All We Have (Thirty-Eight #4)

by Len Webster

  “Thank you for the lift.” She sounded unsure of herself. Then she nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”

  As much as he wanted to reach out to her and feel her fingertips on his skin, he knew he had no right. He didn’t deserve her touch or her smile. She didn’t deserve how he treated her. And that was his regret. Not that he had kissed her but his actions after their lips had touched for the last time. The regret was never making her his, it was for letting her slip from his grasp. For letting her believe he didn’t want her.

  “Allison.”

  “Yes, Rob?” She chewed her lip.

  He took a deep breath and released it slowly, more than likely stalling the inevitable apology that would pass his lips. “I’m sorry about Thursday.”

  She flinched but composed herself quickly by pulling her wavy ash-blonde ponytail and clearing her throat. “Which part?” she asked.

  “The part where I acted like a complete dick to you. You’re not on my regrets list in the way you think you are. I regret how I’ve handled everything between us. I regret telling you I didn’t care about you when clearly I do. I regret pretending like kissing you doesn’t faze me when it’s all I can bloody think about. You’re all I can think about.”

  He had all but confessed the part where he had fallen in love with her. It was during a phone call months back. She’d been telling him about her day with her cousin, CeCe. It had been the sweetness and love in her voice that had him realising just how much he loved and missed her. But he never told her that. And here he was, still not admitting it to her.

  “So what do I do with that?” she asked in a low voice.

  It was enough for him to take a step forward and cradle her small face in the palms of his hands. “You give me a chance,” he whispered.

  Allison’s soft hands wrapped around his wrists and she asked, “And if I don’t?”

  His chest tightened at that one question. The pressure was enormous, the kind he had never known before. “Then I’ll leave you alone.”

  “You kissed me and then you left.” The fearful flash in her eyes had him tensing.

  “I’m sorry.” Rob’s forehead fell to hers. “I’m so sorry.”

  She let out a heavy breath. “Kiss me and tell me what you feel.”

  “You sure?” he asked breathlessly. He glanced down to see her wet her lips.

  “Yes.”

  One word. The only word that would matter to him. Unlike last time, this was mutual. This wasn’t a kiss taken by surprise. This kiss would be shared. Rob steadied her face as he bent down, sealing his lips to hers. The gentle movements their lips made were a relief and caused aching in his chest. Her mouth was one he loved. Their kiss was passionate but slow in the way that it seemed as if they were discovering what they had between them. What this one kiss meant for them. There was no tongue or biting. No teasing or games. It was just contact. And what this contact did for them. For Rob, it caused his heart to ache, his chest to fill with heat, and his stomach to unknot and dip. His body produced movements he had never felt before.

  Eventually, he divided them, panting just the same as Allison was.

  “So what did you feel?” she asked. He was aware of the fear in her voice, the lack of confidence. He could hear the want for approval in her question.

  Rob breathed in her soft scent of fresh jasmine. It was subtle and beautiful. A smell he would always remember as hers. He slowly opened his eyes and stared into those hazel eyes of hers.

  His thumb brushed her right cheek as he whispered, “I felt—no—I feel everything. With you, I feel everything.”

  But most of all, he felt the validation. That Allison O’Connor was his one. And for some reason, he felt guilty. He wasn’t sure why, but he had.

  “I have this crazy feeling that you’re going to ruin me,” she confessed.

  “I won’t,” he promised.

  A pain exploded in his chest. He had told her a lie. A convincing one that even he, himself, had believed. There was no way his coach would approve. But for now, he’d concentrate on winning back her trust.

  “So I give you one chance. Where do we go from here?” Her hands left his wrists as her chin dipped and she stared at his chest.

  “We start at the beginning. You let me get to know every inch of you. The you, you want me to know, Allison.”

  She broke into a beautiful, almost sad, smile. “Then you have to leave.”

  “What?” he blurted.

  Allison kissed him lightly on the lips then she stepped back. “You still have my number?”

