You can’t help what you want or what feels right. And if you’re smart, you’ll listen to yourself and ignore those voices in your head that tell you you’re crazy, that tell you change isn’t worth the risk. If you’re smart, you’ll ignore everybody else long enough to make the right choice for you.
I pick up the hem of my dress and turn toward where I just came from.
Brayden answers my knock then he puts his arm around me and brings me inside. “You’re soaking wet. You must be freezing.”
“I went to the small barn to see Blazer.” I look up at him. “He’s an amazing horse.”
“He is.” Brayden leads me onto his porch where he puts a thick blanket around my shoulders and goes about stoking the fire. “It should warm up pretty quickly. Do you want tea or hot chocolate?”
I shake my head. “I want you, Brayden. That’s it.”
His gaze fixes on me, and his crystal blue eyes turn liquid with heat. “Leleila.”
We reach for each other at the same time—our lips, our bodies, our hearts. Brayden’s mouth is all over mine, his tongue urgent and probing. We pour everything into the kiss—all the emotions we’ve harbored for the last few weeks, every sensation we’ve felt but couldn’t express. My heart feels like it’s going to jump out of my chest, and I cling to Brayden as his heart pounds against mine.
I haven’t ever had an orgasm with a man. And while I was terrified initially, now I’m too turned on to slow down.
Brayden unzips my dress and pulls it off my shoulders.
My breasts are now exposed, and Brayden’s hands on them are electric. He sucks on one nipple and then the other until I’m pulling his hair. He lifts his shirt over his head in one swift motion, and my hands immediately go to his solid chest. I run my fingers across his torso and around his ribcage, and he groans into my neck. He pulls my dress all the way off and slides off my panties, and suddenly I’m bare to him. I’m making myself vulnerable in a way I never have before, and I don’t want to put up any more walls. He continues to kiss my breasts as he murmurs against me how long he’s been wanting to touch me. His lips close over one nipple and suck hard, and I nearly come apart. Clutching at his hair, a moan comes up from my throat as Brayden’s fingers trail a path down my stomach and between my thighs.
And now my whole body’s on fire. Oh, God. Brayden’s touching me in a way that I didn’t know was possible. Brayden knows exactly what he’s doing, and he’s so slow and deliberate about it—holy shit. Two of his fingers find their way inside me, and oh my God, I’ve never been this turned on before.
And oh!—now he’s sucking on my nipple even harder as his fingers inside me increase their pace. His thumb presses that spot Phillip never could figure out as if he needed me to draw him a damn map…and oh fuck!, I’m crying out Brayden’s name, loudly because…I can’t stop. I’m going to come. I am coming. Holy Christ.
His mouth shifts from my breast to my lips, and his lips crash over mine as he murmurs, “You are so incredible. So damn sexy. I nearly came in my pants feeling you fall apart on my fingers like that.”
“I’m sorry,” bursts out of me. “You didn’t get a chance to…” I shift so I’m sitting up, and I reach for his dress pants, which are unbuttoned but still on. “Here. Let me take care of you now.”
Brayden’s eyes widen like I’ve lost it. He gently pushes me back down on my back. “You just rock my world, and you’re apologizing? For having an orgasm? Leleila, what kind of guy do you think I am?”
“Um…I don’t know. I thought I wasn’t supposed to…until you know, the intercourse.”
Brayden breaks into laughter. “God, you really are hard on yourself. And we clearly have to rewrite your bedroom rules. So. Rule number one: there are no rules.”
I stare at him. “None?”
His lips meet mine. “None whatsoever. You touch me wherever you want to, however you want to. You let me know what you like and how you like it. And we enjoy the hell out of each other. That actually is a rule: if we aren’t enjoying it—either of us—we say something. Deal?”
I nod wordlessly. This is definitely a whole new world that Brayden Wild is introducing me to.
“Now, like I was saying…” He shifts so he can drag his pants down and off his body, and suddenly I’m staring at Brayden in just boxer briefs. Those boxers hug his impressive hard length without a lot of hiding, and I stifle a moan. His face breaks into a grin. “You’re staring instead of listening.”
