The Trans Ultra Collection Vol 3

by Ursula Lovelace

  I tried to self-publish through the indie music scene but I never got much success out of it. It was hard to make a name for yourself when you’re competing with a thousand other hopefuls on music streaming apps. My mug shot made me the butt of jokes on social media. Besides, I wasn’t exactly indie musician material. I had a manager and a steady job doing voiceovers and songs for commercials.

  It was a bitter pill to swallow but I simply didn’t the looks to be a front man. Sure, I had the vocal talent but superstars needed more than a nice voice. They needed to have a certain presence that sucked the oxygen out of the room. Even a guy whose voice couldn’t hit notes could achieve that when I couldn’t.

  Sure, radio jingles paid the bills but I wanted to be an actual singer. I wasn’t satisfied doing live karaoke at the local bar. I wanted to sing on the world’s stage. I wanted everyone to know about my talent.

  I had the voice to be a pop singer but my looks left something to be desired. I had a lean build and a perpetual baby face. Even a dime a dozen pretty boy from a pop group looked more masculine than me. My natural speaking voice sounded like a young girl going through puberty.

  I actually had to concentrate and make my voice sound deeper when I was speaking with other people. It wasn’t all bad. My natural speaking voice was great for radio and television voice overs. For better or for worse, people liked to hear my soft voice when I was out of sight.

  I couldn’t really complain. I had a steady paycheck from these voiceover jobs. Singing in front of a live audience was my passion but it didn’t always pay the bills. Most people in my professional were lucky to even find work.

  Nonetheless, I wanted to be a pop idol in front of a big crowd in a sold out arena. I wanted the full backing of a big publishing label. I wanted my face plastered on the cover of every worthwhile magazine.

  It was why I was auditioning before a major label. Sunstone Records wasn’t the biggest music production company but they had an enviable reputation. Many popstars got their start working under this esteemed label. Fortunately, they were always on the lookout for young and untapped talent.

  My manger, Nadine, had pulled a few strings to get me inside their headquarters for an audition. This was my chance to make a big break for myself. Most of all, I would be performing in front of the living legend himself, Willie Browning.

  He was a music producer who I practically worshipped as a God. Willie had the Midas touch when it came to producing hit singles in a very competitive business. A singer himself in his youth, the man had gone on to become one of the best producers in the business. He had countless awards to his names, including countless Grammy wins.

  Many novice musicians had developed their skills under Willie’s tutelage. He could take a dull lump of coal and polish it into a shining diamond. With his help, I could be the next pop superstar. I just had to nail this audition.

  Of course, that was easier said than done. I knew that hundreds of other guys were gunning for a contract with Sunstone Records. Many of them were well connected or came from influential families. Having a good word put in for you went a long way in these auditions.

  Then, there was the fact that Willie was a stickler for detail. You could do a flawless rendition of a famous aria and have him scrutinize every note. The man would spend hours in the recording booth with a singer to get it just right. It was his thirst for perfection that made him such a successful producer. At the same time, it was hell trying to meet Willie’s high standards.

  I knew getting the contract was a longshot. I simply didn’t look like the typical male singer this record was searching for. However, I knew Willie would be a part of the audition process. He probably wouldn’t be there in person. Instead, the other people at Sunstone would have him listen to the best of the best. Just having him listen to my voice would be worth the trouble of coming here.

  While waiting in the lobby with the other hopefuls, I was felt giddy as a child. One by one, the record label’s assistants called us into the recording booth. We would be asked to sing a song selection while they listened in on us. It was a way to compare apples to apples. Afterwards, there would be a round of brief questions.

  The recording booth itself was behind closed doors. I couldn’t hear anyone singing either. It made sense since most booths were lined with corkwood to absorb sound. I wouldn’t know how well my competition was doing. At the same time, they wouldn’t know that I sounded like a teenage girl.

  Well, most of them.

  “Greg Sterling?”

  I looked up to see an assistant calling my name. I grabbed my bottle of water. As if on cue, another auditioning singer exited the recording booth. From his swagger, I could tell that the guy had nailed it. Or he had friends in high places who could put in a good word for him. Having friends in high places meant a lot in this business.

  “Good luck, princess,” he said, passing me by with a smug smile on his face. My reputation seemed to follow me wherever I went. Even some of the other singers in the lobby giggled at that insult. “If this doesn’t work out, I hear the local girls’ choir has an opening.”

  I resisted the urge to throw a punch at him. It was a stupid idea and would only get me kicked out. Besides, I barely had any punching power in my arms. The worst I could do was mildly annoy him with a bruise.

  Nevertheless, it was hard dealing with insults about my looks. The music industry could get pretty damn catty. There was just so many gigs to go around. Competition was fierce for guys like me who were trying to break out.

