Finding Christmas

by Jeannie Moon

  “Ah. Okay. I should have figured that.”

  “I’ve never really cared about birthdays, but forty is getting to me a little.”

  “Why do you think that is?”

  He shrugged and focused his gaze forward. “I’m not settled. No wife. No kids. I guess I thought things would be different. Remember when you said I don’t break a sweat? That’s not true.”

  “But you have your career. The kids you teach love you. You’re very much part of the town and the culture.”

  “All true. I have a great house and I do love my job, but it’s not the same as a family.”

  He was big, gorgeous, sweet, and he wanted kids? Maggie felt little pops in her ovaries. The thought of this man with a pack of kids was the most attractive thing she could imagine. The problem was she could never be part of that dream.

  They walked slowly, enjoying the cold air, and enjoying each other. When she stumbled slightly, his arm shot out to support her.

  “Okay?” he asked once she was steady.

  “Fine. The boots are different, but I love them.”

  “Were you able to see your prosthetist? Did I say that right?”

  “Yes. She made an adjustment, and I tried the boots out with her. All good.”

  “You look great. Happy.”

  “Being with you makes me happy.” Damn. The words flew out before she could stop herself. Her mouth had no filter. Once it was out there she couldn’t take it back; all she could hope was that her honesty didn’t send him running.

  It didn’t. In fact, it seemed to do the opposite. Will stopped, tugging her back onto the beautifully decorated stoop of a local bakery that had already closed up for the night. They were surrounded by twinkling white lights, pine garlands, deep red bows and gold and silver ornaments—Maggie felt that special Christmas magic she’d been missing the last two years surround them. Standing in the middle of all that glittering light, Maggie believed anything was possible.

  Will’s fingers tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. There were no words exchanged, just a smile, and a sweet, sexy kiss that quite literally made Maggie’s heart skip a beat. Would miracles never cease?

  “I could totally get used to that,” she smiled against his mouth, loving how protected and safe he made her feel.

  “That’s good,” he said, his voice low and seductive. “Because I plan on kissing you any chance I get.” He kissed her again, moving to create a gentle friction, his tongue dipping in for a taste. Maggie responded by holding him closer and going all in. He left a trail of soft kisses and tiny nips along her jaw and down her neck, returning to pay special attention to a spot just behind her ear. Her body was on fire. She wanted him so badly, and based on the hardness pressing into her thigh, he felt the same way.

  Part of her wanted to skip dinner and head right back to his house, while another part of her wanted to run and hide.

  They were totally lost in each other, drowning in a deep passionate kiss, when a voice from the street yelled, “Get a room.”

  Startled, they burst into laughter at the same time. “I guess we’d better get moving.” He stepped off the stoop, holding his hand out for her.

  “Probably, I just…” She took his hand and stepped into his space.

  “What?”

  Going up on her tiptoes, Maggie kissed him—nothing seductive, but she felt it with every fiber of her being. She hoped Will did too.

  “I’m not ready yet. I want to be with you, but I can’t. Not yet.”

  Knowing she was talking about making love, he wrapped her in his arms, and drew her so close, Maggie didn’t know where she ended and he began.

  “There’s no timeline. When you feel it’s right, you’ll tell me.”

  Maggie nodded, appreciating this man more and more every day. He was a gift.

  Her last relationship lasted three years, ending when her boyfriend got a look at her burns for the first time. He couldn’t handle it, and accepted a three year assignment in Japan. It was subtle, but it was a rejection, nonetheless. And while she knew she was better off without the guy, for the first time in her life, Maggie became aware of her appearance.

  All her life, people told her she was pretty, some said she was beautiful, but she never thought about it much. However, now her appearance was in her face every day. But with Will, she felt normal, that maybe someone could look past the scars and see her.

  Now she just had to get past the scars herself. She wanted this.

  She wanted him. She wanted him more than anything.

