Searching for Tomorrow (Tomorrows)

by Kathryn McNeill Crane

  I close my eyes, trying in vain to hold back my sobs. I cannot stand to see the pleas that I know are in his eyes. Eventually my sobs soften to whimpers, my whimpers to short, shallow huffs. I know what he says is true. I do have the most amazing people in my life. I know that they love me, warts and all. Most days, I can tamp down the despair; I can rein in the devastation. I work hard every day to shrug off the cloud of depression that threatens to consume me. Unfortunately, it looks like today is not going to be that kind of day for me.

  Liam slips his arms under my back and knees, and gently lifts me from the floor. Heading down the hall towards my room, Liam says, “I think you need a little more rest today, Sis. Why don’t you let me call Charlie? He will understand.”

  Oh, crap. Charlie. I forgot all about work. Looking at the clock, I realize I am now down to twenty minutes before I have to walk out my front door. I believe this morning has been one of the longest of my life.

  Reaching up, I softly kiss Liam on the cheek and give him a big squeeze. “You really are too good to me, you know? Thank you for slaying my dragon today. I hate to think of all the ways we are going to pay for what has happened. You know I have to go to work though. I can’t leave Charlie shorthanded with no notice at the start of the season.”

  Lowering my feet to the floor, Liam pulls me to his side and gives me a one armed hug. “Well, go get ready. I’ve got the girls today. Don’t worry about a thing.”

  Life and employment in Highlands revolve around the seasons. During winter, for the most part, Highlands is a quiet, sleepy little town. There are no fast food restaurants, no big box ‘Marts, and no chain grocery stores here. Because the temperatures can get downright frigid, and snow seems to threaten more often than not, only the bravest of tourists visit during our off-season.

  Spring, summer, and autumn are a different story altogether, where the tourists are concerned. Folks come from all over the world to enjoy the beauty and quiet that has made Highlands famous. At the beginning of season, shop owners up and down Main Street take extra time to spruce up the stores, both inside and out. Windows sparkle from the vigorous scrubbings they receive, and sidewalks get a thorough sweeping and a sudsy wash down. After dusting every nook and cranny until spotless, the staff begins inspecting and counting the inventory, and placing orders for new items. As the new stock arrives, each garment or trinket finds a home on the newly cleaned shelves. The quiet, sleepy air of winter washes away with the hustle and bustle necessary to prepare everything for the coming tourist season, and Main Street slowly wakes from its deep winter’s nap.

  Spring and summer find our mountains bursting forth with vivid greenery. Land that has slept through the winter sprouts green overnight, seeming to grow before your very eyes. Wildflowers dot the scenery, painting the roadsides and hills with splashes of vibrant living color, bringing to mind how a careless child might flick random splotches of paint onto a canvas. The days find plenty of sunlight to bring warmth to the land, making it difficult for a person to stay inside. The nights once again bring the temperature down, making bonfires with s’mores a popular pastime. Big city lights do not exist here to block out the sky, so it is very common to find folks out stargazing. Most kids around here know the difference between Aquarius, Cancer, and Taurus, and no, I am not talking about astrology.

  Autumn finds the foliage slowly changing colors. The vibrant green of the mountains shifts over to bursts of gleaming oranges, radiant reds and luminous yellows. It seems as if God Himself decided to wash the green off His paintbrush and reload it with brilliant hues, and almost overnight, the landscape changes. The air becomes crisp, and the smell of apples and pumpkins bears the evidence that fall has arrived. The sound of children’s laughter rings out as they make the most of what little is left of daylight as the afternoon quickly transitions to evening. Moms and dads know that soon enough, winter will be upon us, and everyone will take shelter inside, hiding from the cold wind, snow, and ice. Shop owners know that the tourist business will trickle to nothing, and prepare once again to close their doors for off-season.

  The days have somehow bled into weeks and before I know it, the end of the school year is just around the corner. Mother Tidwell has managed to hold firm to her declaration and has seemingly abandoned the girls and me. Though her presence is overbearing, I have always counted on her being around to help with the girls. Mom still teaches third grade, and both Dad and Liam are self-employed and depend on the income that comes from their work. Almost all of those wages come during season, and because they will drop anything to help me out, I try to keep my requests at a minimum. As a single mom in a small town, I’ve found that childcare options are slim to none. When school is in session, I don’t have to worry because Maggie’s preschool is right next to Annie and Bekah’s school. I’ll admit, though, that I have struggled with finding someone to help with the kids during holidays, and teacher workdays, and in the past, Mother Tidwell has always been a convenient option for me.

  Monday is Memorial Day. There is no way that I can get off work because our little town will be full of tourists and the restaurants will be booked solid with reservations. Charlie has me scheduled at Flipsides for the lunch crowd and at Ruka’s Table for dinner. My two best friends are going camping with their families over the holiday. Liam is watching the girls for me Friday evening, and my parents will have them on Saturday and Sunday. I really hate to ask one of them to cover the girls for me on Monday too, because since the incident with Mother Tidwell, I have had to rely on them a lot more than usual. As I vacuum the living area, I try to work up the desire to call Mother Tidwell to ask for her help. I have such a bad habit of talking to myself, but sometimes, it really helps me work through things.

