The Kicking Tree

by Trevor Stubbs

  “Do you think it would help to see him? You could look through a window without him being able to see you,” asked a police inspector.

  “I suppose I could tell if I could see his thigh. He has a big scar on the outside of his left thigh, high up. People don’t think I’m making this up, do they?”

  “No, not at all. What he did to you and your boyfriend leaves no-one in any doubt. Look, this man… if it’s him, he won’t get off. I promise you!”

  Jalli consented to go to the hospital. When they arrived they were shown into a small waiting room. Something seemed to be going on. After a few minutes another policeman came in.

  “The man’s dead,” he recounted. “He was too badly stung. There was nothing they could do.” Jalli gave an audible sound somewhere between shock and relief.

  “Sorry,” the officer apologised. “This puts an entirely different perspective on it.” And then he mused, “Do you mind viewing and identifying a dead man?”

  “OK. Just let’s get it over with!” she blurted. Now she was here in the hospital this one more thing was bearable. Besides she needed to be sure herself. If it was the man, that was the end of it. If it wasn’t… the policeman left her to see if he could arrange things.

  Jalli had no problem identifying him, the minute she saw him, she knew. The scar confirmed it.

  “No doubt. It’s him,” she said flatly. She didn’t know what to expect after that.

  Back in the waiting room the policeman took another statement in which Jalli said she was completely sure that this was the man who had attacked her and her fiancé.

  Fiancé, thought Jalli to herself, the engagement had not even lasted twenty-four hours!

  *

  Three days later the papers reported that the police were satisfied the man who had been attacked by the parmandas was the man they were looking for. The forensic samples were conclusive, a police statement said, and the victim had identified him. The case was closed. Momori rejoiced, (although being Momori there was always a thought that it was sad that the man had died, no matter how evil. She would much rather that he had been healed from his illness) but perhaps now Jalli might cheer up.

  But the next day things were as bad as ever. In fact, Jalli didn’t even attempt to get up. For the first time since Jalli was thirteen, Momori decided to do something for her without telling her. She decided to go to the Municipal Park and check on the white gate.

  When she got to the Municipal Gardens, she saw it. It was still there. Then she went round to the school that was just starting a new term and asked to see Mr. Bandi. Momori had proposed, several times, that perhaps Jalli might like to go and see Mr. Bandi, but Jalli had told her that she would not like to see him. She didn’t want any more sympathetic noises. Besides, what could he do about it? But Momori was sure this wise teacher could do something. He had written saying that if Jalli wanted to talk he was always there for her, but he would understand if she didn’t. In fact, Mr. Bandi was feeling guilty about what had happened as he had been so much part of the parmanda thing, and he had been there and made a fool of himself only the day before.

  *

  The next day after Momori went to see him, Mr. Bandi came straight round after school. Jalli was sitting on the sofa just staring out of the window. He was shocked.

  “I was wondering how you were. I wanted to come and see you. The school isn’t quite the same without you.” Momori fussed over him and disappeared to make tea. “You’ve had a very rough time, but I thought my star pupil was a strong girl and would win through.”

  Jalli said nothing. He picked up a biology book on the side. “Preparing for uni?” he asked.

  “I’ve decided not to go,” said Jalli in a deadpan voice. She had not wanted to see anybody and the immediate emotion was anger that he had come.

  “Oh. What are you doing instead?”

  Silence.

  Mr. Bandi persisted. “I hear they have decided the man stung to death was the man who attacked you. Did he damage the hives do you know?”

  “How do you know? No-one reported that!” blurted Jalli.

  “I didn’t know. That’s why I’m asking. So he did?”

  “If you must know, he actually bashed a hive to pieces with his stick as he made off. The parmandas made a terrible howling noise, but I didn’t give them much thought after that.”

  “That’s why they attacked him.”

  “What? They smelt him out?”

  “Exactly. It is very, very rare for parmandas to attack anyone. They usually can’t be provoked at the time. But they remember.”

  “So they waited till they smelt him, and then got their revenge.”

  “No, no. Not revenge. Insects don’t harbour such destructive emotions. No. It’s self-defence. They attacked him before he could attack them again. The fact that this man had attacked a parmanda hive is the best circumstantial evidence the police could have got. Do you feel you want revenge?”

  “No. Wouldn’t do any good. Don’t feel anything really.” Jalli’s anger was abating.

  The conversation lapsed. Mr. Bandi sat quietly. After a few moments he asked, “What about that young man of yours? Jack isn’t it?”

  “He’s blind. He’s gone back to his own planet.”

  “Blind? How?”

  “Haven’t you heard?” Jalli sounded cross.

  “No. I’m sorry to hear that.” Mr. Bandi had heard Jack was no longer in Wanulka but genuinely did not know about the extent of his injuries.

  “He tried to protect me and the man beat him and stamped on him.”

  “I am so sorry. That’s dreadful. I knew he was hurt, but I didn’t know he is blind… How’s he getting on? I mean otherwise.”

  “No idea. I haven’t seen him for ages. He went home. Why all the questions? I don’t want to talk about him.”

  “But… aren’t you engaged?”

