"I'll tell you what's great about kids." It was the first time Parker had volunteered anything, so Sophie let him have the mike. "They have no baggage. They have no past yet to determine their future. Unlimited potential. Despite whoever's in their life to screw them up, there's a possibility they can avoid it and live a good, happy life."
Sophie wasn't sure, but she thought his "positive" words were spoken with a touch of bitterness. "O-kay. Let's hear what else is great about kids. Heidi, you're on the air."
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They listened to praise of kids' openness and ability to say what they think. They heard "kids say the darndest things"
stories and anecdotes of generosity. Parker contributed here and there, but when a woman started rhapsodizing about newborn babies, he dropped his headphones on the desk and walked out.
Sophie's heart went out to him. He'd obviously cared more about Fawn's baby than he'd let on, or maybe more than he'd even known. She covered for him until he came back on the air ten minutes later.
When the show was over, she decided to ignore her hurt feelings and approached him at his cubicle. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
He looked up from the list of appearances Melina had given him. "As a matter of fact, there is. I have a fundraiser next Tuesday. Can you go with me?"
"Of course." She wished he hadn't sounded so businesslike about it. "Formal?"
He shrugged. "I guess. Call Betty tomorrow. I gave her the invitation."
"Okay." She waited, but he didn't say any more. "Um, we have a breakfast appearance tomorrow. Do you want to drive over together?"
He flipped open the planner that lay on his cubicle desk.
"Can't. I have an appointment just after, and all day. I'll see you here at three."
Show time. Again, he wasn't going to be part of the planning meeting. But she figured he needed space, so she'd give him some.
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"All right. I'm going to head home before Hippo ruins the carpet."
"I'm right behind you."
Sophie led him out the door and paused for a kiss before they split in the parking lot. Parker started to pull back after a quick peck, then hesitated before moving closer. He wrapped his free arm around her and kissed her like he was leaving for war.
"Goodnight, Sophie."
As she watched him walk away, she felt like he'd said goodbye.
* * * *
Parker found avoiding Sophie to be much harder than he'd expected. She clearly tried to give him space, but became more bewildered each time he told her he had plans that didn't involve her.
Bewildered and hurt.
The hurt made him kiss her each time they parted. He couldn't bring himself to be cruel. Distant, yes. Deliberately mean, no. Each kiss became more and more desperate, each ended in an invitation from Sophie. By Friday that invitation bordered on begging.
Parker invented a business trip over the weekend so he could avoid the temptation and torture of Sophie.
As he flew across the country for the first time in months, he realized how much she had disrupted his life. Before they'd gotten involved, he'd traveled three times a month, at least.
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time. And when he had time, he'd preferred to spend his weekends with Sophie, or at least trying to spend them with her.
He wandered San Francisco for two days, frustrated even more by his lack of purpose. He didn't do anything without purpose. By Sunday night, he'd decided Limbo was definitely Hell.
On Monday he went straight to the office. Betty met him with sternness, fifteen messages, and a summons from Stevie.
Called to the principal's office.
He did as much work as possible to avoid thinking about Sophie and what he was going to do the next day. He drove to the station just in time for the meeting with Stevie. And Sophie. And Melina.
And the station manager.
Sophie looked worried. Melina was her usual unflappable self, but Parker looked closely and didn't think she looked healthy. He tried to remember if she'd been so pale and shaky last week, but the days after the miscarriage were a blur.
"We have some concerns," George started. Parker was surprised. Usually the man's presence was intimidation only, and Stevie did the talking.
"The show last week wasn't up to your usual standards,"
he went on. "We want to know why."
Sophie glanced at Parker. "I was off," she said, obviously struggling to come up with something. "That time of the month, probably."
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George's mobile face pulled together in a gargoyle grimace. Stevie lurched to his feet, then sat down again.
"Sophie, we can't let that interfere with the show. The ratings
... that would be every month ... we'd—we'd bomb."
"It wasn't Sophie, and you guys know it. It was me."
Parker couldn't let her take the rap. "I had a tragedy in my family and had trouble focusing. I'll get back on track."
Stevie looked even more nervous, if possible. "I'm sorry, Parker. But we don't think it's just that, either."
"Right." George tapped his beefy fingers on his leather blotter, then wiggled one between Sophie and Parker. "You two have a problem. A relationship problem."
"The spark is missing," Stevie added apologetically. "Rant and Rave's success is all about your spark."
"So fix it." George waved a hand at them in dismissal and picked up an Arbitron report. The rest of them filtered out of the office.
Parker pulled Sophie away from Stevie and Melina and searched for a private place to talk. No one was in the lounge, but he knew that could change any minute.
"Sophie, I'm sorry about how I've been acting."