  “I do.”

  “Good. If I give you a chance, will you walk out that door, close it behind you, go home, and then text me? If you feel everything, you’ll trust me.”

  His heart thumped violently against his chest until it had begun to slow. Like it did when he had first laid eyes on her. “Okay,” he said, closing the distance she had made. Rob’s hands were at the sides of her face and brought her forehead to his lips. “Good night, Allison.”

  He spun around and stepped outside of her apartment.

  “You know you can call me Ally!” she called out.

  Rob chuckled, pulled out his phone, and walked towards the elevator. When he heard the door shut behind him, he pulled up his messages.

  Rob: I know. But I won’t … So I can be someone different to you.

  He pressed the down button on the elevator. When it reached the sixth floor, he entered it and felt his phone buzz at her reply.

  Allison: You’re already someone different.

  Rob: Thank you for giving me a chance.

  Allison: Thank you for taking away the humiliation I’ve felt since Thursday.

  Rob: I’m so sorry.

  Allison: I know. But that make-up kiss relieved the sting. Good night, Rob.

  He desperately wanted her to call him Robbie, but it was too much to hear. Not when he knew he could hurt her with his slack promises.

  Rob: Good night, Allison. I’ll wait until the very day you can trust me again. I won’t take this chance to get to know you for granted.

  When he exited her messages, he began to text his brother.

  Rob: Took Allison home.

  The child: You tell her you love her yet?

  He swallowed the large lump in his throat.

  The ‘L’ word.

  The same ‘L’ word meant for her. But deep down, he knew saying it would hurt her more than it should.

  Rob: I can’t.

  Rob: Morning, Allison. What’s your favourite colour?

  Allison: IT’S FIVE IN THE MORNING!

  Rob: I thought you were asleep and wouldn’t read my message until you woke up.

  Allison: I was … Until Julian started singing “Macarena.” But he’s changed the lyrics.

  Allison: I’ll repeat them for you. “Let’s get a dog, get a dog, get a dog. It’ll make Julian very happy. Get a dog, get a dog, get a dog. It’ll make you happy. Aaay! Get a dog!”

  Allison: He won’t stop!

  Rob laughed as he set his oar down into his single scull. Then he tapped the call button on the screen and called her. He listened to it ring until she answered.

  “My favourite colour is yellow,” she answered in a low voice. “What’s yours?”

  “Green.”

  “Nice choice.” He heard the smile in her voice. “Why are you up so early?”

  “Solo row today down the Yarra before work,” he said as he inspected his scull boat.

  “Do you want me to go? I’ll let you train.”

  Rob plugged in his earphones and got into his boat. “No, you can join me on this row. It’s only a light session. Can you hear me okay?” he asked for confirmation. He glanced up to see that the sun was starting to rise and only some clouds filled the sky.

  “Yeah, I can hear you. Can you hear him singing?”

  Rob listened in close as he set his phone down next to him and curled his hands around the oars. He used the left oar to stir the boat away from the small dock.
“Why is he singing?”

  She laughed. “He wants a dog.”

  “His lyrics are very to the point. He’s always wanted a dog—” A knock on her end had him stopping.

  “Hang on a second, Rob,” she instructed.

  As he slowly made his way towards the middle of the Yarra, he listened in on her sweet breathing.

  “Oh! You’re awake. I just came in to check that the idiot didn’t wake you,” Stevie said.

  Allison laughed. “He most definitely woke me up. Do you have classes today?”

  “Scoot over,” Stevie said. Then Rob heard footsteps and the sound of sheets ruffling. “Not until this afternoon. Want to go down to Melbourne Central and find some stuff for your room? Wait. Are you on the phone?”

  “Oh, umm …” Allison said nervously. “I am.”

  “Morning, Rob!” Stevie yelled out loud enough for him to hear.

  He chuckled mid-stroke and set down his oars. “Tell her I said morning. I’ll leave you girls to it. Get some sleep, Allison. Are you working tonight?”

