Searching for Tomorrow (Tomorrows)

by Kathryn McNeill Crane

  I settle the girls in the car and try to quiet their excited chatter about seeing the ‘big booms’ again. New Year’s, Memorial Day, and Fourth of July fireworks shows have been a family tradition that goes as far back as I can remember. Mom will have a blanket or two for us to sit on, and a cooler filled with drinks. The adults can sit back and relax while the children play with their friends. Thanks to a tight knit community, there will be no shortage of people to keep an eye on the kids.

  I begin searching for a place to park as soon as I hit the edge of town, and luckily find one behind one of the banks. As the girls and I make our way down to Main Street, a familiar head of black hair pops up from beside a car. Oh crap, it’s Lara. I don’t think Liam is ready for this yet.

  I lift Maggie so that her legs are around my shoulder and her bottom is firmly planted on my neck. Of course, she immediately grabs my hair in her little fists and kicks my chest in a steady rhythm. As I hold her legs down with one arm and try to untangle my hair from her sticky hands, we slowy walk over towards Lara.

  Just as I start to yell out at her, she turns her head and sees my little menagerie coming towards her. A look of panic covers her face, as she stops what she’s doing and hurries over to meet us. “Wrynn, hi. I didn’t expect to run into you this evening.” Her words are rushed, and she keeps stealing glances back over at her car.

  “Yeah, we always come into town for the fireworks. You know that, silly. You came with us more than once.” She’s acting so nervous. What in this world? “Is your mom in the car? I’d like to say hello. It’s been a while.”

  “No, no that’s not Mom. I just ran into town to grab a few groceries for supper tonight. I still haven’t gotten the pantry stocked yet.” She cuts her eyes back to the vehicle, and I can’t help but follow her gaze. There in the backseat, two little heads are poking up.

  “Lara?” I’m not looking at her. I stare straight through the back window of her car. I can’t even begin to disguise the questions in my voice. “Lara? Do you have something you … need … to … tell … me?”

  Movement out of the corner of my eye breaks the trance those two little heads have over me. When I glance up, my eyes meet Lara’s back as she rushes to the safety of her car. Oh wow, wait’ll Liam finds out.

  Chapter Twelve

  Past

  On the night that Tripp proposed, he told me I would have enough to keep me so busy that I wouldn’t have time to worry. He wasn’t kidding. While my cup ran over with blessings, my plate overflowed with things to do. Everywhere you looked around the house, you would find some sort of note or reminder that I had left to help keep me organized and prepared. The funny thing was that I could never find one of those stupid lists when I needed it.

  We managed to maintain a certain sense of normalcy in our lives, but we still had to battle the negative comments and rumors that ran rampant at first. When we returned to school the next day, someone that I thought was a friend saw my engagement ring and immediately started whispering that I must be pregnant. While rumors were bad enough, the worst part for me was the realization that what I had thought were true friendships, obviously were not. After getting in the face of more than one friend, I finally just gave up trying to explain myself, and handed that problem over to the boys. Tripp and Liam had their hands full fighting my battles and defending my honor for a couple of weeks, but thankfully, all the petty jealously and meanness began settling down. That’s not to say that the lies didn’t hurt, or that I didn’t cry a time or two, but having my boys with me helped me find the courage to keep my head high.

  By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, Tripp had learned that he would leave for Basic Training on July eighth. We had waited to set a wedding date because we weren’t sure how much time we would have after graduation. It was funny to see that we would be going to our senior prom, graduating, getting married, and honeymooning within a span of two weeks.

  Nana and Papa had come to Highlands for Thanksgiving, and planned to stay through the New Year, giving us girls plenty of time to hunt for possible wedding dresses. Nana insisted that she and Papa would help with preparations, and we spent many evenings looking through bridal magazines and placing calls to more local stores.