  As I move the armchair to clean under it, the thoughts just start pouring out of my head. Oh, I can just hear it now. From the start of my relationship with Tripp, long before either of us knew what love was, I have never been quite good enough. I am disrespectful. I carry the rugs to the door, hoping that I will remember to shake them out and put them back before the girls get home.

  I am lazy and not motivated to make anything of myself. And let’s not forget, I’m also a failure at housekeeping and motherhood, and was a horrible, horrible wife to Tripp. It doesn’t matter what I say or do, nothing is ever good enough for her. I stop for a minute to take some Legos back to Bekah’s room. I need to remember to talk to her about taking better care of her toys.

  These last few weeks have been hectic without her help, yes. They have also been very quiet and peaceful to a certain degree. It amazes me that little to no tension has been felt around the house. I lift the cushions off the couch to vacuum up the stray pieces of popcorn from our movie night last week. Some of the tiny rips in my soul have started repairing themselves, making it a little easier to get out of bed each morning and face the day. I find myself smiling more, and even caught myself singing a little Tim McGraw the other day. I have not been getting aggravated with the girls as much, and it seems they’ve noticed that I don’t seem quite so drained.

  So, I really have to question whether I want to punish myself by approaching Mother Tidwell to help. Will she make things easier and better, or will she drag me back down to where I was before? I am so deep into the conversation with myself that I fail to hear knocking at the door over the sound of the vacuum. As I lean over to direct the nozzle under the couch, I catch movement out of the corner of my eye. I look up to find someone standing in front of me. I immediately scream and throw the vacuum hose as my heart starts trying to pound its way out of my chest. In the seconds before I realize it is Liam, I find myself on the edge of a full-blown panic attack.

  Turning the vacuum off and then holding his hands in the air, Liam says, “Whoa, Sis. What the heck? I have been pounding on your door for five minutes. How could you not hear me over that?” Coming over to me, Liam takes me by the elbow and leads me to the couch to sit.

  Feeling faint, I immediately put my head between my knees
and take long, slow breaths. After a few seconds, I feel the fog lifting from my head, and my heart rate finally starts slowing down. “Liam, I swear you just took ten years off my life.” My voice shakes as I give a small chuckle. “I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn’t hear you knocking. You know how I talk to myself.” I sit here drawing in deep breaths, trying to get my heart back to its normal beat.

  “Sis, I didn’t mean to scare you, but I’ve got some news for you. To be honest, I am not quite sure how you are going to take it. Just listen to me before you say anything and I will try to answer any questions that I can.”

  Liam’s voice is so serious. I have only heard this tone one other time in my life as Liam tried to help me understand what the man in the uniform had tried to tell me. It was on the worst day of my life. I know that whatever he is getting ready to tell me will not be something that I want to hear. As I try to get up off the couch, Liam grabs my hand and pulls me back down beside him.

  “You can’t run from this, Wrynn. You have to stop and at least hear what I have to say before you run out. It’s her. Grandma Tiddy. She’s been making noise all over town. I’ve lost three jobs this week because of the threats that she is making to my customers.” Liam takes a deep sigh and pulls me into his side. Leave it to him to try to comfort me when he is the one being hurt.

  “Threats? What kind of threats? I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me, Liam.” I know the confusion I am feeling is coming through loud and clear. What kind of threats could Mother Tidwell make that could possibly harm my brother? Then it hits me. She has the power to destroy Liam’s landscaping company. If she threatens enough businesses and they drop him, he will have to either change his line of work, or move somewhere else and start over.

  “Yes, Wrynn. Now you get it.” Liam knows the moment that I understand just how much damage that evil woman can do to him. “She’s told several of the businesses in town that their rent will be going up considerably at the next lease renewal if folks continue to use my landscaping services.”

  Liam stands from the couch and starts pacing the floor in front of me. He runs his fingers through his hair, and I can’t help but feel his pain deep inside me. “Season isn’t even in full swing, Sis. I can’t afford to lose business this early on. She knows just how much every account means to me, to my future here. She’s threatening you by threatening my livelihood, my bread and butter. She knows that if I have to move somewhere else to find work, then I won’t be here to help you with the girls. Mom and Dad are getting too old to help as much as they’d like.”

  When Mother Tidwell moved to Highlands with Tripp, she had loads of money and too much time on her hands. If any of the local real estate came on the market, she didn’t hesitate to step in and buy it. She actually made some very smart decisions and before anyone knew it, she had control of fifteen various stores and restaurants, all in the downtown area. She then spent the next few years updating and outfitting her properties with the best that money could buy. Over the years, she has earned the reputation of a shrewd property owner who would not hesitate to kick a tenant out and replace them with someone else. She also doesn’t hesitate to hike the monthly rent at the end of the tenant’s yearly lease if they dare not follow her wishes to a T. Her power over this small town has only grown stronger as the years have passed. She has become a one-woman mafia, holding her control ruthlessly over our small town. Trust me when I say she yields that power a bully on the playground. No one—and I mean NO ONE—would dare stand up to her because it’s a battle that can’t be won.