  Not that these guys had much to fear from me. I didn’t have any connections or come from a big talent agency. I certainly didn’t look like the next Michael Jackson or Justin Timberlake. People would more likely mistake me for being a backup singer that was supposed to be hidden in a corner of the stage.

  Just having Willie hear my voice would be enough. I didn’t know whether he would like it or hate it. The man was known for being open-minded. He had clout at Sunstone Records but the management could always veto him. I knew the man was working hard to create a female superstar for the company.

  Word had it that the record label was also on the lookout for female singers. While the label was successful and won a lot of awards, they didn’t have a female pop diva that could compete with the other big labels. They had the reputation of being the home of boy bands and older musicians. Sunstone Records was trying hard to create the next big diva.

  “Mr. Sterling, are you ready?”

  I looked up to see an impatient looking assistant. I blushed in embarrassment for getting caught day dreaming. “Yes, ma’am.”

  When I got into the recording booth, I was surprised at how normal it looked. The walls were made of pine and corkwood. A microphone rested on a podium. There was a chair with a set of headphones on it. They would be feeding instructions through a speaker. What was ,ore interesting was the window into the control room.

  Technically, it was a one way mirror. They could see me but I couldn’t see them. These recording sessions typically had a completely transparent glass window. I wished that the mirror here was completely opaque like that TV show called The Voice. I wanted to be only judged on my singing ability instead of my appearance.

  Willie Browning could be on the other side and I wouldn’t even know. I figured he was too busy to take part in an audition like this. He would probably get recordings of the best of the best and give feedback from there.

  The audition process itself was simple enough. I had to sing various songs. Some of them were by produced by Sunstone Records. The others were famous songs by musicians like Freddie Mercury or Elton John. I even had to sing Happy Birthday to them.

  It got trickier when they made me recite the same songs in a different pitch. I knew they were tested my vocal range. I tried to go as deep as I could but my voice began to strain. I felt so self-conscious about my voice which was beginning to crack. I had a feeling that I wasn’t doing very well.

  Finally, the audition ended and they
thanked me for coming. It had been complete torture. I felt like I had been forced to give a eulogy for my own funeral.

  Nonetheless, the assistant walked me out. “Thank you for coming, Greg. You have a… very unique voice.”

  That confirmed my suspicions about my performance. I forced a smile and replied. “Thanks. Do you know when I’ll get a response?”

  “Keep a lookout in your email address,” she answered noncommittally. “Don’t be down on yourself if you don’t make it into the next round. One of our judges is very strict.”

  “You mean Willie Browning?” I replied, sounding like a fanboy. Well, I was one. “Is he part of the audition process?”

  She giggled at my excitement. “Please, I’ve said too much. Just don’t plan on looking forward to a one-on-one interview with a man like him. He can be ruthless enough to make Simon Cowell look like a saint!”

  The assistant was completely right. As much as I wanted to be seen or heard by Willie, I knew the man could destroy whatever self-esteem I had. It was the price of perfection. He was willing to emotionally breakdown his musicians in pursuit of his craft. “Thanks. Let me know if there’s another opportunity.”

  Before I could leave, she handed me a business card. “We’re always on the lookout for the next big popstar. In fact, let us know if you know any young women interested in working with our label. They don’t need to have much experience as long as they have talent. She’ll be on the fast track to stardom!”

  They almost seemed desperate to have a pop diva of their own. “Sounds serious.”

  She nodded. “Yes, our top talent will be personally involved in the talent search.”

  I imagined that this included Willie. Some lucky girl would be able to walk right in and meet my idol. Nevertheless, she would have to give the performance of a lifetime to impress a man like him. “I’ll pass the word around.”

  “Please do,” she said, leading me to the exit. “It’ll boost her career!”

  I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. I could’ve used a little boost myself. Nonetheless, there was no point in crying over a bad audition. I’d just have to put my best foot forward for the next one.

  Chapter 2

  Back at home, I didn’t have to wait long to get the rejection notice. It went through usual spiel about how much they enjoyed having me despite not being the right fit. They even wished me luck with my future endeavors.

  How nice of them.

  Some good looking guy from a famous family got the contract. Sunstone Records had him signed on for multiple albums. They were even talking about a countrywide tour when the ink had barely dried. Maybe the guy was a good singer and deserved it. It was better than beating myself over the head for messing up an opportunity to meet Willie Browning.

  I could change my voice but I couldn’t change my looks. No amount of padding and platform shoes could make me look more like a man. For an industry full of pretty boys, I was all pretty and no boy.

  While I did have a bit of vocal range, I found myself singing in a high pitched voice. It just came so naturally to me. I could make a soprano singer blush with the notes I could hit. I found many songs sung by women to be more interesting than those sung by men. It made me really appreciate my natural singing voice.

  “Don’t worry, Greg. Something will click sooner or later.”

