Searching for Tomorrow (Tomorrows)

by Kathryn McNeill Crane

  I nipped his finger with my teeth and said, “Silly, I was going to thank you. Do I want to meet other wives? Sure, I do, but I will have plenty of time to socialize when you’re in school. Besides, I have a feeling that today is the start of a wonderful friendship with Lori. She’ll still be here in three days.” As I reached up to whisper in his ear, Lori came back with another Army wife for me to meet. I turned and settled myself into Tripp’s arms.

  “Wrynn, this is Tiffany Craig. She just moved here last week, too. Her husband Marcus will be in Airborne school with our men.” I turned my head, and looked up, and then up some more. Standing before me was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She had to be at least six foot tall, and I would have felt uncomfortable, but the warmth and compassion that filled her deep brown eyes immediately put me at ease.

  “Hi, Wrynn. It’s so nice to meet you.” Her voice washed over me as if it were a soothing melody. Her presence felt so calming, and my gut instincts told me that I needed to have her as a friend. “I don’t want to interrupt your time with your family, but I’d really love to get together in a few days. I’ve written my number down, and I hope you’ll use it.”

  When I looked down towards her outstretched hand, I noticed the piece of paper she was holding. As I reached to take it, she folded my hand between hers and squeezed, her tranquil spirit working to relax my remaining nerves. “I’m so glad to meet you, Tiffany, and I look forward to getting to know you better. I promise that I will call both you and Lori when our guys start training.”

  “Great, I’ll talk to you soon.” She turned, taking Lori by the elbow, and they walked away.

  “I’m really glad you’ve met a couple of wives. I’ll feel better knowing that you’re not alone all the time.” Tripp’s low rumble was right at my ear. With a whisper, he added, “Do you think our hour is up yet?”

  With a laugh, I turned back to face him. “That’s exactly what I was about to ask you when they came over. Let’s go find our family, say our goodbyes, and run away from the world for a few days.” And that’s what we did.

  Lori and Tiffany kept me grounded while our husbands were in ABN. Had I been alone the whole time, I would have worried myself sick. Instead, when one of us had a rough day, the other two supplied encouragement and support. On days that all three of us were down in the dumps, we met at one of our apartments and drowned our sorrows and woes in ice cream and junk food. Because Marcus had been in the Army six months longer than Randy or Tripp, Lori and I looked to her to explain things we didn’t understand. When we finally received approval for on-post housing, we helped each other pack up our meager belongings and settle into new homes. We were forming a friendship that we would count on a lot in the days and years ahead.

  After ABN, the girls and I had hoped to have a little time with our husbands. Sadly, that didn’t happen. As soon as ABN graduation was finished, the Ranger Liaison picked them up to immediately begin the Ranger Indoctrination Program (RIP). This program would separate the wheat from the chaff and would determine if they were suitable for the Ranger School. If our men passed this four-week course, then the real Ranger training would begin.

  While Tripp was in training, I hated to be too far from Fort Benning. I lived for the one weekly phone call he could make, and rarely left the apartment for fear I would miss it. With his graduation scheduled for December 30, I did make it back to my parents at Christmas for a few days. Otherwise, I used my time wisely, and made plans to attend Georgia Military College in Columbus to begin getting my two-year degree in Early Childhood Education. Tiffany, Lori, and I kept each other company, and started attending get-togethers with other Army wives.

  Tripp and I had been married for a little over six months when it was time for his RIP graduation, and for five of those months, we found ourselves separated. Once again, I sat in a crowd of others and waited anxiously to see my husband. When he’d called last week, he’d told me that he’d be home for several months this time, and I struggled to contain my excitement. As it was, I don’t think my feet touched ground since that conversation.

  An excited murmur ran through the crowd, and there they were. With a smaller number than OSUT and ABN graduates, I had no problem quickly finding my handsome young soldier. He stood firmly at attention, spine straight and shoulders back, and his eyes never once waivered from his leader. I locked him in my sights, and lost myself in him and the vision he presented. Before I knew it, the ceremony had ended, and the crowd around me stood and pressed toward the field. As I made my way down, I saw Tripp searching for me, and when he finally glanced my way, time stood still as we stared at each other across the grounds. When he smiled and flashed his dimple, my feet grew wings and I flew through the space to get to him. He opened his arms, and I threw myself into them. As they wrapped tightly around me, one distinct thought passed through my mind. Home. No matter where we were, or where life took us, when I was in his arms, I was home.

