Tell Me

by Ashe Barker

  “Thea! I know you’re in there. It’s me. Let me in.” More thunderous knocking, then. “Thea! If I have to get a sledgehammer, I will. Open the bloody door.”

  Tony jogged up the two flights of stairs to join Stephen on the landing on Thea’s floor. The older man raised his fist and hammered again on the solid wood.

  “Here. Let me.” Tony tapped him on the shoulder.

  Stephen rounded on him. “I can thump a door as well as you can.” His expression suggested he might not stop at attacking the door.

  “I don't doubt it. Neither do any of Thea’s neighbours. Maybe it’s time for a more subtle approach though.”

  “Right. If you’ve got a better idea feel free, bright spark.”

  Tony fished a key out of his trouser pocket. “I’ll start with this.”

  Stephen grunted and stepped aside. Tony slipped the key in the lock and opened the door.

  The hallway was in darkness, the place silent.

  “I thought you said she’d be here.”

  “She is. Or she should be. She told me she wanted to come home, alone.” Tony advanced along the hallway. He hit the light switch and started opening doors. He hadn’t been here more than a couple of times, they preferred his house. It was bigger, more possibilities. Still, he remembered the layout and quickly eliminated the kitchen and living room. That only left the bathroom, which was off her bedroom. He opened the bedroom door and his heart stopped for a few seconds as he took in the scene.

  The bottle of pills, opened on the bedside table, its contents scattered across the carpet beside the bed. A wet stain on the wall opposite the door, the shattered remains of what looked to be a wine glass on the floor. And in the bed, the shape of her body concealed under the duvet, lay Thea. Still, so still.

  “Christ! Fucking hell, Stephen, call an ambulance.” Tony hurled himself across the room and ripped the duvet from the inert form on the bed. Stephen was right on his heels, digging in his pocket for his phone.

  “What’s happened? What has she done?” The older man was dialling nine nine nine as he spoke, but Tony assumed the question was rhetorical anyway. He grabbed Thea and pulled her into a sitting position. She was fully dressed, apart from her shoes. She still had her coat on, the same one she had grabbed as she fled from their office earlier that day. Tony gave her a quick shake.

  “Thea, speak to me. Thea!”

  Her eyes were closed, and remained so, though he felt rather than saw the shudder which ran through her. She seemed to be conscious, trying to shake off Tony’s grip.

  “Ambulance please. Overdose I think.” Stephen’s tone was crisp and business-like. Tony admired his ability to respond to the emergency before emotions could get in the way. He was glad the older man was here because he was not at all sure he’d cope alone.

  “No. No ambulance.” Thea murmured the words, but they were clear, sharp.

  Tony tipped her chin up with his fingers. “Thea, look at me. Are you okay? Did you take any?”

  “What?”

  “How many did you take?”

  “How many what? Leave me alone.”

  She was starting to struggle in earnest, but Tony tightened his grip. “Pills, for fuck’s sake. How many did you take?”

  “What pills? What are you talking about?”

  “These fucking pills.” Tony grabbed the half empty bottle and rattled the remaining contents in front of her face. “Was this full?”

  “What? Yes. No… I spilled them.”

  “I can see that. How many have you taken though?” He was struggling to remain calm, as calm as Stephen who was talking to the emergency operator, giving directions to Thea’s apartment. Despite his efforts Tony’s voice was rising as desperation started to take hold. He couldn’t lose her, not like this. Not now.

  Thea tried again to shake off his hold but without success. “Are you mad? I told you, I spilled them.”

  “How many, Thea? How many pills did you take?”

  “None. I didn't take any because I spilt them and I couldn’t be bothered picking them up. Happy now?”

  Tony stared at her, a flicker of hope flaring. “Are you sure?”

  “Do I look like an idiot to you? Really? Of course I’m bloody sure.”

  “None?”

  “None.”

  “So why’s the bottle here? It isn't usually.”

