Dani likes Brogan, how she’s been after him for what feels like the majority of our high school lives. And she actually told Brogan to get Dani wasted on purpose?

  I wish I could call her. Text her. But I don’t want to make a wrong move and let them know we’re hiding out in the closet. So we’re stuck here while Courtney is with Brogan in her room. I know something is about to go down.

  Ew. And we’re trapped in the closet. We won’t have to watch but we’ll still have to hear everything.

  Double ew.

  “I have a theory,” Brogan says, his voice serious, which is a surprise. Brogan’s r
arely, if ever, serious.

  “What is it?” Courtney scoots toward the top of the mattress, her back pressed against a gigantic pile of pillows. I can see her face, the amused tilt of her lips, the way she’s hungrily watching Brogan.

  Who is currently pulling his shirt off and dropping it onto the floor.

  I cover my eyes but keep listening.

  “I think you like me because I like Dani.” He hesitates, like he’s afraid to mention the next theory. “I bet you’re one of those girls who always wants what you can’t have.”

  I drop my hands from my face. Wait a minute. He actually likes Dani? Then what the hell is he doing with Court?

  “You don’t really like her,” Courtney says in that blasé way of hers. “You just like the idea of Dani. How she chases after you like a hyperactive puppy dog, always wanting to please you and tell you how great you are. She’s your biggest fan and you love it.”

  “Yeah.” He chuckles. “I do kinda love it when she makes a big deal about me. She’s just so into me, you know? Who wouldn’t love that?”

  I roll my eyes and send a look to Cass, who quirks his lips.

  “But after a while, doesn’t all that adoration get…annoying?” Courtney asks. “Old? Cloying—”

  “What do you mean?” Brogan interrupts.

  Courtney growls irritably. She hates having to explain herself. “She suffocates you, Brogan. She doesn’t understand that sometimes, a guy just wants to get off, you know? And that’s it. That’s all you want. Your needs are simple.”

  “Hell yeah, they are. I’m a simple dude.” I can hear the sound of his zipper going down. “All Dani wants is me to be her boyfriend. Like, she wants a real relationship. But maybe I don’t want that. Why’s everything gotta be so serious all the time? I just wanna fuck, you know?”

  “I do know. I know exactly what you mean. And all I want is for you to get naked with me.” Her voice is low. Seductive. She makes what they have seem so easy. What horny boy wouldn’t be drawn to that? Drawn to her? “So get in my bed, Bro. Let’s get naked together.” She hesitates, and I swear I hear Brogan swallow extra loud. “You know you want me.”

  Okay. That’s it. I can’t take it. I send a panicked look in Cass’s direction, and he backs away from the closet door, so I do the same. He straightens out and reaches into the front pocket of his jeans, pulling out a pair of ear buds, then waves his hand at me to scoot closer to him.

  So I do, curious to see how he’s going to solve our problem. I can hear Courtney and Brogan kissing, and the loud, wet sounds of their mouths connecting over and over again? It’s gross. I like sexy scenes in movies, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want to see this sort of stuff live and in person, with two people I know and go to school with five days a week.

  It’s like watching Courtney and Brogan’s own personal porn video come to life.

  No, thank you.

  Cass slips his head under his sweatshirt and thrusts his hands under it, too. I see his phone light up through the dark fabric and I realize what he’s doing. He doesn’t want Courtney or Brogan to see the light coming from his phone. He’s tapping away at the screen, then he plugs the ear buds into the jack. His head pops back up through the neck hole and he pushes the hoodie back, resting his index finger against his lips.

  I don’t think we have to be deathly quiet any longer. Those two aren’t paying attention to anything else but each other.

  “Come here,” Cass says in the softest whisper. “Get really close to me.”

  I do as he asks, until I’m pressed up next to his side. He hands me an ear bud and I take it, putting it in my left ear. He slips the other ear bud in his right ear and then he turns on some music.

  I’ve never been so thankful for a bunch of loud, alternative, angsty music in all my life. I concentrate hard, focusing all my attention on the music, and I realize quick we’re drowning out the sounds of Courtney and Brogan hooking up. Cass smiles at me and I return it, startled when he leans in close and whispers in my ear bud–free ear, “You like it?”

  I shrug and whisper back, “Sort of.”

  “I can change it. I have a few different playlists.” His mouth is so close to my ear again, I swear his lips brush the sensitive skin. I shiver, my shoulder pressing into his chest, and then he’s grabbing me by the waist, hauling me onto his lap.

  “Ssh,” he whispers when I go tense. I can tell he knows I want to protest, but it’s only because I’m scared. “Relax. We don’t want them to find us.”

  I sit in his lap, his arms encircling me, making me feel protected and safe. I try to concentrate on the music that’s still playing, but all I can focus on is Cass’s warmth and strength. The width of his chest, how thick his arms are, how my butt is perched on his thigh. We are sitting so close it would take nothing for me to wrap my arms around his neck and push his head down so our lips would meet.

