Ashes to Ashes

by Rebecca Norinne

  I took a few extra seconds to answer. “Noones is dead,” I told her. Personally, I thought he’d gotten off too easy—I would have liked to see him suffer for the way he’d made Rae suffer—but two bullets to the chest had been the most expedient way of keeping my woman safe.

  Her head dropped forward. “Thank god,” she whispered. “I was so worried when I heard the first set of shots. And then the second time, I nearly pissed myself. I didn’t know what to think. I was sure you were dead, and he was coming for me next.”

  I squeezed her hand again and chuckled, the slight flexing of my chest and abs sending a fiery spasm to my side. I winced and hissed. Shit, I’d forgotten how much it fucking hurt to get shot.

  “Why are you laughing?” she asked, her voicing going higher and higher with each word she spoke until she’d reached the top of her range. Given she was a natural soprano, that was quite high. “This isn’t funny, Ash. Nothing about this is funny. That man shot you twice.”

  “Once,” I said. “Noones only shot me once.”

  Her brows furrowed in confusion, and she looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “No, Ash. You were shot twice.”

  I nodded. “I know that, Rae. But Noones only shot me the one time.”

  “But the doctor said you had two gunshot wounds, and one of them required surgery to remove the bullet.”

  “Baby,” I said, holding back my laughter. I knew there was nothing funny about this situation, but the drugs they’d given me to help with the pain said otherwise. “Noones’s bullet only grazed me. Terrible fucking shot. You, on the other hand, shot me square in the side when I came through the bathroom door.”

  Rae gasped, and her hand flew to her mouth. “No!” she cried, looking down at my side and then flicking horrified eyes back up to mine. “I shot you?”

  I nodded. “You did.”

  “Oh my god,” she wailed, throwing herself over my body and squeezing me tight.

  With an “oomph,” I wrapped my one free arm around her shaking shoulders, and let her hug me until I couldn’t breathe. “Rae, baby. It’s okay. You did almost exactly what I told you to do.”

  She shook her head, her nose digging into my sternum, and said, “I didn’t though. I shot you, Ash. I could have killed you.”

  I petted her back and her hair and touched her as much as I could to calm her down, but Rae was inconsolable. “Shh,” I cooed. “Shh.”

  And then blackness claimed me again.

  I woke up to an empty room. After eating something that only mildly resembled oatmeal with pale, unripe strawberries, I was antsy and ready to leave. I knew from experience the hospital might try to keep me another night for observation, but there was no way in hell I was sleeping another night in a morphine-induced coma. I wanted to go home. I wanted Rae.

  After a quick, perfunctory sponge bath I’d perfected from my time in the military, I paged the nurse and then eased into the chair in the corner of my room and waited.

  “Good morning, Mr. Devereaux,” she said, coming through with a tray of pills I knew she’d want me to take. “You’re looking well.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “Can you bring my discharge papers?”

  She blanched. “You can’t go home yet.”

  “I can, and I am,” I countered. I’d already spoken to my doctor about it. He’d advised me to stay one more night for observation to be safe, but had admitted they couldn’t keep me if I were intent on leaving. Having been here for almost a week already, I had no doubt I’d recover just as well from my ordeal at home in my own bed. And since Dermott had already arranged a nurse to come by for the next few days to monitor my progress, at this point I was only taking up space some other poor fuck might need.

  The nurse stared me down, but I stared back, just as intense. The quicker she realized this was a losing battle, the sooner I could call Rae pick me up. Eventually, she nodded. “Fine, have it your way,” she said exiting the room.

  As I waited for her to return with my paperwork, I heard a commotion in the hall outside my room. Shuffling to the door, I saw Rae standing near the reception desk signing autographs for both doctors and patients alike. She smiled warmly at every one of them, asked their names, and thanked them for their support. She was in her element, basking in their love and adoration. Meanwhile, all I wanted to do was hole up in the woods and keep her locked away with me there forever.