  I looked up to see Nadine pat me on the back. She was my manager but I thought of her as more of a friend. Besides, I would be dead broke in this business if it wasn’t for her.

  “This was my chance, Nadine,” I sighed, slumping in my chair. “I had one shot to meet Willie and make a name for myself and I blew it. I’m just not cut out for this line of work.”

  Usually, my manger felt more like the big, doting sister than a stern businesswoman. Nevertheless, she was good at giving a good dose of reality. “Willie Browning? That guy’s ruthless and that says a lot in this business. You would hate trying to produce an album with that guy.”

  “I’m just not sure what to do now,” I said, exhaling in defeat. “I practiced so hard for that audition but they didn’t even seem to give me a chance.”

  “How about earning some easy money with a few radio jingles?” she asked as I groaned. I wanted to sing a song that would last a lifetime rather than some jingle that would be forgotten in a month. “It’ll be a milk run. I already have it setup for you. The client is just waiting for you to enter the recording booth.”

  I hated this kind of creatively bankrupt work but rent day was approaching. “I guess I need to pay the bills one way or another.”

  “I heard that Sunstone Records is looking for female singers,” Nadine said. I was surprised that she had heard about this. The label must have putting out feelers everywhere. “They keep badgering me about any young, female musicians I’m managing. They’re even offering a bounty if I headhunt on their behalf for a suitable singer. Unfortunately, I don’t have anyone who fits the bill or else I would’ve sent someone to them in a heartbeat.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “A bounty?”

  She nodded. “Record labels can only do so much on their own. They’ll pay people like me to find talent for them. It must mean that they’re getting desperate.”

  I took a minute to digest the information. “They must be looking high and low for their next star. They even gave me a business card to contact them if my female friends were interested. She doesn’t even have to come from a famous family or talent agency as long as she can sing.”

  Nadine stroked her chin. “Sounds like these ladies will be on the fast track to stardom…”

  I sighed with jealousy. “I wished I could be one of them. I could start getting serious work instead of doing jingles for commercials…”

  My manager looked as if a lightbulb had gone off in her head. “Go for it, Greg.”

  I chuckled. “Nice one, Nadine.”

  “No,” she replied, sounding completely serious. “Look at it this way, Sunstone Records is fine with a novice singer. Go out and audition. Your singing voice is perfect for sugary pop music. You’ll be a shoo-in, Greg. I can claim a bounty off of them too!”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “But I’m a guy!”

  “That’s a matter of opinion,” she giggled before continuing. “With a nice dress and a bit of makeup, you can pass as the genuine article. Your voice is perfect for the type of music they’re trying to make. Besides, you can get personal feedback from Willie Browning himself.”

  The thought of meeting my idol in person was a powerful draw. The seed of this crazy idea had taken root in my head. Still, it came with a lot of risk. “Just because I sound like a girl doesn’t mean I can pass as one. If I get caught, then I’ll get hired again. People would think I’m some sort of pervert!”

  “Half of my clients think you look like the fairer sex when I saw them your photo,” Nadine laughed. “Hands down, you’ll get your foot through the door. Imagine if you actually win? I’d make millions!”

  I mulled over it for a bit. Nadine was making more sense than I would’ve liked to have admitted. My skill set was a mismatch for a male pop idol but it was perfect for a female singer. Sure, it was deceptive but it wasn’t like I could actually go on and become the next female superstar. “This doesn’t sound legal. Hell, you could get in trouble as well.”

  “So what if we fib a few details?” she asked nonchalantly. My manager always liked to play it fast and loose if it got me work. I supposed that was a good trait to have in this line of work. “You get to meet Willie. I get a nice bounty. Everyone wins.”

  It was a lot to take in. I could end up humiliating myself in front of Willie and Sunstone Records if I messed this up. Then, there were the legal ramifications for entering into an audition under a false identity. I could end up getting blacklisted from the entire music industry.

  At the same time, I was tired of getting rejected over and over again. I couldn’t just spend the rest of my days living off table scraps. I wanted a big,
meaty song to sink my teeth into. If I couldn’t do it as a man, then I’d have to do it as a woman. “Okay, let’s give it a go…”

  “But first, you do that radio job,” Nadine said, passing me a sheet of music. My heart sank when I saw the lyrics. “It’s for a cat food commercial.”

  I groaned at the prospect of singing these tunes. “Okay…”

  “It’ll be fun, Greg,” she said before pausing for a moment. Then am mischievous smile appeared on her face. “Or should I say Gertrude?”

  Over the next few days, Nadine and I balanced our regular schedule with our crazy plan. Whenever I wasn’t earning money with my other work, we prepared for the audition. It wasn’t as simple as putting on a dress and waltzing into the recording booth. I needed to convince everyone that I was a born and true woman.

  We decided on calling me Gertrude. It was easy to remember and not too far from my name. Nadine took care of all the paperwork for my new identity.