  “Not any more.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  Jalli had had enough. “What’s this? A cross examination? Am I in the witness box after all?” she shouted. In the kitchen Momori was praying harder than ever. She must come in with the tea at the right time. Too early and she would interfere, too late and Mr. Bandi might already be dismissed.

  “No, Jalli. Most certainly not.” Mr. Bandi had adopted his “wise teacher” voice, and spoke with a little bit of authority. After all, sullenness, he had long since concluded, was a childish thing. And he had seen sullenness in the way Jalli was behaving. So if she was going to act like a child he would act like an authoritative adult might.

  “You and Jack were the most suited teenage couple I have met for a long time. You had a lot going for you. I am surprised that someone with your intelligence, and your devotion, should give up someone like Jack just because he’s blind.”

  “That’s not it!” She jumped to her feet and screamed. “Don’t you see? It’s not him it’s me. After what happened in the park how could he want me any more? How could anyone want me any more?”

  “But…”

  “No, you don’t see, do you? You don’t know what it’s like for a girl that’s… that’s raped. You’re a man!” Jalli sank back into the chair, the tears flowing.

  “So is Jack. A man I mean,” said Mr. Bandi quietly. “Did he tell you he didn’t want you? What was the last thing he said to you?”

  Momori came into the room with the tea things as Jalli buried her head in a cushion, sobbing. “I can answer that,” she said. “He called her name twice and reached out for her as this young lady here stormed out of the ward.”

  “He wouldn’t want me,” mumbled Jalli.

  “But surely that’s for him to decide.” Mr. Bandi leant forward and put his hands on Jalli’s shoulders. “You love him. I don’t think your biggest problem is what happened in the park, terrible as that is, I think it’s being apart from Jack. And I’ll venture he wants you, as much you want him. I have the advantage of being a man, and I don’t think Jack sounds the kind of boy who would w
alk away from a girl because she had been attacked. You can’t turn love off like that.”

  The next thing that happened surprised them all. Jalli emerged from the cushion, threw her arms around Mr. Bandi’s neck and clung to him.

  “Whoa! That’s my Jalli,” he said. He was glad Momori was in the room. And that Jalli was no longer his student! But before he managed to extricate himself Grandma had her arms around both of them and they stayed like that for a full minute.

  “I think,” said Mr. Bandi readjusting his glasses that had been dislodged, “I think, ladies, I need that cup of tea.”

  As he sat with his mug in hand, he declared, “I imagine someone should visit Jack’s planet.”

  “But the white gate. It’s probably gone now,” sighed Jalli. A note of alarm coming into her voice that sounded like the Jalli of old.

  “I don’t think so,” ventured Grandma. “It’ll be there as long as God wants you to use it. That’s what you told me.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “First, because God is consistent, even if we aren’t, and secondly, because I saw it there only this morning!”

  “You’ve been checking up…?”

  “I just went to look. No harm in that. If I can see it, I’m sure you will be able to.”

  “Do you really think Jack still wants me?” sighed Jalli.

  “True love is unconditional,” stated Mr. Bandi.

  “Which is the same as saying that, if he really loves you, it won’t make any difference to him wanting you whatever has happened to you or him,” explained Grandma.

  24

  The very next day two expeditions were embarked upon. In Wanulka, Momori had prevailed upon Jalli to put on a colourful T-shirt. “Jack’ll like that.”

  “But, Grandma, he can’t see!” Jalli remonstrated.

  “All the same, put it on for him.”

  In Persham Jack was taking care of his appearance for the first time since he arrived home. His mum was telling him what was clean and tidy. He found it frustrating, but he wanted to look his best. He had no idea what he would say, and he was desperately nervous.

  As Matilda had predicted, the white gate was there in the wall as it always had been. She laid Jack’s hand on the top of it. He felt the smooth, shiny paint. “What did you used to tell me?” she recalled, “If the gate is there you are supposed to go through it.”

  Jack hesitated. But his mother opened the latch and pushed him through. Jack’s senses came alive at the sound and scent of the garden. He could not see it of course, but the picture of it flooded into his mind. He asked his mother to guide him in the direction of the bench. “Let me sit here and think before we go on to Wanulka.”

  But just at that moment, across the garden, Jalli had opened her gate. She was describing to her grandma the way to Jack’s house in Persham. “I think I remember the way,” she was saying, “but I’m not entirely sure. I always went with Jack, of course.”

  Jack had given hours of thought to what he might say when he met Jalli. As in the past, he had practised several opening gambits. But when he heard her voice, he just shouted, “Jalli! Is that you?”

  “Jack! You’re here! I was coming to visit you!” She ran across to him.

  “I was coming to see you!”

  “How are you?”

  “I can’t see.” Jalli took his hand.

  “I… I know that.”

  “Jalli, I just wanted to know if you were alright.”

  “I’ve really missed you. Oh Jack, not being able to see must be really dreadful.”

  “That’s not the worst thing… the worst thing is what it has done to us. I never thought… I never thought of life without you, but being blind has put paid to that, hasn’t it?”

  “How does being blind make a difference?”

  “I can’t look after you can I?” The question was rhetorical.