  Thea gave up struggling and lay back against the pillows, her eyelids drooping. “It is, actually. But I normally keep them in the drawer. My head was spinning when I came in, churning. I wanted to sleep so I intended to take one, two perhaps. But my hands were shaking and I dropped the lot. It was just too much bother to get out of bed and start gathering them back up so I left them. I’ll sort it. Later.”

  “And the broken glass?”

  “A moment of anger. Frustration. I threw it. After I dropped the sleeping pills.”

  “Sorry, false alarm. No ambulance required after all. Thank you.” Stephen ended the call, then moved to stand at the foot of the bed. “You’d better take her into the living room while I clear this lot up. Don’t let her stand on the floor with bare feet.”

  Thea rolled onto her side, her eyes still closed. “No, I’m staying here. I’ll be fine, I just want to be on my own.”

  “Bollocks. Not happening.” Tony slipped an arm under her knees ready to lift her, but Thea wriggled away from him across the bed.

  “If I wanted company I’d have answered the bloody door. Can’t you two take a hint?” She cracked open her eyes to peer at Stephen, clearly puzzled. “What are you doing here anyway?”

  “He got a picture too. Home delivery.” Tony hadn’t intended the words to be as stark as they sounded, nor his tone so bitter. He put it down to sheer mind-numbing relief that she seemed to be okay. Sort of.

  “Oh God!” Thea turned to bury her face in the pillow, sobs racking her body.

  Perhaps not okay exactly. Tony abandoned his attempt to lift Thea from the bed in favour of climbing onto the mattress alongside her. He wrapped his arms around her and hung on, even as she tried to shake him loose again. After a few attempts she gave in, turned, and grabbed handfuls of his T shirt in her fists. She clung on, weeping against his chest as Tony caressed her back and shoulders, muttering nonsense into her hair.

  For several minutes the only movement in the room was Stephen as he went about the business of clearing up. He picked up each of the white tablets strewn across the carpet and put them back in the bottle, then shoved that into his trouser pocket.

  Tony believed Thea’s account of what had happened, but even so there was no point tempting fate. He watched as Stephen picked up the largest of the fragments of glass and wrapped them in newspaper before hunting round for Thea’s vacuum cleaner. By the time the older man was finished no trace of pills or broken glass remained. Stephen came to sit on the edge of the bed.

  “I think we all need a cup of tea, and a chat. I’ll see you both out there.” He gestured to the living room. “We need to work out who has it in for our Thea here.”

  “Right. We’ll be there in a minute.” Tony shifted to cup Thea’s face in his hand again. “Are you ready?”

  “Not really.”

  “I know, but we do need to talk. About what happened here, before we arrived. And about what to do next.”

  “What can we do? It’s happened, and…”

  “We’ll get to that. But first, pills aren’t the answer. I need to hear you say that.”

  “I know that. I just intended to get a few hours’ sleep. I’m pissed off, hurt, embarrassed. Humiliated to the core. But suicidal? No.”

  “You swear.”

  “Yes. I swear.”

  “So, what did happen? Why didn't you answer the door? How come you’re cowering in your bed with your coat on?” His tone had gentled, but Tony wasn’t backing off. He would have this out, here and now. He preferred to deal with it just the two of them, though he would have no comp
unction about enlisting Stephen if need be.

  Thea drew in a long breath, then lifted her gaze to meet his. Her face was ravaged, red and blotched by tears, but he detected the remnants of the brave, determined sub he knew so well. She was coming back to him.

  “I got home, and I wandered around the flat for a while. I don't know how long. I never even thought about taking my coat off.”

  “Go on.”

  “I was so miserable. It felt—hopeless. And I was ashamed, ashamed of what I’d done. What I was. Am. And that everyone knew.”

  “I’m letting that remark go for now, because I want to hear this, to understand. But you know what I’m going to say, and do, about that eventually. Don't you?”

  “It’s different for you. You’re so, so—outgoing. You don’t care what anyone thinks. I do. I always have.”

  “You’re wrong there. I do care what others think. I just don't let other people’s opinions rule my life. I make my own choices, and as long as I harm no one, I have nothing to reproach myself for. Neither do you. What has happened is a gross invasion of your privacy. Our privacy. We’re the victims here, we’re not the ones in the wrong.”