She folded her arms and looked at the floor. "It's okay. I know you're hurting."
She didn't know the half of it.
"I just wish you'd talk to me about it. I've been on the phone with Mare three times. She said your father asked Fawn for a divorce." Her fists went to her hips. "How can he do that to her? Now? He can't be dumping her because she lost the baby."
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Here was his chance to set things up so she'd understand later. He just had to be sure to do it right. Eliciting her sympathy or support would backfire.
"He's definitely dumping her because she lost the baby."
"Why? It's not like he doesn't have kids already. The baby wasn't part of his plan. Now things are back the way he wants them."
"No, they're not. He's exposed. When he's exposed, he rejects before he can be rejected. He's dumping Fawn before she can dump him." He forced himself to shrug. "I can't blame him."
Sophie's mouth dropped open. "After all the things you said about him hurting people. His thoughtlessness, his carelessness with their feelings. You think it's okay for him to do this."
"I didn't say that. I said I can't blame him for wanting to get out before Fawn comes to her senses and rejects him."
He was lying through his teeth, and that fact hurt as much as the knowledge that he was about to do the same thing.
Knowing he wasn't going to do it differently didn't help.
He felt lower than worms.
Melina poked her head into the room. "Guys, I have something to tell you."
Sophie switched gears instantly. Her anger changed to alarm and she went to Melina's side. "Are you okay?"
Melina shook her head. "I need a transplant. I don't know exactly when, but I'll be off work for a little while. You two will be doing the show with a new producer."
Parker moved closer. "I meant it, Melina. I'll donate."
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She smiled and patted his shoulder. "Thank you, Parker."
She took a deep breath. "I do have some good news. I have a brother, and he has agreed to be tested." Her brow wrinkled.
"I am trying to take this one day at a time, but fear that travel constraints would get in the way."
"If he's a match, I'll fly him over. Don't worry about that."
Melina's gratitude was obvious. "You are a good man, Parker Cornwall."
She hugged him, and over her shoulder he saw Sophie's heart in her eyes.
He wasn't a good man. He was far from it.
* * * *
The show went better that afternoon. They'd decided to use the relationships topic today. The callers dove in—
anything that could be related to sex drew calls—and Parker made an obvious effort at "spark." The result was a better show and a hot and bothered Sophie.
Parker tried to escape at seven-oh-five, but Sophie caught up to him in the parking lot.
"Parker."
He turned and she stopped in front of him, deliberately invading his space.
"Please stop avoiding me."
"I'm not avoiding you."
"Then where are you going?"
He didn't answer.
"Do you even know?"
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He let out his breath and rested his forehead on hers.
"God, Sophie, I'm trying to do the right thing."
"What right thing?" She dropped her bag and put her arms over his shoulders. "Why do you have to decide what the right thing is?"
"I just—"
Knowing she would hate his response, she cut him off with her lips. He groaned and wrapped his arms around her, eliminating the two inches of space between them and devouring her mouth.
"This is the right thing, Parker," she whispered when he pulled back. She put one hand on his chest and felt the thunder of his heart. "Please, come home with me. Please."
He groaned again and planted a hard kiss on her. "Okay.
I'll follow you."
Sophie sped home in record time, and raced into the house. She shoved Hippo out the back door and dumped some dog food on the patio, then met Parker in the foyer.
"God, I've missed you." They kissed again and she tried to climb him. She didn't want him to have any opportunity to change his mind. She sucked on his tongue.
"Jesus, Sophie." Holding her up with one arm, he ripped off her blouse with one hand and filled it with her breast. The pulse in his neck pounded under her lips and his breath panted in her ear. His excitement fed hers, and she backed up against the wall.
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yanked open his pants and blessed the coincidence that she'd chosen a skirt today.
Or maybe not coincidence. Maybe she'd had plans she hadn't told herself about.
"Thank God," she moaned when he finally filled her. "Oh, Parker. Hurry."
He grunted as he thrust into her, gripping her hips in his powerful hands. Sophie felt the peak coming much too soon but was powerless to stop it. She screamed, and under it thought she heard Parker whisper, "I love you."
Then it was over. He was leaning against her, holding her up between his body and the wall. Hippo was barking fiercely through the open screen and Sophie vaguely hoped none of her neighbors had heard her.
"Thank you," she murmured again, nestling her face against Parker's neck. I love you. Since she wasn't sure she'd heard him correctly, she didn't say it out loud. There'd be time. "Stay with me."
He didn't answer, but she felt him nod. He held her like that for another moment, then Sophie had to move.
"My legs are giving out."
"Sorry." He backed up a little and she dropped her legs from his waist, wincing as the muscles protested.
"Hungry?" she asked.
For the first time all day, he smiled. "Starved."
