All We Have (Thirty-Eight #4)

by Len Webster

  “What are—”

  “No,” she interrupted, shaking her head. Before he could even say another word, she stormed off.

  His brother sighed. “I better go talk her down,” Julian said as he got out of his chair and followed his fiancée.

  Rob stood there, confused about what was going on with everyone around him. He turned around to find Stevie and Julian arguing until the moment Julian wrapped his arms around her.

  “You know I don’t serve alcohol this early,” Mitch said, standing next to him.

  “I know. Is Allison out the back? I need to talk to her.”

  “No. She’s called in sick every day since Wednesday.”

  Called in sick?

  Rob faced the pub manager. “What?”

  Mitch’s eyes widened. “You didn’t know? I thought you two were …”

  “We’re not. Is she okay?”

  “I don’t know. She apologised and said if I wanted to fire her, it was okay. I’m not firing her because she got sick.” Mitch let out a sigh. “Rob, whatever you’re doing to her, you gotta stop.”

  “I’m not doing anything to her,” he said defensively.

  Mitch gave him a tight smile. “I know you think that, but I see the way she looks at you. You should rip it off like a Band-Aid. Quickly, so the pain is over and done with for her.”

  “What are you even—”

  “I got staff to manage. I’ll see you later, Rob.” Mitch flung the tea towel onto his shoulder and returned to the counter.

  Rob shook his head and shifted his focus to see Julian walking towards him. “I’m gonna take Stephanie out for a late breakfast before her lecture and group meeting. I think you should go see Ally.”

  His eyebrows knitted at the concern on his brother’s face. “What the hell is going on?”

  “Stop by my place and just check on her for me. Please?”

  Conceding defeat, Rob let his shoulders sag and nodded. If anything, he should tell her about his focus in person and not over the phone like last time. “Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll go there now.”

  Julian’s lips had pressed tightly together before he said, “Thanks, Robbie.”

  Almost twenty minutes later, Rob stood outside of apartment 6B. With a deep breath, he let his knuckles touch the surface of the door. Once, twice, three times did he knock. He waited patiently until he heard footsteps behind the door. Rob listened, hearing the slow movements of the door unlocking. She took her time. He wasn’t sure if she knew it was him, but her movements were drawn out.

  When the door finally opened, she stood there, eyes wide and mouth gapped. Allison’s ash-blonde hair was messy and she wore no makeup. The pjs she had on were tight around her and revealed a glimpse of her stomach. But that wasn’t what got his attention. It was the dullness of her hazel eyes and the paleness of her skin.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked in a strained voice.

  She didn’t appear happy. For some reason, he had thought she’d be pleased to see him. He was wrong. That flash of pain in her eyes had him balling his fists. Rob ignored her question, pushed past her, and stalked into the apartment. He spun around to see her blinking at him.

  “Mitch tells me you’ve called in sick. And Julian has me checking up on you,” he explained.

  The disbelief consumed her face. “You have to go away, Rob.”

  He winced. “What?”

  She had swayed slightly, only for a moment, before she straightened her spine. “Go away, Rob.”

  “No,” he said firmly.

  “Get the fuck out of my apartment!” she screamed. She’d never sworn at him or raised her voice before. Her breathing sounded laboured as she continued to sway.

  Shaking his head, he closed the distance and reached out for her arms, only for her to jerk away. “Allison, you’re sick. Let me get you some help.”

  “Don’t touch me!” She shuffled backwards. “You don’t get to touch me.”

  “Alli—”

  “You made me look like a fool,” she cried, tears now glazed over her eyes.

  Rob stilled.

  His heart came to a vicious stop.

  “Is … Is this because I didn’t call you?”

  Her nose scrunched up, offended by his question. “No. I have to hear it from Mitch and the girls from the pub.”

  “Hear what?” he asked.

