by Fiona Murphy
Even though I want to taste him, as I missed having him for so long, I understand. Letting him fall from my mouth, I slip off the bed and open the bedside table that has been closed since the first day I stored my things. The lube is resting on the top, and I snatch it up with anticipation. Trey pulls me back into bed, and his kiss is hot and deep.
“On your knees, baby.”
I move onto my knees and his fingers open me wide. I’m expecting his fingers, his tongue is there instead. Gasping at the feeling of his hot tongue sweeping up and inside me, I lose my breath entirely as he slides his fingers inside my pussy, working in time with his tongue. Desperately, I’m moving back against his mouth for more. When he stops, shock leaves me frozen, then I feel it. A few drops of cool lube has me shivering. The fingers that were inside my pussy are pressing the lube inside me and coating me with it. Then the thick heat of his cock is there, pressing into me. So good... it feels so good. I’m moaning and don’t even know it until he agrees loudly.
“Slow down, baby. We have to go slow.” His hands go to my hips to control me pressing back to take him deeper. When he slowly begins to pull out, I plead for more. Stopping, he moves back inside, and for long minutes it’s just a few inches of slow thrusting in and out. Fingers slide into me again, and with them, he pushes deep without stopping until he can go no further.
Pressure mingles with pain at the feeling of him thick and deep inside in a sweet heady mix. For long minutes he doesn’t move, and we’re both breathing hard as we fight the need to move. The pain isn’t going away, and I know now it won’t. Stopping isn’t an option, though, my body wants more, needs more. “Trey, please.”
When he doesn’t move, I grasp at him, and we both moan at the feeling. He begins to move, surging deep and powerfully inside me, his fingers continuing to stroke me in time with his cock.
It’s too much, and my body is on overload. My arms go out from under me and I sink to the mattress. Deeper now, he’s pounding, and a climax is building hard and fast. Without warning, my orgasm pulls me under like being caught in a riptide. Shaking and trembling, it’s all I can do to gasp for air. Then he’s spilling inside me and the feeling chases up my spine and explodes at the base of my skull, and the world goes black.
Chapter Eleven
“It’s been three months, Trey. I’m not saying I want to stop altogether. I’m saying I think I’m ready to cut back to once a week instead of twice a week. For our entire time today all we talked about was how work is going.” Trey doesn’t say anything. and I sigh. “Do you think I still need twice a week?”
“No, it’s not that. There’s just a part of me concerned that, other than me, you still hold yourself back from pretty much everyone. Joy is the only person you have to talk to. I’m concerned about you feeling backed into a corner when it comes to stress about our relationship. No relationship is without a few bumps, and when we get to those, I want you to have the support you’re going to need.” He’s pulling the car into the garage, and swears as he looks around. I’m confused. I don’t know what he’s swearing at. Rounding the car, he pulls me out, and hugs me close. “My parents are here.” I tense, and he feels it. “Hey, look at me. I love you, so they are going to love you. They’ve been hinting and then flat out asking to meet you for weeks, but I wanted to give you some time. They can just be a little effusive in their happiness, and they are really happy about you.”
The entire time he’s talking, he’s walking me through to the house, and even though I want to run in the other direction, I let him lead me. How can he be so sure they will like me? My hand tightens around his and fear chases up my spine. Trey’s parents are important to him. He’s spoken of them often, and he speaks to his father two or three times a week and his mother at least once a week. If they don’t like me, will it make a difference to Trey?
We walk into the brightly lit kitchen, and I’m immediately engulfed in a warm hug. I can hear the words but can’t see the woman saying them. “Oh, she’s so pretty. Edward, isn’t she beautiful? Trey, it was cruel of you to keep her all to yourself.”
The small woman finally gives up her hold on me and steps back, and I’m blushing that a woman as stunning as her is calling me beautiful.
“Mother, please behave or you’ll have her running for the door. Dad, I could have sworn you said just last night you weren’t coming to Chicago for another month. Don’t give me that look. Kate, I would like you to meet my parents, Edward and Elise Ramsey. You two, this is Kate Frazier, and you will behave yourselves.”
