by P. Jameson
Seleka turned to close the egg carton and caught a glimpse of him. She froze with her hand in the air. Her big eyes stared at him, and he could’ve sworn she held her breath. She blinked, finally exhaling.
“Hi.” The single word floated across the kitchen and hit him in the chest causing the ache there to build. Her sweet voice had haunted his dreams, but it didn’t compare to the real thing. “I… I uh, made you breakfast. Was going to bring it to you if you didn’t wake up. Bacon and eggs. You had plenty of those in the refrigerator.”
He couldn’t speak. Didn’t trust his voice yet.
Seleka turned back to the frypan. “How do you feel? You hit the floor pretty hard last night.”
Yeah, that part he remembered. Hurt like a bitch.
“You can’t be here,” he said, and it didn’t come out right. Instead of a command, it sounded like awe muddled with fear. Her shoulders dipped, and he knew it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. But it was the truth. And the truth was the best he could give her now.
“I borrowed your shower last night,” she said quietly. “I hope you don’t mind. I’ve been in the woods for a while.” She jostled the bacon out of the pan and onto a plate.
A flash of anger hit him in the sternum. His mate had been wondering the mountains instead of where he’d left her, tucked safely away in the Ozarka camp with her people. He only knew what he learned of her during his short stay with Ozarka, but a submissive wolf like her wouldn’t normally stray from the pack. He’d been so sure of it, that he hadn’t thought twice about her safety until he heard her scream from the river.
“Why?” His harsh tone made her flinch and she dropped the spatula, jumping backward with a yelp to keep it from landing on her foot. “Shit.” Raden charged forward, bending to pick it up. It was hot enough to burn his hand but the wolf would heal it. Tossing the thing in the nearby sink, he turned to Seleka. “You okay.”
She blinked, looking surprised. “Yes. Of course.”
He blew out a relieved breath, but his concern was replaced with more anger. “Why have you been roaming the mountains? And for how long, exactly?”
She stared up at him, wide eyed and unable to find words. As if she was seeing him for the first time, just learning who he was. But that wasn’t true because…
His scar.
It occurred to him that she’d never seen his scar aside from last night. The scar that her sister gave him the night he let her win the rights to be called alpha of the largest wolf pack in the area.
Shit.
He turned away quickly. He must look like a monster to her. If nothing else, he felt like a complete bully, barking at her, looming over her. Goddamn it. This was exactly why she couldn’t be here—
“I was looking for you.” Seleka cleared her throat and twisted the knob on the stove to turn the burners off. “It took me longer than I expected to find you.”
Looking for him. She was looking for him?
Why would she endanger herself to seek him out when he had told her to stay away so many times and in so many ways. Even at the river, he’d made it clear she wasn’t to follow him. Yet, she disobeyed. Maybe he was being too hard on her. Maybe there was a good reason for this.
Raden drew in a long breath to calm his nerves. Coffee. He needed fucking coffee.
Stalking to the pot, he found she’d already brewed some. He reached for a mug but Seleka was already there, handing it to him.
“You take it with cream but no sugar, if I remember correctly,” she said, passing him the cream.
“I drink it differently now.” He shrugged off her offer and reached for the whiskey. Finding the empty bottle where he usually left it on the counter, he remembered he drank it all last night.
“You drink your coffee with whiskey?” she asked, confused.
“No. I drink my whiskey with coffee.”
“It looks like you’re out. So, what now?” Her voice was quiet. Sweet. Demure as he remembered. “Bacon grease?”
He found her gaze and she blinked innocently. Did she just… get smart with him?
Raden narrowed his eyes, trying to read her. “The cream will do.”
She shrugged and passed it over.
While he made his coffee, she dished up their breakfast and set it at the tiny table he never used. He watched as she moved back and forth between the kitchen and the table, setting out silverware and napkins and orange juice he didn’t even know he had. Did she expect him to have a meal with her? Like they did before, when he was only a guest in her camp?
The animal in him liked the idea. The beast was hungry after emptying his stomach into the toilet bowl. And he remembered the taste of his mate’s food from before. She was a terrific cook. His stomach rumbled at the memories.
Seleka stood back, wringing her hands while she stared at the table setting. After a moment, she straightened her shoulders and turned to him. “Breakfast is ready,” she announced.
He didn’t look at it. Only at her. “You haven’t answered my question.”
“I did,” she countered. “I was looking for you.”
“Why were you looking for me?”
Her gaze darted away and then to the floor before returning to him. “I… we…”
“Is something wrong? Your sister is still alpha, yes? The pack isn’t in danger—”
“No. Yes. I mean, no. Nothing it wrong. My sister is still alpha of the pack. Things are moving along happily there.”
Raden frowned. “Then why come looking for me?”
Again, her gaze flitted away. She was hiding something, but what? “Seleka.” This brought her attention back to him, and her eyes softened.
No. She couldn’t look at him like that. Like she still wanted him. He wouldn’t let her.
“I should be where you are,” she whispered, her expression turning hopeful. “I don’t belong in Ozarka anymore.”
Shit. No. This was no place for a female of worth, and he was no man for her. He could never give her what she deserved.
