RAPT - The Price of Love: Everhide Rockstar Romance Book 3 (Everhide Rockstar Romance Series)

by Tania Joyce

  “Gem.” A tear caught on his lashes; his agony thundered like rapids through her veins.

  But she’d had enough.

  She tugged her arm free, kissed him on the forehead and headed toward the kitchen. She grabbed her cell phone off the counter and rushed for the door. “I need to be alone.”

  “Wait.” He charged after her, blocking her path. His soulful eyes speared arrows through her heart. “Don’t do this. Let me in.” He flicked his hand toward the living room window. “You won’t see anyone other than me and Hunt. You’ve locked yourself away from the people who care—Kara, Lexie, Hayden, our team—they’re worried about you. Stop pushing everyone who adores you aside. When times get tough, we stick together. Always. You don’t abandon those you love.”

  Her mouth fell open, her eyes widened. He’d just smashed and stomped her heart into the floor. Tears pooled on the rims of her eyes. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She was just like her father. She needed to protect herself. Protect those she loved by leaving. Kyle wanted every ounce of her love and she could only give him so much.

  “Leave. Me. Alone. I . . . I have to go.”

  She reached for the door handle, but he grabbed her by the shoulder. He spun her around and crushed her lips to his, kissed her hard. Weakened her knees. Left her gasping for breath. His hands, trembling and warm, caressed her neck. “Stay.”

  “No.” With shudders coursing through her body, she pushed against his chest, opened the door, and rushed down the stairwell to the garage to avoid the paparazzi camped out the front of her building. Texting Chester, who was on duty, to follow, she burst through the door into the back laneway and headed toward the river. Cries erupted from her chest. She’d seen that I’ve-lost-the-battle look in Kyle’s eyes. Had she done irreparable damage? Broken his heart too much? She clutched at her chest; her heart bled across the cobblestones. She couldn’t comprehend she’d hurt him again. But she needed time to herself. No one could help.

  Not even Kyle.

  No matter how much it hurt, she needed to leave. Needed some space.

  Crossing the highway and the Hudson Greenway, she hit the pier and ran. Ran as fast as she could toward the end. The wind whipped her hair. The muddy smell of the river filled her nostrils. The sun beat against her flesh. With each pumping fist she wanted to punch Vicki’s face. With each pounding heartbeat she wanted to fix her and Kyle. With each heaving breath she wanted to erase the nightmares from her head.

  At the end of the pier, she keeled over and clutched her knees. Chester kept his distance, lingering by a park bench. Sucking in huge lungfuls of air, her whole body shook. She couldn’t think straight. Fuck. Her own flesh and blood hated her. She didn’t know which friends she could trust. Those she loved knew how to hurt her the most. Just like she’d done to Kyle. Was he better off without her? So they couldn’t hurt each other anymore?

  Had she destroyed what they had?

  Vicki. Hospital. Kyle. Light. Darkness.

  The trauma flashed through her mind.

  Drawing in the biggest breath, she turned toward New Jersey. The afternoon sunlight glinted golden off the water and the distant buildings. With all her might, she screamed. Screamed until tears streamed down her cheeks and her throat burned.

  She wouldn’t let this ruin her. Being alone was the only way to get through this.

  When life fell apart, there was only one person she could truly rely on.

  One person only.

  Herself.

  Chapter 21

  Kyle took a swig of JD straight from the bottle and stared at the headstones on his parents’ graves. After a shower of rain, the damp ground beneath his knees soaked his jeans. He’d never felt so alone in his life. Empty. Wrecked. Gemma had broken his heart for the second time within a matter of days. He’d hurt her too. Something he swore he’d never do again. Words could be crueler than actions.

  Truth hurt even more.

  She was struggling to come to terms with what had happened. He wanted to be there for her, be her life support. When things went wrong, they’d jam, thrash out their problems playing music. Write some gut-wrenching lyrics. Drown in a bottle or two of JD. That was the way they dealt with any issues.

  They didn’t walk out on each other. She’d pushed him away one too many times.

  But she’d done him a favor. He’d woken up. He had to stop being blinded by love. I’m the problem. Not Gemma.