"I can do something about that."
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but that limited them to reheated sausage links and frozen pancakes.
"You don't shop much, do you?"
Sophie couldn't help but notice that Parker was on the other side of the room. He'd redressed—well, since he hadn't un dressed, she'd have to say he'd zipped his pants. She'd pulled her torn blouse back on and tugged down her skirt, but since the blouse was open and her underwear was still in the hall, she felt at a disadvantage.
She ignored his small talk. She wasn't in the mood.
"Set the table, please. I'll be right back."
The tears started before Sophie reached the top of the stairs. She let them come, knowing it would be easier not to cry later if she did it all now. Damn the man, he was still distancing himself from her.
She stomped into her bedroom and yanked a set of cotton lounging pajamas from the drawer. What could she do now?
She'd believed making love would remove the new barriers, but it hadn't. It seemed to have only strengthened them.
Even if she got him to stay the night, she had no hope it would convince him to keep moving forward. He was determined to reverse the momentum of their relationship.
She dashed cold water on her face and wiped away the smeared makeup. It wouldn't do any good for him to see how upset she was. Nothing would do any good.
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mundane slammed her in the chest. She was completely lost in this man, and she knew he was going to leave.
"How's Fawn?" she asked, sitting at the table and putting her napkin on her lap.
"Fine. She asked about you yesterday."
"Maybe I'll stop over tomorrow if she's free."
"She will be."
"I'll call her in the morning."
They ate in silence for a few minutes. "Thanks for offering to help Melina," Sophie offered.
"I care about her." He didn't look at her. She watched him methodically cut a square from his pancake, spear it, and put it in his mouth. Then he cut a sausage link and did the same.
The pattern repeated, without variation, and Sophie knew he was holding himself in tight rein. From what, she didn't understand.
Maybe tonight wasn't the night to understand it.
Maybe no night would be. Maybe she should be smart and let him go.
Look at Fawn and Biff, she told herself. Fawn was determined to overlook her husband's faults and fight for her marriage. Biff was just as determined to end it. Then there was Parker's mother, who was just as cowardly as Biff, even though Parker thought more highly of her. If she'd been around, he'd probably be doubly bitter.
The pancakes tasted like glue, the sausage like plastic.
Sophie felt an overwhelming urge to set Parker free. That was what you were supposed to do, wasn't it? Set what you loved free to see if it came back to you?
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She couldn't do it. She didn't think he'd come back.
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CHAPTER 17
Sophie arrived at Fawn and Biff's house in Beacon Hill mid-morning. She half expected the woman to look wan and mournful, but she was the complete opposite. She answered the door wearing an ivory silk pants suit with a long jacket buttoned over nothing, as far as Sophie could tell. She was more tanned than she had been on the Fourth, and the gold
of her skin contrasted with both the ivory suit and her flowing dark-blond hair.
"Sophie, come in." She smiled delightedly and hugged her, then led her to a sunny parlor full of comfortable furniture.
"Deirdre will bring us a snack. So, how are you?"
Sophie set her bag on the floor against the loveseat and settled back. "I'm fine. But I can't believe how good you look!"
"I know." Fawn let a smug smile play about her mouth and Sophie detected a fire in her eyes that she'd never seen there before. "I'm having lunch with Biff. He wants to talk about the divorce."
Sophie's heart sank. She'd so hoped these two could work it out. "I guess you look so battle-ready because you're going to take him for all you can?"
Fawn laughed, and gone was the sweet, gentle, fragile young lady Sophie had met weeks ago. Here was a powerful woman tempered by tragedy and determined to get what she wanted.
Sophie wished she had that power.
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"Actually," Fawn told her, "I'm battle-ready because I'm not giving him the divorce." She crossed her legs and draped her arms across the sapphire sofa. Sophie found herself wishing she had a camera. Biff didn't stand a chance.
"Did Parker tell you my revelation?" Fawn asked. Sophie shook her head, and Fawn told her how she and Biff had met.
"I molded myself into what I thought he wanted. Big mistake, and it makes me angry that I allowed it to happen. Even prostitutes read Cosmo. I knew better." She smiled at the woman who brought in their snack, iced tea and croissants on a silver tray. "Thank you, Deirdre."
Sophie helped herself to a croissant and tea, and sat patiently waiting for Fawn to tell her tale. She thought the picnic conversation had been interesting!
"Anyway, it's so clear. Biff fell for who I was. I thought he fell for who I could be. Who I could be can't hold him. But who I am, can." She pulled a piece off her croissant and popped it into her mouth. "That fraidy-cat has run scared for the last time. I'm not going to take his bull anymore, and he's going to learn to stand up to his demons. So," she finished,
"how are you and Parker?"
Sophie burst into tears.
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