Searching for Tomorrow (Tomorrows)

by Kathryn McNeill Crane

  Liam grabs me up in his arms and gives me one of his famous hugs. When he puts his arms around me, I cannot help but feel warm, safe, and secure. His arms shield me from all the harm that can come my way. I have always thought my bubby was the best there is, and he is constantly coming to my rescue, even when I don’t know or think that I need it. I guess it’s a twin thing. Most brothers and sisters get along, to a certain degree, but I swear he can read my mind, thoughts, and emotions.

  When we were younger, people always commented on how much we resembled each other, but the older we got, the less we looked alike. I might top out at five foot three inches, but Liam has me by more than a foot. We share the same color hair and eyes, but that’s about where the similarities end. Liam is a landscaper like our dad is, and the muscles in his arms and legs let everyone know that he can handle the heavy lifting. In his off time, he is also a volunteer firefighter, and his bravery has no limit. At times, his schedule seems hectic because emergencies are, well, emergencies, but he always makes time for family. Since he and I have lived in this little mountain town all our lives, everyone – and I mean everyone – knows who William Russell Broun is. All the mommas want him for a son-in-law. All the silly girls always bat their eyelashes and rub his shoulder, trying to get closer to him. The funny thing is, he is usually with either my girls or with me. This sure has not won any popularity contests for me with those old biddies. He has only dated one girl seriously in his life, but after their freshman year in college, she disappeared into thin air. Liam spent a lot of time looking for her, but unfortunately, this was before cell phones were everywhere and Facebook was popular. I hope that one day some pretty little girl sweeps his feet right out from under him. Unfortunately, I don’t think that is going to happen since he spends all his time here with us.

  I step back and peer up at him. “Liam, you know that my life is so messed up, so crazy right now. I don’t know how I would make it without you here, but you have to start living part of your life away from the girls and me. How are you ever going to find someone, settle down, and start a family of your own? I know you want kids someday, and I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but you aren’t getting any younger.”

  “Right now, Mom, Dad, you, and the girls, that’s all the family I need. I have friends that I spend time with, but I haven’t had a girl turn my head in a long time.” He stops talking and looks at me with a mischievous grin. “Besides, if I wasn’t here, who would protect you from Grandma Tiddy?”

  I close my eyes and shake my head. Really, this is just part of what I was telling you earlier. Liam is such a cut-up. Keeping him on a serious subject is next to impossible. “Dang it, Liam. That has to stop. You know that one of these days one of the girls is going to slip up and call her that to her face. I would never hear the end of it. Maggie was calling her that just the other day when we were at the grocery store. How easy do you think my life will be when that happens in front of Mother Tidwell? I swear that woman is losing her mind.”

  I open my eyes to see Liam’s shoulders shaking with silent laughter. It seems the scowl on my face just pushes him right over the edge. He bends, doubled over, hugging his knees, and gasping for air as big tears slide down his reddened cheeks. “I would give … just about anything … to see one of the girls … call her that.” How he manages a sentence between gasps is beyond me. He is literally rolling with laughter.

  Seeing red, I reach over and smack him on the back of his head. “Seriously, Liam. You know that woman makes my life a living hell as it is. Can you imagine the harsh punishments she would come up with to pay me back for that? It is soooo not funny.”

  Liam manages to right himself in the chair, and I watch him fight to get control of his laughter. As I look at him, I cannot help but smile. I mean, really, it is funny in a weird sort of way. My mother-in-law is one of the most stuck up, snobbish people I have ever known. She walks around with her nose in the air, looking down it at all the peons who dare come into her presence. Trust me when I say that the woman is never wrong, and I have never been right. To imagine someone calling her Grandma Tiddy to her face, well, it might just be worth whatever havoc she decides to wreak in my life. No, no, no. That really is not a great idea. She is so subtle in her snide ways, but somehow I always end up paying.

  “Liam, hon, you’ve really got to stop it. I swear if it happens, I will tell her it’s your fault.” I say this with a smug grin as I watch a slight edge of panic come over his face. Truth be told, I think we are all just a little scared of Mother Tidwell.

