Love Lives

by Emlyn Rees

  ‘Jimmy, I want you to be reading Verity a Tennyson poem from this book,’ Ellen said, handing over a worn leather-bound volume. ‘Don’t worry about getting the enunciation to a point of RADA excellence, as you’re not Equity cleared, so we’re going to have to drop it down in the sound mix anyway. But the point to remember is that Caroline and Leon are meeting in secret and they are desperately in love, so Verity, I want you to watch Jimmy as he reads. Then, I want you to clasp hands as if you’re parting. Shall we give it a go?’

  Verity brushed off a leaf from her dress and shuffled upright on the seat, as Jimmy gently opened the book.

  ‘Here goes,’ Jimmy said, lifting it up.

  As Jimmy started reading the poem, he glanced at her as if he already knew the words and Verity found herself listening intently. Despite what Ellen had said about enunciation, the way Jimmy read it he could be on stage. It was beautiful, like he’d written it himself. Perhaps she should learn the poem off by heart herself and recite it to Denny, Verity thought dreamily. If he loved opera, he was bound to be into poetry, too.

  ‘Brilliant,’ Ellen said, chipping in and stopping Jimmy mid-sentence. ‘You two are naturals. Jimmy, keep doing what you’re doing. Verity, try if you can to look a bit more dreamily at Jimmy, rather than the book. We’ll go for the shot.’

  ‘You look great together,’ Scott chipped in, winking at Jimmy, who pulled a face at him.

  Verity couldn’t help giggling. It was sweet that Jimmy was finding this so embarrassing. She was the one who ought to feel embarrassed, but seeing him so nervous made her feel more calm.

  As the camera started to roll, Verity smoothed her lips together and stared at Jimmy. He looked so different dressed up as Leon. His face had completely changed with the make-up. He looked older and more sophisticated, and there was something more alive about him than usual. She was used to seeing him slouching around, as if he were half asleep. But now, with his hair tied back away from his face, she could almost pretend he was a different person altogether. She let herself look into his eyes as he read, marvelling at what a good actor he was and wondering how many other things he could be good at if he gave them a try.

  When Ellen called ‘cut’, Verity averted her eyes.

  Ellen nodded at Scott and Roy, the sound man, who fiddled with some knobs on a square box he was carrying on a strap round his neck.

  ‘I’m going in for a close-up,’ Scott said to Ellen, moving the camera forward on its tripod. Then he looked up over his shoulder at the sky. ‘We’d better do this quickly, before the light changes.’

  ‘Right, just one more shot,’ Ellen said, consulting her clipboard, as Scott adjusted the legs on the tripod.

  She picked up a red leather-bound book from the top of one of the camera boxes and came towards Jimmy and Verity. ‘Look guys, I’ve been reading Caroline’s diary,’ she said, flipping it open. ‘She wrote a lot about her stolen kisses with Leon under the arbour.’

  ‘You want us to …?’ Verity asked, swallowing. She hadn’t been expecting this.

  ‘Do you mind?’ Ellen asked, looking as if she were perplexed that there was a problem.

  Jimmy shrugged and looked away, and Verity could see that his cheeks were pink.

  ‘It’s no big deal if you don’t want to,’ Ellen continued. ‘But it would make it so much more authentic. I’m not talking about a gigantic snog. Pretend this is their first kiss.’

  Ellen smiled, then, at them both and Verity smiled back nervously, wanting to please her. She thought about Denny, briefly. But this had nothing to do with Denny. Ellen, Scott and Roy were here. It was only acting, after all.

  ‘Let’s just give it a go,’ Ellen continued casually, folding her arms and standing next to Scott. ‘See what happens. Just do what feels natural. Take it from where they’re holding hands. OK … and camera.’

  Verity counted down in her head, silently, as Ellen had taught her. She took a deep breath and looked at Jimmy. He looked back at her, his blue eyes intense as they met hers. Despite herself, Verity could feel her knees trembling with nerves. Why were they wobbling? There was nothing to feel nervous about, surely? This was just pretend. Verity concentrated hard on forgetting the black lens of the camera, as Jimmy’s hands found hers. She wondered whether he could tell that her hands were sweating and wished that they weren’t.