  One thing that Tripp and I had neglected to do was inform his mother of his joining the Army and of our upcoming nuptials. We had planned to tell her during the Thanksgiving meal, but she never responded to our invitation, and of course, she didn’t bother showing up. At one time, her callous actions would have hurt Tripp, but over the years, he had become indifferent to her ways. Because she was his mother and he felt obligated to show her respect, he wanted us to share our news with her in person. Since he had found a permanent home with us, he rarely spoke to her or went over to her house. That was the reason we found ourselves waiting on her front porch one cold, windy Saturday morning as if we were guests.

  Tripp knocked on the front door, and then stepped behind me so that he could wrap his arms around me. As he pulled his coat around me to share his warmth, I smiled up at him, and he bent to press a quick kiss on my lips. Of course, Mrs. Tidwell chose that moment to open the door.

  “For heaven’s sake. Do you two really find it necessary to put a show on for the neighbors? Get in here before someone sees you.” Mrs. Tidwell stepped back just far enough for us to squeeze by her.

  Well, hello to you, too! I plastered a smile on my face and tried my darndest to be nice. “Hello, Mrs. Tidwell. It’s nice to see you again. Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?” There, that wasn’t so hard.

  “I know that you didn’t come over here to make small talk about turkey and dressing. Why don’t you just get to the point of your visit, and then I can get back to what I was doing before you interrupted me.” She walked away, and like blind sheep, we followed her into the living room. “Sit, sit. What brings you two around here this time?” She shooed us over towards the couch.

  The last time we had visited had been shortly before the events of 9/11. Tripp needed a copy of his birth certificate to send in with some college applications. Mrs. Tidwell informed us that she didn’t have a duplicate, which seemed strange. She told us she would write to the Vital Records division for the state of Georgia and order several certified copies. She then instructed Tripp to bring the submissions by to her, and she would make sure one was included in each package. When he dropped the forms back off, she gave him a copy of the document to keep in case he needed one.

  “I hoped you’d have time to visit, but our news won’t take but a few minutes and then we’ll leave you to whatever you were doing.” Tripp reached over and took my hand in his, giving it a small squeeze. “I’ve joined the Army, and just got word that I leave for Basic Training on July eighth.”

  Mrs. Tidwell rolled her eyes. “Why does this not surprise me? I suppose you’ve been talking with your grandfather. I would think you’re too young to remember hearing your father whine about not being able to join.”

  “Well, yeah. I did talk to Papa. It’s a big decision, and I wanted his advice. To be honest, I knew you wouldn’t want to talk about it, and I really didn’t think you’d care one way or another.” Tripp stood up and walked over to the fireplace. Taking the picture of his father from the mantel, he studied it closely. “You’re right, though. I don’t remember Dad talking about the Army. I don’t remember much about him at all.” He turned back to his mother, and held the picture out in front of him. “Why is it that I don’t remember? Why didn’t you try harder to keep his memory alive for me?”

  Mrs. Tidwell seemed shocked that Tripp would dare question her. “Excuse me, young man. I do not like the tone of your voice, but to answer your question, when were you ever here for me to do that? We’d only lived here a few weeks when you began running to them.” She gave me such a venomous look that I shrank back into the couch. There was no doubt in my mind who them was.

  “When did you ever give me a reason to want to be here? I understand that Father died, leaving the two of us a
lone. I understand that you wanted a new start away from all the memories. What I don’t understand is why you never made an effort to love me and accept me for who I am.” Tripp walked back over to the couch and sat down beside me. He gave me a small sad smile and shook his head. “You know, it really doesn’t matter. This is not why we came here today. Yes, I’m joining the Army. I don’t know why I thought you’d want to know. I don’t know why I thought you might even support me on that.”

  “Poor misunderstood little boy. You will do what you want to do whether I approve or not. You always have, so why should this be any different.”

  Tripp jumped to his feet, grabbed my hand, and pulled me up beside him. “Then, I guess you don’t care that we’re getting married. Do you want an invitation? Will you even come to your own son’s wedding?”

  Mrs. Tidwell stood and walked over, eyes scanning me from head to toe. The sneer on her face made my heart race, and left me feeling queasy. This was not a good look to receive. For the first time ever, I was literally afraid to be in the same room with her. She silently walked in a slow circle around me, as if inspecting me for something.