His father is a stunning clone of Trey, only a little greyer and shorter and although he lacks the muscles Trey has, I can see Trey would still be broad and thick even without the hours in the gym.
The man’s handshake is firm and his smile is relieved. His mother is smiling so widely and hopefully I give in and give her a hug, and she returns it with a stronger grip than I would have thought possible from someone so small. She’s beautiful and petite. Her features fit perfectly in the oval of her face, and short blond hair is streaked with grey, giving her a refined look.
Once she lets go, her smile is nearly blinding. “I’m so happy to finally meet you. I do hope you’ll forgive us for intruding on you. I simply couldn’t take it anymore, every time I’ve spoken with Trey for the past few months, he’s sounded so happy and less stressed. Once he finally admitted it was because of you, I couldn’t wait to meet you. You have no idea how happy I am Trey has finally met you. I’ve been so worried about him. It is such a relief to know he has you.”
Her sincerity is obvious, and it feels good to know she thinks I’m good for Trey. There are times when I still wonder how he could possibly want me and think I’m good enough for him. Hearing it didn’t matter why, I was what he wanted and she thought I made him happy feels amazing. Trey pulls me close, his hand firm on my waist.
The evening moves into night quickly, and I’m feeling so loved it feels like I’m floating up the stairs to bed. Trey closes the door and pulls me into his arms.
“Have I mentioned today I love you? Thank you for being so nice to my parents. You have been so sweet and charming. I know my mom can be a little much, you handled her like a pro. I’m so proud of you.”
“Trey, I love your mom. She’s sweet and obviously adores you. Your dad is a hunk, and he reminds me of you, right down to your endless patience. It was a little unnerving to see what I would be looking at in the future.”
“Hmm, I was wondering why I saw you staring at him a few times. I wanted to give you spanking for making me jealous. I forgive you now that I know what you were thinking of.”
“Mmm, now I’m disappointed. You haven’t spanked in me in almost two weeks.”
Picking me up, he nips my neck. “If a spanking is what my lady wants, then a spanking is what you’ll get.”
“Please, Trey.” I press against his thickening cock.
“Hmm, I just remembered the last time I spanked you there was a lot of moaning, and you were loud as hell. My parents are here, how good of a girl are you going to be?”
“Trey, I can be very good, I promise. But you have to do what you did that one time, please.”
“Seeing as how I’ve spanked you more times than I can remember, you’re going to have to refresh my memory. Fuck, you are so wet.” His fingers move easily inside me.
“You spanked me until my ass burned and then you fucked me hard in the ass, and you came on my ass and rubbed it into my hot, aching skin.”
“Damn, you are just so wet talking about it. If it’s what you want then it’s what you get. Get the lube, baby.”
“I can’t wait for it, and you know you don’t need it. My pussy is wet enough.”
“Fuck, you make me hard knowing how much you want my cock in you. On your knees.”
I turn over and push my ass toward him, the stinging smack rings out in the room, and I bury my face in the mattress to hide my cry of delight.
Chapter Twelve
The past two
weeks have passed in a blur, and I’m a little sad to know today is the last day Elise and Edward will be in Chicago. They’ll be up before both Trey and I tomorrow. Twilight is falling, and Elise and I are sharing a quiet moment on the back deck, enjoying the cool night air. Today we went to a play and out to lunch, and now Trey and Edward are cooking dinner. It’s their punishment for making some teasing sexist remark about the shrew in the play. After much squabbling Edward, offered to cook, and Trey quickly followed up his father’s offer with the promise of an evening of leisure for me and his mother. Elise and I looked at each other and gave in. I’m pretty sure we were thinking the same thing. The last two weeks had been pretty darn leisurely already, but if they thought differently we weren’t going to turn them down.
There was only a handful of times where either Elise or I cooked, and when we did we did it together. We worked well in the kitchen. I wanted to kiss Trey for giving me pointers and walking me through cooking over the past few months. I still felt far behind Elise in knowledge, but I was very good at following directions and staying out of her way. It was fun and informative, not just on cooking but on Trey, and the woman I often resented for what she had done to Trey—his dead wife. Elise hasn’t been blatant in her dislike of the woman, but it’s clear she felt the same resentment, alluding to the changes in Trey because of Susan, and she shared her deepest secret. That she was relieved at Susan’s passing, and her only tears were of shame at the feeling. Elise knew Trey wasn’t going to end their marriage, even if he was miserable, he had made vows and he wasn’t going to go back on them.