  Sighing in frustration, I look at Liam and detect the anger in his eyes. What startles me most though is the fear that I also see. I know that Mother Tidwell hates me. This is something that I have known for years, something I have tried to accept. I just didn’t know that she would use her hatred for me against my family. In a way, it makes sense. In her eyes, Tripp chose all of us over her. She has never seen that Tripp wanted her to accept us, not punish us for loving and embracing him. She has never acknowledged the fact that because of our love for Tripp, we would have welcomed her and made her part of our family. Instead, she rejected us, and by doing that, she rejected Tripp.

  Her actions not only hurt Tripp, but also affected the decisions he made about his future, about our future. If Tripp were here to witness his mother’s treacherous behavior, I truly have no idea just how he would react. This would be the only time I can ever remember that I am glad that Tripp is not here. I know that some things can cause so much damage and hurt that it’s virtually impossible to recover. I know this, because I live it every day.

  I square my shoulders, stand, and go to Liam. Slipping my arms around his waist, I offer him the only comfort that I can. “You know that we will make it through this. This can be a bump in the road, or it can be a crater. What we have to do is decide if we can go around the bump or if we are just going to give up and fall into the crater.” I lean back and take his face in my hands. “I say we go around the bump, Liam. Together, we can do this. Together, we can do anything we need to do to get around her, over her, under her, or God help us, through her.”

  “Dang it, Wrynn. Why do I feel like I am just lying down in the road and she is constantly running over me? I haven’t mentioned it before now, but this isn’t the first time she’s pulled this stunt. I lost two other clients the morning that she stormed out of here. That’s five, Wrynn. Five separate contracts in just this last month.”

  This explains how my brother just happened to be at my house so early the morning of the spider incident. Mother Tidwell had threatened his clients, so he had no work to do for the day. That also explains why she came back after taking the girls to school. She has always been one that likes to view her destruction up close and personal. She knew where Liam would be if he didn’t have work to do. She knew he would be with me, helping me catch up on things around the house. What better way to end her morning than by torturing her two least favorite people?

  “We will get through this no matter what comes our way, Liam. We’re a team. I wouldn’t have made it through these last few years without you. Maybe now, it’s time for you to lean on me and let me be the strong one. Let me help carry some of the burden for you. After all that you have carried for me, I think it is the least I can do.”

  Pulling back, Liam kisses me on the forehead. “No. I will handle this. I just wanted you to know what’s going on. You need to keep your eyes on her, though, cause that woman ain’t right in the head.”

  “Liam, you listen to me. No, don’t you shake your head at me. It’s bad enough that I put up with her. Now, she’s going after you. This has to stop somewhere.” I put my hand on his shoulder and give him a slight shake. “No more. You hear me? No more. I’m going over there and getting this all out in the open, and you’re not changing my mind.”

  Liam can see the determination written all over my face. With a deep sigh, and a quiet “thanks,” he walks towards the front door. Seeing his shoulders slumped in defeat breaks my heart into pieces. The two of us have been through so many struggles together, but my Liam has always been the strong one. He has always been the shoulder I would cry on, the one person that I know that I can depend on. I know that now it’s my turn to try somehow to repay him for all that he has done, for my girls and for me.

  Feeling revulsion from my head to my toes, I realize what this means. I am going to have to go to that woman, crawl back on my hands and knees. I have to ask, no, beg her to come back into our lives. She predicted it, and now I know that I will make it come true. I will fold this time, because my brother needs me more than I need my pride. It’s the only way that I can see to get us out of the mess she’s created.

  Chapter Six

  Past

  Our senior year of high school started out with the normal excitement most kids feel knowing that graduation is right around the corner. Liam and Tripp fought for and won the honor of being co-captains of the varsity football team, and I was captain of
the cheerleading squad. I had decided years earlier that my cheering would be the easiest way for us all to be together. I knew that my boys agreed because that way they could keep an eye on me.

  Every Friday, the cheerleaders would lead a frenzied school crowd in chants and cheers to pump up the football team for victory. If the game was at home that week, and weather permitted it, we would all meet at the football field. Away games found us in the gym before we loaded the buses to travel. Because our town was somewhat secluded, travel to most other schools meant hours on a stinky, old activity bus.

  The date for our Homecoming game fell on Friday, September 14, 2001. The entire week before the big game was a little different for us. Because our town was so small, most everyone participated in our weeklong Homecoming festivities. Every morning, several of our local merchants would pull out all the stops to honor the players, each providing food of some sort. After all, these were growing boys, and they were always hungry. Some merchants gave shirts, mugs, water bottles, or koozies decorated with the homecoming theme to the student body. It was always a great feeling knowing that the whole town supported the team and wanted a homecoming victory. The football team and cheerleaders would eat while listening to the sponsors of the day dole out pep talks. In the mornings, after we had eaten, the student body would then meet in the gym for a short pep rally, making sure that school spirit stayed high throughout the week.

  Tuesday was the second day of the weeklong celebration leading up to the big game and started out the same as all the others. Buck’s Coffee was the sponsor that day, providing the most delicious spicy cheese biscuits and cinnamon scones. By 8:25, the players and cheerleaders were finished eating and were preparing to greet the excited student body.