Return to Me

by Farrah Rochon

  He slapped his hands against his thighs. “And that’s why I’m pissed off about it being so simple for that Angus guy.”

  “Well, they’re not entirely the same situation,” Jonathan said. He put his hands up before Nicolas could speak. “But I agree that it’s unfair what your uncle may potentially face if he leaves, especially with the way things are now. Do you know if he’s looked into it?”

  “He’s too afraid. He’s seen enough of his buddies go home over the years and not be able to reenter. They tell you to go through the proper channels to become a naturalized citizen, but do you have any idea how hard that is?”

  He didn’t. He didn’t even have a working knowledge of immigration law; it just wasn’t in his wheelhouse. But during the conversations he’d shared with Nicolas over these past few months, Jonathan had learned enough about the young man’s uncle to know that Javier was one of those who’d help to put this city back together again after Hurricane Katrina damn near destroyed it. There was no reason he should be afraid he wouldn’t be allowed back into the country after all he’d done to help rebuild New Orleans.

  “It’s just so damn unfair,” Nicolas said. “I wish there was something I could do.”

  “If it’s any consolation, I think you’re on the right track,” Jonathan said. “Learning how the law works is the first step. The second step is learning how to navigate it. From everything you’ve shown me over these past few months, you’re well on your way to being able to affect change.”

  “But Uncle Javier needs help now.” Nicolas stood. “If it’s okay, I’m going to leave early today.” He pointed to the file folder. “Can we go over this tomorrow?”

  Jonathan waved him off. “Don’t worry about this.”

  Nicolas gave him a half-hearted wave before walking out of the office.

  Once alone, Jonathan sat back in his chair and rested his folded hands against his lips, contemplating the situation Nicolas’s family now found themselves in. He wished there was something he could do. Anything. It was unfair. But as things now stood, Jonathan had no idea how to go about making it right.

  Chapter Four

  Monica Holmes walked up to the folding table that had been set up in Toby’s living room, hands on her hips. “This is a baby’s christening party, why are you people playing cards?”

  “Because it’s a party,” Alex replied. “Doesn’t matter what kind. If there’s a party going on, that’s a good enough reason to play Spades.”

  Jonathan couldn’t help but laugh at the eye-roll Monica directed at her brother-in-law. She perched upon her husband’s lap, and Eli automatically wrapped his arm around her waist as he continued to play his hand.

  Toby and Sienna had christened their new baby last month, but had postponed the party due to weather. When today rolled around with a forecast for heavy showers yet again, they decided to bring the party inside instead of postponing a second time. Even with a scaled down invitee list that consisted of mostly family, the house was still packed to the brim, which was typical whenever the Holmes family got together.

  Last month, before the original party was cancelled, Jonathan had asked Camille to accompany him. But yesterday, when he’d picked up his phone to extend a second invite, something had stopped him.

  Something? Or someone?

  Jonathan would rather eat one of the mud pies Toby’s kids were making in the backyard than admit Ivana’s presence had anything to do with his decision to come to the party solo, but his refusal to acknowledge it didn’t make it untrue. He knew she would be here, and his conscience wouldn’t allow him to put her in the position they’d experienced the other night, when she’d been force to endure seeing him with another woman.

  Not that he’d seen her all that much today. They’d been playing the avoidance game for much of the afternoon. Whenever he stepped into a room, she either wasn’t there or she stepped out. But she didn’t have to be in the same room with him for Jonathan to feel her presence. He felt her inside his skin, dwelling in his bones. Knowing she was here, in this same space, made him hyperaware of her.

  There was something about this day, about this event, that hit him particularly hard.

  This could have been them.

  When he envisioned his life with Ivana, children had always been part of the equation. Their children. He’d wanted a family with her more than he’d wanted anything this universe could provide. He wanted the same joy he’d witnessed in this surrogate family, who had taken him in and treated him as one of their own. The love he saw between Toby and Sienna, Eli and Monica, Alex and Renee—not to mention Toby’s cousins, who’d all found love in recent months—it was enviable. He’d wanted that with Ivana. He thought he’d had it with her.