  “Well, a wedding. That’s an interesting tidbit of information. You reached high, didn’t you little girl? Do you seriously think that I will let you use my son to climb the social ladder? We can fix this little problem right now. When is the baby due, and how much money do I need to give you to make this whole thing just disappear?”

  “Mother, what is wrong with you? Wrynn isn’t pregnant, and if she were, no amount of money could sway us to destroy our child.” Tripp’s face was red with anger. He pushed me behind him, and held me in place with his hands. His grip on my wrists was tight and painful, but I knew he was only trying to protect me, not hurt me. “This is a new low, even for you. We’re leaving now. I love Wrynn too much to expose her to your venom. I suggest you make an appointment with your doctor soon, because obviously, something is seriously wrong with you.”

  Tripp turned us around, and with one hand firmly planted on my back, pushed us towards the front door. As he opened the door, he faced his mother, quite possibly for the last time. With pain-etched sorrow on his face, his final words were broken, and spoken in a whisper. “Why is it so hard for you to love me?”

  Without another glance back, he led me outside to the truck. Leaning against the side, he pulled me to him, wrapped his arms around me, and there in the cold and snow, Tripp’s heart broke from the absence of his mother’s love and his tears washed the hurt away. I made a vow right then and there to do my best to protect his heart against that woman, and to make sure that she never hurt him again.

  Over the next several months, Tripp stayed busy with sports, and he made the journey to Sylva every week to take part in training to get him prepared for his stint in the Army. He took a physical assessment test called a 1-1-1, and based on his reaction, I gathered that he had done very well on it. When I asked what it entailed, he told me that the only thing I needed to know was that his ‘buff bod’ had done fifty-seven push-ups, and fifty-two sit-ups each in under a minute, and he’d run a mile in six minutes and thirteen seconds. After flexing his muscles and giving me a saucy wink, he strutted out the door. I, in the meantime, found myself speechless as I watched that ‘buff bod’ walk out the door. That boy sure could get to me.

  Nana, Mom, and I had kept the roads hot between trips to Asheville, Charlotte, and Atlanta. We all joked that by the time this marriage happened, we could all have careers as wedding planners. I tried on so many dresses that I thought for sure the lace and beads would leave permanent imprints on my skin. While I wasn’t trying to be picky, I just knew that when I saw the dress, I would know it without question, but I had yet to have one call out my name and say, “I was made for you.” Thankfully, Mom and Nana were patient shoppers and understood that, God willing, this would be the only wedding dress I would ever wear.

  Wendy, Jenn, and I were downtown one Saturday and we decided to go into the Village Boutique. Linda had been very good to us over the years, and we loved shopping in her store. She knew our individual tastes, and when something came in that she thought we would like, she would put it in the back room and then call us to come take a look. When we walked in the door, Ms. Linda shot out from the stockroom, and when she saw us, anticipation lit up her face.

  “Oh, girls, I am so glad that you’re here. Wrynn, I just called your mother. She and Nana Tidwell are on their way.” Linda spoke very quickly, and in her excitement, she was bouncing all over the place. “Now, I know you haven’t seen it, but I had to order it. I just know it’s perfect for you. It came in with the shipment this morning. I haven’t even had time to press it.”

  Jenn, Wendy, and I all looked at each other, wondering what it Ms. Linda had found, and which one of us it was for. I wasn’t sure if she had sensed our confusion, or if she just couldn’t hold back any longer. “Oh Wrynn, it is so you. I know I’ve not seen it on you, but I can just imagine you in it. This is so exciting.”

  “Uhm, thank you?” I shrugged my shoulders, and then decided to just straight out ask what the heck she was talking about. “Uhm, Ms. Linda, I have no idea what you’re talking about. What is it that you’ve found for me?”

  I couldn’t help but giggle at the surprised look on her face. She opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it as if the words had disappeared. Shaking her head in exasperation, she turned back towards the storeroom and started walking away. She stopped after a second, and over her shoulder gave me a triumphant look. “Well, come on! I’ll let you see for yourself.”