  * * *

  THEY’D WALKED AROUND town a little more and arrived at the restaurant just a few minutes before their reservation. It was set in an old building that faced the harbor, and like everywhere else in town it was decked out for Christmas. “I love the decorations,” Maggie said as she watched a ferry bound for Connecticut pull away from the dock. “Just being here makes me feel like a kid again.”

  He nodded in agreement. “Less than three weeks ’til Christmas.”

  “Don’t remind me. I haven’t bought a single present.”

  Chuckling, his laugh warmed her. “It’s not the holidays unless I’m buying presents on Christmas Eve.”

  “I could never do that. Too stressful. It’s like shopping too early. The few times I was deployed and couldn’t come home, I had to ship gifts in October. It just wasn’t fun, you know? I like shopping when it’s cold, and wrapping the gifts with a big cup of cocoa and Christmas music playing. I love the holidays. At least, I did. I’m hoping to get some of that back.”

  “What changed?”

  God, how did she tell him everything had changed? The truth, ugly as it was, was probably the best way to go. “Do you really want to hear this?”

  “Hit me.” He rubbed her back and then looped his arm around her for support.

  “I crashed in early December. They brought me out of the medically-induced coma on Christmas Eve, twenty-two days later.”

  “Oh, wow.” Hearing the little facts about the aftermath shocked most people. It still shocked her.

  “My mom had decorated my hospital room. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a small Christmas tree. It was full of colored lights and tinsel. She thought it would make me happy. And it did—for about ten seconds. Then the pain hit, the smell. And when I tried to call out, I realized I was intubated. Merry Christmas to me. It’s hard to shake the memories.”

  “Jesus.” They stopped in front of the restaurant. “That was two years ago?”

  “Yep. Last year, they amputated my leg on December eighteenth. Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling very festive.”

  To Will’s credit, he didn’t say anything. Instead, a gentle squeeze of her hand offered more comfort than all the trite words she’d heard over the past two years. He didn’t try to offer wisdom or advice. He didn’t tell her to be thankful, or to focus on the future.

  Maggie was sick of platitudes because she’d heard them all. Will offered her compassion even when he didn’t completely understand. Yesterday, when she was having a full-blown meltdown, he knew what she needed.

  Somehow, he just knew.

  And that was why she was falling for him hard and fast.

  * * *

  WILL ENJOYED WATCHING Maggie. Everything about her appealed to him. She ate with joy, loving every bite of her food, and had no trouble charming the waiter, along with the older couple sitting at a table next to them. Just being in her orbit made people feel good. Will knew he did. He loved being around her simply because she made him more optimistic, more centered.

  With all of her troubles, Maggie still found ways to be upbeat. So much of it was a front for others, but that told him a lot about her. She looked out instead of in. The world around her was more interesting, more important than what she had going on in her life, and considering what she’d gone through it was pretty amazing.

  She’d be such a good teacher because her heart was always in the right place. Whatever the age, he had no doubt s
he’d be great with kids. She’d excused herself from the table to use the ladies room, and Will didn’t take his eyes off her as she walked away.

  “Your wife is something. Absolutely lovely.” The gravelly voice from the next table belonged to an older gentleman named Tony. Will and Maggie had been chatting with him and his wife Carolyn for a good part of the meal.

  “Oh, ah… we’re not married.”

  Tony turned to his wife, surprised, and then turned back to Will. “Well, young man, if you two aren’t married, you’d better ask her soon. She’s a catch, that one, and you’re stupid in love with her.”

  “In love? We just started seeing each other.”

  “I don’t care if you met her yesterday,” Tony chuckled. “The way you look at her? You’re a total goner.”

  “It’s pretty obvious.” Carolyn nodded in agreement. “Look at her.”

  Maggie was coming back to the table and when she smiled at him, his heart damn near exploded. Oh, Jesus. Oh, shit.

  He was in love with her.

  Someone else had to point it out for him to see, but it was true. He loved her. He didn’t know when it had happened, and there was no questioning the truth of it, but now he had to figure out what to do.

