by B. Love
I looked at him skeptically before smiling myself. “Why wouldn’t I, Bishop?”
“I mean… you gave me such a hard time last night…”
“What did you expect? First, I had to fight your…” I stopped. If I called Ashley his girlfriend, he was going to get mad. I didn’t need him dropping my fork down his pants. I continued, “First, I had to fight Ashley. Then, you put my freaking keys in your boxers. Who even does that?”
He didn’t say anything as he chuckled. I could get used to his smile and his laugh. It was so calming.
“Look, man, I said I was sorry about that. The Ashley part, how long you gone keep bringing that up?”
“Nigga, this is the second time I’ve seen you.”
“And, you’ve brought that shit up like three times already. Who even does that?” He mocked me, snapping his neck as I’d just done and I couldn’t help but smile. “You wouldn’t feel some type of way if you didn’t like me,” Bishop continued.
Here we go with this cocky shit again.
“Whatever nigga. I don’t like you.”
“You don’t?” he asked, dropping his fork into his plate and staring at the side of my face. I said nothing to that as I took a bite of the hash browns that I’d covered with ranch.
“I like jalapenos and cheese on my hash browns for future reference,” I said.
“So, you telling me that I’m buying you breakfast again is your way of telling me you like me, huh?”
I couldn’t even say anything as I stared at his crazy ass.
“It’s cool, Bae. I like you too,” he replied before sticking his fork in my hash browns.
I didn’t share my food with anyone, but I let him have a bite. Not like I had much of a choice anyway. “I know you did not just stick your fork in my food?”
“I brought it.”
“So!”
“So I can have some. I can have whatever I want up in here including you.”
“Whatever Bishop.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“Ugh, you get on my nerves.”
He smiled before trying to get another bite.
“Gone now! You should’ve gotten more than one pack of ranch!”
“Mane, I ain’t know the shit was gone taste good! Shit, just give me one more bite.”
By now, I’d pulled the plate to the side of me out of his reach. After staring at his plate for a few seconds to find something to trade, I gave in.
“Fine…but you gotta give me two bites of your grits.”
“I asked you what you wanted before I ate half the grits. Now you wait until I ain’t got but a few bites left to decide you want some?”
I didn’t say anything. I just raised my eyebrows at him and gave him that, ‘If you want some, you better do right” look.
Sighing heavily, he picked up his bowl of grits and shoved them at me. “Here, mane. Damn. Nigga can’t never have shit to himself. Asked yo ass did you want some before I even started eating ‘em.”
I listened to him nag for a while with a smile before putting a bite of hash browns on my fork and feeding it to him to shut his mouth.
“You’re such a big baby,” I said before eating the rest of his grits.
“And, then you ate all of ‘em?!” He almost yelled, causing me to burst into laughter.
Bishop
While I waited for Kai to get dressed, I took the liberty of going through her music collection and some photo albums she had laid out. She had a nice lil’ crib. I still didn’t know what she did to make her money, but whatever it was, it must have paid well. I loved her vibe. She had pictures of Tupac, Kendrick Lamar, and who I assumed to be her parents lining her wall along with Bible scriptures. Each of her rooms had a theme or were all one color. I couldn’t help but peek into her bedroom, which was decorated in black and yellow.
I didn’t know what it was that was drawing me to her and making me want to cling to her. Just felt like I could trust her, be myself with her, grow and build with her. I had to make up for what happened last night. I genuinely felt bad about Ashley. I’d never cared about females fighting over me before. To be honest, I liked it, but with Kailani, I just didn’t want that for her and I had to figure out why. She was still giving a nigga a hard time, but I knew when she opened up it would be worth it.
“You finish snooping around my crib?” she asked, walking out of her bedroom.
Even when she wasn’t trying to look good, she was. She was rocking a snapback with sweats and she looked just as good if not better than she did last night.
“I wasn’t snooping,” I lied.
She stank-faced me before walking towards me. “What you call it then?”
“Getting a feel for you without you being able to stop me or tell me what you think I want to hear.”
Taking a step back, she gave me a nod of respect. “So, what can you gather from what you’ve seen so far?”
Licking my lips, I slid my hands in my pockets before I answered, “Well, I can tell by your choice of music that you’re very deep, passionate, and soulful. That you value artistry and creativity. By your pictures, I can tell that you’re very family oriented. In your guest room that you’ve turned into a mini library…”
“Okay stop. I get it.” Her face had gone from carefree and relaxed to strained. Guess she wasn’t expecting a nigga to be able to read her so well.
“You asked…”
“Yeah…” She looked everywhere in the room but at me, so I pulled the spa card out and handed it to her.
“I’ll be in the car when you get your mind right.”
After nodding, she took the card from me and I left. I don’t know why she was so guarded, but she was gone have to come up out of that.
