So very Noah. Always open and communicative. He’d never failed to display his emotions both on his face and in his words. It was one of the things she’d loved about him. He wasn’t like other guys. He’d always made her feel special. He could charm her without effort. Apparently he still could.
She flushed and found her voice. “That feeling is, um, mutual.” She hadn’t changed either. Accepting a compliment from him had made her face heat fourteen years ago, and it still did now.
He smiled. “Good. One step in the right direction. Look at us agreeing on something. And now I know one thing you unintentionally divulged.”
She tipped her head to one side. “What’s that?”
“You didn’t break up with me because you had fallen out of love with me. Of that I was always certain, except when I let doubt creep in.”
She couldn’t leave him with the impression she hadn’t loved him. She couldn’t lie to him about something that important. Her mouth opened and words flew out without filter. “I never stopped loving you.”
He flinched. His face went hard. He looked like he might erupt and launch the table on its side, causing their dishes to go flying across the room. Instead, he looked away, took several deep breaths, and came back to center. “Jesus, Ellie. I want to shake some sense into of you. You ripped me to shreds. What did I do?”
“Let it go. Please, I beg you to let it go. Even if I told you what happened that spring, it wouldn’t fix anything. It would only make things worse. You need to know that now. Asking me over and over will only put a wall up between us.”
He nodded slowly.
Having found her voice, she took a breath and continued. “Noah, we’re at an impasse. We can never get past this. It’s impossible. You’re the sort of person who would never be able to accept that you’ll never know why I broke up with you, and I’m the sort of person who will take that information to the grave. So, you see, we can’t fix it. We can’t make things right between us. We—”
He interrupted, “Does Karla know?”
She shook her head.
He sighed. “So, that’s why she optimistically thinks we can fix things.”
“Yes. She has nagged me for years.”
His voice was lower when he asked the next question. “Does anyone know?”
“No.”
“What about me? Do I know?”
She groaned. This game had to end. “No. Noah, you don’t. You didn’t do anything. You didn’t cause anything. Stop beating yourself up. I told you that then, and I’m still telling you that now. Let. It. Go.”
He frowned.
“You’ve been wasting your time trying to figure out what path to take during this cruise. You need to accept that we will never be able to get back together because we have a fundamental difference of opinion over a topic you cannot fix. You have two options. Walk away from me or help me plan the vacation of a lifetime with kick-ass excursions and fine dining.”
He stared at her. Thinking?
“I’ll totally understand if you’d rather not waste your vacation on a woman you can never have. It would be cruel to lead you to believe otherwise. It won’t hurt my feelings if you want to set up a schedule to share the room so that we don’t run into each other. You’ll be free to canvas the ship, find someone with potential I don’t have, and enjoy yourself.” It stung to say those words. Badly. But leading him to believe he could ever have a future with her would not be fair.
The tables had turned because Noah blinked, totally out of words apparently.
She smiled. “On the flip side, I’d be willing to plot and plan seven amazing days with you as you suggested. We could relax, eat, drink, dance, eat some more, take excursions… I would never regret it. But you have to do so knowing we can’t be together when this trip is over.”
She leaned closer. “Noah, we can’t be together because I’ll never be able to answer the question you’re never going to let go of.” It hurt. It hurt so badly she wanted to scream at the cruelness of the universe. Instead, she breathed in and out, rapid breaths as if she’d been running.
She wasn’t sure he was breathing at all. His eyes were wildly searching her face. Maybe he was trying to decide how serious she was. Finally, he tipped his head down and rubbed his temples with the thumb and middle finger of one hand. And then he rose from the table. “Can you make it back to the room okay? I think I’ll wander around the deck a bit and consider your ultimatum.”
She sighed. “I’m not sure I would call it an ultimatum.”
“Really? What else would you call it?” His words were clipped. Angry. He shook himself and stepped back. “Sorry. I need to clear my head. I’ll meet you back at the cabin.” And then he walked away.
Chapter 4
Noah was out of his mind with confusion. Ellie had him tied in such tight knots, he didn’t think they could be undone. He had needed to get as far away from her as possible before he grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to open up to him.
It hadn’t worked then, and it wouldn’t work now. She was a stubborn woman.
Not that he’d ever grabbed her, nor would he ever. But he wanted to. He wanted her as badly today as he had fourteen years ago. They’d had plans together. A lifetime of plans. He squeezed his eyes closed as he remembered how they would sit up late talking about their futures. College for her. The navy and then the SEALs for him. Then they would get married, have kids, and live happily ever after.
It hadn’t mattered that they wouldn’t immediately get married because the promise was there; they’d known they were perfect for each other. Time wouldn’t change that. It would only make them stronger.
Except something went horribly wrong with that plan. Or else he’d been duped and had been the only one on board all along.
No. He refused to believe that. She had loved him with every inch of her soul. He’d never doubted it. Not once. And if he studied her closely now, he would swear nothing had changed for her. She had a secret. A huge one. One she insisted she would never tell. One so big that he would bet his last dollar it hurt her to hold it because she knew as well as he did that she was his. For a lifetime.
