Return to Me

by Farrah Rochon

  The ache that settled in her throat made it hard to swallow.

  “I won’t hurt him,” Ivana assured her. “I promise.”

  “Good, because I really like you and I don’t want to have to fight you,” LaKeisha said with a smile as she picked up the ringing phone. “The law offices of Campbell and Holmes,” she answered, shooing Ivana away with a little wave.

  Ivana went into her office and closed the door behind her. But instead of diving into the work that waited for her, she found herself pondering what the atmosphere must have been like in this office three years ago.

  For those first few months after she arrived in Haiti, she would stay awake at night, wondering what was happening back home. She envisioned Jonathan hating her, and soon had it confirmed by Sienna’s monthly reports.

  It was a testament to the mercy of the God she’d once again started to believe in that Jonathan’s hatred had begun to wane. If that kiss they shared yesterday was anything to go on, his enmity toward her had all but dissipated.

  Ivana was still too afraid to attach any significance to it. It was a one-time thing, fueled by memories of that romantic trip to London. It probably meant nothing to him.

  Resolving to put the matter of yesterday’s kiss out of her head, she opened the web browser and skimmed the dozens of immigration related websites she’d bookmarked. Before she knew it, two hours had flown by and her body was screaming for more coffee.

  Just as she pushed back from the desk, there was a knock on her partially-opened office door. She looked up to find Jonathan standing in the doorway wearing a charcoal gray suit that fit his body to perfection.

  “Good morning,” he greeted. “Do you have a minute?”

  Her heart immediately began to pound within her chest.

  “Um, sure,” she said, pulling the chair back to her desk.

  He entered the office, closing the door behind him. Ivana tracked his steps as he walked over to the credenza that stood against the wall, just to the right of her desk. He folded his arms across his chest and nodded toward the computer.

  “How’s the research going?”

  “It’s going okay,” she answered, relieved that he wanted to talk about work and not about what happened in that warehouse on Julia Street yesterday. “Actually, it’s going better than okay.” She pointed at the monitor. “I’ve been able to identify a number of places where the current immigration system falls short. I think Campbell & Holmes can fill in those gaps. I want to talk through a couple of things with Nicolas first, but I think I can soon start working on the logistics. I’ll send it for your review before I begin, of course.”

  “Of course,” he said. He shoved one hand into his pocket, the movement pushing his jacket back slightly and revealing his trim torso. That body was the thing dreams were made of.

  “Is that all?” Ivana asked.

  “No,” he said. “I was hoping we could talk about yesterday.”

  And there it was. The topic she’d been anticipating.

  More like dreading.

  Before he could speak, she held up her palms, staving off his comments.

  “I know what you’re going to say,” she started. “And I agree. Things got a little carried away yesterday.”

  He settled back against the credenza, crossing his feet at the ankles and folding his arms across his chest again.

  “Is that what you think I was going to say?”

  “Yes, and I understand,” she said. She hunched her shoulders. “Maybe it was the walk down memory lane that did it. Reminiscing about the trip to London and how much fun we had.”

  “Those were good memories.”

  “Yeah, they were,” she said with a sad smile. That feeling of longing and regret, of lost opportunities and lost love, threatened to overwhelm her again. She could spend the rest of her life apologizing and it would never be enough. No words could ever sufficiently describe the sheer grief she would always feel over missing out on the chance to spend her life with him.

  Yet, she was optimistic. The fact that he was talking to her again offered a modicum of hope that they could eventually find their way to some sort of deeper friendship. The last thing she wanted to do was muddy things up by having him think she wanted that kiss to lead to something more. He’d made his feeling abundantly clear on that front.

  “I’m sure we can both agree it’s best if we just forget about what happened yesterday,” Ivana continued. “This project has been going so well—better than I’d anticipated. I’d hate for things to become awkward.”

  “Hmm…” He nodded. “And you think that kiss yesterday will make things awkward?” he asked as he pushed away from the credenza and came to stand in front of her desk.

  “You don’t think so?” Ivana asked.

  He stood there, his penetrating stare unnerving her. A second later, he hunched a shoulder.

  “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should just forget about it. We got caught up in the moment, right?”

  “Right,” Ivana said. Relief coursed through her, but it was coupled with something else. Something…sad. A pang of sorrow that Ivana accepted as her penance for the pain she’d cause so many people, especially the man standing before her.

  She jumped, startled at the knock on her door. “Come in,” Ivana called.

  Nicolas poked his head into the office. “LaKeisha said you wanted to see me?” He caught sight of Jonathan and came further inside. “Hey, I need to talk to you. Can I come by your office once I’m done in here?”

  “Sure,” Jonathan said. He looked back at her. “I’m in the office for the rest of the day, so feel free to send along anything you want me to review.”

  She nodded. “I will. Thanks.”

  As she watched him walk out the door, Ivana was almost convinced she could learn to be happy living in New Orleans again, as Jonathan’s friend.

  Or at least she could try.

  Rocking gently in his desk chair, Jonathan tossed the miniature basketball-shaped stress ball from one palm to the other. A grin drew up the corners of his mouth as he thought about how flustered Ivana seemed a minute ago.