“Huh?” I force my eyes up to his, which are filled with amusement. “Sorry. You were saying?”
His lips brush my jaw. “I was saying, now I want to be inside you with a different part of me. But I don’t want to rush you if you’re not ready.”
“We can do that? Have sex after I’ve come?”
He shakes with laughter. “Not only can we do that, but I think you’ll find it quite enjoyable.”
I reach for the waistband of his boxers, and slip my hand inside. When I touch his erection, we both cry out.
“I’m ready to try.” I’m nervous, but I’m definitely ready.
He takes off his boxers and covers my bare body with his own before he starts moving in a way that makes me forget my nerves. Before I know it, he has a condom out. He asks me again if I’m sure, and I tell him yes.
With his mouth latched onto my nipple, causing me to buck my hips in anticipation, Brayden enters me slowly. Inch by inch, he goes deeper and deeper, groaning about how good I feel the entire time. Once he’s fully inside me, he stops and touches my cheek with his hand. “Remember our rule—you tell me what you like and what you don’t. Promise?”
“I promise.”
He kisses me, his teeth sinking into my bottom lip until I cry out in pleasure. And then he starts to move. And shit, I feel like I’m having sex for the first time. The way Brayden stretches me and touches parts of me deep inside that I realize now have never been attended to…I clutch his back like I’ll never let him go.
“Lei. Fuck.” He drops his head and stares into my eyes. “I’m so close.”
I feel close myself, to something I can’t articulate. I don’t come from intercourse, so I have zero expectations about what can happen.
Brayden’s watching me, his breathing uneven and his eyes glazed. “You’re ready.” His voice is ragged as he drives into me harder. “Let go, sweetheart.”
“Bray. I can’t.” I shake my head like I’m doing something wrong. “I’ve never…”
“You can.” His tone is firm. “You are, babe. Just give in to it. I can feel you about to climax. Give in.”
And I do. I was sure I couldn’t possibly come again, but I do.
“Oh, God.” I shake as my thighs grip Brayden’s sides. I lock my ankles together and dig my nails into his back while I call out his name.
I come from a place deep inside me, a place I’m positive has never been awakened before.
Then Brayden falls over the edge with me.
He just made love to me in a way I thought only happened in the movies. It was so profound, and my orgasm was so long, that I’m still crying out after he’s finished moving himself.
“Oh, wow,” I whisper into his neck as he releases into me. So this is what amazing sex feels like.
Still inside me, Brayden shifts so he can lock eyes with me. He’s breathing heavily, and he runs his hand over the small of my back tenderly.
“I have to say two things,” he says quickly. “Before our time here is over and you’re gone from under this blanket.”
I try to interrupt him to tell him that I’m not going anywhere, that I don’t ever want to leave him again, but he puts his finger to my lips. “Shh. Just give me two minutes, that’s all I ask. First thing I have to say—because I know you were told all sorts of negative crap about yourself in bed—you are so damn sexy, and that was the greatest sex I’ve ever had in my life. It’s never felt like that before for me. Just with you.”
I swallow hard, and a warmth fills my chest.
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Brayden tips my chin until I’m staring into his clear blue eyes. “Second thing: Leleila Wills, I love you.”
A noise escapes my mouth. I may squeal a little.
Brayden’s eyes crinkle. “And I’m not saying that because I’m just crazy here from the incredible sex we had. I’m saying it because I do. I love you. I’ve known for a while now.”
“Brayden…” My throat fills with emotion.
“So I guess I should have said I have three things to say.” He takes a deep breath. “The third is that I know you were supposed to walk down the aisle in less than two weeks, and I’m not naïve, Leleila. I know what we have could be more of a rebound thing for you, a way to kind of move forward. I want everything with you, anything and everything you can give me. But I don’t expect this to necessarily go anywhere permanent, and I won’t hold anything against you if it doesn’t. I’ll wish you well, in your future and in your life, and I’ll have no regrets.” He kisses me, even as tears cloud his beautiful blue eyes.