  Living on post made things convenient for Tripp, and saved him lots of traveling. It also gave us the time to develop closer friendships with the Underwoods and Craigs. While our men were waiting for Ranger school to begin in June, we girls took advantage of their being home. We went to the movies, out bowling, and even convinced them to take us dancing one night, but the simple act of being able to spend time with our husbands was more than enough to keep us happy.

  With a two-day pass in hand, Tripp and I headed back to Highlands for a last minute visit mid-March. Liam and Lara were coming home from school that weekend, and since it was Lara’s birthday, Liam wanted to plan a surprise party for her at our house. I’d had the flu, and, even after two weeks, I still hadn’t fully recovered my strength. I wasn’t sure just how much help I would be to anyone that weekend, but Liam assured me that he would take care of everything. Reminding him that this was Tripp’s first trip home in eight months, and that we were planning to relax and spend time with family, Liam promised that he would only invite a few of Lara’s friends. Even though I still wasn’t completely convinced by the idea, I finally gave in to his pleadings, and promised him bodily harm if he didn’t come through on his plans.

  When we pulled into the driveway, I was sound asleep, and only stirred and snuggled close when Tripp gently picked me up and carried me to the porch. As he struggled to hold onto me while trying to put his key in the lock, the front door flew open, and a volley of “Surprise!” and “Welcome Home!” greeted us. Liam took one look at my pale face, and immediately backed away from the door, allowing us to enter. When Tripp went to place me on my feet, my knees gave out, and I swayed with the dizziness that filled my head. Once again, I found myself caught up in Tripp’s arms, and with a worried Liam leading the way, we made our way down the hall to our bedroom. A cool hand touched my face, and recognizing my momma’s touch, I turned my cheek into her caress. As I drifted off again, I heard her say, “She doesn’t have a fever, so I think we should just let her rest. Poor thing’s exhausted.” I nestled deep beneath the warm blankets that covered me, and floated away to my dreams.

  Awakened by strange noises, and alarmed when I didn’t immediately recognize my surroundings, a wave of dizziness swept over me as I sat up too fast. Looking around, my anxiety settled as I realized I had somehow missed coming home. The empty bed beside me made sense when I heard pots clanging in the kitchen, and music drifting in the air. Slowly moving my feet to the floor, I inched my way out of the bed, and, hoping that a shower would perk me up, I made my way to the bathroom. The warm water beating down washed away some of the cobwebs in my head, but the bone-deep weariness refused to let go of its hold. With a quiet huff of acceptance that my energy would just take some time to rebuild, I turned off the shower, dried my body, and after I wrapped up in my robe, made my way to the kitchen.

  Tripp and I had settled into a routine when he was home from training. He would get up at the crack of dawn every morning for his workouts and to go running, and then when he got home, he would make coffee and shower before
he woke me up for breakfast. We enjoyed cooking with each other every morning, and used that time to discuss our plans. That was my favorite part of the day. With the world outside still quiet, and the stress of my classes ignored for a few more hours, Tripp and I existed in our own happy little bubble.

  That happy little bubble was about to burst as the smell of bacon drifted down the hall. With a speed I didn’t know my tired body could achieve, I raced to the hall bathroom, dropped to my knees in front of the toilet, and gave in to the waves of nausea that hit me from all sides. Hands gathered my hair, and a damp washcloth wiped gently on the back of my neck. When my stomach finally emptied itself, I leaned my face against the wall and let the coolness of the tiles relieve the scorching embarrassment that had settled in my cheeks. “Go away,” I whispered through my burning throat.

  “Babe, not happening. Let’s get you back to bed.” Strong arms lifted me from my slumped position and carried me back to our room. “I’m gonna grab you some water and call your mom. I’ll be back in just a sec.”