  Leaning forward, he ran his fingers over the marble headstone, tracing the engraved names. Claire and William McIntyre. “Hey Mom. Dad.” Every breath caused his ribs to shudder. “Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve come to visit. Life’s been crazy. I miss you so much, Mom. I don’t know what to do. I screwed up. Gem’s hurting. And I don’t know how to fix it. Don’t know if I can.”

  He sat back on his haunches, the heels of his Nikes digging into his butt cheeks. “The thing is . . . it’s my fault. I drove her away. She resents everything I did. Losing her would kill me.” He took a gulp from the bottle and wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his leather jacket. “Maybe after everything that’s happened, we should just go back to being friends.” Was that even possible? He’d sooner have her in his life than destroy everything they’d built together. Maybe Gemma was right. Their problems had been snowballing since they first got together.

  He sniffled and fought the sting in his eyes. “I’m just like you, Dad. A fucking control freak. An asshole. I destroyed her. Like you did to Mom. Like you did to me.” He scratched his cheek, remembering the sting of his dad’s backhand and the anger, laced with disappointment, in his voice. “You’ll do as I say.” “Turn off the fucking music.” “You’ll never amount to anything.” “You’re nothing but a puny weed.” He wasn’t violent like his father, but his unrelenting determination to make something of his life, the want for a family and his obsession to keep those he loved safe, had backfired. Epic failure.

  He had no idea what to do next.

  His cell phone vibrated in his jacket pocket. Placing the JD on the grave, he grabbed it, thinking it would be the hundredth call from Gemma he had refused to answer. She wanted space, so he was giving it to her.

  He went to swipe the screen to stop it ringing, but the caller ID displayed “Hunter”. He took a deep breath and answered.

  Before he could say a word, Hunter screamed. “What the fuck have you done?”

  “Me? Nothing.”

  “Where are you? Gem called. She said she went for a run, came back, and you’re gone. She’s bawling. Something about you left. What the hell? Get back here now.”

  Every cell in his body wanted to rush back to her, but intuition kicked in. If he did, it would ruin them. They’d just fight and say more hurtful things. “No. She said she wants time to sort her shit out.”

  “You don’t do this to her. Get your head out of your ass.”

  “She made it perfectly clear she didn’t want me around.” Gemma was one of the strongest, most resilient people he knew. She’d be fine without him. Always was. “She’s better off without me.”

  “You’re talking shit.” Hunter’s voice shredded through the speaker. “We came too close to losing her, but we didn’t. Whatever hell you think you’re in is nothing compared to what she went through. Don’t be a dick.” His harsh tone softened. “She may never be the same after what happened. She needs us. We are three. Not two plus one.”

  Kyle closed his eyes and bowed his head. That was what they’d always said to each other before their hearts got involved.

  Desperation swung in Hunter’s voice. “I can’t get through to her like you can. You’re her rock. Always have been. Because of you, we found her. We have our Gem back.” Hunter paused. “I wasn’t so lucky with Ryan. I lost him. Be grateful and treasure what you have and never let it go. She deserves better than this.”

  Kyle was such a prick. He wasn’t the only one who’d lost loved ones. Hunter had lost his son. Was it different that Hunter had lost his baby before he had a lifetime of memories wit
h him that could shatter his heart? But Kyle wanted to save Gemma. To give her a full life. Maybe it didn’t include him. “She does deserve better. I’m just someone who suffocates the shit out of her. I don’t want to do that to her.”

  “This is how Gem deals with shit. She won’t get through it without you. Can’t you see that?”

  “All she’s done is push me away. She. Broke. My. Fucking. Heart.”

  Hunter didn’t say a word.

  Total silence.

  No crow squawked. No squirrel scuttled. No wind stirred. There was just nothing.

  Hunter’s voice came out slow and deep, like a baritone trying to hit bass. “Yeah. So? Get over it. I broke Gem’s. You broke hers. You slightly dented mine when you moved out of our apartment and in with her. This shit always makes us stronger. We pull each other through everything. And God damn it, we’re going to write some fucking incredible songs out of this shit. Our next album is going to be sick. Whatever she said, I’m sure she didn’t mean it.”