  But I don’t do that. I can’t. I don’t have the guts, and besides, I’m still sort of pissed at him for using me to get inside her room. I really don’t fully trust him, either.

  The music is turned down and then Cass’s mouth is right at my ear.

  “I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” he murmurs. “I was a total jackass.”

  “You were,” I agree, making him chuckle. “But so was I.”

  “You still have that note on you? The one you found?”

  “I do.”

  He stares off into space. “Wonder who wrote it.”

  “You think it was Brogan? They kept talking about getting naked.” And the note mentioned getting naked, too.

  “Maybe. Or maybe it’s someone else.” His arms tighten around me.

  “Did you ever get naked with Court?”

  His gaze meets mine, his eyes intense even in the darkness. “No.”

  “How about Gretchen?” My voice rises, and Cass rests his finger over my lips for the briefest moment before removing it.

  “Becoming…intimate with each other would’ve been a huge mistake, and I tried to avoid it. We were messed up enough on our own. We didn’t need to enable each other.”

  He sounds like a psychologist. “Did they want to get with you?”

  “I don’t know.” He does this half shrug that jostles me even closer to him. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  He turns up the music just as the current song ends and a new one begins. This one is slow, the lyrics sad. I recognize the song but don’t remember who sang it, and we remain quiet, the both of us listening until I hear a low groan come from the bedroom, followed by a feminine whimper.

  I immediately lift my head, my gaze meeting Cass’s and we make faces at each other. “So gross,” I whisper.

  “Yeah.” His gaze drops to my lips and lingers there. “Hope they don’t take too long.”

  “Knowing Brogan, he’s probably incredibly selfish. He’ll be finished in a few minutes.” This reminds me of my orgasm book, which, of course, makes my cheeks go hot.

  “You don’t think he’ll care if Courtney gets off or not?” I know he’s repeating the same things Court just said, but it’s still embarrassing. Which is dumb, because I’m a girl who’s tried her best to embrace her sexuality, even if I haven’t had much sex in my life (those few times with Robby were super awkward and not that satisfying, at least for me).

  Sitting with Cass like this, being so close to him, makes me hyperaware of everything about him. His clean, tinged-with-fabric-softener scent. The sound of his breathing, the beat of his heart. His hair is soft, so are his clothes, and he has angsty taste in music. His shoulders are broad, his thigh is hard beneath my butt, and his chest is firm.

  I like him. Despite being angry with him earlier, I can admit that I’m attracted to him. And I think he’s attracted to me.

  “I’m pretty sure the only person Brogan wants to get off is himself,” I mutter under my breath, ducking my head.

  Cass chuckles, the warm, deep sound making me shiver. “Most guys are selfish assholes.”

  “E
ven you?” I look up to find he’s already watching me.

  He nods slowly, his gaze dropping to my lips again. “Even me.”

  “I bet you’re not that selfish,” I whisper. I am totally flirting with him.

  “Oh, I definitely am. Watch me.”

  And then he does the craziest thing.

  Cass leans in, his mouth drawing close. So close, I can feel his breath tickle my lips. I part them, ready to say something, anything to break the sudden tension that’s crackling between us, but his mouth lands on mine in an instant.

  I suck in a breath, shocked by the jolt of electricity that rushes through my blood when his lips touch mine. We’re already completely wrapped up in each other. It feels…natural to kiss him.

  His arms tighten around my waist, pulling me into him. I circle my arms around his neck, my fingers sliding into his hair. It’s thick and soft, the ends curling around my fingers, and I tunnel my hands deeper into it, savoring the hitch in his breath when I do so.

  Our mouths are still connected. We kiss and kiss. Soft, innocent kisses at first, and then I part my lips, and he does too. Our lips linger, the kisses last longer as our breaths accelerate, and then his tongue is there, tracing my lips, circling mine…

  It’s the hottest kiss I’ve ever experienced, the both of us trying to be quiet as we secretly make out while hiding in Courtney’s closet. His hands go to my waist and he readjusts me so I’m straddling him, and I wrap my legs around his hips. We’re chest to chest, his bulky sweatshirt is totally in my way, and I wish I could tear it off him so I can get closer.

  But I settle for this. We’re kissing for kissing’s sake. There’s no end game, no trying to get into each other’s pants or get each other off, as Courtney so eloquently put it. And it feels so good, to get lost in Cass’s arms and lips for a while, to forget about my troubles, to concentrate on the delicious slide of his tongue against mine, his hands in my hair, the race of his heart and the heat of his skin.

  Plus, it’s Cass. We’re giving in to the chemistry that seems to simmer between us every time we’re together. There’s something between us I’d like to explore, despite all the extra baggage that seems to come with this boy. His dead dad and his murdering mom and his weird grandma with the cluttered house and the cats. His mysterious ways and addiction problem—all of this adds up to a guy I should avoid at all costs.