  Finally, she made her way to my room with a bag in one hand and a bunch of balloons in the other. “I brought your clothes,” she said, passing me the parcel. “And these are from the guys at McClintock.”

  I groaned and rolled my eyes. “Stupid fuckers.”

  “Hey!” she chided. “Be nice. They’re glad you’re on the mend.”

  “No, they’re mocking me,” I explained, stepping into a loose pair of cotton drawstring lounge pants. Not exactly the height of fashion or what I was used to wearing, but for the long drive back to my place, I supposed they would do. Shoving my head through the neck of a thermal Henley, I said, “Give ‘em to some kid or something.”

  Rae stared at me, her lips pursed in agitation. “I mean this as nicely as possible, but what crawled up your ass and died? I thought you’d be happy to be going home. You’ve talked about it non-stop for the last three days.”

  “Nothing,” I murmured, pushing my arms into a flannel jacket that smelled like dog and wood smoke. Finally, some clothing that smelled like home instead of the faintly chemical scent of the inside of a department store. “I just want to get out of here.”

  The nurse stepped back into my room then. “You’re all set, Mr. Devereaux. We just need you to sign these forms, and you can be on your way.” She passed me the clipboard and then turned to Rae. “Good morning, Miss Griffin.”

  “Hi Shirley,” Rae said, stepping in for a quick hug. During the time I’d been in the hospital, Rae and the charge nurse had become close. “You get those CDs I left for you last night?

  “Yes, thank you. My Daniella will be thrilled. She adores your music.”

  Rae flashed her a sweet smile. “I’m so glad.”

  “Where are my boots?” I interrupted, rummaging through the bag and coming away with a pair of brand new Ugg slippers instead. “I specifically asked you to bring my black boots,” I accused, holding them up for inspection.

  Rae put her hand on her hip. “And I didn’t want you bending over to tie them, so you’ll wear those.” She pointed at the fluffy brown moccasins in my hand, and we glared at each other for several long seconds, locked in a silent stand-off.

  “I’ll leave you to it then,” Shirley said, backing out of the room. “Good luck with your album, Miss Griffin. I’ll be rooting for you.”

  When the door snicked closed behind my nurse, Rae took two steps forward. The fire in her eyes dampened as they flicked between mine, searching. “I’m serious, Ash. What’s wrong?”

  “And I told you,” I said, slipping my feet into the soft wool. Shit, that felt good. Still, I wouldn’t let Rae know that or I’d never hear the end of it. “Nothing is wrong. I just want to go home.”

  “Fine. Let’s go,” she said after a few beats, letting the balloons float to the ceiling. She stepped out of the room without making sure I followed behind.

  As I followed her out at a much slower pace, an orderly approached with a wheelchair. “Have a seat, Mr. Devereaux.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding,” I groaned, eyeing it. “I don’t need that fucking thing. I can walk just fine.” I straightened up to my full height when I realized I’d been slightly hunched with pain as I’d walked from my room into the hall.

  “Sorry man,” he said. “Hospital policy.”

  “Can I sign something indemnifying the hospital against liability for my actions?”

  He quirked his brow. “I think you just asked if you can sign a waiver, and the answer is no. So, in you go.”

  “For fuck’s sake,” I muttered as I sat in the chair and adjusted the foot plate.

  Rae marched o
n ahead of us without a word. Shit. If she was giving me the silent treatment instead of trying to talk some sense into me, I’d really fucked up. And yet wasn’t it better if we went our separate ways now than if we tried to make a go of things and she ended up resenting me in the future? No matter what she might say about needing me more than fame, I’d seen the look on her face when she was signing those autographs, and she loved being the center of their attention. I’d always known I wasn’t good enough for her, but this had confirmed it. I wasn’t enough for her, period.

  She needed more than I could give her. She needed the entire world, and I was just one man. Just one miserable loner of a man.

  “What’s this?” I asked as the orderly wheeled me out the sliding double doors and up to a Subaru Outback.

  “My new car,” Rae said, pressing the fob to unlock the door. Holding it wide, she stepped to the side so I could get in.