“Well, dear, I hope you’ve removed the batteries in the smoke alarms.” Elise sighs as she sips at the glass of wine she’s been nursing.
“Trey is very good in the kitchen. I’m sure they’ll be fine.”
“Hmm, Edward hasn’t been in the kitchen in years, and he’s very bossy.”
“I noticed, except when it comes to you.”
Elise smiles and nods. “Married for forty years this year, dear. It took a while to get him there. It is so lovely to see you don’t have to put up with that from Trey.”
I laugh and am forced to put down my own wine glass. “Your son has been on his best behavior because of you and your husband. Believe me when I say I say I have to put up with him being very bossy. I don’t mind, really, which is odd, because not so long ago I would have thought it would get on my nerves. I’m not saying he hasn’t managed to wear my last nerve a time or two, but I get over it pretty quickly. I would love to see Trey and his father together. I’m dying to see Trey being bossed around and how well he handles it.”
“Oh, Edward isn’t bad when it comes to the boys. In fact, for years he was a complete pushover. It wasn’t until he saw they were becoming spoilt he began to put his foot down. He adores his boys. He is such a good father. I was so worried about being forced into the whole nanny business, but Edward supported me when I said I didn’t want one, and he was a very hands-on father. It made me fall in love with him that much more to see him playing with the children on the lawn, all of them sweating and dirty and grinning like idiots. I simply can’t wait to see Trey with his own children. I do hope you two won’t keep us waiting for long.”
At the naked longing on Elise’s face, ice skates down my back and my stomach tightens into a knot. I force the question out: “How do you know Trey wants children?”
“Oh, he was so looking forward to it when he and Susan first married. I remember thinking aloud when she died at least there had been no children, Trey shook his head and said a child would have made the whole thing worth something. He will be such a good father, I’m sure of it.”
Feeling sick, I paste a smile on and guide the conversation to her return to New York tomorrow.
***
I’m not quite sure how I make it through the evening, apparently I’m not doing a good job of hiding my feelings, as several times Trey sends me searching glances I hide from. It’s barely eight before Trey calls an end to the night, with the excuse of his parents having to be up early the next morning. I can feel his tension as he guides me up the stairs, and this time when he closes the door the lights go on. He doesn’t let me go near the bed, walking me to the picture window.
“Sit and tell me what the heck is going on with you.”
I don’t even think of hiding. “I don’t want children.” I had been hoping Elise was wrong, or that if she weren’t he wouldn’t see it as a big deal, instead his reaction is my deepest fear. He looks like I’ve punched him. His hand even goes to his stomach, and he sits down heavily on the padded chair by the window seat. His confusion and disappointment is all over him.
It takes longer than I would expect for him to look me in the eye. “Why?”
It’s a good question and one that tells me everything. “I just don’t want them. After the miscarriage, it tore me up losing the baby. Then I came to agree with everyone around me I wasn’t ready to be a mother. Then I came to the conclusion I would never be ready to be a mother. Children need so much love and care and they just need you all the time, and I can’t answer those emotions and give what I don’t have.”
“Kate, not so long ago you thought you couldn’t love me, and look where we are now. You would be an amazing mother. I don’t have a single doubt about that. Is this something you’ve talked with Joy about?”
Disappointment flares brightly. He’s going to try and talk me into having kids. I shake my head.
“Hey, look at me. This is exactly the kind of thing you need to talk to Joy about. When it’s about your fear, you cutting yourself off from something because you don’t think you’re good enough or can’t handle the feelings that come with it, then that’s tied to what you went through and things you still need to sort out.”
I’m not hearing him. I can’t be what he needs. I don’t deserve him. I knew this moment was coming, and now it’s here the pain is so blinding I can’t see.
“Damn it, Kate, don’t you dare shut down on me. Look at me. Don’t do this. Don’t you dare push me away. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. I love you, and if you don’t want children, then we won’t have them.”