Kailani
I didn’t know why I let this nigga talk to me the way he did. I hated that I liked it, that I was feeling him. He wouldn’t know that, though. I wasn’t going to be mean to him, but I wasn’t going to start jocking him just because he did something nice for me. After my massage, facial, mani, and pedi, we went to the mall and he brought me a whole bunch of clothes and shoes that I didn’t need. I probably wasn’t going to wear any of it because I never went out. I could tell that he was used to spoiling his women with money and material things. I wasn’t built like that, though. Spoil me with your time and attention — intimacy. That was what I wanted and needed.
We took a walk along the river and took the time to really get to know the facts about each other. He told me that Rell had opened a few businesses for him to repay him while he was locked up and he’d already made plans to open a second chain in Nashville by the end of the year. I let him know that I was an international business, investor. We talked about our pasts and our childhoods. He’d lost his mother when he was a baby. I lost mine when I was fifteen. So, we had that in common. He never knew his father. I knew mine and he was one of my best friends until my mom died. I guessed when his role as a father and mother had to be played things changed between us, but when I moved out, we got close again.
I couldn’t lie, we were vibing surprisingly well. Even when we weren’t talking our silence spoke volumes. He was a really cool nigga. He was hard but soft with me. He’d even cut his phone off and made it all about me. I appreciated that because that let me know that he valued and appreciated being able to spend time with me. He wanted to take me out to dinner, but I told him I’d much rather just chill at the house and cook him dinner. He couldn’t believe that I was offering to actually cook him dinner. Guess he wasn’t used to that. We’d stopped by the grocery store and picked up a few things that I needed to make my favorite meal – chicken fettuccine Alfredo, Caesar salad and garlic bread.
After going through my wine and alcohol collection, he pulled out a bottle of Chardonnay and poured us a glass as he watched me cook. Literally. He didn’t talk. I sang and danced around the kitchen as I normally did and he just watched me. Taking all of me in. Finally, breaking the silence, I walked over to him with a
spoon of my Alfredo sauce for him to taste before mixing in my chicken and pasta.
“Taste.”
“I’d rather taste you,” he replied with that smile that I was growing used to.
“Taste the sauce, nigga,” I replied with a smile.
Nigga didn’t know what type of effect he had on me. I’d already changed my panties once since getting home because he had me so wet. I fed it to him and he moaned in pleasure before looking at me surprised. I guess he didn’t believe I could cook because I was so small. I loved to eat. My metabolism was just fast, I guess.
“That’s good, Lani.”
Lani. I loved when he said my name in any form. Everyone else called me Kai, but this nigga had to be different and call me Lani.
“Good,” I replied, trying to turn around and walk away, but he grabbed me around my waist and pulled me into him. Resting me on his chest and between his legs, I was hoping I didn’t feel his dick poking me because I really wouldn’t be able to handle it at this point.
“Now that I’ve tasted your sauce you need to let me taste your juice,” he whispered in my ear.
My nipples were on hard immediately. I couldn’t even say anything. I just covered his arms with mine and removed myself from his grip. I needed to breathe. Nigga was all in my space, making me feel all types of ways. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that at all.
“You hear me, Lani?” he asked as if it was possible for me not to.
I nodded yeah as I mixed the pasta and chicken in with the sauce.
“Then, why you ignoring me? I don’t like to be ignored.”
“I ain’t tryna talk about that with you.”
“Then, say that. Don’t ignore me.”
“Fine. I don’t want to talk about that.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
Stopping what I was doing, I turned and looked at him as he sat calmly and patiently. He just didn’t know. I may have looked cool, calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside, I was a nervous wreck.
“Bishop…”
“Just let me taste it.”
“No, Perv. What would Ashley think?”
“Fuck what Ashley think. Told you I’m single.”
I was never one to turn down head simply because I never let a man penetrate me, but I was scared of Bishop. I didn’t trust myself with him. Making sure I’d turned everything on the stove off, I walked back towards the table to take a sip of my wine.
“I hear ya,” I replied finally. I did just didn’t believe him.
“Let’s get something straight right now.” He stood and walked over to me. Getting so close, I tried to take a step back, but he pulled me back to him by the front of my shirt. “Look at me.”
Biting my lip, I continued to look down. The last thing I wanted to do was look in those hazel eyes of his. I swear it felt like he was looking into my soul when he looked at me. He looked at me like he saw me.
“Ion want to,” I mumbled practically into his hand like it was a microphone since he was still holding my shirt.
“Why not, Kailani?”
God, I wished he would just… stop… saying… my name like that.
“Stop,” I heard myself say.
“Stop what, Kailani?”
“Saying my name like that. Looking at me like this. Handling me like this.”
“Ain’t this what you need? You need a nigga like me in yo life.”
He was breaking me down.
“No, I don’t. I already had one and I promised I’d never do it again,” I replied, covering his hand with mine, trying to remove it from my shirt, but he wasn’t going.
“Oh, so that’s what this is about? You had a lil’ wanna be thug and he broke your heart? Now, you don’t wanna give another nigga a chance?”
“He was not a wanna be and you don’t know me or what I’ve gone through.”