  “Okay, Sis. You win. For now, I’ll behave. But I’m telling you one thing, the next time one of the girls repeats some pile of crap that she’s told them about you or me, I’m getting my buddies, and we’re going to teach her a lesson. She shouldn’t be thinking such lies, much less telling those things to those sweet little girls.”

  I shudder, thinking about the things that she has told my girls. As my pit of despair and depression has grown, the ‘me’ I used to be struggles harder to come back to the surface. I find myself more and more disorganized and disheveled, and the strong, independent person of my past becomes buried a little more each day. She uses my weaknesses against me, and does not hesitate to proclaim my flaws for all who will listen. I dread hearing what she will tell the girls if I should ever decide to start dating again.

  As a chill runs down my spine, I look at Liam and sigh. “I know that she is twisting things up and confusing the girls, but it is up to us to be a good example and show them that she is wrong. They need to see the truth, not just hear it. Teaching her a lesson is not showing my girls how to handle bad situations. Of course, if you’re talking about taking her out … ” I add a little laugh, letting a slow grin spread across my face before throwing a quick wink Liam’s way. I say that last part without actually finishing my sentence, but in my mind …. Nah, not really.

  I look at the clock and ask Liam what his plans are for the day. It is already almost 9:00 and I know that he is normally hard at work by now. He is definitely the early bird, whereas I think I could sleep all day. I see a shadow pass over his face and can’t help but wonder what is wrong. “Well, Wrynn, it looks like I don’t have any jobs to do today, so I thought I would come see if you’ve got any repairs around here that I need to see to. Bekah mentioned something about a leaky faucet, and I noticed the other day that the bushes need a good pruning. Are you working today, or do you have the day off, too?”

  Standing up, I stretch my arms above my head and yawn loudly. “Nope, no day off for me. It’s Friday, Liam. Charlie wants me at the Smokehouse for lunch, and then I am the hostess over at Ruka’s tonight. I should be home by two or so in the morning, at least I hope.”

  I have an Associate’s Degree in Early Childhood Education, and someday intend to find work as a teacher’s assistant during the hours my girls are in school. Unfortunately, with all the budget cuts, our local school system isn’t hiring. Charlie is a friend that went to school with Liam, Tripp, and me. When he heard that I was entering the job market and having a hard time finding employment, he asked me to come help him at several of his restaurants. Since we live in a tourist town in the mountains, most occupations around here are seasonal, and very hard to come by. Even though I really don’t need a paycheck, I jumped on the chance to work with Charlie, knowing that all the other job pickings might be very slim. Work is my escape, a way to keep my mind from dwelling on the past.

  “So, who has the girls tonight?” Liam asks. “Do you need me to come crash up here? I could probably get several things done around the house before I go pick the girls up from school. Then we can head out and grab burgers at Flipsides. Charlie’s been bugging me to bring them to see the new game room he just finished upstairs, so after we eat, I can bring the girls by to see you at Ruka’s. You know they would love to play foosball and air hockey.”

  “Well, while I really appreciate that, Mother Tidwell already has their evening planned out for them. She’s going to pick th
em up from school and probably take them out for ice cream or some other junk. Then, they’re going to spend the night with her because I have to be in for the breakfast crowd tomorrow morning at Flipsides. After the lunch run, I get the rest of the day off. Thank goodness. I am ready for a couple of hours to just slack off and do nothing other than laundry and housework. It will feel good to get more than four hours of sleep, too.”

  “Okay. Well, go hit the shower and get ready for work. I’ll start on those bushes and see what I can get done in the next couple of hours.”

  I grab Liam in a big hug and squeeze him tight. As my throat tightens and tears threaten, I whisper, “Thanks, Bubby. You take such good care of my girls and me. I love you so much, and I just don’t know what I would do without you.”

  I hear Liam clear his throat before I feel his big hand on the back of my head. He gives me a big noogie and squeezes me back. As he lets me go, he pushes my back and gruffly says, “Love you too, Sis. Now, go get that shower. You stink.” Then he gives me a soft kiss on the head before pushing me towards the hall.