  “I am,” she said. She sounded proud of herself and that made his heart swell.

  “I’ll see you after?”

  “Sure. Enjoy your light training,” she wished then she hung up.

  With a smile on his face, Rob removed the earphones and let them fall next to his phone. Then he breathed out; he reached over to his stretchers and tightened the straps around his feet. When he was satisfied that he anchored his feet correctly, he grasped his oars once again and began to focus on his technique as he slowly rowed down the Yarra with the thought of Allison’s just woken voice in his head.

  After several minutes of training, he felt his phone vibrate next to him. He picked it up and unlocked it.

  The child: You’re welcome for Ally’s sleep interruption. I must say, my “Macarena” needs some improvements. I’m gonna work on the lyrics.

  Rob shook his head and returned his phone to the spot next to him. “Such an idiot,” he muttered.

  The moment Rob had stepped inside PJ’s late on Tuesday afternoon, he smelt the cooking roast in the air. After his light training session, he had showered and gone to work. Quinn—the other company sales manager—and Rob had worked on recruitment and training for the next batch of sales associates they were to hire. Rob’s job wasn’t difficult, but he couldn’t leave Endurance Sports. They had been good to him and his career. Plus, the job helped pay his rent, food, rowing club membership, gym membership, his coach, and everything else associated with his rowing career.

  Reaching up, he loosened his tie and made his way towards the counter. A smile met his lips when he found Allison behind it, pouring a pint and smiling at a customer. When he approached her, the smile she directed at him had his heart’s beats slowing to that same aching sensation it had done back when he had met her.

  “Hey,” she greeted. “Want a beer? I’ve finally got that perfect forty-five-degree-angle beer pour under my belt.”

  He shook his head. “I have plans to drive you home. So I better not,” he explained.

  She let out an unbelievable laugh. “Who said anything about you taking me home?”

  “I did,” he said as he leant forward. “I know Julian’s working late tonight and Stevie’s staying back to finish her assignment at the library. I’m not letting you take the tram alone.”

  “You’re bossy. I got enough from Mitch today. He claimed since it’s my second shift, I should be an expert. I broke three glasses, and I’m getting docked for them,” she said with a grin.

  “Why are you so happy about that?”

  Her grin widened. “Because back in Sydney, they would have paid me and apologised for my mistakes. It’s refreshing.”

  Rob set his palms on the oak counter to stop himself from reaching out to her. “What time do you finish?”

  “I finish in about fifteen minutes.”

  “Okay, I’ll wait here,” he said as he sat down on a barstool.

  Allison sighed. “No. You should probably go home.”

  His brows knitted. “Not happening.”

  “I have to stop by the shops to pick up some things since Stevie and Julian won’t be home till later tonight,” she explained. Then she had picked up a glass and turned it upright before she reached for the soft drink nozzle dispenser and prepped a glass of lemonade.

  “Like what?”

  She set the glass in front of him and then a napkin. The drink she’d prepped was for him. He wasn’t much of a lemonade drinker, but he wasn’t going to refuse her sweet gesture.

  “Ummm,” she mumbled. Then she raised a finger in a ‘one second’ motion and pulled out a list from her back pocket. “Clara’s got most of the ingredients, but I need prosciutto, mushrooms, risotto rice, a celery stick, parmesan, and chicken stock. Ummm … Do you know where I buy prosciutto from?”

  The cute and very confused expression on her face had him chuckling. “I know where we can get prosciutto from. You’re making risotto?”

  Allison set the nozzle back and then shrugged at him. “The other day, I made pancakes without burning them. I wanted to make a risotto after I saw Jamie Oliver making it. And since my roommates aren’t home, I can concentrate on making my first proper meal on my own.”

  This goddamn woman.

  The simple things she wanted to do left him in awe. She wasn’t like any other woman he’d met. She wasn’t who he thought she’d be. He realised that she was much more.