  Just as we started to follow her, the bell over the front door jingled, and in swept Mom and Nana. They obviously knew what it was that Ms. Linda kept referring to because the first thing my mom said was, “Have you seen it yet? What did you think?”

  I started feeling a little frustrated with the whole it thing, and I couldn’t quite keep the snark out of my voice. “Would someone PLEASE tell me what IT is?”

  Mom came over to me and pulled me into a hug. “Good. Nana, we got here just in time.”

  Ms. Linda asked my mom to lock the door, and then she headed back into the storeroom. By this time, Jenn, Wendy, and I were completely lost in our confusion. And then… Ms. Linda walked back into the storefront.

  Oooohhh. Perfect. It was exactly what I had dreamed of as a little girl. It spoke to me, whispered, and called me by name, “Wrynn, I was made for you.” There in front of me was the wedding dress that I had searched so hard for and traveled so far to find, and I never even had to leave my hometown because it came to me.

  The simple beauty and elegance of the dress stunned me to such a point that I couldn’t move, feet stuck and eyes frozen on the splendor in front of me. Hands were on me, guiding me toward the dressing area of the store. Someone lifted my feet one by one and hurriedly removed my shoes and socks. Someone else started tugging my sweatshirt over my head. Only when I felt hands at the button of my jeans did I snap out of my trance. I hurried to assist in undressing, and couldn’t wait to see how this frothy vision looked on me.

  Before I knew it, one hand helped me balance while another lifted a foot and a third lifted the delicate dream up my body into its proper place. My mom had the honor of buttoning the tiny row of seed pearls that ran up the back, and as she finished, she turned me to face the mirror for my first glimpse.

  Heaven, pure Heaven. This was it. The perfect dress in which to marry the perfect man. Tears gathered in my eyes as I twisted and turned, wanting desperately to see it from all angles. A simple floor-length gown, the strapless bodice was fitted and overlaid with a delicate embroidered lace. A delicate Swarovski crystal buckle enhanced the ruched waistline, which then flowed into a full poufy skirt draped in organza.

  “Now, honey, I know it’s not a pure white, and Lord knows, I know you’ve earned that, but you’re having an outdoor wedding.” Ms. Linda’s voice brought me back from the lovely spell cast over me by this perfection. “This creamy pearl wi
ll be beautiful in the sunlight and will soften any of the harshness that a pure white would throw off in the direct sun. Oh honey, it’s perfect, just perfect. You have that new bride glow.”

  I stood there in front of that three-way mirror, gaze roaming from top to bottom, side-to-side, and front to back. All eyes turned to me as my friends and family waited for my reaction. As tears of joy streamed down my cheeks, all I could manage was a soft whisper. “It’s perfect.”

  I woke up this morning and realized that somewhere in all my busyness, six months had passed by in just a second’s time. Between wedding plans, prom dances, and final exams, I hadn’t had time to dwell over the fact that Tripp would be leaving for Basic Training in just a couple of weeks. I was thankful that we still had some amazing memories to make together to carry me through our separation.

  Last night had held a flurry of activity. Liam, Tripp, and I had finally graduated high school late in the afternoon. The ceremony was short but bittersweet as we said farewell to our childhood friends, and turning the tassels on our caps, we planted our feet firmly on the path towards our futures. That adolescent part of our lives was ending, and with fingers intertwined, Tripp and I made the trip to Inn at Half Mile Farm, where friends and family were waiting for our wedding rehearsal to begin.

  Having spent most of our lives together, the discussion over the size and style of the wedding was very short. Both inherently shy in nature, we knew that a small intimate gathering of our closest friends and family would more than suffice. As bridesmaids, I had chosen Jenn, Wendy, and Lara who was now steadily entrenched as Liam’s girlfriend. Tripp had chosen his papa, Liam, and my dad to stand in for him as his groomsmen. Because of our love of nature, we also knew that we wanted our wedding and reception to be outdoors. The Inn at Half Mile Farm provided the perfect venue with a beautiful backdrop of the mountains, fourteen flat acres covered with a vibrant green lawn, and several streams and waterfalls to provide a soothing lullaby in the background.