  But what if this time was different? That the wedge Gemma mentioned was real? His care and concern had caused a rift between them. “Yeah. She did. She was right.”

  “What crap. You’ve always had her back. You’re her best friend. I’m up there, bud, but it’s nothing like what you have with her. I know you blame yourself for what happened, that you think you didn’t protect her. But it wasn’t your fault. No amount of security, hiding away, self-defense or your muscle would’ve stopped Vicki, the sick bitch. But FYI, on a side note . . .” Hunter blended humor and seriousness into his harsh tone. “. . . I’m totally envious of your abs right now. Stop working the fuck out so much.”

  A smirk tugged at the corner of Kyle’s mouth. Trust Hunter’s ego to creep into the conversation. “Are you saying I’m more ripped than you?”

  “No. Never.” Hunter scoffed. “Now cut the bullshit and come home. Gem needs you.”

  Nothing Hunter said could clear the clouds cluttering his thoughts. The three of them had built each other up, had reached the height of success. But falling in love had brought them crashing down. The damage was done.

  Visions of Gemma filled his head. Sadness loomed in her eyes instead of their usual spark. It had first appeared when he’d blown out the details of their wedding, then when he’d upped their security and suggested getting married in Vegas, and then again when they canceled their last show. He was such a schmuck. Since when had he not been in tune with her? He couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed. That was his fault. “Hunt, everything I did was wrong. She changed because of me.”

  “Give her a break. The threats scared the shit out of her. The wedding plans didn’t help. You got so wrapped up in what everyone else wanted and expected, you lost sight of what was important to the two of you. I told you that weeks ago. She did too, but you didn’t listen. The day grew bigger; plans got crazier. Stop worrying about everyone else except Gem. And me, of course.” Hunter never failed to throw in a wisecrack. “Just come home. Gem’s going crazy.” Kyle admired his efforts to bring him round, but nothing made an impact.

  A drizzle of rain fell, splattering fat droplets onto his jacket. Reminded him of the tears he’d caused her. His fingers strained, gripping his cell phone harder and harder. “She ran out on me. Not the other way around.”

  “She can run, scream, shout, smash shit up. Do whatever she needs to do to deal with being kidnapped.” Hunter hissed, slamming a door. Sounded like the fridge. “We’ll be here to catch her. That’s what we do. Every time. Now come home. I’m going over to your place, but I won’t be able to stop her. She’ll be out looking for you soon.”

  The ground swallowed his heart. Rotted his insides like the bodies beneath the earth. “Don’t let her. We need time apart to sort things out.”

  “No,” Hunter yelled. “She needs you. Now.”

  No. He stifled her. She didn’t need that.

  Hunter’s frustration vented through the cell phone like steam from a Manhattan manhole. Hot and fuming. “We’re supposed to leave for Belize tomorrow. For your wedding. Remember?”

  Kyle closed his eyes and turned his face skyward. Droplets of rain dripped from the tips of his hair, ran down his cheeks and soaked the front of his T-shirt. The reality he wouldn’t be marrying Gemma as planned lacerated his skin. He knew Gemma. Her pushing him away and wanting time to think and analyze everything was never a good sign. Once she sifted through her thoughts, she’d draw one valid conclusion: he was the root of their problems. “There is no wedding. Call Bec for me. Cancel the trip.”

  “What? Hello.” Hunter tapped something hard against the cell phone. “Are you hearing yourself?”

  Kyle clenched his fist, spat through gritted teeth. “Damn it, Hunt. Gem said she wants to wait. She’s not ready.” He wiped the droplets from his face. Looming reality sent a chill through to the marrow of his bones. “I’m not sure if she ever was or ever will be.” Had his dream of marrying her, with sunset vows and dancing, champagne and stars, washed away with the rain?

  “Underneath it all, she is excited. She loves you. She’s just petrified she’ll end up a loser like her dad or a whore like her mom.”

  He thought they’d got past those issues. Obviously not. He believed they’d be better than their parents. That marrying each other, becoming a united front, would give them a fresh start. Give him the family he’d always wanted and hope for the future.