  Ally crossed ‘celery’ off her list. She couldn’t buy a stick, like the recipe required, so she bought half of one. Then she breathed out and turned around to see Rob put the vegetable into the red basket. He looked so out of place in the small grocery store. His big, broad frame between the small aisles made him look gigantic. Ally quickly returned her focus back on the piece of paper.

  “You take those lists of yours seriously,” he pointed out.

  She lifted her eyes from the ingredients she needed to buy and stared at him. “What?”

  Her heart beat loudly in her eardrums as she felt the nervous tremors filter through her body. The only other list other than the one in her hand that he could have possibly seen was her main list. The list. The one that had every wish and every never she had.

  “The other list that you were staring at the other day when you were alone at the tables,” he explained. “Lists are your thing, huh?”

  She pressed her lips together and nodded. “It helps me concentrate. Stay focus on what I have to do. Now that I don’t live with my father’s hired help, I have to take responsibility for myself. I can’t blame anyone for the mistakes I make.”

  Rob stepped towards her, and with his free hand, he clutched hers. “Deli’s this way.”

  “The deli?” She quickly glanced down at her list. She hadn’t written anything that would require the deli.

  “The prosciutto,” he reminded and squeezed her hand.

  It felt natural to have his fingers locked with hers. It felt natural to shop with him. But at the same time, she knew it wasn’t as real as it could be. She hid things from him. And she was sure he hid his true feelings and wants from hers. There was something almost off about them. For almost eight months, it was back and forth. Push and pull. On and off. Now, in the middle of a grocery store, they were civil. Ally was sceptical. Rob had made it clear months ago that he had no feelings for her. But last night, he had also said he felt everything when they had kissed. There was not a man as difficult to figure out as Robert Moors. He was all kinds of confusing.

  “You’re frowning,” she heard Rob say quietly.

  Ally shook her head and flashed a smile. “I didn’t think you could get it at the deli. I thought you had to get it with the other meat.”

  Rob let out a deep laugh. Then he let go of her hand, pulled out a numbered ticket from the machine, and handed it to her. Ally took it and held it between her fingers as she gazed into the window display. She took in what the deli sold. Cold cut meats, seafood, cheeses, hot dogs,
pies, and olives. She made a mental note of what the deli consisted of for future references.

  “Number thirty-eight,” a woman called.

  Ally glanced down to see that it was their number.

  “Over here,” Rob answered. Then Ally handed him the ticket and he placed it into the small, black dish on the counter. “How many slices do you need?”

  She peeked at her list to jog her memory. “Ten slices, please.”

  “You should order it,” he urged.

  “Oh, okay.”

  “Can I get you both anything?”

  Ally glanced at the middle-aged, hair-netted woman behind the glass. She smiled as she held a clear plastic bag over her hand.

  “Could I please get ten slices of prosciutto?”

  “Sure,” the deli worker said. Then she reached over and picked up a handful of cut prosciutto with the bag. When she was satisfied that she had ten, she rolled the plastic bag into the butcher paper and began to type something into the weighing machine. Ally watched as a sticker printed out and the woman stuck it onto the wrapped prosciutto. “Anything else?”

  “No, thank you,” Ally said as she took the prosciutto from the woman. Glancing at the small, almost rectangular parcel in her hands, she couldn’t help the smile on her face as she put it into the basket Rob held.

  If she had put ‘grocery shopping for the very first time’ on her list, she’d be crossing it off tonight. It was ridiculous how giddy she was. She had finally shopped for groceries on her own. And soon, she’d be cooking her own dinner. Back in Sydney, her parents had food delivered to their apartment and the chef her father had hired would cook every meal Ally wanted.

  “Is there anything else you need?” Rob asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

  She looked at her list and crossed off the last item. “Nope, that’s it. I’ve got everything.”

  Then Rob took her hand. The butterflies emerged and took flight at his touch. Her eyes darted to their linked hands, and she held back a smile. It felt like the night they had met and he’d led her to the Yarra River to talk.