“L-let’s eat and we’ll talk more,” she said, giving him a careful smile. Goddamn, she was pretty. The way her cheeks rounded when she grinned. The way they turned pink at the faintest emotion. Her lips, soft and forming a perfect bow.
He almost caved. Almost wrapped her in his arms and pulled her against his chest. Almost buried his face in her hair and breathed her scent.
Almost.
Instead, he let his sadness make his face hard.
“No, thanks.” He stalked past her to the front door, coffee in hand. “There’s wood to chop, and when I’m done, I’m taking you down the mountain. We’ll call an Ozarka guard to come get you.”
With that, he escaped the cabin, leaving his mate to eat breakfast alone.
Chapter Six
Seleka stared at the space Raden had occupied by the counter. He’d stood right there, staring at her with his stony expression while she told him she chose him. Him over her sister. Him over her pack. Him over everything. Then he’d brushed her aside like a bad thought. To chop firewood?
What was happening.
She looked at the front door as if it could help her understand, but it just sat there, silent and… wooden. As a door does.
Her feet felt numb as she moved to the table and fell into one of the chairs. She was exhausted. Sleeping had been out of the question last night, so she’d spent the time cleaning up. First the cabin and then herself. When the sun came up and Raden was still out, she decided to make breakfast. Partly because she was famished, and partly because she wanted to take care of him. As his mate, the instinct was strong, and this was the first time she’d been in a position to fulfill it. Her mood had actually lightened as she went about preparing his food. She had started to feel hopeful, for the first time in a long time.
Seleka picked up a fork and stabbed at the eggs. She shouldn’t waste them, even if he did. But in her mouth they tasted like dust and swallowing them past the thick knot in her throat was nearly impossible.
Now she was even more hopeless than when she started on this journey.
She’d found him. Told him the truth. Only to be rejected again.
A sob rose in her chest but she choked it back. He might hear her, even outside, and if he did, she would lose what little dignity she had left.
Standing, she took her plate to the sink. Her eyes landed on the empty whiskey bottle. Maybe she should try his methods. If she drank herself into a stupor, he couldn’t very well drag her down the mountain, could he?
Seleka sighed. That was a stupid idea.
She had to think of something fast. She couldn’t let him call the guards on her. For one, it would be mortifying. Even more so than her mate leaving her at the camp after fighting her sister. But also she wasn’t ready to call it done.
Raden hadn’t given them a shred of a chance yet. He didn’t know how much she had changed. How she’d gotten stronger over time. He didn’t know if she could satisfy him—she didn’t even know if she could satisfy him, for that matter—but she wasn’t done trying.
So think. Think, Seleka. What could she tell him that would convince him to let her stay? She’d have to get it right the first time because he would catch on if she kept testing the waters. It needed to be something he’d care about even if he hated her… which… he might.
The idea twisted her stomach into more knots as she paced between the living area and the kitchen. Her feet hurt, her back hurt. Everything hurt, but nothing worse than her chest where her heart pounded for him.
She collapsed on the couch, pulling the afghan from the back and draping it over her legs.
Her mate was so strong. His dominant power had taken up the entire kitchen space until she felt like a tiny crumb. Except she wasn’t afraid of him, not really. She’d seen how brutal he could be, and she still chose to be here, with him.
She sighed, closing her eyes to picture him.
Raden was beautiful. Rugged and stacked with muscle. Even with the jagged scar running down his cheek, he took her breath away. She couldn’t stop staring as he spoke to her, and he would probably hate that she’d been imagining rising up on her toes to kiss his lips. The only thing that stopped her was fear.
No, she didn’t fear him.
She feared his reaction. His rejection. But then, he’d gone and done that anyway.
Avan would have kissed him, her wolf grumbled in her mind.
Yeah, the animal was right. But she wasn’t Avan, and she never would be.
That was the problem.
***
Raden brought the axe down hard on the last log and relished the resounding crack it made as it split in half. He nudged the twin pieces aside and leaned back to wipe his brow. The morning was gone and he’d taken out his frustration the best way he knew how. Now he had a pile of wood to stack on the porch along with the mound that was already there. At this rate, he wouldn’t need firewood for several years.
His gaze wandered back to the cabin as it had so many times over the past hours. Seleka hadn’t followed him out. In fact, he hadn’t heard a peep from her. He listened close and couldn’t hear any footsteps coming from inside. His stomach rumbled and his wolf cursed him for refusing her food. It was well past lunchtime. The sun was already on its downward slope, ready to fall below the mountain ridge.
He sighed. It was time.
He pulled the axe back one last time and let it land on the empty stump, the head wedging into the wood to hold it. Stalking back to the house, he bypassed the steps and climbed onto the porch, stopping just outside the door.
He drew in a deep breath. His mate was beyond this door, and no matter what she made him feel, he had to do the right thing and take her back to her people.
Twisting the handle, he stepped inside, ready to growl her into submission. He’d even practiced what to say while he chopped wood. But Seleka wasn’t in the kitchen where he’d left her. Looking around, he quickly discovered her lying on the couch. Asleep.