  He was wrong. “She is just like them. She took off.” His heart splintered the moment the words left his mouth. The gasp from Hunter added an extra cut. But it was time he woke up and stopped living in a daydream. Family destroyed you. “Call the whole damn thing off. She can take as long as she wants. She can have all the fucking time in the world. I’ll start by going to the beach house for a few days.”

  “Oh. No. You. Don’t.”

  Hunter wouldn’t change his mind. Kyle slouched his shoulders, exhausted from fighting and trying to keep it together. “Don’t you see? Everything I do is for her.”

  “Then get back here.”

  “No. I have to go.”

  “Kyle—”

  He hung up.

  Snatching the bottle of JD off the ground, he stood. Love had done nothing but hinder him. He’d loved his mom but hadn’t been able to protect her from his dad. He loved Gemma but had stopped her from being herself. He’d failed to keep her safe. She was his soul mate, his best friend, the rhythm in his heart. He’d become so reliant on her he couldn’t live without her. He’d never stood on his own two feet. Maybe it was time he did.

  He had been terrified of losing her, like he’d lost his family. Every effort he’d taken to keep her safe and ease her worries had poisoned her. Left her afraid to speak her mind.

  No wonder she felt caged.

  How could he have done that to her? He was an asshole just like his dad. His whole body shook.

  Gritting his teeth, he tightened his grip around the belly of the bottle. With all his might he threw it at his father’s gravestone. Glass shattered into a million shards; whiskey trickled like amber tears down the marble. “I hate you. All you did was hurt me, and Mom. Hated me for not being strong. You’re the only one who should’ve died in that accident. But you took Mom with you. You heap of shit. She deserved so much better than you.”

  Before he lost everyone he loved, was it best to walk away? Be a better man than his dad?

  Gemma deserved to be happy. It killed him to think it could all be over. He wasn’t thinking straight. His head hurt. His heart hurt. “Fuuuuuck!”

  He hated the man he’d become.

  He needed to get out of the city. He needed to get away from friends. From Gemma. From himself. The ocean called him.

  Drawing his jacket tight around his chest, he headed for his Range Rover. He flicked the rain from his hair and revved the engine. Spinning the wheels, he took off.

  Swerving through traffic, he sped. Headed east.

  Time to reset. Time to escape.

 
Long Island, here I come.

  Chapter 22

  Sitting with her back against the wall in her music room, Gemma stared at the stained timber floorboards. The tears wouldn’t stop. Her throat, dry and sandy, had burned raw from crying. She didn’t care. She didn’t care about anything anymore. Kyle was gone. He’d left two days ago and hadn’t come home. Wouldn’t return her calls or texts. Her need for some alone time had blown up in her face.

  Venting on the pier, screaming to the world, had been therapeutic, just what she needed. But coming back to any empty apartment had driven a sword through her chest.

  What have I done?

  He’d left no note. No message. Nothing.

  He had every right to take off. She’d broken his heart and pushed him away. Closing her eyes, she hit her head back against the wall. Thud. Thud. Thud. She’d been in here all night, trying to eradicate her demons on the guitar. But music wasn’t the same without Kyle. Silence was all she wanted to hear with him gone.

  Drawing her knees closer to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and let the waterfall of tears continue.

  Love had brought her and Kyle together; now, it tore them apart.

  He never understood her need for space. He needed to be surrounded by people. He hated being alone. He clung to friends, thinking they were family. But that was bullshit. Didn’t matter if they were blood or not; everyone hurt you. Her track record proved it. Her parents, Ben, Hunter, Vicki and now Kyle, had left her scarred.

  Music was her life; performing, the fans, the travel, socializing and partying was her dream come true. She couldn’t imagine doing anything else. But she needed downtime. She missed being alone. Walking the streets at night, finding some park, pier, or rooftop to relish the silence, the stillness, and the calm, helped her rejuvenate. Refocus. Re-energize.

  But she couldn’t do that anymore. Paparazzi often followed her. Her home, her haven had changed too. Looking around the room, her sanctuary, it was no longer her own. Kyle encroached every corner. His bass guitars sat on the rack next to hers. His laptop sat on the desk next to hers. His drums were crammed into the space near her piano. He’d taken over. She closed her eyes. Breath charged in and out of her lungs. The room grew smaller and smaller.