  Tony’s idea… proposing… was a good one, except it was too soon, and Maggie would run as far away from him as possible.

  “You’re looking at me funny.” Maggie sat down adjacent to Will and took a swallow of her wine. “Will?”

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I guess I get a little stupid when you’re around.”

  “Aww.” Maggie leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You’re blushing, Coach.”

  He was. He felt the flush rise in his face, and heat traveled through his body. All Will wanted was to get Maggie alone.

  “Are you up for dessert?” he asked.

  “Mmm. Always.”

  She was adorable. And Tony was right, he was a goner.

  “Will?”

  “Yeah?” He looked up from his menu and his eyes locked with hers.

  “Thank you. This has been wonderful.”

  Gazing at her, Will’s heart cracked open, and all at once he realized what he was missing with the other women who had been in his life. The relationships had no fire, no passion. He and his partners had been perfectly matched, but sometimes the push-pull was what a relationship really needed. Yes, love was settled and comfortable, but it also needed deep emotion, and a tiny bit of desperation.

  It was a risk, not a sure thing, and it was time for Will to stop looking for some kind of guarantee. Maggie’s accident was proof that you could do everything right, and still have shit happen. That was life.

  * * *

  “OH, MY GOD. Why did you let me eat that whole piece of chocolate cake by myself?” Maggie moaned.

  “It wasn’t good?” Will buckled his seatbelt and saw she was examining her stomach, pinching at it. “What are you doing?”

  “I have a food baby.”

  “A what?” He had no idea what the hell she was talking about.

  “A food baby. Look!” She pointed to the area she was just pinching. “You see the bulge? That’s because you let me eat all the cake.”

  Smirking, he tilted his head to the side. “This is my fault?”

  Without warning, she stuck out her lower lip in an expert pout. “Yes?”

  “No.” He kissed the pouty lip, and then Maggie chewed on it for good measure. “You ate the whole piece,” he reminded her. “You wouldn’t even let me try a bite.”

  “You could have tried.”

  “Maggie.” Starting the car, he shot her a look. “You threatened to poke my hand with your fork if I didn’t keep my ‘grubby paws away from the chocolate cake’.”

  With a loud gasp, Maggie feigned offense. “You’re exaggerating.” Now her nose was up in the air and she turned her face to the window.

  “Nope. That food baby is all yours.”

  “Hmmpf.”

  She was wonderful. She was also drunk. “How much wine did you have?”

  “Three glasses? No… four glasses. It was sooo good. I don’t really drink much since my accident. You’d think that would help, but it just makes me feel like… like… shhhit.”

  He’d pulled out onto Main Street and turned the car south. He’d never heard her swear before. “So you’re going to feel like shit tomorrow?”

  “Oh, God. I hope not. Crap. I want to go shopping. Do you want to go shopping with me?”

  The question took him by surprise. He was thrilled she wanted to see him, but had to wonder if it was the wine talking. Ultimately, it didn’t matter. He was going to take her invitation at face value, but shopping?

  “That sounds like fun,” he lied.

  “I have practice in the morning, why don’t I pick you up after. Around noon?”

  “That sounds great. Maybe I’ll buy you lunch.” They reached out at the same time, their hands lacing together. “I had a really nice time,” she said so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.

  “I did too.”

  “What would you say if I rethought that whole ‘ready’ thing?” she cooed.

  Boom. That was the last thing he expected her to say. She wanted to have sex? Now he really had to wonder if it was the wine. Taking Maggie to bed was too important to screw up, and if there was even a chance she was bolder because of the alcohol, he’d have to go against every fiber of his being and say no.

  Which would no doubt upset her.

  Hell, it would piss him off, too. But drunk made her off limits.

  “Maggie, I’m not taking you to bed until you’re sober.”

  “What? Whyyyyy?” She was whining. God, she was drunk.