  “I’m such an idiot,” she mumbled as her gaze fell to the floor. Then she sniffed and her eyes returned to his. “It’s been eight months since I met you. And in those eight months, I’ve listened to you tell me repeatedly that you were in love with Stevie. I waited for you. You were the first man to see something in me. I thought … I thought I meant something to you. I thought, this time, you wanted me. Last time I was here, I watched you with Jewel. Do you have any—”

  He stepped forward and grasped her shoulders, pulling her lips to his. The contact was immediate. The heat exploded throughout his body. She was who he really wanted. He’d seen her scars and her tears, but he couldn’t ignore her past. Not if it meant saying goodbye to his future.

  Ally squirmed until she pushed him off her, then she pulled back her hand and slapped him across the face. She’d put strength into her slap and it stung. Rob immediately raised his palm to it, trying to soothe it. He knew he shouldn’t have kissed her. It was a childish reaction.

  “Never, ever kiss me again, Robert Moors! Not when you storm off and make me the bad guy. Why Jewel? Why would you let me believe that you cared for me and then ask her to dinner? Why do you keep doing this to me?”

  “Because …” He clenched his eyes shut. He knew the right thing to do was to tell her the truth, even if she would hate him for the rest of his life. Rob had given her plenty of excuses and lies in the past. “She understands me the way you don’t. She’s like me.”

  “Like you?” she breathed.

  Rob nodded. “She wants the Olympics as much as I do. She wants gold in Rio just like me.”

  “Jewel’s an athlete?”

  “Yeah,” he confirmed.

  “I’m an idiot.” She wiped the trail her tears had made away. “I moved here to have a slim chance with you. To be with you. I ruined my life for a chance with a guy who played me for a fool. I’m such an idiot.” Then she shook her head and walked past him, towards her room.

  “Allison!” he cried once he’d spun around.

  She halted, her hands balled into fists, and then she faced him. “I get it. I wish you’d just told me the truth.”

  “I did tell you the truth.”

  Allison let out a dry laugh. “You want to date someone who has everything in common with you. She wants the Olympics. You’ve given me every excuse. But it’s so easy to see now.”

  “See what?”

  “My reputation hinders your dreams,” she uttered as tears ran down her cheeks.

  His heart inflamed.

  She’d figured out the truth.

  “There it is. The truth. Written all over your face. It is my reputation. I’m too much of a whore to be with you. I’m too much of a whore to be with someone who once said they’d never believe that. I hinder your dreams … Well, you hinder my future. My life. My happiness. My goddamn health! You make it so difficult for me. So go get your gold medal. Go be everything you want. I’m done pining for you.”

  “Alli—”

  “You can let yourself out. Goodbye, Rob,” she said. Seconds later, she spun around and opened her bedroom door.

  “Allison, wait!” he cried, desperately.

  But this time, she didn’t stop for him. She walked into her bedroom and undoubtedly out of his life.

  Deep breath.

  Exhale.

  Another deep breath.

  One last exhale before she unzipped the small bag and the blood pressure monitor became visible. It had been over a week since she had last checked her blood pressure, and she knew she was jeopardising her health. There was no logical reason as to why, except for the fact she didn�
��t want to know the truth. Little white lies, she told herself. Ally removed the cuff and inserted it into the left side of the monitor. Then she placed the cuff flat on the bathroom counter and let out a sigh. Her heart pounded against her chest, the pressure making it hard for her to breathe.

  It had been over an hour since Rob had left her apartment. She had found out that he had asked Jewel on a date when she’d called in sick to work yesterday. Mitch had asked her why Rob was seeing someone else behind her back. The news that Jewel had gloated tore her heart to complete shreds. Ally had sat on her bed, waiting for him to leave. And when he finally did, she pulled out her small bag from her suitcase. The same bag that housed her digital blood pressure monitor and her medication.