She hadn’t married. As far as Layton had conveyed, she didn’t even date. Instead of following through on their original plans for her to get her teaching degree while he worked hard to reach his goal of one day becoming a Navy SEAL, she had taken a totally different path. She worked on Wall Street. Worked herself to the bone, according to their friends.
Did she do that so she didn’t have to feel anything? Had she spent her life hiding from feelings she still had for him? It was possible he’d let his imagination get carried away thinking such things.
He made his way to the edge of the deck, grabbed the railing, and held on as if his life depended on it. He feared his knees would buckle as he considered Ellie’s life. Her feelings. Her thoughts. Her love.
She wore her emotions on her sleeve. Her face betrayed her. Those deep green eyes gave away some of her secrets. Not the important ones. Just the ones that permitted him to see into her soul.
Fuck but she was obstinate. It would drive him crazy for his entire life if she never gave him answers. Closure. What did she mean when she said her leaving had nothing to do with him?
He’d never been more confused in all these years than he was now. Fourteen years ago, she’d convinced him she didn’t want a long-distance relationship, that she thought they should go their separate ways and see other people, that it would be too hard to maintain what they had when they knew they would go for months without seeing each other for the next several years.
He’d been too stunned that night to stop her from leaving. She’d run him over like a bulldozer and left him shocked and frozen. And then she’d left town before dawn the next morning. Gone. Her parents knew nothing. Her sister didn’t either. No one. Not even Karla.
Apparently she had returned home weeks later, but according to Layton, Ellie had never spoken to Karla about where she’d b
een or why she’d left. By the time she returned later that summer, Noah had already gone to basic training.
He’d been so hurt and angry and pissed; he’d wasted his last few days before joining the navy mentally telling her to fuck herself. But over the following months and years, he’d softened and begun to wonder what her motive was. Not him… Hmmm… That only caused him to add about ten billion more question to the list in his mind.
He truly lived in the most fucked-up world. A universe that insisted on keeping two people apart for a lifetime while only allowing one party to know why.
Goddammit he wanted her. As much today as he had in high school. He wasn’t the same person he’d been back then. He’d dated. Many women. None more than a few times, but plenty of them. SEALs never had a problem finding a willing woman to spend an evening with.
He’d used other women to attempt to fill a hole in his chest. Not that he slept with all of them. He was discerning about who came to his bed. But he dated many. It had never worked. No one had ever been Ellie.
He cringed as he remembered telling Layton that, one time a few months ago. No wonder his friend had gone to such great lengths to arrange this. If neither he nor Karla had a clue why Ellie left Noah to begin with, they could easily believe the situation was fixable.
Noah shoved off the railing and strode along the deck to another spot, lifting his gaze to the sky. He pondered her options. They weren’t much different from the ones he’d presented, but in a way they were. His were choices. Hers were ultimatums with no promise of a future.
It would kill him if he gave her his heart and she stomped on it and let him go at the end of their week together. Destroy him in a way he couldn’t yet begin to imagine.
He tipped his head back farther and stared at the sky. So bright. Promising. So many stars. The air was so clean and clear and filled with possibility.
He took several cleansing breaths and admitted to himself he was wandering aimlessly for no good reason. There had only ever been one option. He’d known as much as soon as he spotted her on the lido deck that afternoon, wearing that sexy sundress. He had to have her again. Which meant he had one choice—pursue her. Make her love him. Make her fall so hard for him that she had no choice but to change her mind. He had seven days to convince her she was his and force her to give up her stupid secret.
Challenge accepted.
He turned around and strode back across the deck toward the interior dining area and then hit the stairs. Ellington Gorman was in his cabin in his bed. What the hell was he doing outside? He had work to do.
No. There were no other options because Ellie was his one shot at happiness. If he didn’t win her, there would be no replacement women.
And the craziest part of all? He knew the same was true for her. The stubborn woman thought she could go to her grave with her damn secret and her loneliness.
Fuck no.
Game on.
When he reached their cabin, he paused to bring himself under control. He needed to reach out to her in a way that would make her melt. She had always responded to his touch. He could do this.
He finally opened the door. The room was dark except for the stream of light coming from the moon. The door to the balcony was open several inches, letting in the humid air and the sound of the waves and the ship’s engine.
She was on the ocean side of the bed, facing the wall of glass, and she rolled to her back. “You can close the door if you want. It just felt so…”
“Claustrophobic?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s fine.” He felt his way around the edge of the bed and entered the bathroom, still trying to figure out what to say to her. He brushed his teeth, used the toilet, washed his hands, and returned. When he got to the edge of the bed, he pulled his shirt over his head, dropped it on the floor, and went to work on his khakis.
He had on boxer briefs underneath, and he had no intention of putting on more than that. If she didn’t like it, she could sleep on the floor or hug the edge of the bed. This was how he slept. This was also how he intended to begin the process of wooing his woman back into his arms.