  “Because. This is too important for you to not be completely with me.” Stopped at a light, he turned to her and touched her face. “Don’t you want that?”

  “I… I do. I’m just afraid if I’m sober I’ll lose my nerve.”

  “If that’s the case, then it’s not the right time.”

  “Why did you have to be such a good man?” Maggie turned her face, gently kissing his palm.

  “I’m not that good; I’m kicking myself right now because I want you so much. But you are the most important person in this conversation, and I won’t ruin what we’ve started.”

  “I’m scared. Of pretty much everything these days. I don’t want to be afraid of you.”

  “I don’t want that either. Which is why waiting is the right thing to do.” Intellectually, he believed it; emotionally, physically… not so much. “But when I finally do make love to you, Maggie, I promise…” He drew a breath, “I promise you will never forget it.”

  The light changed and Will forced himself to take his hand from her soft cheek. Looking in Maggie’s eyes, Will saw the rest of his life. He saw a home, children, and growing old with Maggie. For the first time, he was with a woman he couldn’t lose, and Will was going to do everything possible to make her happy.

  Chapter Nine

  ‡

  MAGGIE HAD BEEN summoned.

  It didn’t happen often, and usually it was her doing the summoning, but early this morning, texts started pinging on her cell phone from her sisters.

  One after another, until she could turn off the sound, the messages flew in. Amid the thirty messages were her marching orders. She was to meet Claire and Grace at Lindsey’s Café. She had an hour to shower, dress, and find a remedy for the hangover that made her feel like she’d eaten a bag of cotton balls.

  Before she even had a chance to get out of bed to wash her face and find some coffee, there was a light rap on the door. “Maggie, are you up?”

  “Barely.”

  “Good.” Her mother came in the room carrying a small tray that included a coffee cup. “I know you’re going out with your sisters. So, I thought some coffee and an English muffin might be a good idea so you could take something for your headache.”

  “Thanks.” Mom put the tray on her nightstand and sat at the end of
her bed. As Maggie took the first sip of coffee, her mother started playing with a tassel on an old afghan that was folded at the end of the bed. “Something to say, Mother?”

  “Did you have a nice time with Will?” Mom was twisting her fingers and not making eye contact.

  Maggie took a bite of the English muffin, which her mother had prepared with just the right amount of butter and raspberry jam. “Don’t want to wait for the report from the twins?”

  “That’s not fair. I really want to know.” Her mother stood and walked to the window, peeking out at the front yard. “I have a right to be concerned, you know.”

  Taking a sip of the coffee, which was really needed, Maggie realized she was letting her headache drive her responses. It wasn’t fair, even if her mother was being a bit of a nosy body.

  “I don’t understand the concern. When I invited him for Thanksgiving, you wanted something to develop between us. I think you called him a panty-dropper.”

  “I don’t remember.” Her mother was so damn proud.

  “I had a wonderful time,” Maggie answered. “I really like him.”

  Mom gave a half grin. “That’s nice. Are you seeing him again?”

  “Today, actually. He’s picking me up and we’re going to do some Christmas shopping.”

  Nothing. Her mother clammed up and trained her focus out the window.

  “You’re awfully quiet,” Maggie said.

  “What should I say? I’m worried. About you, about your brother.”

  Rising from her bed, Maggie stood behind her mom. “There’s nothing to worry about. Will’s a perfect gentleman and I know he won’t do anything to embarrass Matt.”

  “I know. And I know you have a right to your life, but it’s hard on your brother. Your being back is a big change for all of us. A happy change, but still a change.”

  She tried to put herself in her brother’s shoes, and Maggie could understand how he was feeling, to a point. On one hand, she was taking something away from him. Will had been her brother’s coach, and confidant, and now Maggie was. She remembered how it felt, even as a teenager, to find out her teachers had real lives. It was also embarrassing. His sister was seeing the coach. She imagined that when the info got out, he’d get some shit from his friends and teammates.