  After she left, Jonathan realized he would never get the one thing he’d most coveted: a child. Not because he was too old. Time wasn’t the issue here. It was his heart. He would have to be willing to open his heart and let another woman inside. After the pounding it had received following Ivana’s last-minute ditch a week before their wedding, he just wasn’t willing to put his heart through that kind of turmoil again.

  Instead, he would bask in the gift his best friend had given him. As this new baby’s godfather, Jonathan could experience all the fun of spoiling his godson rotten, and then send him back to his mom and dad for them to deal with the consequences.

  He tapped out of the card game and went into the kitchen for a bottle of water. He noticed a box of those lemonade-flavored sugar-free drink mixes he usually stole from LaKeisha’s top drawer and added one to his bottle.

  “Hey, man!” Jonathan turned to find Reid Holmes, Toby’s youngest cousin, approaching him. “I was just about to come find you,” Reid said. He looked over his shoulder, then, in a whisper, said, “You got a minute?”

  Reid nudged his head toward the arched doorway that led to the formal dining room, one of the few rooms in the house that wasn’t occupied. Jonathan followed him in there, his sweet tooth instantly salivating at the array of homemade cakes, pies and pralines covered in plastic wrap that cluttered the table.

  “What’s up?” Jonathan asked.

  “So, you know how the fam rented out The Hard Court for my thirtieth birthday a few months ago?” Reid asked. “How much does it cost for something like that?”

  “You don’t want to know,” Jonathan said.

  Truth be told, he hadn’t charged the Holmeses anything for renting out his club for Reid’s birthday. It had been a very expensive favor he’d given to Harrison, one his law partner still threatened to pay him for. But when Jonathan thought about what the Holmes family had given him all these years, he would do it again in a hot second.

  “Why?” he asked. “Is Brooklyn’s birthday coming up?”

  Reid shook his head. “I’m not looking to throw her a birthday party. Truth be told, The Hard Court isn’t really the right venue for what I’m planning.” He looked over his shoulder again and then leaned in closer to Jonathan. “Brooklyn was invited to attend this thing for comic book illustrators in Little Rock. It’s a pretty big deal. No, it’s a huge deal. Not many people get in.”

  “I’m not surprised,” Jonathan said. “Your girlfriend is damn good at what she does.”

  “That’s only half of it. Last week we found out she was accepted to one in Chicago, which is even more exclusive than the one in Little Rock,” Reid said, pride shining in his eyes. “Anyway, once she’s done with both programs, I want to surprise her with a showing of her work, something like you see at the art galleries on Julia Street.

  “Alex told me about the place you just bought in that area. It sounds like a cool find. I can’t wait to work on it,” he interjected. Reid worked as a plumber for his cousin’s construction business. “So, do you have an idea of what they charge to rent space in that area for a showing? I figured I’d ask you before I went asking around and got my feelings hurt.”

  “Let me look into it,” Jonathan said. “I haven’t met many of my new neighbors
, but I can check around, get some prices. Maybe if you hold it on an off day, like a Tuesday or Wednesday night, it won’t cost you as much.”

  Reid held out his hand, bringing Jonathan in for a hug and clamping a solid palm on his back. “Thanks, man. I’ll owe you one. Just let me know what I can do.”

  “Let’s see if I can make it happen before we start talking repayment,” Jonathan said.

  He and Reid rejoined the others, but before Jonathan could reclaim his seat at the card table, Renee used one of the kids’ toy megaphones to announce that dinner was ready. The entire clan gathered around the living room with hands joined while Toby’s mom, Margo Holmes-Mitchell, led them all in prayer.

  After the blessing, a line immediately formed and the twenty or so guests made their way along the buffet. It was crowded with steaming chafing dishes, all filled with jambalaya, mac and cheese, smothered chicken and a half dozen other staples that had Jonathan’s mouth watering.