His words are fierce, and they should be reassuring, but all I can do is cry—for him and for what he is willing to give up. Just how easily he’s giving up what clearly means so much to him. “No.” It’s a whisper, but he hears it.
In a blur of movement I’m in his arms, and his grip is just short of painful. “I want you to hear me right now. This isn’t going to end us. I won’t let it. If it’s you or children then it’s you. If it’s you or work then it’s you. If it’s you or my parents then the answer is you. Every damn time the answer will always be you. No matter what the question is, I thought I made it clear, but I guess I’ll just have to keep doing it and saying it louder.
“I want you to talk to Joy about it because I don’t like the idea of you not resolving negative feelings about yourself. It isn’t so Joy can talk you into having children, so get that shit out of your head right now.”
His fingers are going to leave bruises, is the stray thought that flutters in as I take in the loud thumping under my ear. Focusing on the thumping, I realize it’s his heart and just how erratic it is, then I feel him shivering. Closing my eyes, I squeeze back my tears. I don’t deserve him, yet the idea of letting him go is too painful. I hug him tight. “I’m sorry,” I whisper again and again.
His hold loosens, and he picks me up. Gently he settles me down on the bed. “Sweetheart, please don’t cry. It makes me crazy when you do that.”
He’s wiping my tears away, and the love and pain is so clear on his face. I hate it’s there because of me. I hate myself for putting it there. My hands go into his hair and I pull him down for a kiss, frantic for him. He gives in, and we make love in a jumble of clothes and breathless kisses.
It’s the beginning of a long, endless night of sex like we haven’t had in months. Enough isn’t enough. We touch and taste as if it’s the f
irst time, but this time it’s better because I know it’s love and it won’t ever end.
***
When the alarm goes off in the morning, I’m tense at what we’ll be like from today on. He made it seem so simple, it still didn’t feel like it would be, could be. It’s one thing for me to not be able to have children, but to deny them to Trey because of my fucked-up emotions is so wrong I can’t believe he is willing to let go of a dream for me.
I’m off today, and for once I’m looking forward to seeing Joy. For the last few appointments Trey hasn’t driven me or picked me up, and that is the plan today. The door to the bathroom opens, and Trey is intent as he leans against the doorframe. I can’t think of anything to say; all I can do is run my eyes over him with lingering hunger. He stopped spending hours in the gym months ago, so he’s lost some muscle, he still spends a night or two there when I work late. His body is no longer the massive coil of muscle it was, but he’s still thick, and there isn’t an ounce of fat anywhere on him.
“I think I should go with you to see Joy.”
Swallowing hard, I shake my head. He closes his eyes and exhales slowly. I want to say something, but I don’t dare. I’m too scared I’ll fuck everything up.
“Okay.” It’s the last thing I expect, and I’m stunned as he crosses the room to the closet and begins dressing. I wilt back into bed, and it’s where I am when he comes out of the closet. He ’s dressed and he looks so beautiful my heart aches at the sight of him. He cups my cheek, and his kiss is deep and thorough, and he’s tugging at me from the inside out. Just when I can’t breathe, he pulls away. “I love you, don’t forget it, and don’t you dare run from it.” It’s an order and I nod.
Then he’s gone. I hear his footsteps echo on the wood floors down the stairs, and I don’t know what to do. When I hear the garage door open, I give in to my weakness and cry.
***
Joy is still with a client when I come in, because I’m early, and I’m too restless to sit at the couch and page through a magazine, so I pace. Her assistant isn’t fazed, and ignores me, as usual. When the door opens, I stop and pretend to study the window. The buzzer goes, a woman gives her name, and the assistant presses the button. The door opens behind me and a suited, frazzled-looking woman enters. I’m careful to keep looking outside, until I hear the voice of a little girl. Despite an attempt to give her the privacy she deserves, my eyes go to her. Immediately, I wish I kept my damn eyes on the window. Fuck, she’s ridiculously tiny. She looks about seven, but her eyes are too big and old for her face. She’s been crying, and I force myself to turn away. I’m looking toward the window, yet I can’t see anything but the little girl. I have no idea how much time has passed before Joy calls my name.