  Ally’s fingers tapped on the marble top as she stared at the small white and blue device. She swallowed hard, opened the cuff, and then slid it up her left arm. As she had done time and time before, she positioned the ‘artery mark’ text on the main artery of the inside of her arm and measured her right index finger against the space between the end of the cuff and her elbow joint. When it appeared right, she strapped the black cuff around her. Like on autopilot, Ally brought the device closer to her, sat on the tub, and pressed her feet flat on the tiled floor. She elevated her arm slightly and powered on the monitor. Her index finger pressed the ‘M’ button and then the power button to select the option she needed. Within seconds, the black cuff inflated around her arm. It felt awkward every time she had done this, and today was no different. The numbers on the small screen rose, higher and higher.

  Then the reading stopped.

  150/90.

  High blood pressure according to the small chart her specialist had given her. She was in the red. Exactly where she’d promised she wouldn’t be. Ally licked her lips and then ripped the cuff of her. When it was off, she threw it on the bathroom counter and brushed her hair out of her face. In the past forty-eight hours, she’d been unwell. She’d been peeing more often than usual and her spell of nausea hit her worst today than yesterday. Her fatigue meant she couldn’t work and her headaches were terrible. Ally knew she was in trouble. Her stupidity, her infatuation with Robert Moors, and her ignorance had affected her health.

  “Not anymore,” she promised herself. Ally returned the monitor to its small bag and retrieved four boxes. She glanced down at them as she held them in her hands. Four cardboard boxes. Medication to control her blood pressure, to prevent heart disease, to control her phosphate levels, and to regulate her potassium levels.

  Ally sucked in air as she opened one box and pushed out a pill. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror. In the week she had been in Melbourne, she’d really let her health go. The fatigue showed. The paleness of her face and hollowness in her cheeks made her cringe. She wouldn’t return to work until she looked and felt better. Healthier. That was the deal she made with herself.

  She wasn’t sure what empty organ operated and replaced her heart, but she didn’t care. Her kidneys needed her attention. Not Rob. His dreams never had any room for her from the very moment they met.

  No more pining for someone who didn’t want her affections.

  No more pining for someone who made her actually feel like a whore.

  It took eight days before Ally was feeling okay enough to take the train with Stevie to Monash University’s Clayton campus. Throughout those eight days, she had monitored her blood pressure, eaten healthy, and had plenty of rest and exercise. It wasn’t easy, but eventually, she regained her strength. Fatigue had been her cover. Julian had forbidden her from continuing her ‘detox,’ and Stevie had kept a close eye on Ally as she worked on her assignments. She had even missed a couple of early morning lectures to make sure Ally wasn’t alone. She had never appreciated Stevie or Julian more. She had the best roommates and adored them for their devotion and friendship.

  In those eight days, she hadn’t heard from Rob. He didn’t call or text, which was fine with her. She still had the emptiness in her chest, but she was learning to cope with it. It wasn’t so bad. Her roommates didn’t speak about him. Julian even left the apartment when Rob called. Stevie wasn’t on speaking terms with Rob either. She was livid.

  “So what do you think?” Stevie asked once they stood outside of the Menzies building.

  Ally tilted her head back and let her mouth drop. It was a huge rectangular building in the middle of campus. “You have classes in there?”

  “Yep. My only exercise each week is climbing those stairs to get to my tutorials. Come, I think Annie is around here somewhere on this lawn.”

  She lowered her chin to see Stevie searching through the students sitting on the lawn. Some were even sitting on red and orange bean bags.

  “There she is, on the bench under the tree,” Stevie pointed out, and Ally followed her.

  When they reached Annie eating her apple under the tree, she smiled and her bright blue eyes beamed at them. Annie was Stevie’s sister-in-law. She had married Stevie’s stepbrother, Jarred, when Clara didn’t marry Ally’s brother. Stevie and Annie had been Clara’s friends first but welcomed Ally into their circle when Clara had begun dating Liam.

  “Ally,” Annie greeted with glee as she patted the bench for her to sit, and Ally did. “I’m so happy to see you’re feeling so much better. Stevie’s kept me updated on you. I’ve heard so much about these detox complications lately.”

  The guilt emerged in her stomach. The nausea knocked on the door, threatening to make an impact. Ally took a deep breath and smiled. “No, it was fatigue. I’ve been so busy that I just overwhelmed myself. My trip to New York before the move didn’t really help either. Do you have class?”