  Then he was gently pulling her towards him. Verity looked at him, concentrating hard. Forget the camera, look natural, she thought, drumming it into her head. But Jimmy was getting closer and closer.

  Then he was filling her vision and Verity could feel his breath on her cheek. Up close, he smelt of make-up and sunshine, and she breathed in the unfamiliar, yet strangely intoxicating smell of him. Jimmy tilted his head, his lips only millimetres away from hers. Feeling terrified and excited all at once, Verity held her breath. He’s Leon, she thought, Leon, Leon … But then Jimmy’s lips were on hers and Verity couldn’t move. Her whole being zoomed into focus on the sensation of their sealed lips.

  She closed her eyes, every nerve ending in her body on red alert. It felt like hours that Jimmy stayed there, connected with her, but it could only have been seconds. It was as if she’d been sucked into another dimension of their own. She felt almost dizzy as Jimmy moved, his lips tentatively opening. Feeling as if she were floating, her stomach flipping over, she felt Jimmy come closer still, pressing himself against her, his hands tenderly holding her face. It was then that she had no choice but to give in and, having forgotten everything – including the camera – Verity kissed him back.

  With a jerk Jimmy roughly pulled away from her, being wrenched out of the seat. Verity gasped with shock as she saw Denny grip Jimmy by the collar of his frock coat, draw back his fist and punch him in the face.

  ‘Stop it, Denny, stop it!’ Verity screamed, as Jimmy staggered backwards and crashed against the arbour wall, falling on to his knees.

  Denny rushed forward to grab Jimmy again and Verity lunged at him, trying to hold his arm, but he shrugged her off.

  ‘You … you …’ Denny growled at Jimmy, yanking him up again.

  ‘Get off him,’ Scott yelled, pulling Denny away, grabbing him under the arms.

  Jimmy struggled to his feet holding his face. Verity could see blood trickling from one of his nostrils.

  ‘What the hell’s going on?’ Ellen shouted, standing between Jimmy and Denny, and holding out her arms to keep them at a distance.

  Denny pointed at Verity. ‘You promised,’ he snarled, shrugging Scott off. ‘You promised me.’

  ‘Denny,’ Verity sobbed, going to him, but he wouldn’t let her touch him. ‘It was just pretend. I wasn’t really –’

  But Denny just shook his head, his face pinched with scorn as he pushed her away.

  ‘Denny! Denny! Come back!’ Verity cried, but it was too late.

  Chapter XIV

  ‘WASN’T THAT THE guy from the surf shop?’ Ellen demanded. ‘What the hell did he think he was doing?’

  ‘He’s my … my boyfriend,’ Verity whimpered, staring after Denny, who was striding away from the set, kicking one of Scott’s boxes out of the way.

  ‘Best to leave him to cool down, don’t you think?’ Ellen suggested, eyeballing Scott and putting a restraining arm on Verity.

  Roy had kindly donated his handkerchief to Jimmy, who now stood staring at Verity, dabbing the blood away from the end of his nose.

  ‘Would someone mind telling me what this is all about?’ Ellen asked, staring between Jimmy and Verity. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. How the hell had that nutter appeared without anyone noticing?

  ‘I’m so sorry, Jimmy. I’m so sorry,’ Verity sobbed. ‘It’s all my fault.’

  ‘You’re too good for him,’ Jimmy replied, looking at the blood on the handkerchief and back at Verity.

  ‘You don’t understand,’ Verity cried, her tears doubling at the unmistakable roar of a motorbike starting by the house.

  From the look of desolation on V
erity’s face, Ellen guessed that the wheels churning up the drive undoubtedly belonged to Denny. Verity covered her face, full of shame. ‘I promised him that I’d … that I’d never be unfaithful.’

  ‘Come on, Verity,’ Ellen soothed. ‘Stop being so hard on yourself. That guy – Denny – well, he was way out of order. I asked you and Jimmy to kiss. It’s hardly being unfaithful.’ She put her arm round Verity, looking over her bowed head towards Scott who, thankfully, picked up on her baffled expression.

  ‘You’re OK, though, mate, aren’t you?’ Scott asked Jimmy.

  Jimmy was staring at Verity. ‘I’ll be fine,’ he answered.

  ‘Because if you’re not, and you feel like getting the law on him, I’ve got the whole thing on film.’