  The orderly tried to help me stand, but I brushed him off. “I got it,” I said, planting one hand on the roof of the car and the other on the door frame. He took a step back to observe my progress, and when he was satisfied I wasn’t going to fall flat on my face, wheeled the chair away.

  After I eased my way into the set and pulled my feet in after me, Rae closed the door and jogged around to the other side of the car. Climbing into her own seat, she shoved the key in the ignition and started the engine. Driving slow out of the parking lot so the speed bumps wouldn’t jostle me, we were on the highway before either of us spoke again.

  “You didn’t tell me you were buying a car.” She shrugged, and kept her eye on the road. “You’re not going to answer.”

  Her eyes flicked quickly to mine. “No, because you’re itching for a fight. It’s better if I just sit here and keep quiet.”

  “I’m not itching for a fight,” I said irritably. I wasn’t … and yet, we did need to have a discussion. One that had the potential to turn into a fight. Okay, it more than had potential. It was definitely going to lead to some yelling. No way was Rae going to leave Oregon without giving me a piece of her mind. But as soon as she was gone, I knew she’d see I was right about us. We might love each other, but we didn’t have a future.

  “I lied,” she announced as she flipped on her blinker, exited the freeway, and merged onto the two-lane highway that led to the turnoff for my property. “I can’t sit here and not say anything.” She gripped the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip, her eyes focused on the asphalt ahead of us. “You promised you weren’t mad at me.”

  “Wait, what?”

  She looked at me quickly before dragging her eyes back to the road. “About shooting you on accident. You promised you weren’t mad.”

  “I’m not mad,” I said, turning as much as I was capable and looking at her. “I’m not,” I added when she cast me a skeptical glance. “That’s not it.”

  “What is it then?” she asked, leaning forward in her seat to peer out the windshield. The turnoff to my driveway was hidden from the road, but if you knew what to look for, it was easy enough to find.

  “About another quarter mile,” I said, immediately recognizing where we were. “Slow down here, or you’ll miss it.”

  Rae brought the car to a crawl, and when she saw the break in the trees, made a careful right turn down the narrow opening. For the next hundred feet or so, the Subaru jostled over the uneven surface, and I had to force myself not to grip my side with each rock and roll of the car. Eventually, the driveway evened out and turned to gravel.

  “I don’t believe you,” she eventually said.

  “Why’d you buy this car, Rae?”

  She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. “Because I need something to drive when I’m here.”

  “And how often is that going to be?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even.

  “Well, you need to get better—”

  “I’m fine,” I interrupted. No way was I going to let her guilt be the reason she stayed with me.

  “And then we have to finish my album,” she said, navigating a bend in the road that brought my cabin into view. It also revealed two black SUVs and a smile white Porsche.

  I groaned. “What are they doing here?” I asked, when Dermott, Gage, and Charlotte stepped out of the house to stand on the front porch.

  Rae stopped the car in a spot they’d left open closest to the stairs leading up to my house. “Dermott came up to take care of the situation with Noones. You know that.” She flicked the ignition and twisted in her seat. “You do remember us discussing it, right?”

  I unbuckled my seatbelt and pulled on the door handle. Throwing it open, I eased my way out and to my feet. Rae raced to catch up, and ran around the side of the car to grip my elbow. “I’m fine,” I snarled. “Would you stop treating me like a fucking invalid?”

  She dropped my arm like I’d burned her and took a few steps backward as I moved toward my house. A few tense moments later, I walked through my front door and glanced around. I knew Dermott would have seen to the place and that it would be spotless, but I couldn’t help it when my eyes sought out the spot where I’d shot Noones. As soon as my first bullet had hit him, he’d fallen to his knees, gripping his chest. Then I’d shot him again, just to be certain he was dead. I’d no intention of letting him live. He’d just wind up in jail where he’d probably get out in a few years on appeal. I’d heard too many horror stories to want to take that chance. Even if I hadn’t been sure I’d get away with it, I still would have taken him out. Keeping Rae safe from that bastard would have been worth jail time. But I knew from Dermott that wasn’t going to be a problem. Not with my record and the work I’d done. Too many important people owned me too many favors.