  I walk into my bedroom and head for the closet. I have been pulling a lot of double shifts lately, so I haven’t had much time to do laundry. Stepping inside the closet, I reach to the right to turn the light on. As the bulb hums and clicks, the light slowly flickers to life. I raise my face towards the ceiling, and while closing my eyes, I slowly draw a deep breath in through my nose. The smell of a forest after a brisk rain shower fills my senses. A quick lightning bolt pierces my heart, and I wince with the pain. I swear that Tripp could be standing right in front of me. Oh, how I miss burying my face in his neck. For just one fraction of a second, I feel a tingle of anticipation as I wait for the brush of a hand down my arm. Tripp could never be around me without touching me. His need to feel me, to worship me with his hands, was just one of the many ways he would show me just how much he loved me, and how much he needed me with him. Oh, how I miss his touch.

  Opening my eyes, I realize that he is not here. It doesn’t matter that I can smell him, that I can feel him. He. Is. Not. Here. I have to get a grasp of the reality that is now my life, and the life that revolves just around my girls.

  I stand and look at the clothes in front of me. Since I know that lunch at the Smokehouse is a casual affair, I head for the rows of t-shirts and jeans neatly folded on the shelves at the back of the closet. Deciding that I am not going to let my crappy morning ruin my entire attitude or the rest of my day, I snatch up a red t-shirt, my kicking red cowboy boots, a pair of skinny jeans, and some clean undies. After I grab a clean towel from the laundry basket on the floor, I head to the bathroom for my shower. Knowing that my time is quickly running out, I decide to pull my hair up in a sloppy ponytail instead of washing it.

  After setting my clothes on the lid of the toilet, I turn to start the water, wanting it to warm up before I get into the shower. In front of me, in the far corner of the tub, is the biggest freaking spider I have ever seen in my life. Naturally, I race from the bathroom, screaming at the top of my lungs, “Kill it! Kill it! Liiiiaaaammm! Kill it!”

  Liam comes flying around the corner into my bedroom and runs smack into me, knocking my butt flat to the floor. He stumbles over my legs, barely catching his balance. While I would normally find it amusing to see my lughead brother almost wipe out headfirst, at this moment I have bigger priorities. “Liam, you’ve got to kill it. It’s as big as my hand. I swear.”

  I am having a hard time catching my breath in all this excitement. I am quite sure by now that the cheeks on my face have turned as red as the cheeks on my butt from the fall I just took. Realizing that I am still on the floor, and therefore closer to spider level, I jump to my feet, somehow managing to shove the top of my head into Liam’s chin.

  “Dang it, Sis, what are you trying to do? Kill me?” Liam is standing there rubbing his chin and shaking his head at me.

  Looking up at him and shaking my hands frantically in front of his face, I screech at the top of my lungs, “WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDING THERE? KILL IT AND KILL IT NOW!” I finish that little tantrum by stomping my foot. Liam does not look too concerned.

  “Um… What exactly am I killing? And where exactly is it?” He is still standing there rubbing his chin, but I can see a devilish gleam in his eyes. I have a feeling I am in big trouble. Surely, he would not do that to me again.

  As my brother, Liam knows beyond any doubt that I am deathly afraid of all things relating to spiders. He and Tripp played on that fear every chance they could. Sure enough, I see that wicked grin on Liam’s face before he turns towards the bathroom.

  “So, what exactly and where exactly?” he asks. “Let me just take care of this for you, Sis.” He then makes a mad dash for the bathroom, and I make a mad dash out of my room.

  “William Russell Broun, don’t you dare even think about it. That is it. I’m going to call Mom. I so do not have time for this juvenile behavior. I am going to be late for work. Charlie is going to fire me, and then YOU will have to make sure the girls and I have a place to live, food to eat, and shoes on our feet. Don’t. You. Dare.”

  By the time I reach the front door, I realize that not only am I barefoot, but I am still in my ratty old pajamas. Throwing caution to the wind, I jerk the door open, and looking over my shoulder to see if Liam is chasing me down, I run out the door… without looking in front of me. Imagine my surprise when I run straight into Mother Tidwell, knocking her sweet little disposition to the ground.