  “But of course you can look after me! You don’t have to be able to see in order to look after me!” Jalli led him across to the bench – their bench – and they sat down. “Jack, you being blind makes no difference at all to me loving you…

  “… but I let you down. In the park, I failed…” Matilda and Momori quietly withdrew in the direction of the house.

  “Jack, you were so brave. You did not think twice about going for that monster. You did all you could. I wouldn’t have blamed you for running off to get the police or something when you saw the size of him.”

  “But he still managed to… to abuse you. I was useless! If anyone let anyone down it was me.”

  “No Jack. What you did really counted.” She continued, hesitantly, searching for the words, “Yes, he raped me when you were unconscious and half dead. But he didn’t have all his way with me. You spoiled it for him. He said so. He said that I was no good. And he blamed you for it. He got nothing out of it, he said, thanks to you. So somehow I feel you did succeed, in a strange way… Anyway, he’s dead now. The parmandas got him. But the thing is that, now, I am… no longer a virgin. That changes things doesn’t it? You are kind, but I know that you deserve someone who is pure and… unused… undamaged…” This speech took a lot of effort and Jalli fell silent, on the point of tears.

  “Jalli! Jalli! Nothing that anyone could do to you would change the way I feel about you. I want you, I love you. All I care about is that you are alright. I could never never think that you were anything but pure and good… because, because you’re Jalli…! That’s not why I stayed away. I didn’t think you could want me because I was blind!”

  “You silly boy! How would that make any difference? You lost your sight trying to rescue me! How could that stop me loving you? I love you even more for it. It’s just that I don’t deserve you! You deserve more than I can give.”

  “Nonsense! All I want is my Jalli”!

  She kissed his face, his hands, his eyes. Jack began to weep. The tears flooded from him and she cradled his head against her. She held him tight and felt the wetness of his tears through her clothes.

  Matilda and Momori watched in silence. Then the latter said, “Come on Matilda, let’s go and put the kettle on!” and they stepped into the cottage as if it belonged to them.

  “I think we’ve both been silly,” ventured Jack.

  “Downright stupid!” said Jalli. “It was Mr. Bandi who helped me see that perhaps I was not right in thinking you had rejected me. I felt so bad, so horrible, so guilty for all that had happened. It was my idea to go to the park. I took you to those hives and made you leave me. But Mr. Bandi said that if you really loved me that would not stop you wanting me.”

  “Mr. Bandi was right. Even if you were to blame (and you’re not!) how could I do anything but forgive you. But you are not to blame. Not ever. Before you screamed I was so happy because the parmandas, my hive, were just forming into a pattern and were ready to dance, to display. I was so grateful that you had thought of going to the park again. Those parmandas were the last happy thing I saw. I know that the universe is a beautiful place. And you make it especially beautiful because of who you are.”

  “Oh Jack. You say such kind things.”

  “Well, they’re true. I just thought you would be better without a blind person to look after. I want to look after you and I can’t. You’ll have to take me everywhere, like a pet on a lead.”

  “But all I ever wanted was to be loved, Jack. That’s how you can look after me.”

  “That’s easy. You’re so lovable. But I felt so bad about myself. I thought I could never be happy again. Yesterday, I met an old man from the church in Persham.”

  “I didn’t think you went to church.”

  “No, he came to see me. Twice. The first time I sent him away.

  “The second time I… yesterday… I’m ashamed to think about it. Let’s just say I was locked out in the rain and… he’s a wise man because he asked me what was the last thing you said to me before you left the ward… the last time. And I remembered.”

  “Don’t remind me a
bout it.”

  “You said it was your fault.” Jack paused, and reflected. “He told me to come and see you and tell you it wasn’t. And it wasn’t, Jalli. None of this is your fault.”

  “And it’s certainly not yours!” They sat for a time in silence.

  “I’m so pleased you’re wearing a bright T-shirt with a Jallaxa on it. I want you to shine like the sun forever.”

  “How do you know what I’m wearing? I thought you couldn’t see.”

  “I can’t see with my eyes. But I can kind of see with my hands and ears. I felt the appliqué. I felt it straight away.”

  “Feeling my… front!?”

  “Well yes. Sure. With my ear!” They laughed – just like the old times when they teased one another, and the flood gates opened again for both of them. Jack laid his hand on the appliqué. She took hold of him. “Touch me Jack. Love me. All of me!”

  “And you have your newest bright blue jeans on. They have a kind of rib pattern.” And he moved his fingers from her hip and thigh that was once bruised down over her knee.

  “You are very romantic, kind sir.”

  “Say that again!”

  “What?”

  “‘Kind sir’! That’s what my Jalli says. I just want to make you smile and not cry.”

  “Cup of tea you two?” It was Momori coming across the lawn with a tray with two teacups and a plate of biscuits.

  “Thanks Grandma!”

  “Matilda and I are having a nice chat. We’ve missed each other. You two carry on.”

  “Carry on what, Grandma?”

  “Why, making up of course!”

  When she had gone Jalli asked, “Do you think Grandma saw you put your hand on my sun?”

  “Of course. She and Mum are probably noticing everything from wherever they are.”

  “I think they’re inside the cot-tage.”

  “They must have gone into the kitchen to get the tea.”