  Yesterday’s kiss had definitely spooked her.

  But he’d decided that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Her demeanor this morning was reminiscent of how she’d been in those days when they’d first met, when a simple caress of his fingers along her skin turned her into a discombobulated mess of nerves. She’d later admitted to him she’d reacted that way because he’d made her feel things she hadn’t wanted to feel. Made her remember she was a grown woman, with grown woman needs.

  He liked the fact that he could still knock her off her game with just a kiss. Not that she hadn’t done the same to him. He’d spent all night and much of the morning replaying that kiss in his head.

  He’d gone into her office prepared with a proposition, but her insistence on speaking first had given him a necessary pause. He could use a bit more time to think about exactly what he wanted.

  His phone chimed with a text from Nicolas, inquiring whether or not he was free to talk. Jonathan shot him a quick reply and, a moment later, Nicolas entered the office. It wasn’t until he sat in a seat across from his desk and flattened his palms over his thighs that Jonathan noticed the apprehensive lines pulling down the corners of the kid’s mouth. His eyes were red, as if he’d been crying, or hadn’t slept in a full twenty-four hours.

  Worry instantly gripped Jonathan’s chest. “What’s going on?” he asked.

  “It’s my grandmother,” Nicolas answered. “She’s taken a turn for the worse. My mom is down there now, along with two of her sisters. My uncle…he’s going. He said he’s going.”

  Nicolas ran both hands down his face. “I need to go too. I want to be there for my mom.”

  “Go,” Jonathan said. “Go and be with your family. Have you spoken to your professors?”

  He nodded. “I did that before I came here.” He clamped his hands together and dropped his head to his chest.

&n
bsp; “Nicolas?”

  He looked up and his eyes brimmed with tears. “What if they won’t let my uncle back into the country?”

  Jonathan got up from his chair and walked over to him. He clamped a hand on his shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.

  “Don’t worry about that right now.”

  “Don’t worry about it? How do you suppose I do that?”

  “You have more important things to focus on. Starting right now, your only job is to get to your grandmother’s and support your family.” Jonathan reached into his pocket and took out his billfold. He retrieved the cash he had—three hundred dollars—and stuffed it in Nicolas’s hand. “This is to help with travel expenses. I’ll transfer more electronically. I know last minute plane tickets can cost a grip.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” Nicolas mumbled. “No. Forget I said that. I won’t let pride get in the way of getting me down there to see my grandmother.”

  “I wouldn’t have let your pride stop me from helping,” Jonathan said. He gave his shoulder another squeeze. “I don’t know what will happen when your uncle tries to reenter the country, but I want you to know that I’m going to work my ass off to make sure he eventually gets to stay here, permanently.”

  Nicolas rose from his seat and held a palm out to Jonathan. “Thanks,” he said.

  Jonathan accepted his hand. “No problem. Now get to packing. Your family needs you.”

  Once Nicolas left, Jonathan returned to his desk, but nervous energy and an unsettling feeling in his gut had him hopping up from his chair a moment later. He paced the length of his office for a full five minutes before deciding he needed fresh air.

  “I’ll be out back,” he called to LaKeisha as he headed for the rear door. He stepped outside and into the garden his brilliantly talented receptionist had cultivated in the compact courtyard behind the law practice. She’d turned what was once a narrow strip of overgrown weeds and crumbling bricks into a calming—albeit tiny—oasis.

  A birdbath that tended to attract several birds throughout the day sat in one corner. Positioned next to it was a stone bench, and next to that, the garden’s best feature—a small fountain. The soft gurgle of the water calmed him, especially on days like today, when his mind raced with a billion thoughts.

  He sat on the bench and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the building’s exterior.

  He heard the door open, but he didn’t have to open his eyes to see who’d come out to join him. Her scent—that incredible combination of vanilla, patchouli, and a hint of cinnamon—signaled her approach.

  “Hey,” Ivana said, her voice tentative. “Mind if I join you?”

  He moved over to make room for her on the bench.

  “I like what you’ve done with this space,” she said.

  “The credit goes to LaKeisha.”

  “Yeah. She said you only come out here when you have to think really hard or when you’re upset about something. Which is it?”

  “The latter,” Jonathan said. “It’s Nicolas.”

  “What about him? Is he okay?” The urgency in her voice underscored her concern. One wouldn’t think she’d only known the kid for such a short time.

  “It’s his grandmother.” Jonathan relayed the information Nicolas had shared regarding his grandmother’s health. “He and his Uncle Javier are going to go down there to join the rest of the family.”

  “Will he…will Nicolas be allowed back in the country?”

  “Nicolas is a citizen,” Jonathan said. “He has nothing to worry about, but he would be devastated if his uncle wasn’t able to come back. His uncle helped to raise him after his father died from cancer.” He ran a hand down his face. “I just wish there was more I could do. I feel so damn helpless. How can someone with a law degree who has been practicing for as long as I have not know what to do?”

  “Because you’re not Superman,” Ivana said. “You know your area of the law, but you can’t know everything.” She captured his chin, turning his head slightly to face her. “And as much as you may want to, you can’t help every single person, honey.”

  Jonathan sat up straight at the endearment.