She’d seen him naked plenty of times. Granted, he’d added about fifty pounds of muscle since high school, but still. She knew his naked body. And he fully intended for her to reacquaint herself with it as soon as possible.
Options? Hardly. If he failed, at least he would know he’d given it his everything. If his heart broke into small pieces, he swore to himself it would have been worth it. Walking away without throwing every single punch he could was not a choice.
Bringing Ellie back to him was the only outcome he would accept, her fucking secrets and all.
As he pulled the covers back on his side of the bed and climbed under them, he was fully aware she’d watched the entire show. He didn’t even pretend he was going to hug his side of the bed. He flopped right down, stretching out past the center.
She set her small hand on his arm and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
He couldn’t know what she meant by that. Sorry for arguing with him earlier? Sorry for leaving him years ago? Or sorry for keeping a secret from him? Didn’t matter at the moment. What mattered was that she’d touched him. He took a deep breath and set his hand on top of hers.
In his mind, he heard the sound of a bell, like the one used in a boxing ring to start the fight.
Round one.
He metaphorically put up his dukes, took a breath, and started the match.
He scooted toward her, wiggled his arm under her shoulders, and hauled her closer until he had her spooned against his chest.
He gritted his teeth. She felt so good. So right. His Ellie. Exactly the same and yet totally different. Her body was softer. Rounder. Curvier. Her chest made him drool. When had she grown those damn tits?
Under her physical improvements was the same girl he fell in love with at fifteen. She sank into him the same way. She sighed as he tucked an arm under her breasts, letting the weight of them rest against his forearm.
She wore some sort of tank top. It was tight. That was all he knew. It wouldn’t matter if she wore a sack, she would still be sexy. Tank top. Lingerie. Nothing. All heart stopping.
He brought his lips to her temple and kissed her. “I missed you.”
“Noah…” she warned.
“Don’t worry. I’m clear on the rules. Let’s make some memories. If they have to last a lifetime, they better be good.”
She was stiff in his arms for a few moments as if he’d shocked her with his decision. Finally, she blew out a breath and relaxed. “Okay.”
He had so many cards to play. More than a full deck. Partially because he knew things about her no one else would ever know. He would use all of his knowledge to its full extent. Starting now. As if subconsciously and absentmindedly, he gently stroked his thumb back and forth on the underside of her breast.
Her breath hitched, and her fingers wrapped around his forearm, tightening. She didn’t move, however, or say a word. Either she didn’t want him to stop, or she was still wondering if he was aware of what he was doing.
There was no way to control his body’s reaction to her, so his dick instantly stiffened, but he ignored it. His intention was going to be to woo Ellie until she couldn’t say no to him. Make her beg him. He was not going to have sex with her until then. Certainly not tonight.
Tonight, he was going to hold her body close and drive her insane with his proximity. Tomorrow, he would spring into action.
Ellie was his. She had always been his. It was time to remind her of that and take her back.
Ellie woke to the sound of the shower. It took her a moment to orient to her surroundings, and then everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours flooded back.
She rolled onto her side and scanned the room. Noah was definitely behind the closed bathroom door in the shower. His suitcases were no longer on the floor next to the bed, which meant he had undoubtedly unpacked them and put them in the closet.
Her stuff was still a disaster, both suitcases open and spilling out the sides.
She wondered how he had managed to unpack so quietly that he didn’t wake her.
The water turned off, and she waited for him to reappear, knowing it would be best if she was still lying on the bed. His body was going to make her knees weak.
Sure enough, he opened the door thirty seconds later. Steam spilled out into the room. He had the towel wrapped low on his hips, but his chest was still glistening with water.
He smiled broadly at her. “Sorry. I didn’t want to wake you, but I was getting hungry. There’s a breakfast buffet that’s calling my name.”
She let her gaze roam up and down his body, ignoring his declaration. He was the singularly most fit human she knew. And he’d held her last night with all that strength and muscle.
She had to squeeze her thighs together under the blanket at the memory. Spending seven days with Noah was going to be hell on her nerves. And her libido. Because no way was she going to have sex with him.
She should probably point that out so there would be no expectations and no misunderstanding. It was one thing to vacation with the only man she’d ever loved. She might live through the trip. But she would not live through letting him into her body. It would destroy her.
He turned around and opened a drawer. His back side was even better than his front. His ass was firm and tight. She wanted to grab it with both hands and toss the towel away so she could admire it. His back was rippling with the same muscular outline as his front. A tattoo on his left shoulder blade drew her attention. The Navy SEAL Trident. Not surprising.
A second tattoo peeked out of the top of his towel, mostly obscured because it dipped too low. She’d give anything to see it, but she wasn’t about to ask. “How long are you on leave?” That question was far more suitable, and it was time she got to know him a little better. Start with the basics.
He turned toward her, holding a pair of boxer briefs. “I retired last week.”
She sat up. “Seriously? I didn’t know.”
Hot SEAL, Red Wine (SEALs in Paradise) Page 4