  Annie brushed her plated blonde hair behind her back and shook her head. “I’m finished for the day. Stevie told me you were coming down, so I thought I’d stay behind. How do you like campus?”

  Ally loved it. The big buildings and theatres. The mass of people and activities everywhere was amazing to see. She wanted this to be the university she attended if she ever moved to Melbourne permanently. But right now, university was not in the picture. She just needed to make it. Just six months. She needed to see this deal through.

  “I love it here,” Ally admitted.

  “You should enrol for next semester,” Stevie urged, gazing down at her.

  Ally tilted her head to where Stevie stood. “Maybe.”

  “What was your ATAR?” Annie asked.

  “A 96.75,” Ally revealed.

  She noticed Stevie’s eyes widened and then glanced over to see the ‘O’ Annie’s mouth made.

  “Holy shit, you’re a genius!” Stevie blurted. “You’ll get into Monash without a problem. You could even get a scholarship.”

  A scholarship …

  Ally smiled at the idea. She knew she had a high ATAR score after her year twelve exams. But she was sure no university would offer her a scholarship if they knew exactly how much her family’s fortune was worth. She wouldn’t qualify, that she was sure of.

  The beeping next to her had her focusing on her friends rather than her future.

  “Sorry, guys. I gotta run. Jarred’s here,” Annie said as she jumped up, disposed of her half-eaten apple in the bin next to them. Then she turned and smiled at Ally. “I have a couple of first-year units next semester. Wanted an easy year and saved them. If you do decide Monash is for you, we’ll probably have classes together if you do business.”

  “You never know,” Ally said. The hope was there in her chest. It bloomed. But first, she had to get better. Then she’d try to go to university.

  Ally: Serge?

  Serge: Yes, Miss O’Connor?

  Ally: Are you busy?

  Serge: Never for you. Are you okay?

  Ally: I have something to confess.

  Serge: Would you like me to call you?

  Ally: No. I’m in the car with Stevie and Julian.

  She breathed out and held her phone tighter. She glanced up to see Julian driving as he sang along to the song o
n the radio. Stevie was laughing at her fiancé.

  Ally: I’ve been sick since you left Melbourne. For a week, I barely ate and lied to you about my blood pressure levels. You were right. I was pining over Rob and that was my mistake. I’m sorry, Serge. I shouldn’t have lied to you.

  Serge: Can I call you?

  Ally: I’ll call you the moment we’ve parked and I’m away from everyone.

  Once Julian had parked the BMW at PJ’s, Ally got out of the car last. She let Stevie and Julian walk ahead of her as she pulled up Serge’s number.

  “I’ll meet you both inside,” Ally said as she closed the door.

  “You sure?” Stevie asked with a ‘do we need to talk?’ expression on her face.

  She nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure. I won’t be too long.” Ally watched as Stevie nodded and led Julian into PJ’s. When she saw the door swing close, she spun around and walked down to the steel barrier. Upon reaching it, she glanced out at the dark Melbourne night as she called her bodyguard.

  Serge picked it up on the second ring. “Piccola?”

  “It’s me.” Ally grasped the cold railing with her free hand. “I’m sorry, Serge. You were right.”

  “What happened?” His tone was gentle; as if he were afraid his stern voice would break her further.

  “You know when you said someday someone will see past all the lies and love me?”

  “Yes,” he breathed.

  “Rob isn’t that someone,” she confessed. She wouldn’t cry. The only time she had was when she had realised the truth to Rob’s reluctant heart.

  Her image.

  Her reputation.

  Who she never really was.

  The façade.

  “He’d never make the Olympics if he’s seen with me,” Ally added. The pain crept back in full force. Her hand clenched tightly around the railing. She took slow and deep breaths in hopes of relieving the ache. Truth be told, they were failed attempts, only radiating the pain.

  “Allison, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to be right.”

  The remorse in his voice had a light laugh passing her lips. “Do I disappoint you, Serge?”