  Thea nodded, but without conviction. Tony pressed home his point.

  “You feel wounded, damaged. I get that, I do understand. You’ve been hurt. So have I, but not nearly so much as you. But we will get past this. Together. We hold our heads up, and we answer questions if we choose to. Or not. Our choice.”

  “I’m not sure I can. Hold my head up I mean. Face people.”

  “You will. I know you will. Even if I have to put a posture collar on you.”

  “You wouldn't.”

  “Don’t test me on that, little sub. I prefer not to though. I like the collar you have.”

  As if reminded of her status in his life Thea fingered the delicate gold and leather chain around her neck. “I like it too.”

  “Still? Even after this you don’t want to ask me to remove it?”

  “No! No, of course not.” Her vehement response provided the comfort and reassurance he had been seeking. She was still his.

  “Good. So, all this…?”

  Thea dropped her gaze, and Tony knew she was already processing what had happened, the implications. She was working her way through it.

  “I just wanted some peace. My head was in a mess, I couldn’t think straight. I wanted to sleep, I thought things would look better when I woke up. I had the sleeping pills in the drawer. My doctor prescribed them for me a while ago, and I used to take one occasionally. Not for some time now though. You seem to tire me out recently.” She managed an embarrassed grin. Tony dropped a kiss on her forehead by way of acknowledgement but didn't want to distract her from her account. Thea continued. “So I came in here, and got into bed. Fully clothed. I suppose I must have got myself a glass of water, though I don’t really remember that…”

  She glanced down, only now apparently realising she still wore her coat. “Oh God, what was I thinking?” She unbuttoned the coat and took it off, then tossed it at the foot of the bed before continuing her story. “I tried to tip a couple of pills into my hand. But they went everywhere. Then suddenly I was angry. At me, at you, at the bastard who took that photo. It was as though a red mist came down. So I threw the glass at the wall. Then I buried myself under the duvet. I didn't intend to come out. Well, not for a while. I figured that was the next best thing to oblivion.”

  “Right. I guess we’re all entitled to hide once in a while. I don't begrudge you the moment. But eventually you have to come out.”

  “I wanted to hide for a good long time. Still do. But then there was all that din outside. I recognised Stephen’s voice and he was the last person I wanted to see. I pulled the duvet over my head and put my hands over my ears. I thought he’d get fed up, or think I wasn’t here and he’d just go away. I can't face him. Please, Tony, can’t you just explain…?”

  He shook his head. “You can face him. He cares about you, and nothing else matters to him as long as you’re alright. He’s out there now making you a cup of tea. Does that sound like judging to you?”

  “No, but…”

  “People are going to surprise you, Thea, starting with Stephen. Their reactions to those pictures won't be as you imagine. And if anyone does kick off, we don’t have to listen. They can find themselves somewhere else to work, someone else to lecture. Agreed?”

  “I don’t know…”

  “I do. Agreed?” He had a way of talking to her, a tone he reserved for moments like this, when he expected to be obeyed. Intended it.

  It seemed it was not lost on Thea. She looked up at him again, her expression hardening. “Yes, okay. Agreed. I think.”

  “Good. We’ll practice on Stephen now, and maybe on Diana later, if you feel up to it. And tomorrow, we’ll talk to Denise, Eric and Chris. And Isabel.”

  Thea grimaced. “Tomorrow? So soon? Wouldn't it be better to let the dust settle a bit?

  “No. They’ll be talking anyway. Speculating. We should take control.”

  “That’s the Dom speaking.”

  “Maybe, but it doesn't make me wrong. I trust my instincts on this, and I need you to trust me too. You don't usually have a problem with that.”

  “No Sir, I suppose not. But do we really have to talk to Isabel about this? I know what she’ll say.”

  “After today, I can guess too. But Isabel’s not daft and she’ll do as she’s told. She’s my PA. That doesn't give her the right to comment on my private life or relationships. If I have to spell that out to her, I will. She’ll see it my way. Well, I hope so. She has two choices.”