My eyes fill too. “Brayden. That was just…shoot.” I reach around for my clothes, but I can’t find them.
Brayden hands me my underwear. “On my side,” he says with a smile. “Maybe I should have held onto them.”
I laugh. “Brayden.” I kiss him lightly. “I’m crazy in love with you.”
His breath hitches. “You don’t have to say it just because I did…”
“I’m saying it because I mean it.” I kiss him longer. “And what just happened underneath this blanket…I didn’t know sex could feel like that. I felt so close to you. I’ve never even…that was my first time having an orgasm from straight sex. I didn’t think I was capable of it.”
He lifts his eyebrows. “Really?”
“Really.” I put my hand on his cheek. “It’s like I’ve guarded my body and my heart for the last twelve years. I thought it was because I was so scared. You know after the assault, I didn’t trust anybody. But now I think it was because I was waiting for you.”
I know what Brayden risked by forging this friendship with me. He risked everything, really. Because I could have walked away at any moment, married Phillip, and never seen Brayden again.
I take his hand. “I don’t know that I would have been strong enough to listen to my heart if you weren’t so courageous with yours.”
“Leleila, I don’t want to make love just this one time.” Brayden strokes my hair. “If it’s something you want, when you’re ready, I want this to work. I want to love you forever.”
I put my arms around him and look into his eyes. “You know I started to fall for you the first time we kissed. As teenagers.”
“You hardly knew me.”
“I know,” I say. “But that was what I felt. And trust me; I’m usually in my head so much it takes a lot—a feeling pretty much has to wave itself in front of my face and poke me to get me to pay attention to it.”
He runs his thumb along my bottom lip. “Honestly, I started to fall for you twelve years ago too. Before we even met. The first time we caught eyes.”
“Will you stay here tonight?” He kisses my cheek. “I promise I’ll make you feel beautiful all night long.”
“I’m not leaving,” I whisper.
Brayden brushes my bare shoulder with his lips and then kisses his way down my body until he disappears underneath the blanket. His tongue touches that spot he’s clearly an expert with, and then it moves further south. When he explores inside me, I clutch at the blanket with both fists. His tongue and lips make love to every inch of me, and I shut my eyes in bliss. Brayden was right. I’ve never felt more beautiful. I’ve never felt more loved.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
In the morning, I drag myself out of Brayden’s bed and into my work clothes. He’s already up and has two bowls of cereal out for us. It’s not even seven o’clock, and I’ve had about two hours of sleep.
“I’m sorry about the timing,” Brayden says as we sit at his kitchen table and eat. “It’s your first day of work. You must be exhausted.”
I’m checking my texts. “My mom wants me to stop by. I haven’t told my parents about the wedding being cancelled yet. Phillip’s parents were on vacation until tonight, so we agreed to hold off on telling any family until everyone can be told. I know,” I say impulsively. “You and I can show up for coffee, and I’ll tell them about my change in career plans.”
“What? Do we ever do anything on a normal time frame?”
“Seems like no.” I jump up and bring my bowl to the sink. “Just throw on some jeans. You always look so handsome.”
But Brayden doesn’t move. “Leleila.”
I pour water into the bowl to rinse it. “What?” I say without turning around. “What’s wrong?”
“Honey, we look like we’ve slept together.”
I whip around to face him. “Are you serious? How can you tell?”
“It’s just…you can,” he insists. “We both look tired but flushed. Your lips are pink and swollen and…” He winks at me. “Trust me, we look like we just had incredible sex all night long, and we did.” He stands up. “I’ll go with you to see them. I’m just warning you—they’re going to know. It’s all over your face. And mine.”
Mom’s in her bathrobe and no makeup, and she’s not thrilled I’m surprising her with someone she barely knows at such an early hour, especially a man. I apologize and say I have job training at eight-thirty and Brayden and I just wanted to say hi.