  Verity stared up at Scott, aghast. ‘But –’ she gasped.

  Her and Jimmy’s eyes connected.

  Jimmy then turned to Scott. ‘Like I said,’ he reiterated. ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘I’ve ruined everything. You don’t understand,’ Verity said, looking up at Ellen and then at Scott, her eyes brimming with tears.

  ‘Understand what?’ Ellen asked, exasperated.

  ‘I kissed him back,’ Verity choked, darting a look at Jimmy. Then she was off, running down the kitchen garden path in a mass of billowing skirts and bobbing ringlets.

  ‘I guess that’s it, then, for today,’ Roy said, unplugging the boom mike.

  Ellen sighed loudly and slapped her thighs. ‘I guess so. What a disaster.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Ellen,’ Jimmy said sheepishly.

  ‘Jimmy, don’t apologise! It’s not your fault. Why don’t you go and get yourself cleaned up, eh?’

  Ellen watched him go. She felt sorry for the kid. He hadn’t stood a chance against that idiot, Denny. She’d grown to like Jimmy since he’d been helping them out and now she wished there were something she could do to help him. She thought about calling out to him, to thank him for playing Leon so well, but it probably wouldn’t help the situation, she thought, and turned away.

  She could have done with another take, but she had to admit that the parting kiss between Caroline and Leon had been just about as perfect as she could wish for. She’d been so absorbed watching it that Denny’s appearance had completely taken her by surprise.

  ‘I think I’ve got enough. You can cut away before the punch,’ Scott said, starting to unscrew the bolt under the camera tripod.

  ‘Teenagers,’ Ellen said, shaking her head. Listening to Verity talk in such black and white terms about right and wrong had only made Ellen realise how complex and blurred her own emotional life had become.

  ‘My kids are all like that,’ Roy said, looping cable round his arm. ‘Drama this, drama that. All in love one minute and breaking up the next.’

  ‘I just don’t get it.’ Ellen put her hands on her hips and looked at Jimmy’s departing figure. ‘It was acting! Jimmy wasn’t really kissing Verity.’

  Scott smiled.

  ‘Well, I suppose he was, technically,’ Ellen said, picking up on Scott’s look, ‘but there’s nothing going on –’

  Scott gave her an even wider smirk. ‘You heard the lady yourself. She kissed him back.’

  Ellen stared at him, letting his words sink in. So there was something going on between Jimmy and Verity? Ellen threw her hands up, exasperated. ‘Great. ‘I’m supposed to be the director and I can’t even spot what’s going on right in front of me!’

  Scott laughed and although Ellen tried to smile, inside her sense of panic clicked up a notch. It was as if everything were spinning out of control – even the small things, like the filming, which should have been so easy.

  She’d been feeling like this since Ned had left on Saturday night. No matter how hard she tried to tell herself that nothing happened, she couldn’t get round the fact that something almost had. They had almost kissed. That was the truth. Some sort of romantic chemistry had happened between her and Ned, making Ellen take leave of her senses. She couldn’t even blame the alcohol. She’d been drunk with plenty of men before, but she’d never been tempted to kiss them. The seriousness of her near fall into the abyss of infidelity had frightened her right to her core, challenging everything she held dear.

  At first she’d blamed Ned. He’d come to her house. He was the one trying to seduce her – telling her romantic stories and staying up into the small hours helping her.

  Then she’d blamed Jason. It was Jason’s fault for being away. It was because of him that she was left vulnerable to another man’s advances.

  But in the end, she’d reached the conclusion that she was just trying to deceive herself. She’d let Ned into her life and had let herself be weak. There was no one to blame but herself and that knowledge made her feel sick. If she couldn’t trust herself, how could she expect Jason to trust her?

  But it hadn’t happened, she reminded herself. It wasn’t like Verity and Jimmy – she and Ned hadn’t actually touched lips. So why was she feeling as if she’d been unfaithful to Jason? Worse, perhaps, than if she and Ned had kissed each other?

  She knew the answer. The unassailable fact about the near kiss was that Ned had stopped it happening. She hadn’t. Ned had broken whatever spell she’d been under and had run away as fast as he could. And now, as well as the guilt that plagued her every waking thought, there was also the shame.