  Seconds later, his mouth went bone dry. His luck at avoiding Ivana had finally run out.

  She joined the line, with only Ezra Holmes and his fiancée, Mackenna Arnold, separating them. Jonathan told himself not to eavesdrop on their conversation, but how in the hell could he not when she was right there?

  She asked Mackenna about the state of her mayoral run, then explained that they shared a mutual friend.

  “My supervisor in Haiti says she knows you from law school. Patience Edwards?”

  “Oh, of course,” Mack said. “Patience and I were in the same study group for a couple of years back at Tulane.”

  “That’s what she told me. She was thrilled when she learned you were running for mayor.”

  “Patience is brilliant. She would have been an amazing lawyer, but her heart was never in it. She’s much better suited for the work she’s doing now.”

  “That’s kind of what happened with me and my corporate job,” Ivana said. “A lot of us found our calling in Haiti. I’ve never felt more at peace than when I was there.”

  Jonathan knew he shouldn’t allow her words to affect them, but they were like a punch to the gut. How was it that she’d had to leave in order to find peace? Why had it taken her running away from him to make her happy?

  He should feel guilty about being upset over her time spent with that relief program. He had no doubt the work she and her colleagues did was vital to the lives of so many in need. But knowing that didn’t alleviate his bitterness, or his unquenchable need for answers. He deserved answers, dammit. But it wasn’t likely he’d ever get any.

  It shouldn’t matter. He’d decided a long time ago that this was all water under the bridge. Whether or not Ivana ever took it upon herself to tell him why she’d left, that was up to her. He would be fine either way.

  Jonathan swallowed that lie down with a bite of Margo’s sweet potato casserole. As he ate his meal, the sense of being watched began to overwhelm him. He glanced to his right and caught Renee and Monica Holmes furtively looking between him and Ivana.

  Their curiosity shouldn’t come as a surprise. Just about everyone here knew their history. Hell, they all would have been guests at their wedding—if a wedding had taken place.

  The delicious food crowding his plate suddenly lost all its flavor. The only thing he had a taste for at the moment was freedom. Freedom from the inquisitive eyes of all these Holmeses, from the suffocating feeling of having his past come back to haunt him in such a public fashion. Freedom from Ivana and all the memories being near her evoked.

  He’d give up his favorite pair of Magnanni Cantabria loafers for the chance to walk out that front door at this very second, but doing so would only bring more unwanted attention. Every single person here would know he left because of Ivana.

  He would stick it out for another hour. That was doable, wasn’t it?

  It became a bit easier after Toby fired up the 80-inch in the family room and nearly everyone’s focus turned to the NBA game on the television. The game between the New Orleans Pelicans and Houston Rockets was so entertaining, Jonathan even managed to forget about those nosy stares. Basketball had a way of doing that for him. He used to find solace in playing, but these days just getting lost as a spectator brought comfort.

  When the buzzer signaling the end of the second quarter rang out, Jonathan attempted for the third time to use the half-bath just off the kitchen, but it was once again occupied. Unable to wait, he went down the hallway toward the bedrooms, and thankfully found the kids’ bathroom empty.

  As he was exiting it, a bright yellow color caught his eye from just beyond the slightly ajar door of the nursery.

  Ivana.

  From the moment he’d first spotted her this afternoon, he’d known he would dream about the way the canary yellow skirt she wore today illuminated her pecan-colored skin. He moved closer to the door, his heart catching in his throat at the sight of her standing over the wooden crib. It pissed him off that she still had the ability to take his breath away.

  He started to back away, but his feet faltered when she suddenly turned and looked directly at him. Their eyes connected and held for several long moments.

  Walk away, a voice whispered to him.

  But then, he wasn’t a coward who ran away. She was.