“But, I’m trying to. If you just…” Letting go of my shirt, he tapped my heart lightly with his pointing finger. “Just let me in, Lani. I have no reason to lie to you. No reason to lead you on. I’m not tryna play you or play with you. If I was messing with Ashley, I’d tell you. I haven’t slept with her or anyone else since I’ve been home. You can trust me. I’m always gone be honest with you. Might not be what you want to hear half the time, but I’m always gone be honest with you because I want you to be honest, loyal, and faithful to me. How I’m gone demand something I don’t supply?”
Bishop
I learned at a young age that women were stimulated by what they hear, men by what they see. That was why women cared so much about their appearance and men lied. Even as a young nigga, I learned how to say whatever I needed to say to have my way with a woman, but for the first time in my life, I meant every word I said to Kailani. I knew that was what she needed to hear, but I meant that shit, though. I was just praying that she believed me.
“Do you hear me, Kailani?” I asked.
I knew she heard me. She just had a bad habit of ignoring a nigga. I was gone have to break that habit, though, and quick.
“I hear you, Bishop.”
I placed my hands on her face and forced her to look at me. Lil nigga kept her eyes closed. She was cute.
“Look at me, Lani.”
Finally, she opened them almond eyes and looked at me.
“Why can’t you look at me?”
I really wanted to hear the answer to this. I had my suspicions, but I wanted her to tell me so I wouldn’t have to assume. After she had covered my hands with hers, she opened her mouth slightly to tell me but closed it again. Moving her hands from over mine to my chest, she followed them with her eyes.
“Cause,” she mumbled, wrapping her fingers around my belt buckles.
“Cause what?”
“Because.”
“Because what?”
She thought a nigga was gone get annoyed and fall back. After spending six years in jail, I learned to be patient.
“Because I… you…”
“Spit it out, Lani.”
“I like you.”
“So?”
“So, I don’t like niggas.”
“What that mean? You gay or some?”
“No, I just… don’t date. I haven’t been in a relationship since I was in high school, and I feel like you could make me want to change that, and I don’t want to.”
“Explain.” I grabbed her hand and led her to the couch.
After we had sat down, she looked at me and did something I didn’t think she’d ever do — she looked at me and talked to me at the same time.
“I fell for a guy my first year of high school. We were really close. My first love. He was my best friend. He was there for me when I lost my mom. He got locked up. He was sentenced to seven to fifteen. I tried to stay with him, but he pushed me away. Shut me out. It’s been ten years and I haven’t heard from him since. I just…never wanted to feel that kind of pain again.”
“Pain is a consequence of love, Kailani. If you didn’t love, it wouldn’t hurt.”
“Well, if I’m gone have to hurt either way, I’d just rather not love.”
“Love don’t always hurt but ain’t nobody perfect. You just gotta find somebody worth the pain. Somebody who wouldn’t do anything to intentionally cause you any hurt or pain. So what? You waiting for this nigga to get out so y’all can be together or some?”
She sighed heavily and started back with the avoiding eye contact. “No, Bishop.”
“So, you telling me you just don’t want to be with anybody else?”
“I didn’t want to… until last night. That’s why I can’t look at you. You scare me. You make me feel… good and bad and I haven’t been with a man who made me feel since… him.”
“What’s his name?”
That got her attention.
She looked at me again. “Why?”
“Just what’s his name, Kailani?”
After pausing for a while, she told me, “Courtney.”
“Courtney wha
t?”
“Courtney Green.”
I didn’t want my face or my body to show it… but, I knew the nigga. Knew the nigga well and I also knew that he was getting out this year. I couldn’t let her find out. I could not let him get out and mess up what could be my good thing. I had to make Kai fall in love with me before that nigga got out or kill him before he had a chance to, whichever one was easiest.
Kailani
For the rest of the night, Bishop was distant. He was with me physically, but I could tell he was somewhere else mentally. I’d asked him what was up, but he wasn’t trying to talk about it so I didn’t pry. When he left, I called Lay and made her come over so I could see how much trouble she’d gotten into trying to help me fight Ashley. Rell was just going to have to get used to it. Lay was a hot head and if either of us had beef, the other one did too. I was sure he was the exact same way with Bishop. I missed that nigga already, so much that I was half listening to Lay because I was thinking about him. I just hoped she didn’t ask me nothing because I had most definitely tuned her out.
“Can you believe that?” Lay asked me.
“Believe what?” I asked. I figured she would ask me something since I wasn’t listening.
“You ain’t been listening to a word I said. I said Rell tried to put me on punishment. Gone tell me I couldn’t go out tonight or next weekend because I don’t know how to handle myself.”
“Well, I see you ain’t go out, so he didn’t try to put you on punishment, he did.” I teased her before walking to the kitchen to grab the bowl of grapes I had on my table.
“Whatever. I know you was thinking about Bishop. Why don’t you just call him?”
I told her about what happened with us when she first got here. I think I may have messed him up letting him know that I was so hooked on Courtney that I didn’t want to date again, but it seemed like it was more than that. Besides, I didn’t have the nigga number anyway.
“I don’t even have his number.”
She reached into her purse and I knew she was about to call Rell.
“Don’t call Rell.”