  Her eyes grew wide with dismay. “I’m sorry.”

  “No. Don’t apologize,” he said. Jonathan reached a hand out, trailing his fingers along her soft cheek. “I miss hearing you call me honey. I miss so damn much about you, Ivana.”

  He didn’t hesitate this time. This time, when he leaned forward and captured her lips in a soft, slow kiss, he did it with purpose. Need burned within him as he swept his tongue along the seam of her lips, seeking entry. She welcomed him into her mouth, opening for him, her tongue reaching for his.

  Jonathan groaned, bringing his hand behind her head and holding her steady, meeting her stroke for stroke. His hunger surged to meteoric heights as he indulged in the richness of her amazing flavor. He could kiss her like this for hours. He had kissed her like this for hours. Kissing her—deriving pleasure from that sensual, addicting mouth of hers—had been life’s greatest joy.

  He thought he would never have the chance to taste her again. He’d yearned for this for so long. It had haunted his dreams; thinking about those days when they would just lay in bed, sharing a pillow, smiling at each other for hours, kissing each other until they were both breathless. God, how he missed those days.

  He brought his other hand to her breast, but she pulled away, pressing a palm against his sternum.

  “Not here,” Ivana said, the words coming out hoarse.

  Jonathan pulled his hand from the back of her head, huffing out a shaky, breathless laugh.

  “I should be the one saying that. I just approved the new rules on employee conduct. I guess I should add no kissing in the courtyard to the list.” He rested his forehead against hers.

  “I don’t want to want you,” Jonathan whispered. He drew back slightly so he could look into her eyes. “But I’ve wanted you from the very first moment I saw you.”

  “You sure about that?” she asked with a shaky laugh. “The first moment you saw me I was railing against you for renovating this building.”

  “I remember. You were magnificent. So passionate. So damn beautiful.” He palmed her cheek. “I remember the feeling that came over me. It was as if something had struck me square in the chest. You’ve always had this impact, Ivana. Even after you left, there has always been something about you that I just cannot shake. I don’t want to shake it.”

  Jonathan thought about the proposition he’d been prepared to make to her this morning. Could he handle this? Was he ready? It was akin to handing over a weapon she could plunge straight into his heart.

  But this time it would be different. He couldn’t be blindsided if he already knew she would return to Haiti in a few weeks. This time he could guard his heart against the pain and shock of her leaving.

  He took her hand in his.

  “I’m going to propose something to you. All I ask is that you hear me out,” he said.

  “Okay,” she said, a hint of trepidation in her voice.

  “I know too much time has passed for us to ever fully recapture what we once had, but I can’t keep pretending that I don’t feel something for you, Ivana. And I know you feel something for me too. You can’t deny it after that kiss we shared.”

  Jonathan knew he wasn’t playing fair bringing up the kiss. But what had playing fair ever gotten him? He was done playing fair. He was ready to go after what he wanted. And, right now, he wanted her.

  “Be with me,” he said. “While you’re here, I want you to be with me.”

  She went completely still. “Jonathan—”

  “I’m not saying we take up where we left off. That can’t happen.” He wouldn’t allow it. “But I want to be with you.”

  A shadow of uncertainty flashed across her features as she continued to stare at him with that wary look in her eyes.

  “Are you sure about this?” she asked.

  “No,” he answered truthfully.
“A part of me wants to take back everything I just said.” He shook his head. “Admitting how I really feel gives you too much damn power over me, but what else can I do, Ivana?”

  He captured her hand and placed it over his heart. “I’m scared to trust you with this, but it’s yours. It’s been yours since the minute we met.” He caressed her jaw. “You are the love of my life, Ivana Culpepper. Whether I like it or not. I don’t want to spend any more time mourning what we lost. I want to enjoy this time we have together now, and not just as your friend.”

  Palming her cheek, Jonathan closed in on her, capturing her mouth in a slow, mind-drugging kiss. He teased the edges of her lips, skating his tongue along the closed seam, gently probing until she finally relented. When she relaxed her lips and let him inside, he found heaven.

  The groan that escaped his throat was one of both pleasure and torment. It frightened him, just how easily he could lose his mind over her. With just these few kisses he was halfway there.

  He tilted her head to the side and deepened the kiss, plunging his tongue into her mouth and sweeping inside, dipping into every warm crevice. Her taste was so intoxicating, so familiar. And so damn worthy of his time and attention.

  He needed this. Needed her.

  This might turn out to be the biggest mistake of his life. But to be with her like this again, he was willing to risk it.

  Chapter Nine

  “Higher! Higher!”

  “Are you sure?” Ivana called as she added a touch more emphasis to her push on the little girl’s back.

  “Yes! Higher!” Elsie yelled.

  She’d been in the middle of cleaning her mother’s kitchen cabinets—busy work on her part, because the cabinets had been as spotless as everything else in Sylvia’s house—when Lilo called. One of her standing clients needed an emergency photo shoot, and Lilo’s usual babysitter was out of town. Ivana had jumped at the chance to babysit Elsie, and not only as a means to assuage the guilt she still felt over the way she’d left things with Lilo three years ago. Getting to know her friend’s daughter was important to her.