  Dermott saw where my eyes lingered. “It’s clean,” he said, coming up alongside me and dropping a hand to my shoulder.

  I turned to him. “Yeah, I know. Your people do good work.”

  He smiled, just a small quirk of his lips. “They do.” I couldn’t be sure, but from his tone, I thought he included me among that group.

  “I booked flights out the day after tomorrow,” Charlotte was telling Rae as they entered with Gage on their heels.

  Even now with Noones dead, my cousin’s eyes swept the room to assess his surroundings. He was no longer responsible for Charlotte’s well-being, but from the way his gaze lingered on her, I thought there might be some unfinished business between the two of them. Rae and I had fallen in love in the short time we’d been holed up here together; who was the say Gage and Charlotte hadn’t fallen into something themselves?

  Rae hung her purse on a hook near the door. “I’m not leaving,” she said turning to her best friend. “I told you that already.”

  Charlotte was looking down at her phone so she didn’t see the scowl on Rae’s face. “And I told you,” she said, finally glancing up, “that with news about what happened here leaking, we need to get you in front of Trombley again for an in-person in the studio. If we can get it filmed before Friday, they can edit both segments into a two-hour special.”

  “No,” Rae ground out, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m staying here. Ash needs me.”

  Charlotte looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Do you need Rae?”

  My eyes flicked between the two women and I took a deep breath. My eyes locked with Rae’s for a few heated moments and I saw when she realized what I was going to say. Before she could interrupt, I turned back to Charlotte. “No, I don’t need her.”

  And then I left the room, the sounds of angry curses and disbelieving shouts growing quiet as I closed the door to my office and shut them out.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Ash

  Rae flung the door open. “What the fuck? You don’t need me? You don’t want me?” She stalked further into the room until she was standing directly in front of me, the tips of our toes touching. Her nose wrinkled and she sucked in a surprised gasp. “You’re drinking?”

  I lifted the crystal decanter to my lips and threw back a large
swallow. Wincing as the whiskey burned its way down my throat, I held it in front of my face. “That’s what it looks like.”

  Her shoulders sunk and all the fight went out of her. “Why?” she asked, her voice coming out tiny. Hurt.

  “Because I want to,” I said, raising my chin in defiance. And then because I was the biggest asshole in the world, I held it out to her. “Want some?”

  Rae jumped back and wrapped her arms around her middle. “Why are you doing this Ash?”

  I set the decanter on the rug at my feet. “Doing what?”

  “Acting like you don’t care. Trying to hurt me.” Her eyes dropped to the whiskey, and she licked her lips. “Trying to break me.”

  “I’m trying to get you to see that we’re not good for each other.”

  “That’s not true,” she cried, taking a step forward and then stopping her momentum. It was like the decanter of whiskey at my feet was an invisible force field between us, and even if she wanted to, she couldn’t get close. “You love me. I love you.”

  I leaned my head back, and my eyes fell closed. “It’s not enough, Rae.”

  “At least you’re not denying that you love me,” she said, pulling out a chair and dropping into it. “That’s something.”

  I peeked one eye open. “No, I’m not denying that. But it doesn’t change the facts, Rae, and the sooner you accept them, the easier this will be.”

  “And what are these facts, Ash? Please, help me understand, because I’m completely lost. Everything was perfect. Yesterday things were so good between us, and then I show up today, and you’re a totally different person. You’re like a stranger to me right now.”

  I opened my other eye and sat up with a groan. “That’s just it though. This isn’t me being a stranger. This is me being me. The me you don’t know. The me you haven’t seen because everything has been about you. This is who I am, Rae. I told you before; I’m not a good man. You just didn’t believe me.”

  “Except you’ve never been like this before,” she whispered. “Am I suddenly supposed to believe that you’re a miserable asshole who pushes the people who love him away?” She pointed at the whiskey accusingly. “You know I can’t be around that stuff.”