  Before I can even speak a word of apology, I hear heavy steps coming down the hall at a very rapid rate. Completely ignoring my mother-in-law sprawled in all her majesty on my front stoop, I let out a high-pitched squeal and jump right over her prone body. I don’t even pause as I make the mad dash to my car. I jump in that sucker and hit the button to lock the doors as fast as I can. I can’t help but giggle as I look up to see Liam standing above Mother Tidwell with a cup in one hand and a dumbstruck look on his face. Even with the windows closed, I can hear her lecturing him. She is really giving him down the road, tearing into him. If she chews at him much longer, there won’t be any of him left. I bet he wonders what the heck just happened here.

  Now I love my Liam, but I have to admit, I really am having a hard time deciding whether I should just stay in the car and let her blast his ears off, or if I should be the big sister (I am six minutes older) and get out to defend him. I know what that big lug has in that cup, and I know exactly what he wants to do with it. This has been a favorite form of torture for a very long time. Any time Liam or Tripp could catch a spider, they would not hesitate to throw it right on me. I have to tell you, that little trick has never failed to make me literally pee my pants. Do you see my dilemma here?

  The clock on the dash catches my attention, and I realize that my morning is flying away. It is now 9:20 and if I do not kick my butt into gear, I will never be ready to leave for work within the hour. I know that I have to muster up some deeply buried courage, and right now, I think I can face the spider easier than I can face Mother Tidwell. I did, after all, knock her flat out on her butt and then take a flying leap over her. This may be the one time in my life that a spider is actually the lesser of two evils.

  Steeling my spine, I reach for the door handle when a rare flash of brilliance hits me. If I put my Supermom cape on, I can fly around the house, jiggle open the back door, AND get the front door locked before anyone realizes my nefarious plan. Taking a deep breath, I leap from the car and race around the side of the house as fast as my short little legs can carry me. Scrambling up the steps of the deck, I grab that doorknob and jiggle to my heart’s content. I am leaning all my weight against the door when all of a sudden it flies open. Once again, I find myself sprawled over the floor with my knuckleheaded brother leering down at me. And, yes, he has that dang cup in his hand.

  Quite honestly, this is that one specific moment in time where I know that whatever I do now will determine how the next hour plays out. The choice I make now will deci
de for me whether I am actually going to get a much-needed shower before working a fifteen-hour shift or if I am going to be late and disappoint Charlie. Mustering up all the strength that I have, I perform one of my well-honed soccer mom moves. I kick my foot up at lightning speed and hit that cup with such precision that even David Beckham would be jealous of my mad skills.

  Unfortunately, Mother Tidwell chooses that exact moment to walk up behind Liam. Can you guess what happens? Yep, that cup goes one way and the spider goes the other. Of course, the cup quite innocently lands right in the sink. As fate would have it, the spider now travels through the air and lands smack dab on Mother Tidwell’s cheek. When she lets out a shriek that could shatter thin glass, I cannot help it. I lose control of myself and collapse back onto the floor, shaking in unsuppressed laughter.

  Needless to say, Mother Tidwell is not quite as amused as I am. After swatting the spider to the floor and squashing it so thoroughly that I am sure it has now become ingrained in the wood, she marches over to stand above me. Looks as though I am going to be the one to get an earful this time. I am splayed out on the floor, struggling to get both my laughter and my breathing under control, when I hear a faint snicker coming from Liam’s direction. I know better than to look at him. I really do, but I just cannot help it. As soon as my eyes connect with his and I see the tears rolling down his reddened cheeks, I lose the struggle for composure for the second time.

  As laughter once again overtakes me, I find myself on the edge of hysterics. Mother Tidwell is still standing above me with a look of fury on her face. I swear she is like Mount St. Helens, ready to explode. I can see the smoke coming from her ears. As I wait for that first blast of heat to hit me, the weight of everything finally hits me, and my emotions overwhelm me. With no warning at all, my feelings bubble to the surface: fear, anger, exhaustion, failure, and loneliness. From out of nowhere, I hear a keening sound, and deep down inside, I realize the noise is coming from me. Curling into the fetal position, sobs overtake me. It is as if, for just one moment, my strength and resolve flow right out onto the floor, leaving only a shell of who I try so hard to be.