  Thea managed a weak smile. “My gran would call that brazening it out.”

  “Your gran sounds to have been a wise lady.”

  “She is. I think you’d like her. I have no idea at all what she’ll make of you though.”

  “Where does she live?”

  “Somerset. That’s where all my family are.”

  “We’ll be driving down there soon enough, I imagine. I want to meet them.”

  “I think I’d like that.”

  Tony smiled, and realised only now that he’d been holding his breath. He shuddered as he privately acknowledged how desperate he’d been when he thought, in those few panicked moments, that he might have lost her. And it would have been his own fault. He should never have let her leave the office on her own. Stephen was right about that much, at least.

  And talking of Stephen… “Come on. If we’re going to make your gran proud and brazen this out, let’s get started.” He stood and held out his hand to Thea. She took it and got to her feet.

  “So, who have you pissed off, Thea?” Stephen regarded the pair of them under his eyebrows as they sipped tea in Thea’s living room.

  “Me? Why should this vendetta be aimed at me? Surely this is as much about Tony.”

  Tony shook his head. “I thought so too at first. But my connection with Kershaw’s is less well known. Stephen is my godfather, but only my family and close friends would be aware of that. To most he’s just a business associate, a friend perhaps. Not enough to justify going round to his house and posting that picture through his letterbox. My hunch is the same as Stephen’s, this bastard has it in for you. I’m caught in the crossfire, but the real target is you, Thea. So why would that be? And more to the point, how did they get that picture?”

  “At the club the other night, you said you saw the flash.”

  “I did. That's not what I mean though. That was when the picture was taken, sure enough. But someone had to have known we were going to be there that night, at The Wicked Club. I’m guessing they paid someone to sign in, probably as a guest, with instructions to take a photo. It’d be good to know who that guest with the camera was, but what we really need to find out is who wanted that picture so much.

  “Agreed. But how will we ever find that out?”

  “We’ll buy the information. If some
one was prepared to do this for money, my guess is they’ll be happy to tell us who paid them, if we offer more cash. It’s worth trying, anyway.”

  “I’ll chip in.” Stephen leaned forward, his expression intent. “Whatever that bastard got for the pictures in the first place, we’ll double it.”

  Tony glanced at him. “We don't expect you to pay. I can cover it.”

  “No way. I’ve been dragged into this, and I intend to see it sorted. Mrs Richmond is set to take over Kershaw’s when I retire, which I hope won’t be too long now. I need her back at the helm, in control, on top of things. If I have to pay a few quid, it’ll be worth it. Anyway, I want to help nail this malicious creep.”

  “I never said I’d take over. You can’t retire yet.” Thea stared at her elderly employer, her eyes widening.

  She reminded Tony of a rabbit caught in headlights and he wondered why she was so opposed to this development. It seemed to him a natural progression in her career. She might be a submissive in her relationship with him, but Thea was nothing if not ambitious at work.

  “You will. There’s no one else. Except him, obviously,” Stephen jerked his thumb in Tony's direction, “but he’s got too much on already, what with this new company he’s taken on. No, it’ll have to be you. I’ve had the papers drawn up.”

  “What papers? You can’t have.”

  “The contract of sale. You can buy the company from me, at a preferential rate, of course. The bank has already approved the loan in principle, the firm is excellent surety. And don't you look at me like that. You knew I was considering this, talking to the bank and the solicitors.”

  “Talking, not deciding. It’s up to me, not you. And I say no. I’ll work with whoever takes over, whether it’s Tony or someone else. And I’ll help in the transition. But I’m not buying Kershaw’s.”

  Tony had seen Thea agitated often enough. He’d seen her body tremble as he flogged her, and he’d watched her shake with lust as he edged her to the brink of orgasm and held her there, but he’d never seen her so defensive before. It was obvious to him that she could run Kershaw’s in her sleep, so what was the big objection? He was curious, but they all had more pressing matters to contend with right now.