  It didn’t happen, she repeated to herself. Yet it seemed that the harder she tried to forget it, the more life threw it back in her face as a taunt – even now with Jimmy, Denny and Verity. It was almost as if they’d been playing out her very own fears.

  She’d spent most of the week deliberately avoiding Ned. She hadn’t come up to Appleforth House until today, so that she wouldn’t have to see him. She’d also avoided going out too much in the town, in case they bumped into each other. But now, Ellen knew she’d run out of excuses. She would have to see Ned and clear the air.

  The only way she’d be able to function and finish the shoot was if she told Ned the truth about Jason. And the truth was that she’d been upset after an unsatisfactory conversation, which had led her to play down their relationship, which, in turn, had given Ned completely the wrong impression. She would explain that she’d been feeling lonely and, helped by the wine, had temporarily taken leave of her senses. The fact was that Jason and she were, in all likelihood, going to be together for ever. There was absolutely no way she had ever, or would ever, consider being unfaithful, now or in the future.

  There, she thought, having rehearsed these lines in her head a few times, that would set the record straight and make sure there was no atmosphere between her and Ned. She would be strong and honest. She owed it to Ned and to herself.

  Inside Appleforth House, Ellen stood at the foot of the grand main staircase, trying to attract the attention of the workman who was fixing the new mahogany banister. ‘Have you seen Ned?’ she shouted above the whine of the drill.

  ‘In the ballroom,’ he replied, pointing down one of the corridors leading off the hall. Ellen made her way across to it, sidestepping ladders and treading softly over the dust sheets draped over the new floor.

  Decorators were everywhere. The hall was filled with dust and the loud tinkle of the chandelier crystals as several workmen tried to attach the vast light to the ceiling, shouting strained commands to each other from the top of their ladders as they balanced it between them.

  As she walked down the long corridor towards the large panelled doors at the end, the noise of the workmen began to fade. She could see the wires where the light fittings would go along the walls, but it was dark as she approached the doors and she could hear her trainers squeaking on the tiles. Taking a deep breath, Ellen twisted the porcelain handle and, opening the large door slightly, quietly slipped inside.

  The tranquil sight that greeted her was totally different from the noisy hallway and gloomy corridor. In the ballroom it was calm, the huge empty space filled with shafts of sunlight, which spilt in from the full-length, arch-toppe
d windows along one side, making the inlaid marble floor sparkle. Thousands of mosaic tiles spun away from Ellen in an intricate pattern of flowers and swirls to a central floral design beneath the dome in the ceiling. The effect was breathtaking and, as she stepped on to it, she immediately felt the urge to twirl across the vast expanse of the sun-filled room.

  ‘Stop!’ It was Ned’s voice that boomed out the harsh command.

  Ellen froze, looking up to see Ned standing on the far wall against the door frame, fifty feet away.

  ‘It’s just been laid,’ he said more gently. ‘I don’t want anyone on it for twenty-four hours.’

  Ellen tentatively retracted her foot as if from thin ice. ‘It’s beautiful,’ she said, her gaze running across the floor and up to where Ned was standing, his hands in the pockets of dark-grey moleskin trousers. She’d thought about him so much in the last few days, about how his face looked when they’d been kneeling side by side, that it seemed strange to see him from a distance. He was wearing his glasses and his hair was dishevelled, but still, he was undeniably attractive. She felt her cheeks burning. ‘What’s it made of?’ she asked, looking back at the floor.

  ‘Purbeck marble.’

  When Ned didn’t elaborate, there was an awkward silence. She felt ridiculous standing so far away from him, but Ned wasn’t moving. She cleared her throat, ready to start her speech about Jason. But now all the things she’d been planning to say seemed too embarrassing or presumptuous.

  Nothing happened, she reminded herself. Why was she trying to turn this into a big emotional event? Surely, if she did that, Ned would think even more badly of her?

  But then, did Ned really think badly of her? Did she know that for sure? What did Ned really think? It was impossible to say anything, until he gave her some indication of how he felt. Was he going to acknowledge that what didn’t happen actually did? Or was he going to ignore what did happen and pretend that it didn’t?

  Ellen felt as if she were sinking in emotional quicksand. Time was running out and she had to say something, even if Ned wasn’t going to. ‘I came to tell you that we’ve finished filming for the day,’ she said hopefully, her voice echoing in the vast room.