  I didn’t have the energy to argue, so I lay there and waited. When Tripp came back with the glass of water, he also had a plate with a piece of toast, and the phone tucked between his shoulder and ear. “No, this is the first time I know of that she’s thrown up, but this flu bug has really kicked her tail. Any chance you’d ask Liam to run to the store for me? I really don’t want to leave her alone right now.”

  When he stopped for a moment to listen, I asked whom he was talking to, and he mouthed Mom. “Yeah, I’d really appreciate it. If she’s not better by this afternoon, I’m going to take her to the walk-in clinic down in Cashiers.” A smile came over his face as he listened, and then replied, “That sounds great. We’ll see you in a little bit. Love you, too, Mom.”

  Nibbling dry toast was not exactly what I had planned to do this morning, but after just a few bites, my stomach was feeling better. When I mentioned getting out of bed though, Tripp didn’t think that was such a good idea. “Why don’t you just rest for a little longer, and then when Mom gets here, I’ll help you to the kitchen.”

  “I’m not an invalid, baby. I can walk to the kitchen.” I laughed at the stern look on his face. “Seriously, I feel better already. This toast is doing the trick.” To prove my point, I took another big bite and hoped that my chewing hid my grin. I loved it when Tripp went into his Mother Hen mode, and took care of me.

  “Never said you were an invalid, but any chance I get to sweep you off your feet, you’d better believe I’m going to take it.” That cocky grin was back with dimples flashing. I held back a sigh. Boy, I loved that grin. It made my heart flutter. “Seriously though, you were out of it for over a week with a fever when you were sick, and the first thing you did when it broke was go right back to class. It won’t hurt you at all to kick back and relax today, and it’ll make me feel better. Please?”

  “Fine, I’ll lay here and rest if you’ll let me get dressed. My robe’s a little damp from my shower, and I really don’t want to get chilled.” I put on my best pouty face and batted my eyelashes at him.

  It was his turn to laugh at me. “Okay. You’ve got five minutes to get dressed and back in bed. I’m going to make sure I’ve turned everything off, and put some water on for tea. When I get back,” he pointed at me, “I expect to see you,” and then he pointed at the bed, “back in there. Got it?”

  This time there was no hiding my grin, as I gave a mock salute and replied, “Sir, yes Sir.” That earned me a roll of his eyes and a shake of his head before he walked out of the room chuckling.

  When I stood to my feet, the dizziness came back full force. What the heck? I stayed rooted to the spot, hoping it would pass. After a few moments, I felt more stable, and since it seemed that I would be lounging all day, I made my way to the closet to hunt for some comfy clothes. The light flickered and hummed to life, reminding me of the time I spent in here while Tripp was in Basic. Spying the pile of Tripp’s sweatpants and sweatshirts, I reached to the shelf above my head and grabbed what I wanted. Uh oh, wrong move. Without warning, the woozy feeling returned with a vengeance, and a cold, clammy sweat broke out over my body. As I leaned against the wall for support, I managed a weak cry for Tripp, and as the edges of my vision dimmed, I slid to the floor and passed out.

  Soothing fingers massaging my scalp, quiet music playing in the background, and the sounds of tires eating up the road welcomed me back. Tripp’s jean clad thigh was once again my pillow, and I snuggled closer to the comfort he offered. His hand stilled its soothing rub, and his anxious words followed. “Babe, you awake?” When I simply nodded, his fingers resumed their caress. “You scared me. I heard you holler, but by the time I could get to you, you were out cold. Mom was pulling up when I carried you out to the truck. She’s gonna swing by and pick up Pop, and they’ll meet us at the clinic.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All you’ve done the last three weeks is worry and fuss over me.” I knew better than try to sit up, but between the movement of the truck, and my laying down, I was beginning to feel a little carsick. “Baby, I think you’re going to need to pull over. FAST.”

  He barely made it over the edge of the pull-off before I was clawing my way off his lap to the door. Before it was even fully opened, I was leaning over the guardrail, losing what little toast and water I had in me. The dry heaves started and I moaned in misery. Tripp stood behind me, holding my hair back, and when I finally finished heaving, I leaned back in his arms, too rattled and exhausted to be embarrassed. Whatever it was that was causing this sickness, it was starting to scare me. Other than normal childhood colds and stomach bugs, and the time I had mono for two weeks, I rarely, if ever, got sick. I sure hoped we got some answers at the clinic.