Quietly, he shut the door and stood in the entry unsure how to proceed. In the hours he’d been thinking about their situation, he’d never considered this, finding his mate resting peacefully on the same sofa he’d spent drunken nights on.
For so long, he stared at her, keeping his distance. He didn’t dare move closer. Not yet. Not even as his wolf was clamoring for a better look, wanting to memorize details of her that he’d never gotten a chance to know.
No.
Raden wrangled his gaze away.
Shower. He would wash away the day’s work, and give her time to sleep. Hopefully she’d be awake by the time he returned.
Keeping his gaze averted, he stomped past the sofa and into the bedroom. He didn’t try to be quiet. The sooner she awoke, the sooner he could get her to safety.
He tried to take his time in the shower, he really did, but his cock went rigid just knowing his sweet mate was nearby, and he wasn’t touching the thing to fix it. He couldn’t give an inch to his desires because he wasn’t strong enough to resist the outcome.
He was done in less than fifteen minutes, and dressed in fresh clothes in under five. Maybe timing himself was a new thing he was going to do. Anything to take his mind off of what was really happening to him.
Claim her, his wolf rumbled.
No. He wouldn’t do it. Not after what he’d done to her sister, and not after how he’d walked away, defeated.
No. Seleka deserved something better, even if she could never have a complete bond with anyone else.
He found himself standing in front of the sofa without knowing how he got there. He’d walked, obviously, but he couldn’t remember moving from the bedroom.
Mine.
She looked so sweet curled on his couch, that his chest ached. He imagined sitting there, with her head on his lap instead of resting on her own arm. He would pet her silky hair until she snored softly, just like she did now.
Silently, he crouched beside her and let his eyes roam in ways he couldn’t when she was awake. Her hair framed her soft face, those pretty lips pouting slightly in slumber. Her dark eyelashes lay across her cheek, seeming to kiss the freckles dotting outward from her nose. What did her skin feel like? He was dying to know.
As if his hand had a mind of its own, he reached for her.
Don’t do it.
He just wanted to answer this one burning question before he lost her forever. What did his female feel like?
His touch featherlight, he swept her hair back from her face and then pulled away. She didn’t move. Didn’t budge. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He would just brush her cheek once. Only once, and then he would go run the woods to distract himself.
Slowly, slowly, he let his thumb make contact with her skin, making a soft sweep over the delicate skin beneath her eye. He frowned. She was soft as a petal, but her skin was darker there, in the hallow. How long had she been roaming his mountain?
He couldn’t resist one more pass… and it proved to be too much.
Seleka’s long lashes fluttered and she blinked, coming awake. Her drowsy gaze found him and the most miraculous thing happened.
She smiled.
Her lips curved upward in a soft crook, as if she’d been waiting for him, and he’d finally arrived. The tender expression stunned him. No one had ever looked at him like that. Not ever. His granny had loved the hell out of him and tried to do her best after his parents died. But she never looked at him like he was her entire fucking world.
Shit.
“Hi,” Seleka whispered, and he pulled his hand away, swallowing to find his voice.
“Time to wake up,” he said roughly. “We should get moving if we want to have you down the mountain before dark.” Even as he said the words, he realized it was too late. The sun was already setting and Ozarka guards wouldn’t make it here until late.
Seleka’s expression fell, settling into something sad. You did that, his animal snarled. Took her smile away.
Yeah. He did. More proof that he wasn’t good for h
er.
Raden stood, giving her room to sit. He put more distance between them as she rubbed her eyes. He stared out the window at the nearly gone daylight. Goddamn it, he wouldn’t survive in this cabin with her tonight. He should’ve woken her up as soon as he came in.
“I know you’re in a hurry to get rid of me,” she said quietly. “But I’m afraid your plan won’t work.”
He turned to look at her. “What do you mean?”
She wrapped her arms around her middle as if she was chilled. “I don’t think Ozarka will come for me. And even if they did, I wouldn’t go back. I’m…” She found his gaze, and he saw the shame hidden there. “I’m not wanted there.”
Not wanted. “Who cares what they want. It’s your home.”
Seleka sighed, standing and straightening her sweatshirt before meeting his eyes. “Not anymore.”
“You’ve been exiled?”
Her stare dropped to the floor and her murmured answer could barely be heard. “Yes.”
How was that possible? Her sister was in charge of the goddamned pack, and she’d promised Seleka would always have a home no matter what. Unless…
“Your sister is no longer the Alpha of your pack?”
Seleka’s gaze snapped to his. “Of course she is. She hasn’t been challenged since… since…”
Since him.
Good. That was as he’d meant for it to be. But then why would she exile her own sister after fighting so hard to change Ozarka law?
Seleka must’ve anticipated his question. “It’s just that… you know… the Elders, they didn’t like that um, my mate… uh… disowned me. And they felt I was a uh… hindrance to the pack.”
Disowned her. Shit, that struck his heart like a hammer. He didn’t see it like that, his leaving. He saw it as saving her from a lifetime of shame. Yet, now she was shamed in the worst way. Abandoned by her pack.
Raden felt sick.
“I thought…” He stumbled into the kitchen, reaching for a glass and a bottle of—