She invites us in for a cup of tea just as Dad comes around the corner from his office. “Hello, Lei.” He looks at Brayden, then at me, and then Brayden again. “Brayden, right?” Dad extends his hand. “Good to see you again.”
As we wait for them in the living room on the plastic-covered couch that Mom, clearly flustered, insisted we sit on, Brayden whispers to me, “Did you see your dad’s expression? Definitely knows I just made love to his daughter.”
I swat at him playfully as Mom walks into the room with mugs of tea. She smiles at Brayden as she sits across from us in a hard-backed wooden chair, and Dad enters and sits in his decades-old armchair.
Dad starts talking quickly. “Lei, we heard that …” He looks at Brayden and starts to stammer: “Uh…um…Phillip said that you can give your defense in as early as a month.”
“Yes, isn’t that great news?” Mom gushes. Then she looks at Brayden awkwardly. “I mean, you deserve that opportunity, Leleila. You should have had it regardless. You know, regardless of Phillip’s connections.”
“Thank you, Mom,” I say. I look over at Brayden and then turn back to them. “The thing is, I’m quitting the program. I have to tell Gerry, so please keep it to yourselves for now. And I’m not going into another science program,” I add firmly. “It’s great for you,” I say to them. “But it’s just not me.”
They try to talk me out of it for a bit, but because there’s a guest in the room, they don’t press for long.
Finally, Mom shifts her attention to Brayden. “Brayden, you look like you’re in good shape.”
“Mom!” I say.
“Well, he does.” Her gaze travels to his arms. “You must have been an athlete. Were you?”
He nods. “I played wide receiver for Wilcox.”
“That’s a huge football program,” Dad says, his tone rising in admiration. “You must have been pretty good.”
“I was okay. It didn’t hurt to have Dylan Wild as my quarterback.”
“The Super Bowl guy?” Dad’s tone gets even higher. “I don’t watch sports much myself, and I disapprove of the extreme commercialism of professional sports.”
“Dad,” I say quietly. “Be nice. Dylan is Brayden’s cousin.”
“Wow. I didn’t know that.” Dad sits up straight. “What I was going to add was that I like that Dylan Wild guy. I saw him once in an interview when I was flipping through environmental videos online. He popped up as an ad, and for the heck of it, I clicked on it. Thought he’d come off as a smug know-it-all.”
&
nbsp; “Oh, my God.” I put my head in my hands.
Brayden puts his hand on my thigh. “It’s okay,” he says softly.
“But he was very articulate and intelligent,” Dad says. “He does a lot of work with foster kids, which is a cause I’m not involved in but really admire. He’s taking the time to call attention to the foster care system and get people interested in adopting children who have nobody to care for them. He seems like a very good man.”
“He is.” Brayden speaks with pride. “And playing with him for three years is something I’ll always treasure.”
“Do you still work out a lot, Brayden?” Mom’s eyes have shifted to his chest. “You certainly look like you do.”
“Mom,” I say sharply. “Filter.”
Dad starts talking quickly. “Lei, what are you going to do for work?”
I turn to him. “I actually got hired yesterday. It’s a work-from-home job for a consulting firm.”
“So Leleila has time to paint,” Brayden pipes in.
I shake my head at him.
Mom’s eyes widen in surprise. “You’re painting again, honey?”
“For fun right now. That’s it.”
“That’s how my research started,” Dad says. “I picked up a microscope one day for fun, just for the heck of it.” He chuckles. “Haven’t put it down since.”
“Leleila’s really got a talent for painting,” Brayden says.
Mom’s eyes brighten. “You know,” she says as she peers at me, “I think that’s wonderful.”
“Really?” I say.
“I do,” Mom says.
Brayden smiles at me and then quickly turns his focus to his tea as Dad’s eyes lock in on us. I smile casually at my father, who looks like he’s dying to ask me where the hell Phillip is right about now.
I bring the mug of tea to my mouth.
I work all morning and then stop into Big Sky Grocer for lunch.
Brayden (Wild Men Book 6) Page 25