  Tripp helped me settle back in the truck, and leaning my flushed face against the cold window, I drifted in and out of sleep. The rest of the ride was silent as we both worried and stewed over this crud that I couldn’t shake. Each time he glanced over, I could feel his eyes on me, and I would give him a weak smile. I hated that he was worried, but right now, my reserves were tapped out, empty, and dry, and I had no reassurances to give him. When we got to the clinic, he pulled me out of the truck and into his arms. “I’ve got ya, babe. Let me do all the work.” The worry in his voice brought tears to my eyes.

  The waiting area was nearly empty, so by the time we got all the medical forms filled out, a doctor was available to see me. Leaving word with the receptionist that my parents were on the way, Tripp carried me to the exam room, helped me into a lovely blue paper gown, and when he sat me on the table, he stayed right beside me to make sure I didn’t fall.

  The nurse came in and checked my blood pressure, listened to my heart, swabbed my throat and nose, and requested a urine sample. When Tripp took the specimen cup from her and helped me to the bathroom, we argued about him staying with me while I peed. I won, but just barely. He stood right outside with the door cracked open and his back turned to me, and laughed when I told him to go away. After what seemed like forever, I managed to get a small sample, and while he helped me wash my hands, he teased me about my shyness.

  By the time the doctor came in, I was back on the table, snuggled close to Tripp, and right on the edge of sleep. He asked all the basic embarrassing questions, and then told me to lie down. After I lay back, he pressed around on my belly, listened to my heart and lungs, looked in my ears, and then abruptly told us he’d be back with my lab results. I let out a small huff because his bedside manners were atrocious, and we had no more answers than when we’d come in here.

  The nurse returned a few minutes later with a tray that held two syringes. When I asked what they were for, she told me that the doctor was on his way back in to explain, but that my strep and flu tests had come back negative. As she finished saying this, the doctor hurried through the door. He instructed me to roll over to my side, and as he gave me two shots in the butt, he proceeded to explain that the two injections were Vitamin
B6 and Phenergan, both for the nausea. He said that once we were back on base, I would need to see my Ob-Gyn for a full check-up and due date. He then told the nurse that there was a wreck up the road, and he needed to get next door to the hospital’s emergency room. Before I’d had a chance to roll back over, or even process all that he’d just spouted, he was on his way back out the door.

  As the nurse shook her head, she explained that since the walk-in clinic was part of the hospital, all doctors were essentially on call for emergencies. When she turned to dispose of the needles, I stopped her and said, “What did he just say? What is wrong with me?”

  She gave a small chuckle, and walked over to put a hand on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry, honey. He never did actually say, did he? It’s nothing that won’t resolve itself in, oh, about eight months. Congratulations, y’all. You’re going to be parents.” After giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and handing Tripp some papers, she breezed right out the door without a single look back.

  While my mind processed all that my ears had just heard, I looked up, and my confused eyes met the grinning face of my husband. “D-d-did she s-say p-p-parents?”

  If it were possible, I would swear the grin on his face got bigger. “Yep, she said parents. Guess I can tell your mom we don’t need that pregnancy test after all. Wonder if Bryson’s will let her return it?”

  I smacked him on the shoulder. “You knew? And you didn’t tell me? How did you know and I didn’t?”

  As soon as I asked that last question, his face turned crimson. “I, uh, well, I didn’t know for sure. I just thought that maybe you were. I try to pay attention. Think about it, babe. I’ve been home over two months now, and well, you know.” He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his still-flaming face. “I know that most of the time we’ve been married, we’ve also been apart, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what to expect.” He looked up at the ceiling, and even though I had figured out what he was trying to say, I didn’t put an end to his embarrassment. After all, I owed him for the urine sample. “I waited those few weeks, and when you didn’t get your, uh, period, and didn’t say anything, I figured there was a reason. When a few more weeks went by and you still didn’t say anything about being late, I started to ask, but then you got the flu. I was so worried about you that I just kinda forgot.”