  Instead of following his first instinct, Jonathan entered the nursery, shoving one hand in his pocket as he slowly made his way to the crib. He maintained his distance, choosing to stand at the foot of the baby’s bed instead of next to Ivana on the side.

  It felt as if all the air had left the room.

  This was the first time they’d been alone together in three years. The significance of that weighed on his skin like a heavy blanket. He tried to think of all the things he’d wanted to say to her for the past three years. All the questions he’d wanted to ask.

  But none of it came to him. It was as if it didn’t matter now that he found himself alone with this woman he once thought would be his wife.

  “Hi,” Ivana said in a tentative, hushed voice.

  “Hi,” Jonathan returned, his voice equally soft. “Needed a breather?”

  A slight, sad smile turned up one corner of her mouth. “Just for a minute.” She looked down at Jonah and ran her hand over the pale green, gray, and white blanket covering the sleeping baby. “I’m jealous of this little one’s ability to sleep with all the noise out there. I can’t remember the last time I had such peaceful rest.”

  Jonathan studied her as she stroked the baby’s tiny head, his mind unable to fight the memories that began to assail him.

  He’d fallen so damn hard for her. She had been the complete opposite of the kind of women he’d dated in the past, but after taking some time to reflect on it, Jonathan realized that’s what had drawn him to her. She complemented him in a way no one else had. She’d taught him to look at the world through a different lens; to see it not as something that he needed to conquer, but as something of beauty meant to be cared for and shared with the rest of humanity.

  Ivana Culpepper had changed him for the better. She’d challenged him and motivated him and loved him.

  And then she’d run away.

  He wanted to know why, dammit! He needed to know what drove her to commit such a selfish, cowardly act.

  But if he asked her, she might start to suspect that he wasn’t as indifferent to seeing her as he’d let on. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing what she’d done three years ago still affected him.

  “I’m afraid he’s going to have Toby’s ears,” Jonathan said, motioning to his new godchild.

  “It won’t matter. He’ll still be the most precious baby ever,” Ivana whispered.

  Silence stretched between them, Jonah’s soft, contented baby snores the only sound in the room.

  Jonathan’s skin felt tight, the fabric of his cotton shirt suddenly abrasive against his arms. Being near her again wreaked havoc on his senses. As always, everything was amplified when Ivana was around. Colors appeared brighter, sounds seemed louder; she
made his world a more vibrant place. He’d forgotten this feeling. Had forgotten how intoxicating it was to experience even the simplest things with her.

  “Want to know something funny?” Ivana continued, that faint smile drifting across her lips once again. “Sienna was the one who never wanted kids. She would always say that she didn’t have time for a husband and family, because she was going to take over the business world. Now she’s the only one of us with children.”

  Her observation hit a raw nerve, kindling the burning embers of resentment that Jonathan had tried so hard to bank. They could have had children if she hadn’t been such a fucking coward.

  Stop it.

  There was no point to these recriminations. The only thing such thoughts did was stir up feelings best kept buried.

  Stuffing both hands in his pockets, he asked, “So, you’ve been here for two weeks already?”

  She looked up at him, shock widening her gorgeous brown eyes. Guess she didn’t think he would call her on it. He hadn’t thought he would either. He had no idea where that question had come from.

  But now that he’d brought it up, he wanted to know.

  “Toby mentioned that the other night,” Jonathan continued. “He said you’ve been back in New Orleans for two weeks. I guess it’s nearly three weeks now.”

  “Umm, yes,” she said. “I arrived just before the gala Indina and her brothers held for the start of the foundation they created in their mother’s name. It’s a wonderful thing they’re doing. Diane Holmes was a lovely woman.”

  Her attempt to change the subject was a clumsy one, but he decided to go along with it.

  “You should have come to the gala,” Jonathan said. “It was nice.”

  “I…I did,” she said. “I was there.”

  His brow furrowed. “At the gala?”

  She nodded. “Yes. I wore a period costume. Something I borrowed from a friend who rents them out for Mardi Gras.”